That's the end of that...

I've just emptied all the ashtrays and put them to soak in the kitchen sink. I've smoked my last cigarette and put a nicotine patch on. I'll have no shortage of nicotine and all I have to do now is get over the habit of lighting up a cigarette. But this is not the first time that I've quit smoking and I know I'll get over that. This is the third time that I'll try to quit and the third time has to be a charm. 

So I'm not worried about pouring myself another cup of coffee without having a cigaerette and in the morning I'll give the apartment a good airing out. I'll open up all the windows wide and let a good draft blow through. That ought to get rid of the smoky odor. I'll probably sit here and freeze my buns off but it's for a good cause. I'll have to wear extra warm clothes and that's no problem. 

I'm full of the best intentions anyway and feel no sense of panic at the thought that I can't smoke another cigarette now. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of relieved that I don't have to. It makes my life much simpler not having to worry about it. I won't have to think about always having to carry all that paraphernalia with me and always having to look for an opportunity to smoke which makes it so compulsive. 

It's in the middle of the night and I've already slept a couple of hours. I woke up on my own and much to my surprise, the dog was sleeping on his big pillow beside the bed. That was just when I thought he never was going to. I was wondering why I had so much leg room in my bed but it was because he was not lying on it. I hope he continues to sleep on his pillow because it's really where he belongs. I did buy it especially for him and not for the cat to lie on periodically. 

I'm hoping to have a productive day ahead. I'm going to the hairdresser in the morning, and that will be fun, but I want to do some household chores too and not waste the day doing not much of anything like I did yesterday. 

Hopefully, it's not going to rain during the day and I'll be able to hang a lot of my clothes from the closet outside on the clothes line. That will give them a chance to air out so I won't have to wash all of them. There's enough of a breeze anyway and the air is very clean from all the rain we've had. It should be perfect.

I've got to change the bed because I'm in the mood for clean sheets. I want everything around me to be clean and fresh smelling. I want it to smell like it does outside, like a spring day after a refreshing shower and not like stale cigarette smoke. 

I will have a glass of milk and see what other kind of trouble I can get into.

Ciao,

Irene

Post weekend...

I'm sitting here ever so cozily in the middle of the night in my red bathrobe with a glass of cold milk and a cigarette. For a while I can pretend there's not a problem in the world. Things did get awfully close this weekend with a collapsed government and a train wreck, but for now I will forget about them and just enjoy the peace and quiet of the night. 

I just made the dog happy with a rawhide bone. I didn't realize that he had none left to chew on. He was taking apart his little stuffed cow and had just pulled the stuffing out, so it was high time that I gave him that bone to chew on. He's a true dog and likes chewing on things more than anything. The rawhide bones do keep his teeth clean and he has very good breath. He doesn't go for a check up until August and then the vet will look to see what shape his teeth are in and if they need to be cleaned. 

The cat is sitting very indifferently on the fleece blanket that's lying folded up on the armrest of the sofa. She's got her back turned towards us to show she really doesn't care. She can be so aloof at times. It's because the dog was completely ignoring her just now when he was busy with his bone and she was trying to get his attention. I'm sure her feelings were tremendously hurt. She's sulking now and maybe not as indifferent as she pretends to be. 

I had one cup of coffee and that's all I needed to become alert. At times cups of coffee are very important to me and at other times I don't care so much and glasses of milk are more important. They seem to hit the spot better and do the work of waking me up and keeping me mellow at the same time. I never know ahead of time if they are going to agree with my stomach but tonight they are. 

I wish for it to be the weekend another day or so because I liked the days of leisure that I had. Except for the events on the news, not much exciting happened and that was fine with me. I was affected by these events and they did touch me in more ways than one. I was angry about the one and sad about the other. You can't help but have these things bother you and you do spend time thinking about them and pondering the effects of them on a group of people in specific and the country as a whole.

I must go back to bed now and finish sleeping. I'll have to eat something first because I'm hungry. I think I'll have some Greek yoghurt. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Irene

Hurray!

This morning I had to take the dog for a half hour walk to the trim salon. Some of that walk was a bit uphill. I had mentally prepared myself to make it knowing that it was going to wear me out because I try to walk at a steady pace. The sun was shining and there was again a blustery wind. Even though the dog tried to dawdle along the way, we made it in half an hour and I only had to rest for a few minutes before I was ready to make the walk home again. 

Once I got home, I was a little bit sore in some areas of my body and I took a painkiller to prevent worse. Then I drank a couple of glasses of milk while I rested up in my armchair. I made sure I didn't slouch but that my back was supported well because that's where my problems seem to start when I walk a distance. An hour later I got myself together and walked the half hour back to the trim salon. 

When I got there, the dog saw me through the glass front door and went nuts. He tried to dig a hole through it to get to me. Needless to say, I got quite an emotional welcome once I was inside. The dog was quite beside himself with joy and he was more than ready to go home which we did leisurely and it took us forty minutes.

The cat was waiting for us behind the front door and was seemingly very happy to see the dog. The dog was happy to be home. He was quite wound up from his adventure and I had to settle him down by petting him for a long time and speaking to him gently. He's now sound asleep in the armchair but ever so alert to my every move. I can't do anything without him waking up and coming over to investigate. 

He does look very good with his short fur and when he walks, his short trimmed nails make a tip tap sound on the linoleum. It sounds very funny, as if he is a little lady walking on her high heels.

The Exfactor had brought me the new coffeemaker on his way to work, which was really out of the way and very kind of him, so I could finally make some decent coffee. Let me tell you something, it tastes great. I didn't know what I'd been missing. I've seldom enjoyed a cup of coffee as much as I enjoyed that first cup and I need not have worried about my coffee making skills, they are intact.

Now I've got to take a nap. I'm slightly tired and my feet hurt. I really don't have the proper footwear to go for longer walks in, at least not at a steady pace. I must investigate how much a pair of good sport shoes cost. My feet need more support. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

Nice and mellow...

It's how I feel right now because I've managed to take a five hour long nap on the sofa. I must have needed it badly for me to sleep for such a long time. Now that I'm awake again, I don't feel the need for a cup of coffee. I want stay in this mellow mood that I've got for a while longer. I'm still yawning and somewhat muddleheaded, but that's okay with me right now. 

I've managed to drink a whole glass of milk without getting too much of an upset stomach so that is world news. My stomach is unpredictable territory and I never know what is going to agree with it. It differs from one day to the next, but I have to say that I am happy when I get to drink a glass of ice cold milk. That's a treat I hate to do without. 

It has rained while I was asleep and the water is still dripping from the gutter out back. I let the dog out there and he got wet from plowing through the bushes. The cat very gently walked around them. The dog has no such sensibilities. Of course he's protected by a thick coat of fur and the drops of water don't bother him. He still does need to get a proper trim. 

I've changed my mind about the cup of coffee because I was a bit too mellow and could not gather my thoughts at all. I've made a pot of coffee in the meanwhile and am drinking a cup now. It has, as if by a miracle, cleared the cobwebs from my head. I can now think properly and make some sense. I was thinking in slow motion before. It was as if I was moving through molasses. 

Now that I've got a second lease on life, I can tell you that I'm in a good mood and that I'm looking forward to the rest of the day, short as it is since I spent most of it asleep. That was really wonderful and I must make sure that I spend more time sleeping and get all of it done before my older sister gets here. I have to catch up on whatever I'm short on. There will be less time to do that when she is here.

There's nothing as indestructible as a mood created by a cup of coffee, especially not if it is a good cup of coffee. I just happened to have made one of those. My measuring skills must have improved over time or I just got lucky and eyeballed everything right. I think the latter is probably more true. That's why a good cup of coffee is always up to chance. It's not a guaranteed thing. 

The sun is coming out again and I need to take the dog for a walk. The fresh air will do us both good. I'll go see what the rain washed away.

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

Madly relaxing...

I had to make myself some coffee instead of taking a nap because I didn't want to go to sleep at this time of the afternoon. I want to save my tiredness for tonight when I want to do as much sleeping as possible in my new bedroom. I still have to get a little used to sleeping there, although this morning I woke up quite assured and didn't feel at all uncomfortable. All my familiar things were around me and the animals were there also. 

Just now I was yawning something awful and I had run completely out of steam, but the coffee is giving me my second wind. I knew it would help me if I just got the energy together to make a pot. I had to motivate myself to go into the kitchen to do it. That's how bad a shape I was in. Luckily, there was enough coffee left in the jar and I didn't have to open a new package because that would have been too much work. 

I got brave and put together the bed for the guest room. It was quite a job and it was more work than I had anticipated. It is a metal bed and looks like an old fashioned iron one. It was quite heavy to handle on my own. The dog helped me and I think he took off with some nuts and bolts. The second page of the instructions was missing so I had to figure out the final part myself. Using logic I think I managed quite well. It seems to be pretty solid. 

I thought about putting together the dresser as well, but I had really run out of steam and enthusiasm. The flatpacks that it came in were quite heavy and hard to move around. I felt discouraged and decided not to do it and maybe save it for tomorrow. Another problem is that I've now got all this packing material and I don't immediately know what to do with it. 

I felt my headache come back and didn't want to push my luck. The anti-inflammatory medicine for it works well, but I don't think I'm supposed to do these sort of actions. I'm a stubborn woman and get myself into trouble. Luckily, I was smart enough to stop on time and to not push myself to the edge. I did have to switch gears and tell myself to take it easy for the rest of the day. There's nothing like giving yourself wise advise when there's nobody else around to do it. 

The dog was very loveable when I sat down and took a breather. He kept putting his paw on my hand so I would pet him and he couldn't get close enough to me. He moaned and sighed in ecstacy. I suppose we needed to bond again after I had been so busy and pre-occupied. He is a sweet animal and oh so attached to me. 

The cat likes the new bedroom and spends all her time sleeping on the pillows of my bed. It's like to her there's never been a better place to lie down. It is nice that the door to the patio is right there. She can exit in the shortest amount of time. She slept on top of my head during the night. 

I've got vanilla ice cream and after eating enough to fill me, I was really done with it and haven't had anymore. This is really surprising because I thought I would finish it in a hurry. It wasn't as good as I remembered it. It wasn't the satisfying experience that I hoped it would be. Maybe it would be a lot more fun to have a big sundae in the ice cream parlor. I think I will save my ice cream moments for that. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

No, I'm not a harried housewfie...

It is now day three since I quit smoking and my most successful day so far. I don't nearly feel the frustration today that I felt the first two days. I still want to light up a cigarette all the time, but I'm less disappointed when I realize that I can't. I'm finding my peace with it, I guess. 

I don't nearly have enough things to do during the day now that I don't spend it smoking and frantically try to think of activities. It's difficult to sit and do nothing. I have to keep myself busy and I have the energy for it also. The apartment has never been so organized.

I do take the dog for walks when I'm bored and make the walks a bit longer than they used to be. We both benefit from that. I try to think of interesting routes to follow that we have not gone on before and take all sorts of side streets. The dog thinks it's great and happily follows me.

I've spent time redecorating the livingroom and all I have left to do now is make a curtain shorter and I will do that tomorrow when I have nothing else on the program. The sewing machine isn't working so I will use iron on tape to make the hem with. After the sewing machine is repaired, I will fix the hem properly.

I've got a new chair to sit in with a new cushion and a new pillow in it. I feel like I'm sitting on a throne. The problem is that the cat has decided that this is her chair as well and lies down in it whenever I get up. When I want to sit down in it, I have to disturb her and I feel bad about doing that, even though she gets to lie down on my lap. The dog thinks it's strange when I sit down on the sofa instead and chases the cat out of the chair. I don't want his loyalty to me to go quite that far, but he feels called upon to do this.

I've got to take the dog for a walk. He's sitting beside me begging to go and I can't ignore him any longer. Off we go. 

Ciao,

Nora

Neutrality...

All moments should be as simple as this one. Every minute should be as uncomplicated as this one is. Unfortunately, today they aren't and I find myself at times filled with anxiety. 

I know why that is. It's because I wasn't able to stick to the diet because of unforeseen circumstances. It wasn't really because of a fault of my own, but still it makes me feel highly uncomfortable. Going on the diet was a big deal, going off it is an even bigger deal. 

I don't generally do well with changes in my life and this is a double whammy. On top of that I had the discomfort of the stomach problems. It's all been too upsetting for me and I wonder how I would deal with a real crisis. 

Well, it's the seemingly small problems in life that are always the hardest to tackle. Those are the ones that sneak up on you. It's the bigger things we are better prepared for and get the most support in. 

I must say that I consider myself fortunate that I don't have to deal with any big problems and that this is a relative small one that I have to tackle. I do have to count my blessings, after all. I must never forget to do that. God forbid that I should start thinking that my life is overly complicated. 

See how everything is relative? I started off worrying and before you know it, I've talked myself right out of it. I must just accept that I can't follow that silly diet and that I have a sensitive stomach. A stomach with an instruction booklet. That's all, no more, no less. 

At least I'm able to drink a cup of coffee with milk in it, that's truly a blessing. You know how much I want my cup of coffee. How much I need it. I'm not the same woman if I haven't had it. It perks me up tremendously if I'm in need of it. I won't be drinking tea any time soon. I had not such a good experience with it. 

The sun has been shining all day and the dog and the cat have been sitting in front of the window watching the world come by. It has been very entertaining to them because it has been very busy and lots of people have walked through the street. It's been like watching TV for them. 

I've got to see if I can catch the latest news and find out about the state of the country. I hope it's not going to hell in a hand basket yet. According to our able politicians, it isn't.

Ciao,

Nora

Full steam ahead...

It's a very blustery day today. There's a stiff breeze blowing and if it weren't for the hairspray, I would have no hairdo left to speak of. Of course, it's a short haircut, so it stays in place better, but it would have been blown to pieces if I had left it to the whims of the wind. As it is, I still look very decent after having walked the dog and I hardly have to put a hair back in place. 

I've got all the windows open at the top and there's a strong draft blowing through the apartment. It's not cold in here, that's a blessing. I don't have to worry about the temperature yet. The weatherman refused to say if it was going to be a very cold winter this coming season. I think he didn't want to prematurely worry us and spoil our fun. We all think that cold winter is coming anyway.

I've been wearing my winter coat and enjoying it a lot. It's warm and comfortable and the big pockets are very handy. It's just about the best coat I've had in a long time. I just hope it's warm enough for whatever big freeze we're in for. I will have to get ready to wear layers. I'm mentally preparing myself for anything at all. 

I've also been wearing my skinny jeans a lot. It turns out that they are the most comfortable pieces of clothing that I have. I never thought I would find so. I was very hooked on wearing skirts and dresses and wore those a lot. Skinny jeans do indeed make you feel skinny. They make you feel like you have long legs that go all the way up to your shoulders. It's nice to live under that illusion. 

After having been feisty for about a week, the dog has settled down again and is quite a bit more mellow. At least he's leaving the cat in peace and isn't bothering her anymore. He really was bossing her around. The cat is really relaxed about it and acts like she doesn't care. She finds a safe haven on my lap if the dog gets out of hand too much. She doesn't flee the apartment like you'd think she would. She has lots of patience.

To supplement my diet, I've started taking vitamin B-complex, Calcium with Magnesium and Kelp tablets. It's easy to remember to take them because I take them at the same time I do my medicines. They all go down the hatch easily. This is all in effort to be a healthier person and I think I will notice somewhere down the line if it works. I have to be faithful to the regiment and to the diet I'm going to be following which will include lots of fruits and vegetables. 

Speaking of diet, I've got to eat now. My stomach is growling. 

I hope you'll all have a good evening. 

Ciao,

Nora

One of those nights...

 It's threatening to become one of those long sleepless nights that I'm famous for which end up with me not going to bed until some time in the morning. I haven't been to bed yet and have been keeping myself busy with the appearances of my blogs and the names of them. 

I don't know if that was necessary, but it's something I get caught up in very once in a while. A madness comes over me and I go looking for blogger layouts and always find a new website where I can get them for free. And of course, I always think there are better layouts there than the ones I have at the moment. 

I think I am one hell of a stubborn woman with a one track mind who gets fixated on certain activities and stops being aware of everything around her. That's why it's good for me to sit here and write this post and take some distance from it all. Maybe I can get my head out of the clouds and my feet back on the ground and go to bed at a halfway decent time. Maybe I can talk some sense into myself. 

Regardless of the late hour, I'm having some coffee to straighten out my head. It was in a complete muddle. I'm tired enough so I won't worry about falling asleep. That is, if I have enough sense to go to bed and don't continue to sit here doing useless things. I must tell myself that I look forward to going to bed and that it's a nice place to go to. There's so much temptation to stay up and sit here in a half stupor. 

I do like altered states of mind.Especially the kind that are benign and treat me friendly. The kind that leave me without feeling guilty, as this one is right now. Of course, I don't know the aftermath of it yet, but I assume a good outcome.  All will be well in the morning. 

I don't know what happened to the day. It was over in no time at all and I wasn't bored for one minute. Of course, sleeping for half of it took care of a great deal of it. I would be bored in the morning I I didn't sleep. To me that's not the best time of the day to be up. I used to clean house then in my housewifely days, but those are far behind me. I scrub the toilet at any time of the day now. I have no method. 

I have to go to bed now because I'm starting to doze off. My eyes want to fall shut. I'm sure one more cup of coffee would save me, but i better not drink it. I also have to pay attention to the dog because he's bothering the cat for lack of attention from me. I'll have to give him a good belly rub. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Give me a hip flask...

My activities today consisted of taking the dog for a few walks and hanging out behind the computer where I fined tuned the looks of the layouts of my blogs. Oh yes, I also folded and put away some laundry. I did all of this under the influence of doses on tranquilizers which allowed me to remain calm and serene and which kept away the unwelcome presence of the black dog. 

While I was doing these activities, I was oblivious of nearly everything around me and that was the whole purpose behind the exercise because I didn't want to be aware of my surroundings. I was tuning out everything as much as possible and it didn't take a lot of effort. Sometimes I'm very good at ignoring the things that need attention in my life, especially when under the influence of tranquilizers. At least I didn't completely neglect the dog.

It took me a while to get the blogs to look right and I switched things around quite a few times before I was satisfied. Now everything is in the abstract and it has meaning only to me. It doesn't matter as long as I understand it. You'll have to bear with me while I do and you don't. Maybe I'll explain it to you one day when I'm not so tired. I've just made some coffee so that I will perk up again a little bit. Watch me climb in the saddle again any moment now. 

I didn't realize how worn out I was until just now. I've been going nonstop all day. After I'm done writing this, I will put on my pajamas and go straight to bed. I won't even stay up to watch the thriller that's going to be on. They'll have to solve their case without me tonight. 

I'm so tired that I can't even tell you what mood I'm in. There must have been a reason for all my mad activity today. If you get exhausted enough you have no energy left to figure out your state of mind. You're just tired. I have to plan my day differently tomorrow and add in some periods of rest and meditation. I've had no moment to think straight today or to cuddle with the dog. 

He's had to entertain himself with the cat who doesn't mind that one bit. She was especially loving today and seeking attention and there was a lot of mutual nose rubbing going on on the dining table where they watched the world go by. That didn't escape my attention. 

I feel like I've been on a long journey and I'm now coming home. I've been far away all the way to the edge of my world and back again. I've not been in touch with reality and the home front. Hopefully this journey has helped me get back to normal. I'll know after I've been asleep. 

Have a good night, you all.

Ciao,

Nora

Thunder and lightning...

I woke up because the dog was trying to get my attention by gently growling into my right ear. I pulled him up on the bed and had a wrestling match with him which I won. Then we got up and went to the kitchen where he ate his kibbles and I made coffee. Now he's asleep on the sofa and I'm very cozily sitting here behind the computer in the middle of the night as is usual. All is well with the world. 

Last night, clouds moved in and the wind started to blow very hard. It started to thunder and rain something awful. It was an enormous storm and a lot of water fell out of the sky. The thunder moved right overhead and the lightning strikes came one right after another. 

In Belgium, right across the border, there was a music festival and trees and big tents got blown over and apart and several people got killed and seventy got wounded. It was quite a drama. The festival was in a chaos and had to be canceled. There were thousands of young people there who somehow all had to leave the festival grounds safely. Many of them had to be picked up by their parents. 

So for a while all was not right with the world. At least not in our little corner of it. The night is very silent now and there is no more storm or rain. I'm glad of it because it was very disquieting. I felt like I had to go and build an ark to put the animals in. 

The dog wanted to go outside as quickly as possible and trudge through the puddles after the storm was over. He did get very wet and the fur on his head got very curly so he looked like a poodle. The cat very wisely stayed inside and sat in front of the living room window and contemplated the wet world from there. She watched the whole storm from that spot and was very intrigued by it.

I thought I was going to be more tired than I am because I didn't take an afternoon nap yesterday. I'm surprisingly awake. I've only slept for a few hours, but I feel like I'm ready to stay up. No doubt I'll come to my senses once I start drinking cold milk instead of this coffee and feel the need to go back to bed. I must do the things that ordinary people do and stick to the schedule. 

I slept between clean sheets, but it was so warm and muggy in the bedroom that it was almost too warm to sleep under the duvet. I had it only covering my legs and that sufficed. It still hasn't cooled off a lot in the apartment, although today is going to be a not so warm day, but I prefer that. I'd rather wear more clothes than less clothes. 

Thank god it's Friday again. It's time to get ready to enjoy the weekend. This is the first weekend in a long time that I'll actually just plain feel good. It won't be an escape from the real world. It will just be two enjoyable days with time off for good behavior, but I won't dread the coming of Monday when it's over.

I suppose I must start thinking now about going back to bed. I'm not tired, but I should try to get some more sleep. It will be the sensible thing to do. Even if I only rest with my eyes open it will be good. At least I will have had a time out. I've got to take advantage of those clean sheets. 

I hope you'll all have a good Friday with the kind of weather you hope for. 

Ciao,

Nora

Ever so slowly...

I was so cold last night, that I closed all the windows and turned on the heater. I put my pajamas on and my old gray cardigan and went to bed early because I was also very sleepy. I was ever so comfortable and warm under the duvet and sound asleep in no time at all. The dog and the cat accommodated me and also went to sleep.

I woke up several hours later with a head of sweaty hair, but I was well rested. That sleep was just what I had needed and I felt like a new woman. I let the dog out back and made a pot of coffee and turned off the heater. Needless to say, it was quite warm in here by that time and it was a bit stifling. It felt like I was in the tropics.

I opened up the bedroom windows again for some fresh air and immediately felt the difference. There's a gentle cooler draft, but it's not cold and uncomfortable like it was earlier. It's a clear starry night and there's no wind or rain. Today it will be cloudy again and cold autumn like weather. We should have the nighttime weather during the day. It would be wonderful to have a clear blue sky. I think I miss the sunshine.

I've had my cups of coffee and am now switching to ice cold milk. What a pleasure that is. No doubt I'll start yawning soon and it will be time to go back to bed. I have nothing of significance planned for today, except to walk the dog as often as I can and to do a load of laundry. I have to attend to the mail too. My favorite job.

I'll make myself comfortable in my armchair at some point and read my novel. I never did get around to that yesterday. You do have to be in the proper state of mind for that. You must have the ability to concentrate and yesterday I was short of that. I was also tired all day long and kept feeling like I had to take naps. I wished for a very luxurious bed. A bed fit for a queen. That's one dream I have to make come true one day. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Feast or famine...

I haven't for the past two nights felt funny anymore and that's, I think, because I wake up prematurely. Tonight I woke up because the cat was licking my head with her rough tongue. It was a strange thing to wake up to, but rather pleasant once I realized what the sensation was. I laid very still so she wouldn't stop. 

Of course, after a while she did and moved on, so I got up and made myself some coffee. I'm waiting for it to put some oomph into my life as I sit here rather listlessly. I'm awake, but not functioning well enough. I'm counting on the caffeine to bring some difference to that.

I didn't have a very rewarding day yesterday. I went back to bed early in the morning without setting the alarm clock and I slept past both my appointments. I didn't wake up until a quarter past noon when it was too late for even the last one. 

At least I got all the sleep I needed and that was a good thing because I was in dire need of it. I had been dragging my butt for a couple of days. In the afternoon I even took a long nap and if the cat hadn't woken me up, I'm sure I would be asleep now. I made sure I set the alarm clock before I went to bed last night because I have a new appointment with my psychiatrist at 11 am. I mustn't miss that one. 

Actually, it wasn't such a very unrewarding day yesterday. It was just a very low key day. It rained for most of it, which didn't bother me too much, except for when I had to walk the dog. We did get a little wet and cold. The rest of the day, at least the part that wasn't spent sleeping, went by quickly. The day was over in no time at all. 

I watched a very satisfying episode of 'A Touch of Frost' and started reading a new book: 'Angels & Insects' by A.S. Byatt. I've always liked her novels and hope to enjoy this one as well. She's a very intelligent writer. The first novel I ever read of her was called 'Possession.' I recommend it for beginners. This novel I have now came from my bookcase from the hoard of books I haven't read yet. It is nice to be in 'possession' of all those books and have my pick.

I need to look through the mail from the last couple of days and see what that's all about, but I'm loathe to do it. I keep putting it off. I'm always afraid that people will want money from me. There's only so much to go around. It's a pain in the neck to get unexpected, official looking mail. You try to determine by the look of the envelope what will be in it, but it is impossible. The only thing to do is to be brave and open it up. 

For one day today the weather is actually going to be nice, but it is an exception. The sun will be shining and there will be no rain. The temperatures will be decent and there will be no cold wind like there was yesterday. After that there will be rain again. 

It is a very strange summer and we've had no hot weather to speak of since May. People are booking last minute vacations like crazy. Double the amount that they were last year.

I need to go back to bed to sleep for a few more hours. Not that I'm now sleepy or anything. I may get so once I'm under the duvet. 

Have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Easing toward dawn...

Actually, I just noticed that it's dawn already because the sky is starting to become light, although there are many clouds there still. I've been so preoccupied that I didn't hear the birds sing, but now that I'm paying attention, I do hear some of them chirp. I think I missed the big concert earlier when they all woke up. 

There must have been the usual cacophony, but I didn't hear it because I was too busy commenting on blog posts. That goes to show you that I can only pay proper attention to one thing at the time. I can't chew gum and walk at the same time. 

I'm sitting here with my second cup of coffee and I'm cold so it's time to put on my bathrobe. Why didn't I think of that earlier? Is that how preoccupied I was? 

The dog is sleeping soundly behind me in the armchair. I haven't heard a peep out of him yet. The cat is asleep on the sofa. She's curled up into a little ball. That's what the early morning looks like here. 

I'm trying not to think too much about the day ahead. I've still got to go to bed to sleep some more before I really start the day. It won't be until my second attempt at getting up that I will have to give serious thought to the rest of the day. 

I do know one thing, I'm going to increase my medication like I did yesterday and inform my psychiatrist of it. It helped me so much and I felt so much better when I did it yesterday that it seems senseless not to do it today and have another bad day. I've had enough of them and don't want a repeat.

I've got some chores to do today and I suppose that, despite the reluctance that I feel, I will get them done. I just need to work up some enthusiasm and I hope that when I wake up later, I will have some of that. It's very necessary that I feel up to things again and not look at them as a mountain I have to climb. 

I've been watching a program on TV called 'Baby Boom' and I'm sure that if I were in my child producing years, I would have been motivated to get pregnant now. It's all about getting pregnant and trying to stay pregnant and having babies. It tugs at my heart strings and brings back many memories and I'm sorry that those years are behind me. 

It's probably the wrong program for me to watch. I'm sure I'm in the wrong age group. I have an infertile body and no hormones screaming through my body. It's purely an emotional issue. Accepting that I've reached this stage in my life and that the other stage is over for good. I sure do miss it, though. 

'Aurelio Zen' was on last night and it was a good episode. I understand that only three of them were made and that it's not sure if more of them will be. I think that's a shame and I hope whoever is in charge will change their mind. They are so well done that you forget they are not Italian actors acting as Italian characters. 

'Inspector Frost' will be on tonight and I'm looking forward to that too. He's an old favorite, but I don't know if these will be repeats or new episodes. Either way, it's a good way to spend the evening, although I do end up going to bed late. But that's the least of my worries. 

I'm going to change the sheets on my bed and start a load of washing. It will be nice to lie down in a clean bed. I'm already yawning again so I think it's time to go. I've been drinking cold milk and am slowly getting sleepier. There's a great desire to get under the warm duvet.

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Upwardly middle aged blogging...

I'm so very thirsty, I could drink two liters of cold milk easily. Instead I'm having a cup of coffee which is waking me up, but is not doing much to quench my thirst. It is very good coffee, I've got that down to a science. As long as I make exactly six cups, I know precisely how much ground coffee to put in the filter. That's one formula I know. I should be able to make four cups and eight, but I haven't tried that yet. I always make six. 

I went on the bathroom scale when I got up and had lost a kilo. I wasn't expecting that and was pleasantly surprised. After all, it is in the middle of the night and that's not when I weight the least. All the signs were pointing to it, though. My clothes are roomy and I move around very easily as if I am a skinny person. Maybe I should get used to that and think of myself as one, but I still have what is so kindly called, love handles. I think they are the bane of middle age. 

I have a flat belly and no bottom and no fat on my thighs. I guess you could say I'm blessed, because at least I don't have a pear shape like so many women do. So, I very consciously count my blessings. When it comes to my hip hugging jeans, they don't have too much hip to hug. I'm the perfect candidate for them. I would have been wearing them sooner had I known this earlier, but then again, timing is everything in life and this is probably when I'm meant to wear them.

I think I've had enough coffee because I'm sufficiently awake. I couldn't be more alert than I am now. I've been drinking it from my favorite mug: the one that has my name on it. It's just big enough so that I can finish the coffee before it gets cold. I wish all my mugs were this size. A lot of them are too big and I always end up drinking cold coffee or having to toss it out. Not a lot of thought goes into the design of coffee mugs. It must be thought that bigger is better, as it is with everything in this day and age. 

Except, of course, that women are supposed to be an unobtainable size zero, which is only achieved by being anorexic and having an overindulgent exercise program. I do say this after proudly proclaiming that I've lost another kilo. 

I was supposed to have watched 'Wallander' last night, but it was on late and I didn't have the energy to stay up to watch it. I went to bed a half hour before it came on. I was only half sorry that I missed it needing my sleep so much. There's nothing I look forward to more than going to bed at night, sleeping for the few hours that I do anyway. 

The dog and the cat get on the bed with me and we have a cuddling session before everybody settles down for the night. There's sure a lot of loving going around. The dog is especially nice to pet now that all of his thick curls have been trimmed. He's a smooth dog and my fingers don't get tangled in his fur. He smells better too. 

Today it's supposed to be 24C and tomorrow and the day after that it will be 32C. It will be a regular heatwave. After that the temperatures are going down and we will have rain again. I'm going to have to dress appropriately and this will be the perfect opportunity to wash both pairs of skinny jeans on a high temperature to shrink them a bit. They are a little bit roomy. I could have done with a smaller size, but I thought that was impossible and too hard to believe.

I will now go and see what other sort of trouble I can get into. I've got to take my medicines because it has become dawn. I'm not ready yet to go back to bed. Maybe I will sit in my armchair and read my novel. I've got a tall glass of cold milk to quench my thirst.

I hope you'll all have a very good Sunday. Don't exhaust yourselves doing too many things. It is a day of rest, after all. 

Ciao,

Nora

Waiting for the rain...

As is usual, I'm up in the middle of the night with my cups of coffee and my cigarettes. The dog is asleep on the coffee table and the cat is asleep on the sofa, which is a more normal place to be asleep on. It's a good thing that the coffee table is so sturdy. In fact, it is just about indestructible and can carry the weight of the dog easily. He must know that as he's sound asleep and totally oblivious of everything. 

He's been on two wild goose chases out on the patio looking for I know not what. He was on the trail of something, possibly a hedgehog. He didn't find anything, but wouldn't come in until I threatened to lock him out. He nearly got stuck in the jasmine bush and it served him right. He's way too curious for his own good. He pretends he badly has to go out and do a piddle, only to go sniffing all over the place and ignoring me when I try to get him to come in. 

The cat's a much simpler creature and takes care of herself. She's so uncomplicated. Except for the occasional mouse she brings in, she's not much trouble. There's a huge difference in the instruction booklets of both animals. You need a bookwork for the dog and a pamphlet for the cat. Cats are self explanatory. They are completely fool proof, excuse the unintentional pun.

Yesterday I put together a new outfit of two unrelated pieces of clothing. It looked good and I was much pleased. It seems I always get lucky with my clothes and am able to mix and match a lot. Maybe it's because I stick to the same basic colors and that the main one is black with which I combine others. I seem to pick autumn colors a lot while originally I'm supposed to be a summer colors person. I think maybe I've changed over the years. 

Purging my closet has made it easier to pick out outfits. I have a much better view of the clothes I have available now. I've put things that were folded on shelves on hangers to give me a better idea of what's there. I have more room to do that now. It helps to get dressed if your closet is organized. There's no hopeless searching through clothes that don't fit or are otherwise obsolete.

It helps that the weather has been cooler because this gives me more chance to wear the clothes that I like best. Skimpy clothes are okay, but not necessarily the ones that I most want to wear. I do like dressing up a bit and I like wearing layers.

Today is Friday and one of the days I enjoy the most. I intend to make the most of it. The domestic help will be here and I'm expecting the Exfactor for coffee, but it's really the run up to the weekend and the time I like most. The unstructured time. 

I will be watching a lot of tennis on television at Roland Garros. The weather won't be all that great, so I won't be outside all that much. The temperatures will be low and we're still supposed to get that promised rain that hasn't materialized, but maybe it will today.

I hope you're all having a good night and sweet dreams. 

Ciao,

Nora

...and then it was morning.

I'm sitting here with my third cup of coffee and it tastes very good. Thankfully, the Exfactor did the groceries yesterday and the cupboards and the refrigerator are filled with food again and I have milk! I don't need to use powdered creamer in my coffee anymore. What a relief and therefor I'm enjoying every cup that I drink. 

I do know a good thing when I have it and I'm grateful for it, but I have to plan my milk consumption better. I have to not be so greedy at the start and save some for later. I run out the day before the groceries are done. If I'm careful, I should be able to make the milk last longer, but I love it so much. A glass of cold milk is one of the best treats of my day. 

I slept well and had an interesting dream in which I met a new man and I explained to him what it was like to be hypo-manic. As I did, the world around us changed into Technicolor shades of green and blue and yellow as if we were taking drugs and it was a surreal experience. Things were very beautiful and I guess that's the point I was trying to make. 

I told him to take me out of my environment so I would no longer be mad. It was my environment that was making me so. He was a very normal man, as normal as they come. He was almost unrecognizable to me because of it. I guess I only recognize crazy people, or people who come with an instruction booklet. 

Yesterday, as I sat in the hairdresser's chair in front of the mirror, I saw my scarred arms in the glaring light of the shop. It was very confrontational and I saw what other people see every day. My arms had gotten tanned and my scars were white. It looked very awful and I thought it was hard to go through life with arms looking like that. Luckily, I am normally not aware of them and don't pay attention to them and I don't think of what other people see.I think that's for the best. Oblivion is a good thing. 

I saw my SPN in the afternoon and she told me that she's going to be my SPN for only several more months. Her job is going to be moved to another city to which it will be impossible for me to commute. I have not yet reacted on a gut level to this news and have only taken it in as an abstract sort of knowledge. No doubt it will sink in later when I'm fully aware. I feel now that I have to detach myself from her emotionally and the sooner I start, the better.

I have to become more self sufficient  and self reliant. At least I'll still have my psychiatrist, although he's less good for the emotional issues. I'll have to have less of those and concentrate more on the practical matters. My SPN is going on vacation in the month of June, so I'll get ample opportunity to practice being self reliant then. 

The first birds have started to sing as it is now early in the morning. Sunrise won't be for another hour. It's supposed to be a pleasant and not too hot day today. I will interpret that in the best possible way and figure out which clothes to wear. I suppose I will start with layers and peel those off as the day progresses. 

Nobody is coming to the apartment today and I have no appointments. It will be a day to do chores and walk the dog as many times as possible. I hope the cat doesn't bring another mouse home like she did yesterday. That's turning into a bad habit of hers. The dog thinks it's great fun, but I don't think so. 

I hope you'll all have a great day, dressed in the clothes you like with the kind of weather you want. And if you're about to go to bed, sleep tight. 

Ciao,

Nora

...and then I woke up.

It's in the middle of the night and I'm sitting here with a very nice cup of coffee, For some reason it turned out just right. Sometimes you just get lucky, I guess. That makes me wonder how much of my coffee making is still guesswork and how much of it is craftsmanship. I think the former may have a lot to do with it. It's called: eyeballing it and sometimes I get it just right. 

It's all in the hesitation of adding another spoonful of coffee to the measured amount of water. Do I or don't I? Well, yes I will, but not too much. You see how I will never get it down to a perfect formula because there's also the amount of milk in the cup to consider. I pour this in before I add the coffee so as not to have to stir it. I have to get that just right also depending on the size of the cup. The coffee does have to taste milky, but can't get lukewarm. 

I'm so nit picky.  I do have my peculiarities and some things have to be just so. I don't even like for someone else to pour me a cup of coffee because I'm afraid they won't get it just right and that will bother me. I won't enjoy the coffee as much. And enjoying a cup of coffee is important. It's just as important as having a good meal. 

I suppose the one person I would trust to get me the perfect cup of coffee would be my daughter, but I don't know why that is. For some reason I think she would get it just right. I think she would understand the importance of a good cup of coffee and would take perfect care. 

*

I just had to rescue a mouse from the claws of the cat. She was playing with it in the hallway and I heard it squeaking. Luckily, it didn't seem too badly damaged. I released it out back. Yesterday, both the cat and the dog were playing with a mouse that seemed badly damaged before I could rescue it. I set it free, but I had no high hopes for it. The dog seems to do more damage than the cat. He's much rougher with them. It seems the animal kingdom is alive and well outside, but it's not safe. Not with those two monsters I have.

*

The Exfactor is going to be here this morning to do the groceries. I've started a list on the white board, but I keep getting the idea that I'm forgetting something crucial. It will probably come to me after the groceries have been done. 

I know that I want him to buy me some cheese crackers. I want to try those instead of the plain crackers I've been eating. I crave something hearty and salty. That must be instead of the meat I'm not eating, although I crave that too. I would love to eat a pork chop.

I have to see my SPN this afternoon. It's been a month, I think, since I saw her, so it's about time. I've got a lot to discuss with her and will be able to fill the hour well.

It will be interesting to see what I'm going to wear today because it's going to be a lot cooler than it has been. I will have to find something completely different to wear. It will be my pleasure, as that has never been a problem. I do enjoy a dive into my closet. I have a vague idea already, but I don't know if it's going to work out. It all depends on if the top matches the skirt and which shoes to wear. 

Isn't it great to have that sort of minor problem? It isn't even really a problem. It's life completely simplified. Oh, and I must call the hairdresser today to make an appointment. I wish everything in my life was so easy. I suppose some people live those kinds of lives. Uncomplicated ones without worries about moods and money. 

I'm not in the least tired, although I should go back to bed and get some more sleep. Maybe if I take my medicines now I will get sleepy. It's worth a try. I wouldn't know what else to do so early in the morning. I'm not in the mood to read my book. I prefer lying in bed and listening to the radio, but it would be nice if I dozed off again.

I hope you'll all have a good day. We may have some rain and we need it. 

Ciao,

Nora

On a hot Sunday in May...

The dog wouldn't let me sleep tonight. Every time I had dozed off, he woke me up by barking very softly but insistently beside the bed. Of course, I got up each time to find out what he wanted, but never could figure it out. The fourth time I gave up and stayed up and now he 's lying beside my feet, sound asleep as if nothing is bothering him. 

I suppose he just didn't want me to be asleep in bed. He's done this before and seems to prefer me up and present in the living room while he sleeps soundly in my vicinity. I seem to function as his guardian angel, which is fine, but I do also need to get my sleep eventually. 

I had already taken my 'falling asleep medicines' and I'm now a little stoned. I'm trying to get over that by drinking some coffee. I don't know how well it's going to work. I've had one cup and I'm waiting to see how it will affect me, but I've already made the second cup just to be sure. I'm yawning something awful and really have to get over this sleepiness. 

It's not such a pleasant feeling at all. I feel a little sweaty and drunk as if I'm coming down with something. I don't recommend doing this at all. Of course, I'm sitting around in my bathrobe, which I should not be at all because it is too hot, but I didn't want to sit around half naked late at night. I think I ought to shed the bathrobe.

I feel like drinking about 5 glasses of cold lemonade, one after the other. I'm very thirsty, but that must be because it's been another warm day and the apartment has still not cooled off. The air is very dry also. I spent the afternoon in my sister's garden sitting in the shade because it was too hot to sit in the sun. We wore the least amount of clothes possible and drank cold beers in elegant glasses. 

My sister and I made a big joke about having the best possible posture and showing the most amount of cleavage, the flattest stomach and the most tucked in bottom, but decided it couldn't be done while shaking someone's hand and saying, "How do you do?" at the same time.  We practiced that and it was impossible and hilarious.  

Because we did this in Dutch, her Italian friend couldn't figure out what we were doing, so every time we said, "How do you do?" to him, he thought we had gone bonkers, while we were just trying to show lots of cleavage, but apparently it didn't show up.

Then I had to ride my bike home and got exercise induced asthma because the air was so dry. There must have been lots of pollen in it. I had to sit and rest a while when I got home. I didn't have an inhaler to use. The one I have is ancient. I got over it by doing breathing exercises and being calm and serene. I do have to get another inhaler just in case for this summer. It's better to be safe than sorry.

I'm over the worst of my sleepiness now, but I think I will still be able to go back to bed when I'm done with this. I just hope the dog is agreeable to it. The cat was lying beside my pillows, very cozy, all rolled up. She was settled down for the night and we disturbed her beauty sleep. At least she got to have another little bowl of milk. She never turns that down and she still likes the new kibbles. The cat is most satisfied. That's one out of three anyway.

I've lost another 1.4 kilos and now have another 0.5 kilos left to lose. Next, I'm going to try for another 5 kilos, but I don't know if it is possible. I will not make an extra effort, but just keep eating as I am. If I don't make it, I will be satisfied with the weight I am. I will have to have corrective surgery done to get rid of all the loose skin on my belly and stomach. I think my insurance company pays for it. 

I will make an effort to go back to bed now. I do need my sleep. I'm not going to say 'beauty sleep'  because I'm beyond that. The dog is snoring by my feet. I've let him out back and have given him a rawhide bone, so I hope he is satisfied. 

I hope you're all having a good night. Sleep tight!

Ciao,

Nora

When you don't know any better...

Yesterday evening I watched inane television. Since it was Saturday evening, it was the only kind of television to watch. It is not thought that intelligent people watch television on a Saturday evening. It is expected that they are all otherwise engaged. Apparently only dull and desperate people watch television on Saturday evenings.

It was one way to pass the evening and I pretended to care very much and be interested. I watched it while I slowly ate my dinner in stages. That takes me a while and is a good distraction. I also played with the dog and petted the cat who decided to come lie on my lap. I do have other things to keep me occupied while I try not to get too disgusted by what is offered for my entertainment. 

The other option is turning the television off, but that is too silent and then I wouldn't have anything to be exasperated with. Luckily, there are only commercials in between the programs, otherwise they would drive me crazy too. There are very few amusing ones and some of them make me want to throw a brick through the screen. Fortunately, I don't have a brick handy. 

Some of them are an insult to my intelligence. But you can walk away from them until the next program starts and go to the toilet or be otherwise engaged. At one point, I just turned the darn thing off and went to bed and listened to the radio instead, which was broadcasting a football game between Milan and Rome. Some days you can't win. Luckily, I was tired enough to fall sleep quickly, so I was spared most of that.

The only reason I was tired enough was because I had taken my 'fall asleep medicines' and once those stopped working, I was awake again. As I became conscious, I was writing a blog post in my mind, the gist of which I don't remember now. That's how much it occupies my mind in the middle of the night. I compose blog posts as I wake up. Beethoven must have composed music in his sleep. I assume he had pen and paper handy. 

I forgot to call the hairdresser yesterday to make an appointment while it was really necessary that I do. Now I'll have to wait until Tuesday because they are closed on Monday. I have a terrible head of hair that needs a lot of hairspray to keep it in place. The dog leaves the bathroom when I apply it and waits in the hallway. He doesn't do that when I apply my deodorant. Of course, I don't use copious amounts then. 

The cat escaped into the stairwell yesterday and stayed away for half an hour. Finally she showed up at the front door again where she waited patiently until I opened it. She does once in a while look for an opportunity to make her escape. I don't know what she does in the stairwell but she always goes way to the top. I refuse to chase her and always rightly guess that she'll show up again. Every once in a while she escapes though the outside door, but she just walks around the block end enters the apartment through the cat flap in the back door as if it is no problem. Luckily, she is a bright cat. 

The dog doesn't know what to do with himself when the cat has escaped. He thinks it's weird and misses her because he knows she's gone through the front door. He keeps going there to see if she's not back yet. Then when I let her in, he pretends that he won't let her and tries to push her out again as if he's not happy with her company. God forbid she should not show up one day. He'd miss her badly.

It's with some amount of reluctance that I bring this to an end. I don't want to make this too long and I have to think about going to bed. I am yawning, so maybe I'll be asleep again in no time. There's always the radio to listen to. I'm sure there will be no football games on now. 

We're still expecting some rain today and it will be most welcome, I just hope there will be enough to really make a difference. A really good shower should do. 

Have a good morning. 

Ciao,

Nora