Some rainy Tuesday again...

The title speaks for itself. It's one of those cold wet days on which you want to stay inside and hibernate. However, there is the dog to walk and fresh air to inhale and some exercise to be got. Those things need to happen too. Thank goodness for that because it would be a bad thing for me if I didn't get outside at all. I think I must always have a dog to take out or else I would become a recluse. First I needed children and now I need a dog. Living alone can be bad for an introvert. 

The dog and I did get rained on but we didn't mind it too much because it was the beginning of a shower and we were almost home. The worst of it came down when we were already inside. The bad thing about wearing glasses is that they do get splatters on them when it rains and you really need little windshield wipers on them to get them clean. Your vision is somewhat obscured when you walk in the rain and the wind is coming at you. It does make your walk more adventurous. 

I'm not now bothered anymore by the fact that I've quit the tranquilizers. I was a little bit this morning but I think it was mostly because I hadn't had enough sleep. That made me feel slightly off balance and a little wary about the whole thing. I took a long nap later and woke up feeling a lot better. I think I just needed the sleep. I will assume that I will have no other after effects from having quit them and that all will go well. I've got the right attitude anyway and I can't be tempted to take a tranquilizer because there aren't any left. 

I've got to go and get something to eat before the news comes on. It will be all bad news but at least I will be informed. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

All in the twist of a hand...

I'm having my third cup of coffee this morning because it's making me feel so good. The coffee doesn't really taste good because it's instant but I like the effect. It's making my mind sharp and helping me think straight and those are nice things to have happen to you. I've been afraid to switch to cold milk in case I get an upset stomach which is more likely to happen than when I drink coffee. Coffee is by far the safest beverage I can drink. 

I took the dog for a walk and it wasn't too cold out there. The sun was shining and the temperature was agreeable. I did have to wear my winter coat but not my gloves or scarf. My head was warm enough too, funky as it is with my latest hairdo. I wouldn't have wanted to wear a hat over it. That would have ruined the whole effect. 

I was supposed to have had an impromptu appointment this morning, but I decided to call over there on a hunch and find out if the person I wanted to see was actually there. It's a good thing I called because she was not, having fallen ill with a kidney stone. I made an official appointment for next week. Things sounded kind of hectic over there and I'm sure they wouldn't have needed me there today. Sometimes a hunch pays off. 

I'm telling myself that there's nothing wrong with today and that I can spend it as agreeably as I want and that is true. I have no real obligations and no appointments. The day is my oyster, although I hardly know what to do with it. I'm in a contemplative mood and can spend it in much silence and solitude doing nothing important. I have no high goals for the day anyway. Peace of mind is my main concern. 

I suppose that's some kind of higher ideal and I shouldn't take that too lightly. What's better than to seek peacefulness? I hope the dog and the cat are of the same opinion. It would be good if we were all on the same wave length.

I wish the weather would make up its mind because now it's overcast and gray and it looks like it's going to rain. It will be cozy enough if it does. I really don't mind. One of my favorite things to listen to is a YouTube recording of a rainshower in a forest. It lasts an hour and is extremely soothing. Whoever thought of recording these natural sounds is a genius. I also like the ones of birdsong in the early morning. 

I didn't have to take a painkiller this morning for my headache. I did take a tranquilizer. and it has probably relaxed me enough. At least the muscles in my neck aren't tight. I'm wearing my glasses constantly, although I thought for a little while that they were maybe bothering me. It turned out to bother me more to have to do without them. I just don't see well enough if I don't wear them. 

I hope you'll all have a good day whatever kind of weather you're having. 

Ciao,

Irene

Nice and mellow...

It's how I feel right now because I've managed to take a five hour long nap on the sofa. I must have needed it badly for me to sleep for such a long time. Now that I'm awake again, I don't feel the need for a cup of coffee. I want stay in this mellow mood that I've got for a while longer. I'm still yawning and somewhat muddleheaded, but that's okay with me right now. 

I've managed to drink a whole glass of milk without getting too much of an upset stomach so that is world news. My stomach is unpredictable territory and I never know what is going to agree with it. It differs from one day to the next, but I have to say that I am happy when I get to drink a glass of ice cold milk. That's a treat I hate to do without. 

It has rained while I was asleep and the water is still dripping from the gutter out back. I let the dog out there and he got wet from plowing through the bushes. The cat very gently walked around them. The dog has no such sensibilities. Of course he's protected by a thick coat of fur and the drops of water don't bother him. He still does need to get a proper trim. 

I've changed my mind about the cup of coffee because I was a bit too mellow and could not gather my thoughts at all. I've made a pot of coffee in the meanwhile and am drinking a cup now. It has, as if by a miracle, cleared the cobwebs from my head. I can now think properly and make some sense. I was thinking in slow motion before. It was as if I was moving through molasses. 

Now that I've got a second lease on life, I can tell you that I'm in a good mood and that I'm looking forward to the rest of the day, short as it is since I spent most of it asleep. That was really wonderful and I must make sure that I spend more time sleeping and get all of it done before my older sister gets here. I have to catch up on whatever I'm short on. There will be less time to do that when she is here.

