Thunder and lightning...

I woke up because the dog was trying to get my attention by gently growling into my right ear. I pulled him up on the bed and had a wrestling match with him which I won. Then we got up and went to the kitchen where he ate his kibbles and I made coffee. Now he's asleep on the sofa and I'm very cozily sitting here behind the computer in the middle of the night as is usual. All is well with the world. 

Last night, clouds moved in and the wind started to blow very hard. It started to thunder and rain something awful. It was an enormous storm and a lot of water fell out of the sky. The thunder moved right overhead and the lightning strikes came one right after another. 

In Belgium, right across the border, there was a music festival and trees and big tents got blown over and apart and several people got killed and seventy got wounded. It was quite a drama. The festival was in a chaos and had to be canceled. There were thousands of young people there who somehow all had to leave the festival grounds safely. Many of them had to be picked up by their parents. 

So for a while all was not right with the world. At least not in our little corner of it. The night is very silent now and there is no more storm or rain. I'm glad of it because it was very disquieting. I felt like I had to go and build an ark to put the animals in. 

The dog wanted to go outside as quickly as possible and trudge through the puddles after the storm was over. He did get very wet and the fur on his head got very curly so he looked like a poodle. The cat very wisely stayed inside and sat in front of the living room window and contemplated the wet world from there. She watched the whole storm from that spot and was very intrigued by it.

I thought I was going to be more tired than I am because I didn't take an afternoon nap yesterday. I'm surprisingly awake. I've only slept for a few hours, but I feel like I'm ready to stay up. No doubt I'll come to my senses once I start drinking cold milk instead of this coffee and feel the need to go back to bed. I must do the things that ordinary people do and stick to the schedule. 

I slept between clean sheets, but it was so warm and muggy in the bedroom that it was almost too warm to sleep under the duvet. I had it only covering my legs and that sufficed. It still hasn't cooled off a lot in the apartment, although today is going to be a not so warm day, but I prefer that. I'd rather wear more clothes than less clothes. 

Thank god it's Friday again. It's time to get ready to enjoy the weekend. This is the first weekend in a long time that I'll actually just plain feel good. It won't be an escape from the real world. It will just be two enjoyable days with time off for good behavior, but I won't dread the coming of Monday when it's over.

I suppose I must start thinking now about going back to bed. I'm not tired, but I should try to get some more sleep. It will be the sensible thing to do. Even if I only rest with my eyes open it will be good. At least I will have had a time out. I've got to take advantage of those clean sheets. 

I hope you'll all have a good Friday with the kind of weather you hope for. 

Ciao,

Nora

The sense of medicines...

Because I had not been feeling my old self lately, I asked my psychiatrist today if I could increase my anti-depressants. I told him the reasons why and he said it was okay with him if I felt that I couldn't wait a few days to see if it would improve. I thought about that, but realized that I didn't want to continue feeling the way I was. I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle and that I was going down hill.

What bothered me especially was the over analyzing of my thoughts that I was doing continuously and still want to do, although now that I realize that I'm depressed, I try not to do this anymore. I don't give it the legitimacy that it had before. I was picking every word and deed and thought apart until nothing was left whole and unexamined, but because I looked at it through dark and negative  colored glasses, nothing looked right and I couldn't get a clear picture. 

Like I said, I try not to over analyze my thoughts anymore and I'm waiting for the medication to do its job. I have faith in it, just like I believe in not using it when it's not necessary. At the same time, I'm not going to take myself so seriously. I'm going to leave my thoughts alone and not pick them apart. I will treat myself like an ailing person who has to get better.

That doesn't mean I'm out of the woods yet. I feel major discomfort creeping up on me as I write this. My mood is morose. I have deep and dark thoughts and unpleasant memories popping up their head.  Scenarios that are unwanted and uncalled for enter my head and are played out and they are painful. They make my toes curl in my boots. It's best to keep myself occupied.

One way I did that today was to watch the continuous news about the devastation in Japan from the earthquake and the tsunami. I guess my troubles pale in the face of that. It's always good to keep a sane perspective on things, though you must not neglect your own problems because other people in the world are having worse ones.  You'd never get around to taking care of yourself that way.

I have to walk Tyke, he is waiting impatiently. He has just eaten his dinner.

Have a good night.

Ciao,
Nora

Easing into the evening...

It's raining hard outside and I'm glad I'm not out there. I was out there earlier walking Tyke when it was drizzling and windy and that was bad enough. I didn't wear a hat, because it makes my hair look so funny, and my head got cold, but I can handle a little bit of cold. It's not freezing outside anymore and the temperatures are much kinder now compared to what they have been. Anything seems balmy now, even if the wind is blowing hard. 

It's going to be raining and 'balmy' for the next couple of days, so I guess we're very lucky. Anything that doesn't include freezing temperatures is good. A couple of days ago, people had to scrape the frost off their windshields and the grass was covered with it. There were even icy patches on the roads and the sidewalks, but we have none of that now, thank goodness. I never liked rain as much as I do now, although there have been other seasons that I liked it well enough also.

My personal helper was here this morning and we hung up the laundry and changed the sheets on the bed. I have to have jobs to do while she is here, otherwise we just sit here and talk and this particular helper, who comes on Wednesdays, is not so very good at that. She likes to have something to do. I must think of more chores to do while she is here. 

I sent her away a little bit early, because I really wanted to take a short nap on the sofa. It seemed that I didn't get enough sleep during the night, although I slept for seven hours. I thought that was enough when I got up this morning, but I never did stop yawning and the walk with Tyke that I took at dawn didn't refresh me properly. I wasn't ready to conquer the world. 

I'm so glad that there are clean sheets on my bed. I'm looking forward to going to sleep tonight. Something very interesting will have to be on television to prevent me from going prematurely. It's ridiculous. I act like a farmer from the Dark Ages who goes to bed when his chickens roost. It's like I have no life after it gets dark and it gets dark early. No. it's not like I really mind. I have no problem with it really. I do like my schedule and am quite comfortable with it. It fits me and that's the main concern.

I must remember that the days are getting longer now and if I try very hard, I can imagine that and tell myself that I notice the difference. It does give you something to be hopeful about. You do have to look at it optimistically. January is already almost halfway over. It is going by quickly. And the days really do seem a bit longer. I must always look at the glass half full and not half empty. It's a better attitude. You must never think that things are as dire as the night is dark. Besides, the night is no enemy of mine.

God awful Sesame Street is on. I suppose that when you're a kid, it's a wonderful program to watch, but when you're an adult it's maddening. It's always on before the six o'clock news, so I always catch a glimpse of it. I can't believe I used to watch it when my kids were little. I must have been brain dead then. I think all mothers of small children are, or simple minded. I sure am glad I survived that stage in my life and that my brain started functioning again afterwards. It seems it survived undamaged, although emotionally it took me some time to get over it. It did teach me to have infinite amounts of patience with a lot of things. I don't know if that's a good character trait, however. 

I've already been watching the news during the day, so there's probably not much news there for me to watch. I may as well wait for the eight o'clock news, which will be more comprehensive. Today is the commemorative of the earthquake in Haiti and there are a lot of questions about where all the money went that was donated. Different explanations are given, but it seems that country is difficult to help back on its feet, because it wasn't on its feet before. There was an enormous amount of poverty and corruption and there is even more now. 

I won't get bogged down in a discussion about that. I could have many similar discussions. There's injustice all over the world. 

There are rivers in the Netherlands overflowing their banks. It is not the disaster it could be, because we're well prepared. Where it is possible, temporary walls are built to hold back the water. In other places, land is being allowed to flood. The situation is much worse in Queensland where they really have problems. We watch what is happening in Brisbane with bated breath. 

Well, so much for my thoughts this evening, They did go all over the place. I must have had a lot on my mind. That's what happens if you watch the news a lot. 

I hope you all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora