The weekend...

Having established that I'm slightly depressed, I don't feel that I have to keep up appearances and put on a cheerful face. The timing of it is actually good because I can spend this weekend nurturing it and taking care of myself in the best possible way. That means not taking on anything that requires a lot of effort or that can cause any stress. It's my intention to indulge myself and only do things that make me feel as comfortable as possible. 

Although I said before that I was maybe not in need of a lot of sleep, it's something that I do want to do my share of and I think it may be one of the ways to spend my time pleasantly. I'll have to see how that develops. It's possible that the naps I imagine I'm going to take are actually not going to happen at all. Then I'll have to find other ways to pass the time as pleasantly as possible. It's pretty much up to me, whatever I think works. 

It's fairly early in the morning and I'm planning on going back to bed shortly. It is Saturday after all and I have no obligations other than taking care of the animals. I like the unstructured way I'll be able to spend the day. I don't know why I only have that feeling on the weekends because nothing prevents me from having it during the week. I suppose it being the weekend makes it more official and allowable. It's as if it is sanctioned by law. 

It was raining earlier and that made it very cozy to be inside. For a minute there was a bit of a deluge but it soon eased up again. It's supposed to rain off and on for the rest of the day so it's perfect to stay home. There's not going to be any better weather ahead until the end of next week. That's a long time to deal with rain and low temperartures.

I must not fall into the trap of thinking I have to fullfill some special duty today. Already I'm trying to justify my existence. All I have to do is just be and get through the day in one piece.

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Irene

Before I take a nap...

I don't even know if I'm going to take a nap yet. It may be one way to get through a seemingly long and boring afternoon. I've already had a busy morning and there's nothing on the program for the rest of the day. I did get up early this morning before the sun had even gotten up properly. It was good to get an early start and walk the dog first thing once I was awake good and well. 

It was very cold this morning having gotten down to freezing during the night. Even in my winter coat I was not warm enough. There's a blustery wind blowing from the south, which is at least warmer than one blowing from the north. As usual, I can't get warm enough and am chilled down to my bones. I'm drinking hot coffee to get a little warmer but it hardly seems to help. I'm probably not carrying enough fat.

The Exfactor showed up first and was a welcome sight. I actually didn't need that many groceries but it was good to see his friendly face. He told me all about his long and cold weekend and his adventures on his motorcycle and all I could think was that I was glad that I wasn't on the back of it. I prefer comfort and warmth. Like sitting in a cozy car with the heater turned on. 

I made a short shopping list and asked him to be on the look out for a coffeemaker because I'm starting to long for real cups of coffee now. The Exfactor is usually in and out so many stores during the week that he is bound to run into one. The groceries were quickly done but I do have to eat one of the Greek yoghurts soon because the Exfactor accidentally poked his finger through the lid of one of them. That will be my mission for today then. 

My personal helper showed up next and we had a good time chatting about everything under the sun. She tells me many things she's not supposed to tell me and I have a good time listening to all her stories. Sometimes I fall out of my chair in amazement. I laugh at the ridiculousness of management and the silliness of bureaucracy. You wouldn't believe how bad it gets. I tell her that sometimes it sounds like she's in a very badly directed film. 

I've walked the dog for the second time and picked up the apartment. I have no laundry to do and no dishes to wash. I can't think of a thing to do. I've washed my hair and got it to look properly tousled again which was a bit of a job because it was so squeaky clean. I did have to put a lot of hairspray on it but now even this blustery wind can't destroy it. The only thing that would is a hurricane and I don't think we're about to have one. 

I've changed my clothes because I was too cold and because what I was wearing was tight and made my stomach stick out too much. I looked like I was several months pregnant and I'm too old for that. I can't get away with it. I'm wearing something a little more forgiving now. I have to remember to get more tops like this. I can't go around constantly holding in my stomach. I'm bound to forget and look silly. 

I've got to look for something to keep me occupied. How does a middle aged woman stay out of trouble? I can think of ways to get into trouble but they may not all be socially acceptable. 

Ciao,

Irene

Trying to get happy...

I'm drinking a cup of coffee and trying to get happy because I'm not right now. I just woke up from a nap and I'm really down in the dumps. I hope the caffeine will get me out of them soon. I really see the glass very empty and thoughts of doom are haunting me. I so dislike feeling this way, but I don't know how to feel differently. I don't know how to get there. 

I know what the cause of my bad feelings is. I can't do much about changing it. It lies outside myself and all I can do is change the way I react to it. Change the way I deal with it. I haven't found a method yet and I do worry.

When confronted so directly with other people's problems, I don't always know exactly what to do. My instincts tell me to run away as fast as possible, but I don't and stay and try to help. I think I should listen to my instincts more. 

I could solve this problem by just talking about it here indirectly. 

Sometimes you get pulled into other people's lives more intensely than you would like. More than is comfortable for you. Before you know it, you are in over your head. That's when you need to think about yourself and your own sanity. Actually, you should have done that a couple of steps back. It's because you cared that you didn't.

Still, you need to extract yourself in the most graceful way without making it look like you don't care at all. You've got to stop playing the rescuing angel, the good Samaritan, and start taking on a more normal role. Or at least one that fits you more comfortably. Forget about normal because who's to say what normal is? 

Right, I've made up my mind then and I know what to do now. That's a load off my mind. I will make a phone call shortly and make myself clear. Tactfully. 

Have a good evening. 

Ciao,

Nora

Ma'am, it's not broken...

I'm sitting here in the afternoon with a cup of coffee and a cigarette and am enjoying the relative peace and quiet that reign. Outside the sun is periodically shining and it looks warmer than it actually is. Inside it is warm enough and I'm wearing an extra cardigan just to be on the safe side. I don't like to be the least bit chilled, as I am a creature of comfort. I don't do suffering very well and avoid it at all cost. I don't think it's necessary to the human condition.

I would like to be in charge of all the temperatures and make it comfortable everywhere, but then I really ought to go live in a sub-tropical climate. I would prefer that to a tropical climate where it would be too hot and humid. I wouldn't want to sweat all day and have to use a deodorant every ten minutes. It would be okay if I got to live by the blue sea and go swimming all day long, although I don't look good in a bikini, but that's nothing to worry about if you live by yourself in a shack on a lonely beach. You can go naked then.

I did enjoy living in a sub-tropical climate when I lived in California. I thought it was just perfect, except for the occasional heatwave. In the wintertime people were always worrying about getting chilled and wearing a jacket, while I thought the temperature was just lovely. I really liked the rainy season when the rain fell straight out of the sky in buckets. It wasn't cold and you could go outside and walk in it. It isn't like here where you freeze your buns off. 

Well, I don't have to worry about walking around and generally using my knee and bending it. It isn't broken. I knew ahead of time that it wasn't going to be, even though it does really hurt. At least I don't have to worry about damaging it when I use it. I can pretty much ignore the pain and do what I am able to. I have to call the doctor tomorrow and hear what she has to say about it. I assume that she will prescribe rest. 

In the meantime I do some limping and try to make myself as comfortable as possible. I'm not taking any painkillers. I don't think those are necessary. They can be hard on your stomach anyway. I feel more relaxed now about walking around and about taking Tyke out. I know I'm not hurting anything by doing so. All in all it's a big relief.

Tyke's decided he needs some attention. I'm alternately petting him and typing this. 

Have a great day!

Ciao,

Nora