There's nothing as indestructible as a mood created by a cup of coffee, especially not if it is a good cup of coffee. I just happened to have made one of those. My measuring skills must have improved over time or I just got lucky and eyeballed everything right. I think the latter is probably more true. That's why a good cup of coffee is always up to chance. It's not a guaranteed thing. 

The sun is coming out again and I need to take the dog for a walk. The fresh air will do us both good. I'll go see what the rain washed away.

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

In from the cold...

I'm sitting here warming myself with a cup of hot coffee after having just walked the dog in the cool evening air. It wasn't actually all that cold and all I had on was my short leather jacket and a scarf. That's pushing my luck just a little bit, but I refuse to put on my winter coat unless I absolutely have to. I'll put it off until the last possible minute. Call me stubborn if you have to. I refuse to own up to the fact that it's almost winter. As long as there's no snow, I'll pretend it isn't. I'm in fact in total denial. 

The sun was shining this afternoon after the day started of dreary and drizly. As long as the sun shines, I'm full of hope. All around the bits of clouds I saw lots of blue sky. It hasn't actually rained all that much either. Not as much as was predicted, so we got off easy. The farmers needed the rain and nature did too, but for us ordinary human beings it was nice. It's especially nice not to get rained on when you're out on your bike. It's tough to dress for the rain and the cold.

My hairdo appreciates no rain also because I've got it just right now. I don't have to use an overabundance of hairspray on it and it stays in place real well all day even if there's wind outside. I know, I'm so self centered to think of it. It's true, I'm a very self absorbed woman.

My carefully applied nail polish has already chipped on three nails and I thought that nail polish was much tougher than that. There must be some that can withstand the test of time or how else is a woman supposed to look decent for any length of time? I'll have to fix them tonight because now I look ridiculous. It does take an effort to look beautiful. Nobody ever said it was easy. You do have to have the odd spare hour to put into it. 

Sometimes, when my mind gets into that space, I get very preoccupied with my looks and I can get very absorbed with my clothes and make up. They take on very important roles in my life. Luckily, I do have the time and energy, as a rule, to spend on them. I don't mind giving them the extra mental energy that they require. It's fun to think about fixing myself up to look pretty for even the least amount of audience. Because, really, how many people see me? I mostly have to do it for my own sake. 

The coffee tastes excellent and is putting me in a good frame of mind. I don't know if it's just the coffee or the fact that it's Friday evening and that it's the weekend. I must say, that despite everything I claim, I still like the weekends the best, although why this is so is a mystery to me. I'll leave that unanalyzed and unexplained. Not everything in life needs to be figured out. 

I'm going to put clean sheets on my bed in a little while so I can look forward to going to sleep tonight. That sounds as if I ever have a problem with that. Of course, I don't. Going to bed and sleeping is one of my favorite things to do and I never think that I will not sleep when I go to lie down under the duvet. It's staying asleep that I have a problem with, but then I do amuse myself when I'm up. In my own convoluted way I do end up getting enough sleep. That's the main concern. I haven't turned into a zombie yet. 

I better get the show on the road. I've got a few things to do and the news to watch also. I must be well informed because we face turbulent times in Europe.

I hope you all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Daisies and cravings...

All this talk about rain in the forecast turned out to be a lot of poppycock. I think it drizzled one night. Tonight is a perfectly clear night and today is going to be a bright, sunshiny day. Showers had been predicted and nothing came of them at all. I could easily have hung up the laundry to dry outside.

At least the temperatures are nice for the time of year and that is most pleasant. You could say that we're having an Indian summer in November, although it is not as hot as all that. But sitting sheltered in the sun it feels warm and there are still kids playing outside without their jackets on.

There are a lot of perky daisies blooming in the fields right now despite the fact that the grass has been cut not too long ago. I always thought that daisies were little flowers, but since I have my varifocals. I'm surprised at the true size of them. There are also some dandelions still and some of the rosebushes in the communal flowerbeds are still blooming. They are a creamy yellow color. 

If you have a good look around, there's still enough to see. It's remembering to look that's the hard part. I'm always so busy paying attention to the dog when we walk, that sometimes I don't pay attention to my surroundings. I forget to look in people's gardens, while that is where the most interesting things are happening. I must try to pay better attention to the gardens today. 

I'm having a terrible craving for vanilla ice cream, so I will have to drink a glass of ice cold milk. The creamy yellow color of the roses made me think of vanilla pudding in it's purest form and that led to ice cream because I'm craving something smooth and cold. The Exfactor offered to buy me some when he last did the groceries, but I turned the offer down. I was afraid that I was going to eat it all at once, but now I wish I had some. 

But it would make me gain a kilo, so it's a good thing that I don't have any at all. It's the best solution.

Besides, I can be talked out of any kind of food if I have a glass of ice cold milk. It usually takes care of whatever craving I have. The whole trick is not to have those kinds of foods in the house in the first place. Luckily, I normally only have cravings during the night and not when I make the shopping list.

It's time for me to go to bed. Hopefully, when I next wake up it will be morning. There will be cultural programs on TV and then lots of sports. Speed skating I hope, although a bit of football will be alright too.

Have a good night you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

Making sense of nonsense...

Despite my initial misgivings about the day, it turned out fine and I'm not at all dissatisfied with it. I was in a good mood for most of it and enjoyed myself no matter what I was doing. Even when I did the rather large pile of dishes which I had let stack up over the past three days. It was large by my standards anyway. All the tall glasses were dirty and that doesn't happen very often. 

