Back to normal once again....

I think I'm in a good enough frame of mind now to take a good look back at the past several days and see that I was probably in a hypo-manic state which I didn't come out of until yesterday afternoon after I finally slept for about five hours. I had been sleep deprived until that time and not in a position to think clearly. 

I looked back on it with some horror, but realized that I had not done anything too stupid and that all of my actions were easily able to be set straight. I had not made any really big guffaws that involved other people and would require a lot of explanation. Nor had I spent a lot of money. I was saved by the bell again. 

I remember feeling very good at the beginning of this period of madness, but becoming quite agitated as it continued and feeling very uncomfortable with it. Exhaustion was starting to show through and I could hardly keep up with myself, but felt compelled to nevertheless until I literally collapsed in my bed.

I built in a day of rest yesterday and took it very easy. I did the opposite of what I wanted to do, so I added a lot of rest periods and periods of silence and patience. I avoided anything that was too stimulating and avoided the computer most of all because that's where I had spent all my time. 

I'm trying to keep myself on an even keel now and to not let things get out of hand again. I know what the pitfalls are and am going to avoid them.

My psychiatrist had warned me that I would have mood swings, but I had not expected them to be so severe. I really had not been properly prepared for this and was taken by surprise. I thought I was merely starting to feel better. Not that I was going to shoot into the sky like a rocket. 

Now I'm sitting here with my inevitable cup of coffee trying to be as mellow and calm as I can be. I'm accepting this period in the night for what it is and that is a time out before I go to bed again to finish sleeping, which I will hopefully have the sense to do. I don't want to become so cocky that I will stay up again until morning and decide that I don't need to sleep. I'm not home free yet.

Ultra rapid cycling is an unpredictable monster that you don't want hiding in your closet. I hope I'm done with it quickly and I assume I'm bothered by it now because of the increase in my antidepressants. It must be my body's way of adjusting to the new dose. Hopefully I've seen the worst of it now and a warned woman counts for two. 

The night is very quiet and serene. Thunderstorms and rain with winds were predicted, but none has come of it. It's just as well. I doubt that anyone was ready for another deluge. The last time, roads and cellars were flooded and trees were blown over. So I don't mind a clear, quiet night at all. I'm sure lots of sighs of relief are being breathed. 

It's very pleasant to be up. I'm enjoying my time of feeling well very much. It's no wonder that I always want this to last as long as possible. These are the most pleasurable hours of the day and night.

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

 

Easing into the evening...

It's raining hard outside and I'm glad I'm not out there. I was out there earlier walking Tyke when it was drizzling and windy and that was bad enough. I didn't wear a hat, because it makes my hair look so funny, and my head got cold, but I can handle a little bit of cold. It's not freezing outside anymore and the temperatures are much kinder now compared to what they have been. Anything seems balmy now, even if the wind is blowing hard. 

It's going to be raining and 'balmy' for the next couple of days, so I guess we're very lucky. Anything that doesn't include freezing temperatures is good. A couple of days ago, people had to scrape the frost off their windshields and the grass was covered with it. There were even icy patches on the roads and the sidewalks, but we have none of that now, thank goodness. I never liked rain as much as I do now, although there have been other seasons that I liked it well enough also.

My personal helper was here this morning and we hung up the laundry and changed the sheets on the bed. I have to have jobs to do while she is here, otherwise we just sit here and talk and this particular helper, who comes on Wednesdays, is not so very good at that. She likes to have something to do. I must think of more chores to do while she is here. 

I sent her away a little bit early, because I really wanted to take a short nap on the sofa. It seemed that I didn't get enough sleep during the night, although I slept for seven hours. I thought that was enough when I got up this morning, but I never did stop yawning and the walk with Tyke that I took at dawn didn't refresh me properly. I wasn't ready to conquer the world. 

I'm so glad that there are clean sheets on my bed. I'm looking forward to going to sleep tonight. Something very interesting will have to be on television to prevent me from going prematurely. It's ridiculous. I act like a farmer from the Dark Ages who goes to bed when his chickens roost. It's like I have no life after it gets dark and it gets dark early. No. it's not like I really mind. I have no problem with it really. I do like my schedule and am quite comfortable with it. It fits me and that's the main concern.

I must remember that the days are getting longer now and if I try very hard, I can imagine that and tell myself that I notice the difference. It does give you something to be hopeful about. You do have to look at it optimistically. January is already almost halfway over. It is going by quickly. And the days really do seem a bit longer. I must always look at the glass half full and not half empty. It's a better attitude. You must never think that things are as dire as the night is dark. Besides, the night is no enemy of mine.

God awful Sesame Street is on. I suppose that when you're a kid, it's a wonderful program to watch, but when you're an adult it's maddening. It's always on before the six o'clock news, so I always catch a glimpse of it. I can't believe I used to watch it when my kids were little. I must have been brain dead then. I think all mothers of small children are, or simple minded. I sure am glad I survived that stage in my life and that my brain started functioning again afterwards. It seems it survived undamaged, although emotionally it took me some time to get over it. It did teach me to have infinite amounts of patience with a lot of things. I don't know if that's a good character trait, however. 

I've already been watching the news during the day, so there's probably not much news there for me to watch. I may as well wait for the eight o'clock news, which will be more comprehensive. Today is the commemorative of the earthquake in Haiti and there are a lot of questions about where all the money went that was donated. Different explanations are given, but it seems that country is difficult to help back on its feet, because it wasn't on its feet before. There was an enormous amount of poverty and corruption and there is even more now. 

I won't get bogged down in a discussion about that. I could have many similar discussions. There's injustice all over the world. 

There are rivers in the Netherlands overflowing their banks. It is not the disaster it could be, because we're well prepared. Where it is possible, temporary walls are built to hold back the water. In other places, land is being allowed to flood. The situation is much worse in Queensland where they really have problems. We watch what is happening in Brisbane with bated breath. 

Well, so much for my thoughts this evening, They did go all over the place. I must have had a lot on my mind. That's what happens if you watch the news a lot. 

I hope you all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora