Grabbing the bull by the horns...

I've been up since the sun came up and that is very early in the morning at this time of the year. I was all done sleeping and I can only assume that since I stopped taking my sleeping pills, this is all the sleep I need and I'm talking about 6 to 7 hours. I only got up in the middle of the night one time too to let the dog out and to go to the toilet. I went back to bed immediately after that. 

That's highly unusual for me and I don't know if this is going to be a new habit. It may very well be and why not? It wouldn't be such a bad thing to sleep through the night. Other people do it so why not me? It would be a good habit to get into and I may actually learn how to sleep properly after all these years.

Thank goodness that today is Saturday and a day off because it will allow me to catch up on some chores that need to get done. I will go about them in a lazy manner because the day allows it. That's what the weekend is all about. I will thoroughly enjoy myself and not feel rushed at all. That will mean that I will have little or no stress. I'm looking forward to it already.

Of course, that sort of day without stress has already started now. I'm sitting here very comfortably with a cup of coffee and hardly a worry in the world. All I have to do in a little while is take the dog for a walk and it will be nice to get a dose of fresh air out in the blue skied, sunshiny, early morning. I hope the dog will be appreciative of that too, although the dog always likes going for a walk. It's the most fun thing he can do. 

The first thing I thought of this morning when I woke up was a grilled cheese sandwich. I had a huge craving for one. Luckily, that urge is gone now because it would be a terrible thing to eat for breakfast. I will have a glass of milk and a banana instead. That sounds a lot more sensible. 

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,
Irene

The weekend...

Having established that I'm slightly depressed, I don't feel that I have to keep up appearances and put on a cheerful face. The timing of it is actually good because I can spend this weekend nurturing it and taking care of myself in the best possible way. That means not taking on anything that requires a lot of effort or that can cause any stress. It's my intention to indulge myself and only do things that make me feel as comfortable as possible. 

Although I said before that I was maybe not in need of a lot of sleep, it's something that I do want to do my share of and I think it may be one of the ways to spend my time pleasantly. I'll have to see how that develops. It's possible that the naps I imagine I'm going to take are actually not going to happen at all. Then I'll have to find other ways to pass the time as pleasantly as possible. It's pretty much up to me, whatever I think works. 

It's fairly early in the morning and I'm planning on going back to bed shortly. It is Saturday after all and I have no obligations other than taking care of the animals. I like the unstructured way I'll be able to spend the day. I don't know why I only have that feeling on the weekends because nothing prevents me from having it during the week. I suppose it being the weekend makes it more official and allowable. It's as if it is sanctioned by law. 

It was raining earlier and that made it very cozy to be inside. For a minute there was a bit of a deluge but it soon eased up again. It's supposed to rain off and on for the rest of the day so it's perfect to stay home. There's not going to be any better weather ahead until the end of next week. That's a long time to deal with rain and low temperartures.

I must not fall into the trap of thinking I have to fullfill some special duty today. Already I'm trying to justify my existence. All I have to do is just be and get through the day in one piece.

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Irene

In which I turn into a pumpkin...

Here I am sitting in my bathrobe with my new glasses on, being able to see and read everything. Things are a revelation to me. I never knew what it was like to see so well up close and far away. 

That doesn't mean I'm not about to topple out of this chair from sleepiness, the coffee not withstanding. I'm forcing myself to be awake just so I get to wear my glasses and try them out. It's such a shame to put them away in their case for the night.

No doubt I will get used to this novelty and soon I will be going to sleep again like regular people. In the meantime, I'm punch drunk with sleep and feeling very mellow. I will probably fall asleep in this chair behind the computer. I've done it in the past and I can do it again. A little nap wouldn't hurt. 

The caffeine is resuscitating me a little bit and I'm not in as bad a shape as when I turned the computer on. I was near comatose then. I could hardly lift an arm. The coffee barely made it to my lips, but I'm working on my second cup now. I'm finding some strength in it. 

This is all due to the fact that I had a fairly busy day by my standards and that I hardly slept the night before it. Going downtown by myself to pick up my glasses was kind of a big deal, although I seemed to do it effortlessly. I did worry about it beforehand and no doubt that is why I slept so badly. 

Seemingly little things like that can still bother me a lot. But I'm brave in spite of myself when the stakes are high enough. 

I haven't turned into a pumpkin yet and I doubt very much that I'm going to now. The magic hour has passed without it happening. I'm still just an ordinary mortal with a sleep filled mind, but I think I will be up for a while yet. I'm not ready to go to bed. 

It seems like a very boring place to be right now. I must be getting my second wind. Doubtlessly, the coffee is beginning to do its work.

I must find some entertaining ways in which to amuse myself. I think there are some blogs that I have to comment on. I'm awake enough now to be able to do that. I do have the benefit that in the morning it will be Saturday and a day on which I can do what I choose to do. 

Ciao,

Nora

Never mind the foolishness...

I've been up for a couple of hours and had two cups of coffee. I had gone to bed on time, but once I was lying there, I realized that I was not at all sleepy, although it took me an hour to figure that out. That's how long I stayed in bed anyway. 

I figured it was pretty futile to continue lying there and got up again and made some coffee and turned on the computer. There were emails to answer and comments to read. Those were good enough pastimes for me. 

After that, I finished reading all the blog posts of 'The Gaff Giraffe' which had taken me a couple of days to do. It was very educational and showed me again how neurotic I can get sometimes and how completely like an unguided missile, and how very boring I can get at other times. Like a true bipolar person, I guess. From one extreme to the other.

I'm starting to yawn now and am going to have to find my bed soon. In the meantime, I'm drinking cold milk which is bound to make me sleepy. As soon as I stop drinking coffee, I start going downhill. It almost makes me want to make more coffee again so I will have more energy. I'm not quite ready to go back to bed. 

Since it is officially Saturday now, I feel I have the privilege to stay up as long as I want because I can sleep late. I suppose I'm having another one of my celebratory moments in the middle of the night when I feel on top of the world and want to make it last as long as possible. 