I also did a load of laundry, although the washing machine wasn't quite full. I didn't have enough things to wash and had to run it anyway. I had to get this load done before I change the sheets on my bed. Those will have to be washed next, but I won't be able to hang them outside to dry because it's going to be raining. The load on the clothes rack will have to dry first before I can hang up the sheets. 

I didn't take a nap this afternoon because I slept late this morning. I had a series of interesting dreams that I had to sit and think about when I woke up. They certainly were intriguing and I tried to make some sense of their symbolism because they were scattered with it. I think I understood most of them and will apply their wisdom to my life. They can be great insights into your own psyche. 

I did hit a slump at the end of the afternoon and had to make some coffee to get me over it. I would have liked to take a little nap, but I figured that it was too late in the day for that and to save my sleep for tonight. The caffeine perked me up and now I'm alright again. I'm just about as fit as a fiddle. I would like to be able to play the fiddle also, but maybe in my next life I'll be musically talented. I have great hopes for my next life. 

I thought we were going to have a sunshiny day, but it was overcast all day long and it continually looked like it was going to rain. At least it wasn't cold and I only had to wear my short leather jacket when I walked the dog. We're having very mild weather for the time of year. It's going to rain tonight. It will be cozy in bed if it does and I will open the bedroom window and listen to it. I never do tire of that sound. 

I've got to make something to eat before the eight o'clock news comes on. I think I will also put on my pajamas and bathrobe and get comfortable in the armchair. It will be an evening to veg out in front of the TV.

I hope you'll all have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Own up to nothing...

I just walked the dog in the late afternoon autumn sun. It was pleasant to be out there because it wasn't too cold and there was no wind to speak of. I had to enjoy it extra much because tomorrow it's going to start raining and it will be done with the fun. I wanted to tell the dog to enjoy the weather, but I don't think he would have cared one way or the other. It's all the same to him. 

I'm having a much needed cup of coffee and it is agreeing with me better than the glass of milk I tried earlier. The milk upset my stomach and caused me to have much discomfort. I'm not back to normal yet. I think now that I must have some bacterial or viral infection because I really felt ill too while I was having these stomach problems. While I am having them still. 

Tonight I'm going to make a very light chicken soup and hope for the best. I'm not going to put any vermicelli in it and basically keep it as simple as possible. It will be mostly bouillon. My personal helper said that I should keep my electrolytes in balance and to do that with something salty. So soup it is.

There, I've already told you more than I was planning to. I was going to keep it light and simple, just like my soup. I wasn't planning on going into a lengthy discourse on my stomach. 

I'm so ready for my glasses to be ready. I'm anticipating a phone call every day, but it may take another week. I've gone so long without glasses, I should be able to wait that much longer. I'm just very impatient to have them. Every day I'm second guessing if I picked the right pair, but I won't know for sure until I've got them on. And then it will be too late to change my mind. 

I've forgotten to watch the news. Now I'm ignorant until later this evening. Luckily, I get a second opportunity. There are political shenanigans going on again. Aren't there always? 

I must make soup to strengthen me. I can't face it on an empty stomach. 

I hope you'll all have a nice evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Battling rain...

Just as I was taking the dog out for a walk, it started to rain, so I made a beeline back home after the dog had done his business. Luckily, it didn't take him too long to do this. He is a very accommodating dog when it comes to things like that. In other ways he can be very stubborn. 

I'd like to think that maybe he realized that it was raining and that we were getting wet, but I don't know if he's as bright as all that. He doesn't care much if he gets wet. He's got thick fur, so it doesn't bother him. To tell you the truth, it didn't bother me all that much either. I was wearing my winter coat and it has a hood that I had pulled up over my head. Neither one of us got much worse for the wear. 

So you see, it was actually a non-adventure and absolutely not worth mentioning, but it did fill up some empty space on the page and now you know about the weather conditions. 

I heard from someone that next month it's going to be very cold. I don't know where this person got the wisdom to know this, but I hope she's wrong.  When someone says it's going to be very cold, all I can think of is snow and ice because surely that will come with it. I don't mind the snow, but I'm ever so wary of the ice that forms in a thick layer underneath it. Luckily, I do have the right boots now, so I should be safe when it comes to walking around on it, but it will not be with joy. 

My attention has been called to the book 'The Help' by Kathryn Stockett and I think I will see if I can get it in the paperback edition because it will fit through my mail slot better than the hardbound. Of course, the subject matter is far removed from my bed because, after all, what in my life has to do with black household help in the 60's in the USA and little white children of privileged families? It will be educational if it is factually written and not emblazoned with false sentimentality. I will read it critically and keep in mind that it's written by one of these grown up children.

It's time for me to eat dinner. My stomach is growling and it should be because it's been some time since I've eaten. I'm more than ready for a meal. First I'll have a tall glass of milk to quench my thirst. My everlasting thirst. 

Have a good evening you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

For the sake of a cup of coffee...

It was a peaceful Saturday and it went by quickly. It's already evening and it's starting to get dark outside. No doubt that is partially due to the rain clouds that have moved in. 

