Soothingly familiar...

I'm enjoying my time in the middle of the night with a fresh cup of coffee and a cigarette and the company of the dog who is lying by my feet. At least he has quieted down now and is no longer running to the back door to bark at imaginary danger. 

The coffee tastes mighty nice and puts me in a good frame of mind. It makes all the little gears in my head spin correctly and that's important in the middle of the night when I want to make sense. I've already slept several hours and am now ready for some time up and about until I get tired again. 

I'm actually very thirsty and the coffee really doesn't take care of that so much, but the milk is almost all gone and I can't have tall glasses of it . I think I have some lemonade left and will drink a glass of that to quench my thirst before I have more coffee. Running out of milk is a real catastrophe. It should not be allowed.

Because the Exfactor is not going to be able to do the groceries today, I will have to go to the little Arab shop around the corner and buy some milk there. I pass it all the time but have not been inside yet. It is convenient to have it so close by and it will be a whole different cultural experience. 

The sugar content of the lemonade is going straight to my head and is making me cheerful. I think I will have two glasses of it. I do like to mess with the chemicals in my brain, albeit it with very harmless substances. I don't think anyone has ever been caught driving under the influence of sugar or caffeine. I think I may have needed a little pick me up. 

This afternoon I have an appointment with my SPN  and on my way home I will go by the pharmacy to pick up the Metamucil. I had to order it especially in the size packaging and flavor I wanted. I can't wait to start using it to see what difference it will make. I expect it to do wonders. Like I said, I used to use it in California and it will get rid of my bloated belly and then some. 

During this meeting with my SPN I will hear how much longer she will be my therapist. She was going to try and be it for 6 months longer, but had to get permission for that. I'm curious what the outcome will be. If it means that I have to become more independent, then so be it. I am more than ready for it and not afraid to be. 

We do grow up and have to learn to find out own way.

I thought maybe it was a fluke when I went on the bathroom scale yesterday and had lost a kilo, but I went on it again a while ago and it was true. I want to lose 4.5 kilos and then I'll probably be happy. I think that will be the most weight I can expect to lose. That's more than the Obesitas Specialist said I could expect to lose. I'm already past his goal. 

Well, I think I'll get ready to go back to bed. I've got a lot of sleeping left to do and a lot of time to do it in. 

I hope you're all having a good night. 

Ciao,

Nora

Go on, make me happy...

I just got back from seeing my SPN and my psychiatrist. I also stopped by the pharmacy. They were all lightening visits and I was done everywhere in the shortest amount of time, because everything was so uncomplicated. Isn't that nice? 

I had to get a letter to reapply for the personal helper for another year from my SPN and she had that done in no time. I hardly had to help her with it and was actually joking around and telling her to put in all sorts of nonsense. She just ignored me and I told her that that was the best thing she could do. I could not be held responsible for the contents of that letter, because I'm not that concerned about getting the reapplication approved. It either will be or not, I leave that up to fate. I do appreciate the effort she put into the letter and I will give it to my personal helper on Monday so she can fill out the rest of the paperwork.

My psychiatrist wanted to know how much weight I had lost when I saw him and it pleased me that it was that obvious. I told him that it was due to reducing the medicines and not because I was eating less, because he was concerned about that. I had to reassure him that yes, I was eating enough. He also wanted to make sure that I was absolutely doing alright and that I was not in any way hypo-manic and I tried to reassure him in the best possible way that I wasn't without sounding like I was. Sometimes it is a little bit difficult to prove that you're normal. You start to sound a little mad while you do. 

He wants me to get off the medication that I take to go to sleep at night and I have to start reducing it today. Instead of taking that, he wants me to try herbal medicine and I've picked up those tablets from the pharmacy this afternoon. It is proven that they work and I'm going to try them for a week. If I have luck with them, I'll keep using them. I have no reason to doubt their usefulness and I'm sure they'll work fine. I'm looking forward to going to bed tonight and trying them out. 

In the meantime, I've taken Tyke for a walk, because he was begging to go out. It was time for him to go according to the schedule. He had that right.  It is dark outside now, but today was a beautiful sunny day and I only needed to wear my short leather jacket and no scarf. It felt like springtime a little bit. The snowdrops are out everywhere and today I saw daisies in the fields. That was a nice surprise and it made me feel hopeful. With enough sunshine things will start popping out of the ground. 

I've missed watching the six o'clock news, but I'm going to sit in my armchair now and read my book until the eight o'clock news comes on. That will be a good and quiet way to pass the time. 

Have a good evening you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

Read all about it...

Well, the first day of the week lies behind me and a good one it was too. I have a very satisfied feeling and can look forward to the evening with a peaceful mind. I feel like I accomplished something and was useful and engaged and it's done wonders for my self esteem.

I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep anymore, so I got up and made coffee and sat behind the computer until the early morning. Of course, then I got tired and after I took my medicines, I laid down on the sofa under the red fleece blanket and went to sleep. I didn't wake up until 11 am when my personal helper rang the intercom. I was so discombobulated. I had to get into action right away, when what I needed was a cup of coffee and a cigarette. 

I tried to speak coherently and pass for a functioning human being, but I didn't become one until after I had taken a shower and got dressed with a lot of difficulty and made a pot of coffee and had a cup. Then I felt like a human being who could participate in a grown up conversation. It was a great relief when I felt my mind start working normally. After that I started making sense. 

We dressed for the cold and took Tyke for a walk. It was very invigorating outside and the cold felt great because we were dressed warm enough. Tyke was a bundle of joy. He piddled on every twig and sniffed everywhere he had not been for a while. He pulled me along the sidewalk at high speed and then would stop in his tracks to investigate something minutely. It was stop and go and nothing in between. He was a happy puppy beside himself who forgets the world around him.

I made a deal with my personal helper that I would not feel bad about how I spend the weekends and just make the best of them and not sit and mope about them, but survive them as well as I could without guilt feelings. If I feel myself perk up on Sunday afternoon, then that's all the better and I can take advantage of that and do whatever I have not gotten around to the rest of the weekend. I'm not to moan and complain about the weekends anymore as long as I find a way to survive them. And I do. In my own convoluted way.

Just as she left, my domestic help showed up and we started off with a cigarette and a talk. Then I had to clean up all the Trivial Pursuit cards that Tyke had pulled out of the box that was sitting on the bookcase in my bedroom. There were hundreds of those cards and they were spread all over the place. He had gotten to them by climbing on the rattan chair. The smartest thing to do, of course, was to move the chair. For some reason, this very obvious thing had not dawned on me before. Now he can't get to the higher shelves of the bookcase anymore.

Then I did the dishes, which I should have done on Sunday, but never got around to, and I cleaned every one of them down to the last teaspoon. Even Tyke has clean bowls. I don't like doing the dishes that much. I find it a frustrating job because the water slowly drains from the sink. It is because of a faulty plug and I have to keep refilling the sink and it's hard to get the water temperature right. I need a different faucet and a different plug. Or a dish pan to do the dishes in.

I turned down the thermostat and opened all the windows to air out the apartment, which is necessary when you smoke. It didn't help much because it didn't get colder than 20.5C in here. The kitchen window was stuck and I couldn't get it open. It would have made a difference. There was no wind, so no draft to speak of, and the little windows at the top of the living room windows don't let in much air. That's really noticeable in the summertime when you want the heat to escape.

I also had not gotten around to hanging up the laundry and got that done. I filled the rack  and am slowly getting the next load ready. I will look in my closet and find clothes to wash. Whatever smells like smoke will go in the laundry. 

The domestic help stayed for awhile after she was done with her work. We talk and bond and get to know each other. She does always try to please me and makes the extra effort and the better we get to know each other, the harder she tries. But I also try to make it as easy on her as possible and try to do things  before she gets here. 

After she left, I moved the very big scratching pole out of the spare bedroom into the living room and put it in the corner where Tyke has his toys. He investigated it for a while and then began to bark at it and coming to me looking very indignant. He didn't want that thing there. I told him it was for Gandhi, but he went over to her and shoved her off the sofa. She was very clearly not interested in the scratching pole and didn't even look at it. Tyke barked at it some more, so I picked it up and put it back in the spare bedroom and then peace returned. That was one failed experiment. It looked very ugly there anyway. 

Tyke and I went for another walk and now we're waiting for the delivery boy from the pharmacy. I never know at what time he'll be here, but I have to be home after 6 pm. 

Well, the story has gotten long enough. I'm quitting now. All that enthusiasm...

Ciao,

Nora

Around the bend...

The day has gone by quickly and already it is the end of the afternoon.The day has been overcast almost all day and it didn't get warmer than 34F degrees. Still, I did not experience that as cold and I think I'm just getting used to it, although it may be the absence of any wind that may have something to do with it too. The sun is about to set and I will have to turn the lights on in the living room.

The domestic help has been here and left me with a clean apartment. She folded the dry laundry and did the dishes, unasked for. She's a bundle of efficiency. She cuddles Tyke and plays with him and Tyke is crazy about her. He eagerly waits behind the front door when she's rung the intercom and nearly jumps in her arms. Then he runs and gets one of his favorite toys and shows it to her proudly.

The first thing Tyke does, after she's vacuumed and mopped the living room floor, is get all his toys that have been gathered in one spot and distribute them all over the clean floor. It's hilarious and we always end up laughing about it. He doesn't like all his toys neatly in one place. We're supposed to trip over them and pretend it's an obstacle course. 

The dog gets spoiled by every woman who enters this apartment and he loves all of them.  He likes their good smells and their happy, light voices and their soft hands. He thinks they all come here especially for him and can't wait to bond with them. What he wants more then anything is a belly rub, but any kind of attention will do. Just being talked to makes him happy, but he loves a good perfume.  He's crazy about any woman who smells good.  One of my personal helpers always wears very good perfumes and Tyke very much would like to lie in her lap and never move from there.

Gandhi is just happy if she didn't get locked up in the same room with the vacuum cleaner, because she is scared of it. She does return as soon as it's turned off, because she is a member of the tribe and doesn't want to feel left out. She is very much a people cat and likes to be in the presence of company. As long as the vacuum cleaner stands silent and doesn't move around, she can stand walking past it. She does want to sit on everyone's lap, but people are funny about cats and are less tolerant of cat hair and the sharp nails that they imagine every cat has. People either love cats or dislike them a lot. It's not like with dogs. I've not had a lot of cat lovers here yet. Poor Gandhi. 

Tyke is telling me that it's time to go for a walk. Unfortunately, we have to wait for the delivery boy from the pharmacy to get here first. I hope he can be patient enough until that time. I'm going to have to distract him. 

I hope you all have a good evening. 

Ciao,

Nora