Being slightly in a stupor only adds to the attraction. I feel a little stoned and it's rather pleasant. I'm dopey with the need for sleep, but I have the will and the desire to stay up, so I'm on the edge. Don't I like to live dangerously? It's my middle name. Yeah, right. 

I have the smell of Chinese food on my brain tonight and I have such a hunger for it that I'm ready to go to the Chinese restaurant and order them to open up and fix me a meal of Nasi Goreng, which is really an Indonesian dish but the cultures get mixed up. I would love to have a portion of satay with that. Of course, my eyes would be bigger than my stomach and I would never be able to finish it, but I'd enjoy trying it. 

I guess I'm bound to get these olfactory fantasies every night because they are secret desires for foods I long for but can not eat. Or only eat in very little portions. Sometimes I think I smell a Hema smoked sausage which are the best in the country. No such luck for me. It's terrible, the things I have to do without. 

But I do get to lose weight, albeit agonizingly slowly because of the medicines I'm on. It would go a lot faster if it weren't for them. They do hinder me in my weight loss. Especially when they are increased and I don't even know if that is helping me, as is the case now. 

I know one thing, I mustn't give up coffee completely because it keeps 'the black dog' at bay. Trying to only drink tea is not such a success. Drinking coffee puts me in a much better mood. I just have to not overdo it. There's to be moderation in it as in everything. I'm certainly not going to quit cold turkey like I had planned to. That was a very unrealistic idea. It was a shock to my system and not a very pleasant one at that. 

I got my second wind and am feeling good now. I'm over my sleepiness. Speaking of food must have done me some good. I almost feel like I had some. I get the same sort of satisfaction from reading food recipes down to the minutest details. I feel like I've partaken of the meal. I've had this habit since I was a kid. Reading my mother's cookbook and looking at the pictures of the dishes.

Have a good Saturday you all.

Ciao,

Nora

Ain't it wonderful?

Today is actually Saturday and the first day of the weekend which I love so much. I can't begin to tell you why I do. It would turn into an endlessly boring story, but I do like the two days off from most of my responsibilities, few as they are and mostly imagined. I have 'during the week stress syndrome'. I always feel under a lot of pressure and it disappears over the weekend. 

I always felt that I had to be sick in order to get out from under the stress that I felt and used to get many mysterious cases of the flu. Headaches, sore throats, stomachaches. Now that I know better, I don't get these aches and pains anymore, except on rare occasions. I can honestly say that I'm actually physically a very healthy person when I didn't think I was before. 

I do still get backaches, but I think those have to do with posture and weak spots in my back. Being away from the computer and taking a good walk help take care of them. Having lost all the weight has also helped tremendously. I do very often have a sore spot halfway up my back, but that's due to the mild case of scoliosis. Sitting very upright helps and taking pain medication on occasion is also helpful. 

That goes to show you how mental stress can translate itself into physical ailments. You need to take care of yourself mentally in order to take care of yourself physically. I used to get an inflamed esophagus regularly and I never do now. My stomach used to be literally tied up in knots and make me feel sick to the point of vomiting. 

Anyway, it is Saturday and I can relax and enjoy the day which will end with an episode of 'Wallander' on TV tonight. It will be on late, so hopefully I will not be too sleepy and have the energy to stay up to watch it. It is on past my bedtime and I may be tempted to go to sleep. But then I would miss out on listening to all that wonderful Swedish, so I do really have to give it my best try and stay up.

Yesterday went by fine. A domestic help was here, but it still wasn't my regular one whose whereabouts are a mystery to me. The girl that was here instead was a part time worker who was really a student at the university, so capable of carrying on an intelligent conversation. She had coffee with the Exfactor and me when he showed up to do some shopping for me. 

The dog thought the domestic help had come especially for him and spent a lot of time bonding with her and by the time she left he was best friends with her. He does like all this company we get and he especially likes the fact that they're all cuddly women who take the time to pet him. He can't get up close and personal enough. He likes everybody. 

I finally had the courage to open up all my mail and was glad to find out that I could dismiss most of it. A lot of it went straight into the recycling box. Today I have to check the mailbox again because I haven't checked it in a few days not being in the right frame of mind to do it. I don't get mail every day and I have a sticker on my mail slot that prohibits junk mail. I don't want to have to deal with a lot of adverts as well as regular mail.

I checked the TV guide and found out that the daily exercise program is on at 8:45 in the morning. Unfortunately, that's when I'm asleep. I thought I needed the exercise to get rid of some excess fat and to tone some muscles. I have to figure out a way to do this. I know the exercise program is good because I've watched it a few times. 

I suppose I could set the alarm clock, but I don't know if I'm that much of a hero. I would be awfully grouchy if I was woken up by it and I wouldn't have had enough sleep. It's a real dilemma. I would probably shut off the alarm clock and roll over and go back to sleep. 

I have to stop eating vanilla pudding even though I only eat one bowl of it a day. I've got to switch to another kind of sensible and healthy food. I was thinking of whole meal rusk toast with cheese. As long as I feel that I've eaten something substantial. The vanilla pudding tastes great, but it probably has too many calories in it. It tastes too good to be true. 

Well, it's time for me to go back to sleep. I've been drinking cold milk and am sufficiently chilled to want to get back under the warm duvet. The dog's just been out back for a piddle, so he's all set for now. 

I hope you all have a great day. Enjoy your weekend. 

Ciao,

Nora 

How long will it last?

I'm somewhat sleepy headed as I sit here with my first cup of coffee in the middle of the night and I've been yawning nonstop. No doubt another cup of coffee will fix me right up and I will be perky in no time at all. I wish to be perky and not sit here so muddleheaded and in danger of dislocating my jaw every time I yawn. Besides, I do want to be able to make some sense as I write this and not look like a completely misguided woman. I always want to come across as totally sane and sensible. 

Oh yes, I forgot that I had stated that I wanted to be completely honest at all times and that I would show my less positive aspects also. So I don't have to be perfect. I can be muddleheaded and misguided. I'll be it for just a while then until the coffee starts to work. When the caffeine kicks in, I'll be right on track again. 

I'm sitting here with my short hair totally sticking out all over the place. It looks like I've been in a bad storm and it has gotten stuck that way. No amount of brushing will get it in place again. I will have to wash it with a good shampoo to get it to look decent again. I don't know what I do in bed to get it to look that way, but apparently I rub it the wrong way. It's not even static electricity that makes it look like this. I do this all by myself. 

Those are the lesser side effects of having short hair. You very quickly look like a porcupine.

I'm having my second cup of coffee and the yawning is lessening. I do think I'm becoming more clearheaded. Any minute now I'm going to break out in a song and dance routine. 

Well no, I don't think it will be as bad as that. I'm not known for quite that much exuberance. It would cost me an awful lot of effort. It would probably knock the wind right out of me. I don't think I will ever do a tap dance and I can only sing in the shower. 

I almost forgot to be happy that today is Saturday. Isn't that wonderful? I have most of my chores done and the day to myself. It really and truly will be a weekend day to enjoy as I please and as far as I know, the weather is going to be decent also. We're supposed to have sunshine all day. 

In a way, that's not so good because we ought to have some rain to replenish the rivers and canals and groundwater supply. We do officially have a drought now, so we don't hope for a long hot summer. On the contrary, we wish for rain. The dikes along the rivers and the canals are drying out and that may cause a break and a flood and some of them are now artificially kept wet. The Netherlands are not a wet country anymore.

It's with some amount of anticipation that I look forward to going back to bed. It will be nice to lie in the semi dark and listen to the radio before I drift off to sleep again. 

It will be equally nice to choose which clothes I'm going to wear today. I'm still looking for that unfindable cardigan. I have yet to figure out what I've done with it. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day. I'm planning on having a very nice one. God forbid anything should stop me from having it. 

Ciao,

Nora

Sipping hot coffee...

I greet this day as if it's supposed to be some sort of important day, but really, I have no idea why it should be. Am I forgetting something important? Is it a holiday somewhere in the world? Somebody enlighten me, please. I feel in a celebratory mood and there must be a reason for it. 

If not celebratory, then at least as if it is cause for a solemn occasion that requires a ceremony. Something like that. Like there ought to be church bells ringing and incense burnt and candles lighted. Maybe the news today will enlighten me. May the 14th, people. What can it be?

In the meantime, I'm sipping hot coffee in the middle of the night as is my usual ritual. The coffee packs a punch. I made it very strong on purpose. I wanted a good kick in the rear end to really wake me up. To really get the cobwebs out. 

I got what I asked for and the coffee blasted them out. I've got mouth puckering cups of it. Nice and strong and bitter. They taste like espressos. I haven't created such a nice artificial high in quite a while. 

I'm also celebrating the fact that Blogger is on the air again. It was hard to do without for 24 hours. I didn't quite go through withdrawal symptoms, but I came close. I was ready to go straight back to bed if there was no connection. I didn't even make coffee until I was sure that there was. That must explain why I made the coffee so strong. It is celebratory coffee. 

The Exfactor was here yesterday and told me he is going to be moving house next week. He will be moving into town again so he will be a lot closer than he is now, which will be more convenient for him and for me.  He does all of his major errands in town and he is here several times a week. That takes up a lot of his time and fuel for his motorcycle. 

Needless to say, he's going to be very busy next week and I have to find out another way to get my groceries. I may have to call in my sister's help or do them on my own. I don't know how brave I'll be yet. If I do them on my own, I won't be able to get them all at once like the Exfactor does. I'm not strong enough to haul that many groceries around on the bike. 

First I've got to enjoy the fact that today is Saturday and a day off. I'm going back to bed in a while to finish sleeping and I hope to sleep late. I will have to miss whatever cultural programs are going to be on television. I only have visions of going back to bed now and I'm yawning. It will be nice to make it a leisurely morning as far as the dog is going to co-operate with that. He may have different plans.

I have to find some completely different clothes to wear in the morning as today it's not going to be very warm. It's only going to be 60F and we're going to have spotty showers. That means warmer clothes with long sleeves and not the skimpy things I've been wearing.

I've taken two thirds of the clothes out of my closet as being to big to wear. It's been decimated. I'll slowly have to build up a wardrobe again. 

Right, I'm off to bed. I hope you're all having a good night and that you'll have a good morning. 

Ciao,

Nora

 

When you don't know any better...

Yesterday evening I watched inane television. Since it was Saturday evening, it was the only kind of television to watch. It is not thought that intelligent people watch television on a Saturday evening. It is expected that they are all otherwise engaged. Apparently only dull and desperate people watch television on Saturday evenings.

It was one way to pass the evening and I pretended to care very much and be interested. I watched it while I slowly ate my dinner in stages. That takes me a while and is a good distraction. I also played with the dog and petted the cat who decided to come lie on my lap. I do have other things to keep me occupied while I try not to get too disgusted by what is offered for my entertainment. 

The other option is turning the television off, but that is too silent and then I wouldn't have anything to be exasperated with. Luckily, there are only commercials in between the programs, otherwise they would drive me crazy too. There are very few amusing ones and some of them make me want to throw a brick through the screen. Fortunately, I don't have a brick handy. 

Some of them are an insult to my intelligence. But you can walk away from them until the next program starts and go to the toilet or be otherwise engaged. At one point, I just turned the darn thing off and went to bed and listened to the radio instead, which was broadcasting a football game between Milan and Rome. Some days you can't win. Luckily, I was tired enough to fall sleep quickly, so I was spared most of that.

The only reason I was tired enough was because I had taken my 'fall asleep medicines' and once those stopped working, I was awake again. As I became conscious, I was writing a blog post in my mind, the gist of which I don't remember now. That's how much it occupies my mind in the middle of the night. I compose blog posts as I wake up. Beethoven must have composed music in his sleep. I assume he had pen and paper handy. 

I forgot to call the hairdresser yesterday to make an appointment while it was really necessary that I do. Now I'll have to wait until Tuesday because they are closed on Monday. I have a terrible head of hair that needs a lot of hairspray to keep it in place. The dog leaves the bathroom when I apply it and waits in the hallway. He doesn't do that when I apply my deodorant. Of course, I don't use copious amounts then. 