It's supposed to rain a little during the night, but you won't hear me complain about that. I like a little rain now and then, especially when I'm lying in bed and I can listen to it through the open window. 

The wind has picked up and there's a nice draft blowing through the apartment.  The wind is coming from the west and that's where our weather is coming from. It's from England, so whatever kind of weather they had, we are getting next. In the fall, that usually means rainy and windy weather. 

I just walked the dog and I do have to remember that a brisk walk energizes me.  I felt better when we got back to the apartment than before we left and whatever cobwebs were in my head, were completely blown away. 

We had walked quickly because the dog was in a hurry the whole way. Sometimes he gets that way and he acts like he's chasing something. I have a hard time keeping up with him because he hardly dallies anywhere. We just go. He leads and I follow. It's like a slapstick movie. 

But it does energize me and I always feel good afterwards and I think what a lot of good exercise does and that I really should get more of it. Then I remember that I'm physically too lazy and that I like sitting in my armchair. I exercise my arm by drinking a cup of coffee or a glass of milk. 

I changed my bed and celebrated it by taking a nap in it this afternoon. I do need to recharge my batteries regularly. All the mental activity that I engage in wears me out. I live in my head too much. A nap is a break from my own thoughts. 

I'm caught up on all my chores and the apartment is amazingly clean and organized. I've got to hang up a load of laundry to dry in a little while. The washing machine just got done. Hanging up laundry is one of my favorite things to do.

The dog thinks he wants to go out again and maybe for the sake of the exercise I should take him. I think I will wait until it's bedtime and make sure he's all set for the night.

I've got to watch the news and be informed about the world. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Executive decisions...

Yesterday I decided to find a way out of my depression and started out the day immediately with a dose of tranquilizers. This had me feeling well very soon and I went from a vegetative state, in which I achieved nothing, into a functioning one in which I got chores done almost cheerfully. 

Not only that, sitting in my armchair with a cup of coffee and a cigarette contemplating my navel turned into a fun activity again during which I felt very mellow and relaxed. I was not stressed about the things I had to get done and knew I would finish them all in good time. I had an overall change of attitude. 

With every dose of medicines I had to take during the day, I took a dose of tranquilizers and they kept me on an even keel. My mood was good and I didn't sink into the dark depths of despair, nor did I have any unwanted thoughts kidnapping my mind.

I got all of my chores done without feeling like they were overwhelming me. I took a break between each chore and rewarded myself with something to drink and a cigarette. This way, I painlessly got one chore done after another. Things should always be this easy. It made me realize how much stress I always walk around with regardless of the depression. 

Now I'm sitting here in the middle of the night with a cup of freshly made coffee and I feel good. That's also because I don't dread the coming day. I know I will be alright and that the day will not be a god awful battle to get through. It will not be filled with negativism and sadness. I will mostly be filled with peaceful feelings and the knowledge of that gives me courage.

But it's nice to be up in the middle of the night anyway and enjoy the peace and quiet of the darkness. It has stopped raining and it is a clear night. Yesterday we had a lot of rain and thunderstorms. There will be showers today and it won't be very warm. 

I will definitely have to wear a warm sweater when I go see my sister in the afternoon and I don't think that we will be sitting in her garden. We'd probably get rained on. I just stood outside by the back door to let out the dog and it was mighty chilly out there. Can you believe that for August? It's supposed to be balmy weather now, even at night. 

I best go back to sleep for a while. It isn't quite time to stay up yet. I have to go put my somewhat chilled body under the duvet. 

Have a great Sunday.

Ciao,

Nora

A thunderstorm and a cup of coffee...

Thunder and lightning are heaving across the nighttime sky. Rain is pouring down hard. I am sat quite cozily inside and am only a bit worried about the elements that are playing their parts right over the top of the apartment. It is a little bit frightening when you see the sky light up and hear the loud crack of the thunder and how it then continues to rumble across the sky. 

I suppose it makes me feel vulnerable. I'll feel better once the storm has moved on. At least I'm not as bad as my paternal grandmother who, I was told, moved under the dining table when there was a thunderstorm. I can imagine her doing this because she was a small, nervous woman who was easily scared of things. 

A dining table seems like a good place to hide under. They were sturdily built in those days. Nothing like those flimsy things we have now.

I can pretend nothing is the matter and sit here and drink my cup of coffee and for the dog's sake stay very calm because he is a bit scared. The coffee tastes very nice too. It's giving me nerves of steel.

The dog got his vaccinations today. He had not been to the vet in a long time and for some reason he was very much impressed this time. He stuck close to me and eyed the vet suspiciously. He was certainly well behaved and giving him his shot was no problem, but it was funny to see him so very much on guard and subdued. He wanted to make friends with the vet, but wasn't too sure how to go about it.

As soon as we were outside, he was his old self again, but the memory of how he was in there will stay with me for a while. It was a side of him that I had not seen before and in a way it was very endearing and made me love him all the more. He had counted on me for a good outcome. We had ourselves a good bonding ritual when we got home. 

In my present mood, I was a bit bored with the day. I had to stay home because of the domestic help and took a nap while she was here because I didn't know what else to do and the nap was welcome. The domestic help gets to play house while I sleep and she always makes some changes for me to discover. I think that is endearing too because it shows she cares. 

