Up and at 'em

Much to my own surprise, I turned the computer off last night and watched an entire episode of 'Silent Witness' on TV and went straight to bed after that. Oh, and before I did that, I walked the dog like a good owner, so he didn't have to piddle out back. I was mighty proud of myself. So, I didn't sleep on the sofa with the computer on so that I could get behind it the minute I woke up. When I got up, I made a pot of coffee first and then turned on the computer. It's the little nuances that count. The fact is that I slept and that I was ready to go to bed and fell asleep almost instantly. My stomach wasn't tied in knots and I wasn't obsessed about the computer.Of course, now I'm sitting behind it, but I always do that in the early morning, so that is part of my regular ritual. There's nothing abnormal about that.

I'm trying to get my life back to normal now that I'm starting to see the forest for the trees again. I can't wait to have everything back in place the way it used to be. If there's anything I abhor it is change. I am going to ask for an extra two hours of input from my personal helper sometime earlier in the week on a Monday or Tuesday. I think I can use that and it's been offered to me. I will arrange that tomorrow. I'm going to quit the creative classes because I think they have caused the necessary upheaval for me and I don't want any more of it. I've come to be disgusted with them and anything associated with them and I'm sorry that I ever tried to fit them into my schedule. It's been a bad experience. I'm happy that I'm getting Monday's domestic help back. That's a very good thing. You really should appreciate what you have. 

I'm going back to bed and finish sleeping. I won't have to worry about the day getting started yet. I think I will read a book. 

Ciao,
Nora

Obsession...

I think I'm in a bit of trouble. I can't seem to do anything but be occupied with this blog. Already I have changed the template. I can't do anything else or concentrate on anything else. All day long I sit behind the computer and contemplate the blog and what I can do with it. There's no room in my head for anything else. I think I'm going slightly mad and I'm a bit worried about myself. I seem to be possessed. 

I have just taken my medication and am waiting for it to work. Maybe it will calm me down a bit, because I surely need calming down. I feel very tightly wound up and some of this energy needs to be released. Maybe writing about it will help and put things in perspective. It is just my luck that I should get crazy like this in the weekend when there's nobody to call, except the crisis line and I don't think I'm in a crisis yet. I must be crazier than this before I call them. 

I should have known something was up with my mood yesterday when I was so awfully sleepy all day long. Very often that signals a change in my mood. I didn't pay enough attention and wasn't aware enough to realize it. It bothers me that after all this time I still don't know this stuff until after the fact, looking back on it. It's good that I realize it now, but it would have been better if I had been prepared for it. 

I feel that I can't leave the computer, because I don't know what I will do with myself if I do. I must sit here and keep myself occupied with it and keep going back to look at this new blog. I will go nuts if I try to do anything else. I can't imagine myself doing anything else. All I can hope for is that I will get really tired and that I will go to sleep and stay asleep. I must rid myself of this obsessive behavior. 

The medication has started to work and has calmed me down a lot. As a matter of fact, I feel a bit sleepy now. That is good. I will put on my pajamas and bathrobe and be ready to go to bed in an instant. I worry about the night, though, and what it will bring. Will I feel so terrifically hypomanic again? 

Ciao,
Nora