The cat escaped into the stairwell yesterday and stayed away for half an hour. Finally she showed up at the front door again where she waited patiently until I opened it. She does once in a while look for an opportunity to make her escape. I don't know what she does in the stairwell but she always goes way to the top. I refuse to chase her and always rightly guess that she'll show up again. Every once in a while she escapes though the outside door, but she just walks around the block end enters the apartment through the cat flap in the back door as if it is no problem. Luckily, she is a bright cat. 

The dog doesn't know what to do with himself when the cat has escaped. He thinks it's weird and misses her because he knows she's gone through the front door. He keeps going there to see if she's not back yet. Then when I let her in, he pretends that he won't let her and tries to push her out again as if he's not happy with her company. God forbid she should not show up one day. He'd miss her badly.

It's with some amount of reluctance that I bring this to an end. I don't want to make this too long and I have to think about going to bed. I am yawning, so maybe I'll be asleep again in no time. There's always the radio to listen to. I'm sure there will be no football games on now. 

We're still expecting some rain today and it will be most welcome, I just hope there will be enough to really make a difference. A really good shower should do. 

Have a good morning. 

Ciao,

Nora

My pesky dog...

It's in the very early hours of Saturday morning and my dog is being a pain in the neck. I don't know what he wants and so far I've given him a milk bone and a rawhide chewy but still he's not happy and keeps pestering me. He's already been out back, but it is possible that he needs to go there again. It will be with great reluctance that I get up and try that again. I never know how quickly I can get him back inside. Maybe I best ignore him. 

That's not at all how I wanted to start of this post. I wanted it to have a serene beginning and not a frustrated one. Now I feel that I have to start all over and get into the proper mood. It's hard when a pup is begging by your side for I know not what. I'll have to figure out a way to find my equilibrium and peacefulness in spite of him and hope he goes to lie down by my feet and falls asleep soon...he has just done that, so there is hope for me yet.

I do have to get up and get myself a cup of coffee because I'm thirsty and in need of some caffeine. I hope I don't upset the careful balance we've achieved. I've already had to make cigarettes and frustrated the dog because I wouldn't let him on the dining table. I didn't want him looking out the window in the middle of the night where he would see imaginary danger and start to bark. That's the last thing I wanted him to do. Yes, my dog comes with an instruction booklet too. It has to be applied on a daily basis. 

Since today is Saturday, it is my day off, but I do have to hang another load of laundry to dry outside. Yesterday's load  was dry in no time at all and I've got very clean smelling sheets and pillowcases. Today I'll be hanging up a load of clothes and it will be nice to have them smelling equally good. I have to take advantage of this weekend's weather to do as much laundry as I can, because on Monday it may rain, so I thought I'd dive into my closet and pull out some clothes to wash. 

We're having a bit of a heatwave this weekend and today the temperature is going to be 28C, which is unheard of for the time of year. I'm not complaining and in the apartment it is still relatively cool, especially the back of it where it will be nice to go lie down for a nap in the afternoon. I'm already looking forward to the day and can't wait for the warm sunshine to walk the dog in. As long as it doesn't get too hot, I'll be alright, if dressed appropriately. I'm sure I'll find something that's just right. 

I'm expecting the Exfactor in the morning who's going to bring me some cat food that I'm almost out of. I had forgotten to put it on the grocery list on Tuesday. The cat does eat a lot, although she doesn't get any fatter. She's a slim cat and dainty. She does beg by her bowl for food every day and will even eat dog food if I don't fill her bowl on time. That is, if the dog lets her because he can be quite moody about that. Some days he cares more than others. 

It's with some amount of relief that I'm going back to bed in a little while because I haven't slept enough yet. I'm yawning and looking forward to going back to bed for a few more hours of sleep. 

I've got to make an appointment with my hairdresser soon. My hair is out of control and I can't do a thing with it. It is too long. I'll call today, but I'm sure I won't be able to get in today. It will probably be sometime next week. You always quite suddenly have desperate hair from one day to the next. With me it happened yesterday. I washed it and it went flat and unmanageable. I look like a hillbilly. 

I'm off. I hope you'll all have a good Saturday no matter what your weather is like, but I wish you lots of sunshine. 

Ciao,

Nora

Another one for the road...

You can't artificially create a highly charged mood, so I will have to do with this medium charged mood instead. I'm not plucking the last stars out of the heavenly skies and seeing as though it's nearly dawn now, I won't be anymore either, no matter how many cups of coffee I drink. The morning will start off quietly and not with a bang and I will not go roaring into it. That's probably for the best, as it results in less accidents. 

After having had the joy of watching the royal wedding yesterday, I get the fun of watching Queen's Day being celebrated on television today. This is when our Queen Beatrix honors the birthday of our old Queen Juliana. It's a regular people's party all over the country and all stops are pulled out. We all celebrate. It's when the flags and the orange bunting are pulled out and flown all over and we go orange mad in honor of the House of  Orange. It's our national color. Queen's Day is our first national celebration in the springtime. The next will be Liberation Day on May the 5th. 

Since today is Saturday, it is a day off already besides being a national holiday. It will be very busy downtown and that area is best avoided. The cafe terraces will be filled with people because the weather will be good.  There will be the usual tourists and, because it's also spring break, there will be large amounts. It would be a perfect day to get lost in the crowd, if you liked a crowd.

I have to remember to be happy today and to not sit here like a rock in a meadow, all stony and silent and morose. There's no reason for me not to see the sunny side of life. I have to look at the reality of the day and see the lightness in it and it is going to be a very light day indeed. Maybe that has not quite dawned on me yet. The day will be filled with simple things and there's nothing to worry about, except what to wear and at what time to walk the dog. That's as easy as it gets. 

I slept a good six hours last night and that's a long time for me. I was pleasantly surprised when I looked at the alarm clock this morning. Still, I'm yawning right now, so I'm not fully awake yet. I must go and get dressed and take the dog out in the cool morning air and get woken up properly. There's a bit of wind that ought to blow the cobwebs from my mind. 

At this point the dog seems to have the same idea and has come up to me with big begging eyes. I think he's ready to go out. It's completely light outside now and the sun is shining.

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

The silence of midnight...

I've already been asleep, but an untimely need to go to the toilet woke me up and needless to say, I can't go back to sleep afterwards because I'm wide awake by the time I've done that and let the dog out back. There's no need in me to go back to bed and get cozy under the duvet and continue sleeping. I'm as alert as if I've slept for hours and I'm ready to be up and do a days worth of work. 

Of course, later on I will get tired again and go back to sleep, but that will be after I've been up for a long while and have generally made a nuisance out of myself in some way by changing my blog templates or doing other silly things such as leave many comments and write many emails that are maybe unnecessary and uncalled for. Sometimes I will take any opportunity to make a noise and have an opinion, although I think all of them are actually well grounded and well meant. I don't make empty noises. 

Yesterday was a Saturday like many others. I didn't exactly outperform myself. I laid as low as I possibly could with the exception that I walked the dog at regular times. Most of the time I sat in my armchair and watched television because I was trying to not turn on the computer. I'm trying to drop that bad habit during the day because I turn it on when I am bored and write posts out of boredom and that has to be the worst reason to write posts.

Luckily, there are cultural programs on  television on Saturday although some of them are of dubious quality, but I suffer through those. I pretend to watch those for anthropological reasons to see what interests the common masses. The Dutch language hit parade is not something that normally turns me on. That's worthy of a whole study in itself. It's a strange phenomenon that is almost totally devoid of quality. I'm always pleasantly surprised when there's at least one halfway decent song on that does not make my toes curl in my shoes. 

I was trying to get through the day with the least amount of aggravation. Sometimes I appreciate the weekends and sometimes I don't. Sometimes they are just long boring days to get through, especially when all my chores are done. For some reason, I'm all caught up. I don't know how that happened either. Normally I save up some things to do.  I even trimmed the fur around the dog's eyes so he would be able to see well again. It grows very quickly and he peeks through it. 

I appreciate the fact that I don't have any chores to do to speak of, but I have to find more interesting ways to keep myself occupied besides laying low and watching television. I think it was the mood I was in today that was the cause of that and the news of the major incident of the lone gunman who killed and wounded so many people in that shopping mall in Alphen aan de Rijn. 

It was on the news immediately in the afternoon and on for the rest of the day as more information came in. It was not something to make you feel very cheerful because things like this don't happen here and it was quite shocking. We know that children were shot, but the authorities won't yet tell us if they are amongst the people who were killed. I wasn't going to mention it at all, but it's bothering me more than I realized. I suppose we will find out more in the morning. 

I suppose on that sad note I will leave you as there is nothing to add. 

Sleep tight.

Ciao,

Nora

Summer Time...

I was already in bed and sound asleep when the dog started to bark. It startled me awake and I decided to get up to prevent him from barking again because that's the last thing I want. I had already set all the clocks and my watch one hour ahead before I went to bed, so to me it is an hour later now than it still really is. The time won't change until 2 am and it is not that yet. At least I am well prepared and I won't be fooled by what time it is in the morning when I get up for the second time. Believe me, there's logic in there somewhere. It all makes sense to me in a slightly convoluted way. 

So, I'm sitting here now being wide awake, having my coffee and my cigarettes, with a very quiet dog at my feet,  Of course, he had to go out back first before he would settle down and I was quite nervous that he would start to bark out there too, but he did no such thing, thank goodness. There's nothing like the unpredictability of a dog to make you feel on edge in the middle of the night when your neighbors are asleep. My adrenalin rushed through my body until he was inside again, especially since I have a grumpy neighbor who likes to complain about nothing at all.

Saturday went by well and it was a good day. The only thing I forgot to do was pick out a new novel from the bookcase. I never did get around to that because I didn't get a chance to sit in my armchair to read. 

In the morning I slept for a long time to catch up on the sleep I didn't get during the night and it was blessed. I woke up in an excellent mood and totally well rested and not under the influence of the effects of the new sleeping pills that I had stopped taking. Apparently the effects of those babies kept working all day long and did all sorts of things with me that weren't pleasant. I'm not going to try any others. I'll just live with things the way they are now and consider myself a night person. I do get my sleep eventually and that's the main thing. I haven't become psychotic yet because of lack of sleep. 

I took my time picking out an outfit that I wanted to be especially comfortable besides looking good. Comfort was the main thing, though. I wanted to feel easy in it and not have to worry about everything constantly being in place and looking well arranged. I have a couple of outfits that I feel especially comfortable in and I opted for one of those. I can sit as unladylike in it as I want when nobody is around. and it always looks good and is warm enough to wear. I would wear it every day if I could, but it it does have to go into the washing every now and then. 

It's a black, long sleeved, stretch T-shirt dress with a low slung belt that I wear over leggings with a lightweight cardigan on top that's open at the front. It makes me look slimmer than I am and therefor it's flattering. At my age, I need all of that I can get. 

I had to go to the tobacco shop and I remembered to pick out a card for my grandson who is going to be 14 years old in a couple of weeks. I must send the card with contents on time because he lives in the States. I even remembered to pick up a couple of lighters because those things always run out of fuel prematurely. Before you know it, you're left without the means to light your cigarettes. The only thing I forgot to buy was a chocolate bar, but I have chocolate pudding in the refrigerator and I get to have some of that every day so that takes care of that craving. When that is gone, I still have yogurt on which I sprinkle some sugar. I do have to take care of my sweet tooth. 

I watched an international indoor bike racing competition on television in which we finally won a bronze and gold medal on the third day, which is a good thing because the event is held in the Netherlands on a newly built course. We had higher hopes than that, but there's one day of competition left. Dutch people always expect to be the best at all sports and are surprised when we aren't. We assume we belong to the world top in everything. Maybe we are naive optimists. Or maybe we really are fairly good at a lot of things. We have a lot of gumption for a little country and great fans all decked out in orange at every occasion. 

As soon as I'm done writing this, I'm going to choose a novel from the bookcase and put it ready for me to start reading by my armchair. I'm very curious as to what I will find there. I've got to get myself into the proper mood to read. I would really like a thriller and hope I can find one. An Inspector Linley would be nice. I need light entertainment, nothing too intellectual. My brain can't handle anything that's too deep and introspective. No high drama. You'll see the book magically appear on my sidebar.

I'm going to see my sister this afternoon. I haven't seen her in forever. She's always got such a busy life. We do keep daily contact by telephone, but it's not the same as seeing each other. I will drink good cappuccinos and eat Italian cookies of which I will only be able to eat two and then I will be full and I will burp a lot, but it will be worth it. 

Have a great day you all. It's now officially summer time. 

Ciao,

Nora

The most excellent time of the night...

I have slept four hours and am in good spirits. That is only one hour less than if I had taken my new sleeping pills, proving my point that they really don't work. And I feel better waking up too, making me all the more happy. So, the psychiatrist was right in telling me yesterday not to take them anymore. I can only agree with him, besides, the less pills, the better. They all have side effects and I believe these ones made me grumpy and emotional during the day. I'll have to see if today goes any better, but I assume it will. 

I am sat here with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes and all of my good intentions and a very good mood. I somehow want to act on them and make them count, but that's hard to do in the middle of the night. I can't perform good deeds or climb any mountains or make a trip around the world. If I were a billionaire I could maybe do some of these things impulsively. That's a huge daydream I could get lost in and I just did. I do have to call myself to order. 

This very good mood I am in will have to be put to use some other way. I will just have to write a good post and try to get my good vibes across. 

There's nothing nicer than sitting here in the middle of the night, feeling very good all by myself and wishing to share it with somebody else. If I could make your day seem brighter, I would be very happy. I would want your half empty glass to seem half full. I would want you to count all your blessings and be grateful for them, no matter how small they were.

But that sounds too evangelical and I don't want to come across as someone like that. You get to decide those things for yourself. There is such a thing called self determination, after all, in which you choose your own destiny and the things you believe in along the way. You have to pick your own attitude and outlook. I can't force you into one or the other. 

I'm now sitting here with a glass of cold milk and am thinking of all the ways a person can enjoy themselves if they can hang on to their good mood indefinitely. It seems to me that even the little things in life would be a joy to do if your mood was always good. Everything would be done without a struggle. I can't count on such predictability. My moods are too changeable for that. They go through the whole range from high to low and back again in one day. Especially at this time of the year. I'm a wobbly woman. I need my own cheerleader section. 

I am taking my time writing this because I'm continually distracted by my own thoughts. It's called daydreaming, I think. Sometimes I do a lot of that. I'm also developing a sore throat, which is surprising because as far as I know, I haven't been exposed to anyone who is ill. Oh yes, one of the domestic helps had tonsillitis and was taking antibiotics for it. I hope I'm not getting sick. It would be a waste of a good weekend, but I suppose the timing would be good. I have nothing really important planned. 

I can actually say that I'm glad that it is Saturday. I'm going to take the day off and rest on my laurels. Oh yes, I do have to go to the tobacco shop. That will be my outing for the day then. I do look forward to the day. I get to pick out a new novel from the bookcase and I'm full of curiosity as to what it's going to be. I feel like a thriller, but I don't know if I have any left that are unread. Wish me luck at finding something good. 

Have a good day and stay out of trouble. 

Ciao,

Nora

Refreshing my mind in the middle of the night...

I'm just the least bit sleepy, but that doesn't keep me from sitting here and merrily carrying on with my nighttime activities because I am enjoying myself. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now but planted on this chair behind the computer. The call of my bed is not alluring enough to take me there yet. It can wait for a couple more hours. I'd rather not spend my time sleeping now. That would be a terrible waste of time. I'd have to be toppling out of my chair before I did that. 

Toppling out of my chair is hard to do because it has armrests. Most likely I would fall forward with my head on the keyboard and get funny indentations on my forehead. I've also been known to end up with my head on the edge of the desk and have a ridge on my forehead that was very painful and visible and hard to explain. It's a funny way to fall asleep and I hope I don't do it tonight. Hopefully I'll crawl to my bed before that time. 

I've had three cups of coffee and am not about to fall asleep, regardless of my slight tiredness. I have enough willpower to stay up because I want to. I like sleeping in the morning ever so much better. I like being up in the middle of the night and being a night owl. It suits me to sit here in my bathrobe and to know that the world around me is asleep. I'm not the least bit scared of the bogeyman. There are no ghosts in my world. There's only the friendliness of the darkness of the night. 

I do get a sore bum from sitting in this chair, although it is a comfortable one. A soft pillow doesn't help, I've tried that. I've broken my tail bone once and it will always be a sore spot. I have to sit in a particular way to make it as easy as possible. I would like a big old executive chair to sit in and will one day acquire one. Like I am the CEO of a large company and can lord it over everybody and give myself a big bonus once a year. I can dream, can't I?

The good thing about being up in the middle of the night is that the animals are asleep the whole time and don't badger me. Nor is Tyke badgering Gandhi and she has peace and quiet. I don't have to continually rescue her from his loving embrace. He does still think that he has to show his dominance over her. Especially when he wants attention or when she gets too close to me. He can really be a pain in the neck. I've thought about getting him fixed, but the cost is prohibitive right now. Maybe this summer  when I get my vacation allowance. 

Oh, I totally forgot that today is Saturday. That's nice. All I have to do is go to the tobacco shop and hang up a load of laundry to dry. It's good that it's the weekend, although why it is I couldn't really tell you. I have no good reason for it. I have enough days during the week that feel like days off also. It's just the general idea that it's the weekend that makes it feel more festive. The weather isn't going to be all that great, although the sun is going to shine. It won't be very warm. 

One thing I have to do today is finish reading my book. That's one goal I have to set for myself. I'm halfway through it and since it's not such a big book, I ought to be able to finish it in one day. I really want to move on to the next one and I can't wait to look on my bookcase to find it. I've got two cubbyholes empty to fill up with books and when I'm done reading the ones I still have, I can start ordering new ones. I have to check out Wise Web Woman's reading list and see what interesting novels she's got on hers. She's a connoisseur of good novels.