I'm going back to bed now and I hope I sleep for a long time and am not up early like I was yesterday because it makes the day last too long. I don't know what to do with myself so early in the morning. Nobody needs me at that time. The phone better not ring before I'm ready to get up. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Fake it until you make it...

I took two tranquilizers a while ago and I've been sitting here waiting for them to work before I got down to the business of writing a post. I want to write a good humored post and not one steeped in seriousness and sorrow. There's no need for that, but I did need to get rid of a little bit of stress. It's better to feel as relaxed as possible and I did have permission from my psychiatrist to use the tranquilizers as I needed them.

I'm sitting here in a dimly lighted living room. Outside it has just started to rain again like it has been on and off all day. Luckily, I managed to stay nearly dry when I had to go out in it. I only got sprinkled on a little bit. I did get a wet bottom from my bicycle seat, but that was the least of my worries. It dried in no time at all. That's what happens when your bike is parked outside during a rain shower and you have nothing to wipe your seat off with.

I've walked the dog and the wind was blowing hard. It wasn't a real pleasure to be out there. It would have been if I had been dressed warmer maybe. It feels like autumn outside. It's only 59F and it's August. It's as cold as it gets in San Francisco in the summertime.

Right, so I have seen my psychiatrist and it was a very tough visit. He said I was severely depressed. I exposed all the negative feelings imaginable and he showed the patience of a saint until I became more reasonable. He has increased my antidepressants, although I told him that I had no faith in them. He said that it was the only option available right now. We are not going to mess with other medication. It would upset my equilibrium, but I said it was already upset. Ha ha!

He is a tough cookie, this psychiatrist. He is as stubborn and all knowing as I am. He really does know his business. I'm at his mercy. When he says no, he means no.

All I can hope for is improvement and I know it takes time. I have to be patient and think long term and not take the short view. I have to act like everything is okay until it is. That means stepping outside myself and not dwelling on everything that's wrong. It means ignoring a lot of things. It's pretty much what I've been doing all along. I'm good at that. 

I've got to go and watch the news. There's lots going on in the world. Even I know that. You can't close your eyes to it. Much as I'd like to. 

Ciao,

Nora

Forget what I said...

Forget what I said about 'the black dog' being gone and about me feeling better because it's not true. I don't feel better at all. As a matter of fact, I feel pretty darn awful and I don't know what to do about it. 

I was lying in bed just now, unable to sleep, and I thought I was going a little bit mad with worry about my state of mind. It seems to be so negative even though I try to keep seeing the glass half full. I'm trying to fool myself into being in better shape than I am, but I can't keep it up any longer.

Enough said about that. I don't want this to turn into a whining post. I do have to keep seeing the glass half full. It's for the sake of my own survival that I do. Otherwise I may as well take an overdoses of pills and be done with it.

Needless to say, I'm having a cup of coffee to try to get me out of this state of mind. Maybe it will work soon. It will be a relief if it does. It will be a respite until I go to sleep and wake up again in the morning. Then there will be another battle to face which I will fight with other cups of coffee. 

I will try to stay upbeat and write about something cheerful... It was raining softly earlier in the evening and it was very pleasant. The rain released a good smell in the air and refreshed everything after a warm day. It was nice to stand by the open back door and the dog came in damp from the wet bushes in the flowerbeds. He does insist on walking through them. 

I watched the last episode of 'Pride and Prejudice' and was satisfied with the ending as usual. I've seen it so many times now that I can dream it in my sleep. I think I've got to read the book again and I have to see if it's still on my bookcase. It will be a pleasant, predictable book to read. The language will be wonderful and all the characters in the book will look like the characters in the series. Especially Mr Darcy.

Because of 'the black dog,' I've not been reading 'We Were the Mulvaneys.' I'm having a hard time concentrating and keeping my mind on it. That's why I think I need a book that I'm familiar with. One that I can easily read through and that's predictable. How well I read a book is definitely a reflection of my state of mind. By all rights I should read in the middle of the night when I'm most alert, but I do try to go back to sleep after I've written a post. 

I'll try to read in bed tonight and guard my book from the pesky dog. If I don't fall asleep with it and put it away on time there should be no problem. The wellbeing of the book depends on it. It could be shredded to pieces. I don't know how bad the dog is now that he's older. I don't quite trust him yet. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

The mildness of the early morning...

Last night I closed all the windows and turned on the heater, that's how cold I was. This is after I had put on my bathrobe over my clothes and I had put on socks also. I couldn't get warm enough. 

It was wonderful to have the heater on for a while, but I turned it off before I went to bed. I haven't opened the windows yet, but I will later this morning because I can't hear the rain that's falling and I do miss the sound of it. 

It's not going to be very warm today and I will wear warmer clothes than I did yesterday. I'm going to have to put away all the clothes I have worn in the last few days because I've left them lying around. They're very easily put away in the closet, but I've been lazy. 

I stayed up late last night because I watched the thriller 'Wallander' and it wasn't on until late. It was an exciting episode and worth staying up for. I think the month of many thrillers every week is over now because there isn't one on tonight, much to my regret. It will be plain old boring TV again from now on. 

That means I will be doing more reading possibly. I've started reading 'The Abortionist's Daughter' and am somewhat interested in it. It hasn't quite grabbed me the way I had hoped it would, but I will stick with it. I don't want to give up too easily. Maybe I'm not the reader I once was. 

Today will be the last stage of the Tour de France which I have been following to some extend. Both the television and the radio have been doing live broadcasts and have built other talk shows around it. There's been a lot of coverage. It's been hard to ignore it. There will be an exciting finish today because the winner is not yet clear. 

There's been a lot of television and radio coverage about the mass killings in Norway. We get hourly updates on that and it is an awfully gruesome thing. The Norwegians have been shocked to the core as theirs is a relatively safe country. I think we would all be very shocked if it happened to us. It's a very sad thing indeed. My heart goes out to the parents of all those young people that were killed. 

Since it's Sunday today, it is the inevitable day of rest, but there will be some chores I have to do, the laundry being one of them. Before I do anything, I will go back to bed and sleep some more. It's too early to start the day. 

It's stopped raining, but I will open the windows anyway to air out the place. With a little bit of luck it will rain again more soon so I can listen to the soothing sound of it. 

Have a good Sunday, all of you. 

Ciao,

Nora

Feast or famine...

I haven't for the past two nights felt funny anymore and that's, I think, because I wake up prematurely. Tonight I woke up because the cat was licking my head with her rough tongue. It was a strange thing to wake up to, but rather pleasant once I realized what the sensation was. I laid very still so she wouldn't stop. 

Of course, after a while she did and moved on, so I got up and made myself some coffee. I'm waiting for it to put some oomph into my life as I sit here rather listlessly. I'm awake, but not functioning well enough. I'm counting on the caffeine to bring some difference to that.

I didn't have a very rewarding day yesterday. I went back to bed early in the morning without setting the alarm clock and I slept past both my appointments. I didn't wake up until a quarter past noon when it was too late for even the last one. 

At least I got all the sleep I needed and that was a good thing because I was in dire need of it. I had been dragging my butt for a couple of days. In the afternoon I even took a long nap and if the cat hadn't woken me up, I'm sure I would be asleep now. I made sure I set the alarm clock before I went to bed last night because I have a new appointment with my psychiatrist at 11 am. I mustn't miss that one. 

Actually, it wasn't such a very unrewarding day yesterday. It was just a very low key day. It rained for most of it, which didn't bother me too much, except for when I had to walk the dog. We did get a little wet and cold. The rest of the day, at least the part that wasn't spent sleeping, went by quickly. The day was over in no time at all. 

I watched a very satisfying episode of 'A Touch of Frost' and started reading a new book: 'Angels & Insects' by A.S. Byatt. I've always liked her novels and hope to enjoy this one as well. She's a very intelligent writer. The first novel I ever read of her was called 'Possession.' I recommend it for beginners. This novel I have now came from my bookcase from the hoard of books I haven't read yet. It is nice to be in 'possession' of all those books and have my pick.

I need to look through the mail from the last couple of days and see what that's all about, but I'm loathe to do it. I keep putting it off. I'm always afraid that people will want money from me. There's only so much to go around. It's a pain in the neck to get unexpected, official looking mail. You try to determine by the look of the envelope what will be in it, but it is impossible. The only thing to do is to be brave and open it up. 

For one day today the weather is actually going to be nice, but it is an exception. The sun will be shining and there will be no rain. The temperatures will be decent and there will be no cold wind like there was yesterday. After that there will be rain again. 

It is a very strange summer and we've had no hot weather to speak of since May. People are booking last minute vacations like crazy. Double the amount that they were last year.

I need to go back to bed to sleep for a few more hours. Not that I'm now sleepy or anything. I may get so once I'm under the duvet. 

Have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Generally keeping out of trouble...

I've just gotten back from the hairdresser where I got a really decent haircut. It was done so well, that I was proud to walk down the street with it, but then I'm an incredibly vain person. I hardly ever have any doubts about my good looks when I come away from the hairdresser. That's because she fixes my hair perfectly with gel and the proper attention. I can never get it to look that way myself.

It was a joy as ever to be fussed over and to sit in that chair and watch the metamorphosis take place. My very own young woman cut my hair and I was very happy for it. I had not seen her in ages and everybody else and their sister had been cutting my hair. Nobody had done a bad job, but this girl did a great job. She's been cutting my hair for years and we were trying to remember today how long it had been.

Because today is such a warm day, I have all the windows open and there's a strong draft blowing through the apartment. It's making it smell good in here, except for in the hallway where the air does not stir because it's dead space. I'll have to take the can of Brise and spray like crazy over there. Actually, I think I have to take all the items on the coat rack and wash them or air them on the clothes line.

It's supposed to rain later and already the clouds have moved in, although the sun is still trying to shine. I hope it will rain because then I won't have to worry about having to water my sister's garden while she's in Italy. So, keep your fingers crossed.

I have just put a bunch of things from the coat rack in the washing machine and put the rest outside on hangers and hope the rain will stay away for a while. Everything is off the coat rack now except for my leather jackets. I very liberally sprayed the hallway with air freshener. I'm going to walk in there in a while to find out what it smells like. I may have to go out and walk in again.

I have designated one spot as my smoking spot. It is a rattan chair by the open kitchen window. It is the only place I am allowed to smoke and sparingly too. I can't go there every time the urge hits me because I'd be going there constantly. I want the whole apartment to be smoke free and to smell good. I want no ashes and residue to settle on the furniture.

It's started to rain very hard and I'm too late to bring in the coats that are hanging outside. They are hanging beneath the trees so they should be alright. At least they will smell good now. I'm assured of that.

I'm going to take my afternoon nap. It will be nice to listen to the rain come down.

Have a good day.

Ciao,
Nora 

With a purpose...

I'm having a cup of freshly brewed coffee, although I'm wide awake and doubt if I really need it. It's force of habit that's making me have it more than anything. It's possible that it will do something for my thinking capacities and in that case, I'll gladly drink it. Maybe it will make me especially sharp witted and that would be a welcome thing. I've written enough dull posts to last me a lifetime, although I can only blame that on my exceptionally dull life.

I can blame nobody for my dull life but myself because I choose to have it very uneventful. I can make it as interesting as I want it to be myself. I choose to have it very low key and predictable without any big highlights in it. There is hardly any blog fodder in it and I have to write about the tiniest, most insignificant details to give the posts any body at all. I fall into repetition a lot.

Right now I can tell you that the early birds have started to sing, but I always do that. This morning they are ten minutes late, but that must be because of the bad weather. It has rained and thundered during the night throughout the country and a lot of damage was expected of it. The trains aren't supposed to run on time because of it. Apparently the strong winds and the lightening strikes did a lot of damage to the overhead cables. 

We're all done with the hot weather and now we are down to more normal temperatures again, which means I can dress with more ease. I don't have to walk around half naked. I do prefer wearing some clothes. Yesterday I wore a skimpy top with spaghetti straps. I did manage to get some color on my arms and shoulders while walking the dog and going out on my bike. It was very hot and there was no breeze to speak of. My deodorant was barely working. 

Just when I was about to take the dog out in the evening, enormous hailstones started to fall rapidly from the sky. They could have knocked you unconscious had you been caught out in them. It would have been very painful to have been hit by them as some people were who were trying to get home on their bikes.

I think I will take my medicines and go back to bed for a while. I have some chores to do today, but they will wait until later. There's no rush. I also have to choose a new novel to read. That will be an interesting undertaking and I hope I get it right this time. I'll go have a look on the bookcase. 

We're expecting rain this morning, so it will be cozy to lie in bed with the window open. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

How long will it last?

I'm somewhat sleepy headed as I sit here with my first cup of coffee in the middle of the night and I've been yawning nonstop. No doubt another cup of coffee will fix me right up and I will be perky in no time at all. I wish to be perky and not sit here so muddleheaded and in danger of dislocating my jaw every time I yawn. Besides, I do want to be able to make some sense as I write this and not look like a completely misguided woman. I always want to come across as totally sane and sensible. 

Oh yes, I forgot that I had stated that I wanted to be completely honest at all times and that I would show my less positive aspects also. So I don't have to be perfect. I can be muddleheaded and misguided. I'll be it for just a while then until the coffee starts to work. When the caffeine kicks in, I'll be right on track again. 

I'm sitting here with my short hair totally sticking out all over the place. It looks like I've been in a bad storm and it has gotten stuck that way. No amount of brushing will get it in place again. I will have to wash it with a good shampoo to get it to look decent again. I don't know what I do in bed to get it to look that way, but apparently I rub it the wrong way. It's not even static electricity that makes it look like this. I do this all by myself. 

Those are the lesser side effects of having short hair. You very quickly look like a porcupine.

I'm having my second cup of coffee and the yawning is lessening. I do think I'm becoming more clearheaded. Any minute now I'm going to break out in a song and dance routine. 

Well no, I don't think it will be as bad as that. I'm not known for quite that much exuberance. It would cost me an awful lot of effort. It would probably knock the wind right out of me. I don't think I will ever do a tap dance and I can only sing in the shower. 

I almost forgot to be happy that today is Saturday. Isn't that wonderful? I have most of my chores done and the day to myself. It really and truly will be a weekend day to enjoy as I please and as far as I know, the weather is going to be decent also. We're supposed to have sunshine all day. 

In a way, that's not so good because we ought to have some rain to replenish the rivers and canals and groundwater supply. We do officially have a drought now, so we don't hope for a long hot summer. On the contrary, we wish for rain. The dikes along the rivers and the canals are drying out and that may cause a break and a flood and some of them are now artificially kept wet. The Netherlands are not a wet country anymore.

It's with some amount of anticipation that I look forward to going back to bed. It will be nice to lie in the semi dark and listen to the radio before I drift off to sleep again. 

It will be equally nice to choose which clothes I'm going to wear today. I'm still looking for that unfindable cardigan. I have yet to figure out what I've done with it. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day. I'm planning on having a very nice one. God forbid anything should stop me from having it. 

Ciao,

Nora

My morning coffee...

For a change I slept through the night again and I'm much pleased. It always feels like such an accomplishment when I do. Going back to bed after I've let the dog out back in the middle of the night is quite an achievement, especially if I'm grumpy when I do and I really want a cup of coffee and a cigarette. I was able to resist the urge and go back to sleep. 

It is raining as I write this and as you know, I don't mind that one bit. I'm very warm and cozy inside by the light of the desk lamp with my bathrobe on. I can think of worse things that could happen. Rain is not one of them. The dog is not nearly ready to go out and is sound asleep on the sofa. We can wait to go for a walk until this shower is over. Besides, we need the rain on our dusty and dry earth. I hope things get good and wet. 

I looked through the shelves in my closet yesterday and found many clothes that were to big. They were added to the already large stacks of other clothes that I had already taken out. I found some things that would fit and washed them and they are hanging on the drying rack in the bathroom. 

I've really decimated my wardrobe. It's sad when you see what's left over. I shouldn't complain, though. There's enough left to put together lots of outfits for now and I only have to worry about what I'm going to do in the wintertime. I'll have to get some warmer clothes before that time. Not much, but something anyway. 

I'll no doubt lose more weight before that time, so no action is required on my part now. I want to lose 5 kilos, but at the moment I'm not losing any weight. I'll probably have to decrease one of my medications if I want to and that's going to happen some time in the near future according to my psychiatrist. As soon as I'm stable enough, we're going to give it a try. 

I've been stable for about two weeks now and that's not a very long time yet. I'm grateful for it, though. It's so much easier not to have those terrible ups and downs anymore. Those are the hardest things to deal with. It's the unpredictability of the moods that makes it so difficult. It's great when everything is on an even keel again and I'm pretty much stable throughout the day. 

I watched the Eurovision Song Festival last night and listened to many mediocre songs. The songs I really liked didn't get the votes I hoped for. A typical song festival song won. That was predictable, of course. It is said, though, that the song festival does more for European cohesion than politics ever could. That's something anyway. You wouldn't think so with all the Eastern European countries voting for their neighboring countries. 

Tonight is the football match for the national championship. It will be very exciting to watch. I'm for FC Twenthe, of course. I couldn't be for Ajax. I have to be for the Saxons with their familiar accent. It's in the genetics. I'll either watch it on television or listen to it on the radio with the danger that I'll fall asleep during it. I still have to make a decision about that. It depends on how late I want to stay up. 

The sun just came out and it's a good time to end this epistle. I'll have to take the dog out shortly. I still need to take a shower and wash my hair before I'm presentable.

Have a good day all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

When you don't know any better...

Yesterday evening I watched inane television. Since it was Saturday evening, it was the only kind of television to watch. It is not thought that intelligent people watch television on a Saturday evening. It is expected that they are all otherwise engaged. Apparently only dull and desperate people watch television on Saturday evenings.

It was one way to pass the evening and I pretended to care very much and be interested. I watched it while I slowly ate my dinner in stages. That takes me a while and is a good distraction. I also played with the dog and petted the cat who decided to come lie on my lap. I do have other things to keep me occupied while I try not to get too disgusted by what is offered for my entertainment. 

The other option is turning the television off, but that is too silent and then I wouldn't have anything to be exasperated with. Luckily, there are only commercials in between the programs, otherwise they would drive me crazy too. There are very few amusing ones and some of them make me want to throw a brick through the screen. Fortunately, I don't have a brick handy. 

Some of them are an insult to my intelligence. But you can walk away from them until the next program starts and go to the toilet or be otherwise engaged. At one point, I just turned the darn thing off and went to bed and listened to the radio instead, which was broadcasting a football game between Milan and Rome. Some days you can't win. Luckily, I was tired enough to fall sleep quickly, so I was spared most of that.

The only reason I was tired enough was because I had taken my 'fall asleep medicines' and once those stopped working, I was awake again. As I became conscious, I was writing a blog post in my mind, the gist of which I don't remember now. That's how much it occupies my mind in the middle of the night. I compose blog posts as I wake up. Beethoven must have composed music in his sleep. I assume he had pen and paper handy. 

I forgot to call the hairdresser yesterday to make an appointment while it was really necessary that I do. Now I'll have to wait until Tuesday because they are closed on Monday. I have a terrible head of hair that needs a lot of hairspray to keep it in place. The dog leaves the bathroom when I apply it and waits in the hallway. He doesn't do that when I apply my deodorant. Of course, I don't use copious amounts then. 

The cat escaped into the stairwell yesterday and stayed away for half an hour. Finally she showed up at the front door again where she waited patiently until I opened it. She does once in a while look for an opportunity to make her escape. I don't know what she does in the stairwell but she always goes way to the top. I refuse to chase her and always rightly guess that she'll show up again. Every once in a while she escapes though the outside door, but she just walks around the block end enters the apartment through the cat flap in the back door as if it is no problem. Luckily, she is a bright cat. 

The dog doesn't know what to do with himself when the cat has escaped. He thinks it's weird and misses her because he knows she's gone through the front door. He keeps going there to see if she's not back yet. Then when I let her in, he pretends that he won't let her and tries to push her out again as if he's not happy with her company. God forbid she should not show up one day. He'd miss her badly.

It's with some amount of reluctance that I bring this to an end. I don't want to make this too long and I have to think about going to bed. I am yawning, so maybe I'll be asleep again in no time. There's always the radio to listen to. I'm sure there will be no football games on now. 

We're still expecting some rain today and it will be most welcome, I just hope there will be enough to really make a difference. A really good shower should do. 

Have a good morning. 

Ciao,

Nora