Postponing sleep...

I ought to be asleep by now and I laid in bed for a while, but I could not get to sleep. I was too restless and decided to get up again. It's better to sit here than to toss and turn in bed, listening to endless commentaries on football games that I'm not interested in. A little bit of that goes a long way and sometimes I just don't care enough. I do have my football intake limit.

I made some coffee to get over the grogginess and I'm having my second cup. This will not prevent me from falling asleep later on when I'm ready to go back to bed. It will merely prevent me from being grumpy as I sit here. It will re-establish my equilibrium. I'm somewhat thrown off course by being up. Normally I sleep a few hours before I get up. Now I have to do it cold turkey. It's like getting thrown into the deep end before you have your diploma. 

I will be alright in the shortest amount of time. I just have to find my rhythm and my chutzpah. I always have them close at hand. It's like playing the blues, you have to be ready to do it any time of the day or night. It just needs a little warm up. I'm not going to play the blues though, or anything like it. I'm not in that kind of mood. I'd have to feel melancholy for that and that's one thing I'm not. I'm too positively inclined. 

I'm always seeing the glass half full, even if it's darn near empty. Somehow it gets filled again. Call it karma or good luck, but something always works out. I've stopped being scared that it doesn't, although I do give it some thought and don't live carelessly. On the contrary, I live very carefully, always with one eye on tomorrow. It would be reckless to say that I live with abandon, because I don't. I lead a carefully orchestrated life and everything is done with a purpose. So is everything I don't do. That's to prevent me from making mistakes. 

I've switched to drinking cold milk and I'm still sufficiently sleepy. I ought to be able to go back to bed in a while. At least I don't feel restless anymore. Besides, it's the weekend and I can sleep late and take naps during the day tomorrow if I wish to. I usually have one screwed up night during the weekend, so I suppose that this is the one. It would have been better if I'd had a true purpose to get up on time in the morning. Then I would have tried to go to sleep harder.

Sleep tight!

Ciao,

Nora

Drinking coffee early in the morning...

I got up early, though I had not gone to sleep until 10 pm, and doubtlessly that means I will have to take a nap later today. I may try to stay up and save any tiredness that I feel for the nighttime and try and sleep really well then. I'll have to wait and see how well I do today. 

Someone mentioned, on an other blog, that your need for sleep changes as you get older and that you need less of it at night. It would be nice if I could blame my short nights on that. I remember my parents always needing a nap in the afternoon as they got older. Maybe that applies to me. Maybe I am an older person now, though I would hate to think of myself that way. 

Maybe it is all a very personal matter and it depends on your individual internal clock and how it is set. Mine seems to be set for shorter nights, with an occasional exception, and naps in the afternoon. I'm sure there is no good or bad or right or wrong, but just a system that works well for each person. You have to accept what works for you and live with that, as long as you get enough sleep in the end and you don't do all of it during the day, like I was doing for a while because of the tranquilizers. 

I had a very satisfying session with my SPN yesterday morning in which I closed the chapter of my first marriage, because I think I'm done with it.  I've gained a lot of understanding about it and about my own role in it.  I can look back and see how events unfolded and why things happened the way they did and why it ended the way it did. I've been relieved of a huge burden that I carried with me for a lot of years and that really weighed me down. 

I'll be moving on to the next chapter and that is my marriage to the Exfactor, which needs to be discussed, though it is not nearly as pressing as my first marriage was. Having said that, I wonder what's going to come to the surface in those talks, because a lot of things happened in our marriage that are not so admirable from the side of either party. There's not going to be a blaming game going on. Just an attempt at understanding. 

I've had my coffee in the meantime and I have switched to cold milk. It's making me burp something awful and I'm a regular orchestra all by myself. Tyke and Gandhi are the only audience members, so I don't have to be embarrassed. 

My head's still on awfully straight. I haven't stopped being sensible yet. I don't know what's come over me. I don't know how long this is going to last, but I better take advantage of it and do sensible things.  One sensible thing I'm going to do now is get dressed and walk the dog. At least I will get that out of the way.

Have a nice day!

Ciao,

Nora

The awakening...

I've just had 2 cups of coffee, but because of my gastric band I'm awfully full and I'll have to wait with my third cup for a while. I can't drink it now, because I feel a lot of pressure on my esophagus. Sometimes that's the way things go and I'll have to wait for everything to drain down to my stomach.

Anyway, it's early in the morning and for a change I didn't get up in the middle of the night. Well, I did to go to the toilet, but I had enough sense to go back to bed so as to not upset my natural rhythm. At least, what is supposed to be my natural rhythm. If I can just have the sense to keep doing this, I will be in much better shape during the day and not have to sleep so much. 

I will be able to to do this as long as I don't get a hypo-manic mood and upset the applecart. That's what it all revolves around. I had a few moments last night when I was lying in bed, when I felt like getting up and not going to sleep, but I talked myself out of it and stayed in bed. I can make myself hypo-manic by doing something like that, by giving in to the feeling. So, a lot of it depends on my attitude too and if I can resist the urge for a heightened mood. 

Yesterday went by very quickly for a Sunday. Of course, I spent a large part of it asleep, after I went back to bed early in the morning. I slept until noontime and woke myself up slowly with a cup of coffee in my armchair. Tyke was sitting on my lap, because he thinks he's a lap dog. He's a little bit too large to actually be one, but I don't let him know this.

I took about an hour to come to my senses and then turned on the computer and got dressed. Outside it was raining cats and dogs. Even Tyke didn't want to go outside. He did a piddle by the back door, against the tree closest to the apartment, and scooted back inside. 

I spent time answering emails and reading blogs. I drank milk and juice because I was so thirsty. I knew I was going to have coffee with my sister and didn't want to have any at home. During the day, a little bit of coffee goes a long way, even though I make it less strong now. I've been drinking less coffee and making the ground coffee last a lot longer. 

At three o'clock my sister came and got me and we drove to her house where her dog greeted me enthusiastically. I always make a big deal out of greeting him as if he's the most important person there. He gets his ball and I have to try and get it from him. He's just like Tyke. Different dog, same behavior. 

My sister and I got up to date with each other because, although we had talked on the phone, there's always a lot we have to discuss face to face. We never run out of material to talk about. Of course, just by being females we share a lot. More than anything, that's what we have in common. Being ex-wives and mothers and modern women in today's society and being politically aware, all those sort of things bind us. 

No, I promised myself I wouldn't get into deeper discussions than this on my blogs. I have many opinions, but I'm not going to air them. I will keep those to myself. This is not that kind of a forum. I will keep this shallow and self centered. 

My sister made me cafe au lait, which was delicious and very kind to my stomach. She had chocolate and little cakes, both of which I resisted and I was proud of myself. If I'm going to stick to a sensible diet, I'm not going to blow it at the first opportunity I get. My system likes me a lot better if I don't eat those things. I do have to keep that in mind. 

It had stopped raining just before three o'clock, so when I got home I immediately walked Tyke, who took full advantage of the opportunity and I walked him again later on in the evening, although that was a less rewarding trip. It was cold out too, because the layer of clouds was gone, causing what little warmth there was to disappear.  It's time for warmer clothes again. I'm all set in that department. I have no shortage of them. 

I watched the 5km speed skating and saw a Dutchman win, which was gratifying and he was a nice guy too, which makes it even better. I'll cheer for anybody who has a sympathetic character, especially if he's Dutch, but really anybody if he's a good sportsman. Or she, of course. I do like to watch speed skating, as I think it's such a graceful and powerful sport at the same time.  

It's time to get dressed and walk Tyke. It 43F out there, so I must dress warm. It will be nice to get some fresh air, but I'm not looking forward to the cold. 

I hope you all have a nice day.

Ciao,
Nora