I think I'll knit an end to this post and see what other sort of trouble I can get into. Every night I go looking for it. Frustratingly so, usually. 

Ciao,

Nora

Pleasantly scented...

I just spritzed on some of my new perfume in order to be pleasantly scented. I figured there's nothing wrong with smelling nice in the middle of the night while I'm sitting here all by myself. I do it just for my own pleasure and nobody else's. I don't think Tyke and Gandhi care one way or the other. They are sound asleep and oblivious of how I smell. I'm very much aware of it and it puts me in the proper mood to write. It's made me more alert. 

I should have pleasantly scented candles burning all over the apartment to make the place smell good or constantly walk around with a can of Brise and spray that around. I should make a point to do that regularly and air out the place a lot too. Now that the temperatures are getting milder there's no excuse not to do that. I do open the bedroom window every day, but I should open several windows and get a draft going. That would be mighty chilling. 

My short hair is really short and I'm still surprised every time I look in the mirror. I try to put on my most friendly face when I look at myself and be as feminine as I can be. I am wearing pretty earrings so I don't look too butch. It's better if I view myself in the full length mirror and get a completer picture than when I just see my head. I'm super critical of only my head, but I figure people don't just see it when they see me. They see all of me. 

I've got a good outfit right now that's flattering and that makes me look skinny. I'm already thinking of the subsequent outfits that I can wear that will be equally good. This one spans the crown and I'm being very careful with it and try not to spill anything on it so it will last a while. The clothes smell of my perfume and when I put them on in the morning it is very pleasant. I'm still wearing my clothes in layers, but soon that won't be necessary anymore. I'm managing to stay warm, though, and I only need to wear my black leather jacket when I go out. 

Besides getting skinnier, my feet have shrunk too and I'm now a size smaller than I used to be, so I have to take that into account when I order new shoes or boots. I'm wearing thicker socks with my boots, but I'm running out of them. I don't have enough and am going to have to buy some more. Hopefully they'll have them at the supermarket and the Exfactor can pick some up for me the next time he is there. It's amazing what they sell at the supermarket, but it is very convenient. 

Yesterday went by quickly for a Saturday. I didn't do anything important, but the hours flew by. I do mostly manage to amuse myself and don't get bored with my own company. There's always Tyke to have a good time with and to take for a  walk. It was raining for the latter half of the day and it was very cozy inside. I had the lights turned on and watched television and took a nap. I forgot to hang up the laundry to dry and will have to do that today. It was a day on which one would bake cookies if there were people to eat them. Or to bake a cake. I'm not foolish enough to do that, because I would have to eat it all by myself and there's no way I could handle that.

It's been a successful day if I've managed to achieve serenity and a sense of peacefulness with myself. I do run into obstacles and it's a challenge to resolve those. I apply whatever magic formulas are necessary. I really should delve into the study of mindful living more, which is the westernized version of Buddhism. So far I do my own made up version of it and customize it to my needs, but I'm sure there's a lot I could learn. It might be useful to read some literature on it, although you do have to be careful with that as I'm sure there's a lot of nonsense out there. Probably everybody is an expert. I could be an expert. 

I'm going back to bed for my precious early morning hours of sleep. It's too early to start the day. The sun's not even up yet. It's Sunday and the world will wake up slowly. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

It's officially Saturday again...

Having gone to bed early last night, I'm up early this morning too and drinking coffee and having myself a splendid time. I can't get enough of the early morning hours when everything is so peaceable and serene and I am the only person awake on the block. At least I assume I am. I thought I heard some noise in the stairwell earlier, but all is quiet now. No doubt that was a neighbor coming home from a late night out. The bars don't close until the wee hours of the morning and there are those stubborn enough to take advantage of that. 

I slept well between clean sheets with both the animals on the bed. This does not leave that much room for me, but I manage. I do wake up with a sore knee, but I would regardless. It always takes me a while to get over it after I've gotten up and it takes some time to get comfortable. I think Tyke lies in waiting for me to open my eyes, because he is always looking at me when I do and ready to be greeted. Gandhi is tucked in beside my pillows and looks like a little ball of fur.She doesn't get up when we do, but keeps right on sleeping. 

The first thing I do when I walk into the living room is turn on the computer and then walk into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I try to measure the ground coffee properly into the filter so that I don't make it too strong and I succeeded today. It is just right and I was not too generous like I have a tendency to be. I very often over optimistically put in too much ground coffee and make it much too strong taking away from the good flavor of it. Strong coffee does wake me up, but it makes me thirsty too, causing me to have to drink cold milk for the quenching of it. 

When I first wake up, I always have visions of many good things to eat, but those disappear into the background once I've had my first cup of coffee. I could raid the cupboards when I first get up. I want to eat all sorts of decadent things, but I don't have those in the apartment anyway. Imagine if I had a box of cookies or bonbons. No doubt I would be tempted to eat those. I would be tempted to stuff my mouth with them before I had time to properly think about it. I do have a jar of Nutella and in a weak moment I have spoons full of that. Little teaspoons full. It's one of my deadly sins.

Since today is Saturday, it's going to be a day of freedom. I will walk Tyke several times and hang up a load of laundry, but I don't have much else to do. There are no 'ought to's' in my life today. There will be sports on television and then some inane programs that are not worth watching. Luckily there is an off button. The best thing to do is to sit down and read a book, which I have not taken the time to do and today would be the perfect opportunity. My armchair is a good place to hang out in. I will also take the necessary naps on the sofa and contemplate my navel. 

It's going to rain today and that will be a perfect opportunity to hibernate. I will have the lights turned on in the living room and be cozy. I do like the rain when I'm inside. There something very soothing about the rain when you're not in it. Besides, even if I were in it, it wouldn't hurt me very much, because I have indestructible hair. If it got wet, all I'd have to do is rub it quickly with a towel and it would be in shape again. It's not going to be very cold and we're in for some mild weather. I think winter is really over now.

Enjoying my own company is what it's going to be all about this weekend. Luckily, I'm in a good enough mood to do that. I don't feel any of the discomfort that I felt last week when I was not so stable. I've managed to get on an even keel since then. I'm okay again by myself.

I will go back to bed again shortly. There's lots of time to sleep still. I don't have to get the day started early. I can sleep late and my warm bed does call me. I've started to yawn and that is a sure sign that I need some more sleep. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

In the long run...

I slept a record time of ten hours last night. I did get up twice to go to the toilet, but both times I went back to sleep immediately. I'm mighty proud of myself because I did it without the aid of the Valerian tablets. I decided not to take those anymore because I thought they were making me feel grumpy during the day. I was grumpy for as many days as I took them and the link seemed obvious. 

Actually, yesterday I thought I was starting to feel depressed and I sure as heck didn't want that. I could only assume that it was because of the Valerian tablets because that was the one major change there had been in my life. I felt quite bad and was worried about myself, but realized what the cause might be and decided to not to start to despair. I just had to be patient for a while and get a good night's sleep. I feel ever so much better this morning and that's something to be thankful for.

Now I'm sitting here with my second cup of coffee on a gray Saturday morning, but I don't mind one bit. It may rain later on, but that's okay. As long as my mood is good it doesn't matter. I'm happy about the fact that it is Saturday and a day to do nothing much important on. Of course, I will walk the dog and do some chores, but I will do them in my own leisurely way. There's no pressure to get anything done at a certain time, except that Tyke does know how to tell time and knows when I need to take him for a walk. He's a smart dog. 

I have a vague idea of what the day is going to look like. I'm going to change the bed for one thing and do a load of laundry. As always, I have to clean up the kitchen and also put the clean laundry away. I'm going to try and sit down in my armchair and read my book, but I'll probably daydream instead. I should probably call it meditating and contemplating my navel. I'll also watch the latest developments in Egypt on television.

First I'll go and walk Tyke. He's had his breakfast and is more than ready to go. 

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Slowly but surely...

My coffee tastes very good this morning and I can't get enough of it. It is making me as perky as a butterfly on a sunny spring day. Well, you can see where my thoughts are. They are certainly not stuck in the wintertime. They long for another season. Because it's January I do dare to long for the springtime. I look forward to it as something that's going to happen in the not too unforeseeable future. I am an optimist, no matter what the weather is still going to bring us. Which will be rain this weekend and that is a heck of a lot better than snow or sleet. 

I even dared sleep with my bedroom window open last night. That's because it really wasn't that cold outside. Cold is all very relative. It just depends on what you've gotten used to. It's no longer freezing, so any kind of temperature is nice. It feels healthier to sleep with the window open, all that fresh air must be good for something. I imagine it's better for my braincells. I will have better dreams because of it, though I don't really remember the ones I had last night. They must not have been that impressive.

I ate carrots and peas for dinner last night and they were so good that I ate my fill of them. I was truly full when I had to stop eating and I had to give the last of the carrots to Tyke who devoured them with a lot of appetite. I had forgotten how much fun it was to eat a big spoonful of peas. To really stuff your mouth with them and slowly chew them. It was heavenly. I have more left for tonight and it's something to look forward to. It's the little pleasures in life that make it fun. Peas and carrots can make you very happy. 

I watched a Dutch police series and it was as bad as they always are. A lot of drama and action and very little substance. I don't know why I bother, except that this one is filmed locally so it is interesting to see all the familiar places. The only problem is that nobody in the series speaks with a local accent, because they all come from the west of the country and that does make it lose some of its credibility. I don't know if that holds true for British series as well. 

I didn't go to bed too late last night. There was nothing else on television that I wanted to watch, as is usual for Friday nights. I can't get excited about many of the programs that are on, but that's why the television has an off button. I won't sit there and mindlessly watch whatever is on. I'm not hooked on it. 

Today is Saturday and the first official day of the weekend, although it really started yesterday afternoon after the domestic help left. I'm looking forward to the lazy days that are ahead of me. I will hang out in my bathrobe for a while this morning and be slow to get the show on the road. There is no time clock to punch and nobody will show up here. I get to have my privacy all to myself. 

There will be speed skating on today and I will watch that. Our best skater is not competing, so now it's up to the other guys. They will get a chance to prove their worth. They're up against some tough competition. They're skating the 10K today and that's a tough race. I'm curious to see how well we will do. It will be a relaxing way to spend the afternoon, for me at any rate. Not for them.

Have a good day!

Ciao,

Nora

The weekend.

It's Saturday, the first day of the weekend, but I'm not going to let that bother me. I'm going to act like it's a day like any other day and not give it a different connotation. I will get dressed in a little while and take Tyke for a walk, even though he's already done all of his business out back. It will get me in the proper mood for the rest of the day and I do have to go out this morning and go to the tobacco shop. I will be ready and in the starting blocks.

It hasn't snowed any more, despite the predictions, and even though it snowed a lot in the west of the country, we are left with the couple of inches that we already had. I found out that my boots are snow proof, so that's a relief, and they are warm enough. I just mustn't walk around in wet slush with them. I also found out that if I wear thin socks in my hiking boots, they fit a lot better and I don't get a blister on my toe that turns into a permanent sore spot. Of course, I haven't tried them on long distances yet and will not. I'd rather not tempt fate. 

I think I will watch a lot of cultural programs on television today, because Saturday is the day for it, and there will be the news on. There will be sports later on in the day, but a lot of football matches got canceled because of the snow. The cultural programs are about art and literature and architecture, amongst others. They're usually quite interesting, although not always to my taste, but challenging nonetheless. A person does need to be keeled out of his comfort zone sometimes. It gives you an opportunity to think about certain expressions of art and understand them better, even if you don't take to them or are even repelled by them.

Well, I've just taken my medicines and I have to get the show on the road. It's still dark and quiet outside and it will be a perfect opportunity to walk Tyke. We will have the world to ourselves. 

Have a good day!

Ciao,

Nora