No, I'm not a harried housewfie...

It is now day three since I quit smoking and my most successful day so far. I don't nearly feel the frustration today that I felt the first two days. I still want to light up a cigarette all the time, but I'm less disappointed when I realize that I can't. I'm finding my peace with it, I guess. 

I don't nearly have enough things to do during the day now that I don't spend it smoking and frantically try to think of activities. It's difficult to sit and do nothing. I have to keep myself busy and I have the energy for it also. The apartment has never been so organized.

I do take the dog for walks when I'm bored and make the walks a bit longer than they used to be. We both benefit from that. I try to think of interesting routes to follow that we have not gone on before and take all sorts of side streets. The dog thinks it's great and happily follows me.

I've spent time redecorating the livingroom and all I have left to do now is make a curtain shorter and I will do that tomorrow when I have nothing else on the program. The sewing machine isn't working so I will use iron on tape to make the hem with. After the sewing machine is repaired, I will fix the hem properly.

I've got a new chair to sit in with a new cushion and a new pillow in it. I feel like I'm sitting on a throne. The problem is that the cat has decided that this is her chair as well and lies down in it whenever I get up. When I want to sit down in it, I have to disturb her and I feel bad about doing that, even though she gets to lie down on my lap. The dog thinks it's strange when I sit down on the sofa instead and chases the cat out of the chair. I don't want his loyalty to me to go quite that far, but he feels called upon to do this.

I've got to take the dog for a walk. He's sitting beside me begging to go and I can't ignore him any longer. Off we go. 

Ciao,

Nora

An innocent dog...

He is sound asleep in the armchair now and you wouldn't think that he is guilty of waking me up out of a sound sleep, but he is, that darn dog. He had to go out and do a piddle and as a result I am sitting here somewhat grumpy and not quite awake with a cup of coffee. 

He was softly barking at me to let me know that he needed to go out and he couldn't be ignored. It's very irritating to listen to when you are trying to sleep because he keeps it up at a steady pace. There's no rest for the wicked or even for those who have been good as gold. 

Now he is sleeping the sleep of the innocents, not even the cat can wake him, and I'm sitting here yawning. But I will be alright after another cup of coffee and not be grumpy any longer. I already feel my mood improve after this first cup. You can't keep a good woman down forever. At least not for the duration of the night.

Speaking of keeping a good woman down, in two weeks time I am going to start decreasing my anti-psychotics in 0.5 mg increments. My psychiatrist has decided that I'm going to do it very slowly so as not to cause any mood disturbances. He said that we should have learned our lessons from the past and not decrease them too quickly. 

I can only concur and agree to this course of action. I want to decrease a total of 2 mg so that will take me several weeks. I'm much less cocky and assured of myself than I was at earlier attempts when I overestimated my ability to decrease them. I think I actually got in trouble because of that attitude. Hopefully this time things will go much better. 

I got a flat tire on the way home from seeing my psychiatrist and had to walk my way home with my bike. Luckily, it wasn't too far. I have to pump up my tire and see if it is a true leak or just a slowly emptying tire. If it is the latter, the tire won't have to be patched, which will save a lot of work. For the Exfactor anyway. 

I had a nice enough day. Nothing too exciting happened, which is fine with me. I like uneventful days for the most part. I talked to both my sisters on the phone and listened to their tales of woe, leaving me feeling frustrated. And then having to push away that feeling because there's nothing I can do about any of it. Their's are ongoing sagas that seem to have no endings. 

That's why I like my life uncomplicated. There's enough excitement in the lives of the people around me. I function as a sounding board. I hear it all. I would hate to have complications in my own life on top of that. I do appreciate the simplicity of my days. 

Yesterday we had beautiful weather. The sky was blue and the sun was shining all day. Today things are going to look a little differently. It's going to be colder and overcast and rainy and it's going to stay cooler for the next couple of days.

That means a change of clothes and I will have to look through my closet and see what is appropriate. Hopefully, something fun will jump out at me. I'm sure there are still forgotten clothes there that I will rediscover.

I've got to go and rediscover my bed. It's time to sleep some more. 

I hope you're all having a good night. 

Ciao,

Nora

Unbelievable...

I actually managed to sleep through the night. This in spite of the fact that I went to bed relatively early. I'm thoroughly amazed at myself and can't believe I did it, but it goes to show you that with a little bit of goodwill I can. I'm ever so grateful that I did because I needed a normal night's sleep. I haven't had one of those in a while. I'm ready to face the day now and I can't always say that when I wake up in the morning. Usually, I have to go back to bed.

The early birds are singing and it gives the morning a cheerful feeling. These birds are anticipating the sunrise which won't happen for another 45 minutes. There is rain in the forecast for this morning and it won't be very warm either, so I will have to wear some totally different clothes than I did yesterday when it was still sunny. That's okay, I don't mind raiding my closet. As a matter of fact, I enjoy doing it. There's always something there to wear that I'm in the mood for.

This morning my personal helper is going to be here and I saved the dishes especially for that occasion. I figured, we needed something to do together besides sit here and talk. It's better than doing the dishes on my own, anyway. I wish there were more jobs we could do together, but she's no help at all when it comes to hanging up the laundry which I need to do also. She hangs it up in the most impractical way.

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, but I didn't get to see my SPN because she was sick. I got some relief from seeing my psychiatrist, but not the kind of relief I would have had if I had seen my SPN also. I can't say that I'm out of the woods yet. 

Actually, It's not a subject I want to discuss because I don't like the way it makes me feel, which is angry and frustrated. With myself, most likely. 

I hope you all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

One more time...

I've just taken Tyke for a walk in the real autumn like November wind that blew yellow leaves all around us and ahead of our feet. It was invigorating and not at all that cold. It made me feel alive and ready to take another walk once we were inside again. We will have to go again before it gets dark and I hope the wind will be blowing as nicely then. 

I do appreciate this weather and I want to take advantage of it before it gets too cold to really enjoy it. As long as the wind is not too cold, it is wonderful how it hits your face and makes your skin feel just a bit chilled and look all rosy. I love the way it comes from unexpected directions and whirls the leaves around in spinning circles and rushing waves of color. 

--------------------------

I became very sleepy and had to lie down on the sofa where I took quite a nap. I will have to drink some coffee to completely come to my senses again. The coffeemaker is brewing it now. I have to be patient for just a few minutes, though I find that hard to do. 

There, now I have my coffee. I will be a living, breathing human being shortly. Right now I'm just faking it. 

I was waxing so poetically about the wind and the leaves, but I don't think I can do it anymore. All the poetry has left my body, only dull wit has been left behind to fill up the holes. That and a whole lot of sleepiness. I can't hone my writing skills on them. I will have to use different tactics now. 

My plan was to take Tyke for a walk before it got dark, but I don't know if I'm going to make it. The wind has stopped blowing as blustery and the sun is already getting low on the horizon. And I am still yawning. I need another cup of coffee, obviously...

...Well, instead of messing around with coffee, I took Tyke for a walk, because he would not wait any longer. It was still windy outside and not cold yet, so it was still enjoyable. It is a good thing that we went when we did. It is just starting to get dark and the streetlights are on already. 

I must remember that I like blustery wind that's not too cold. I didn't remember that about myself. It's like it is a new discovery that I made today. How interesting. See how you're never too old to learn things? Even about yourself? 

I am having that other cup of coffee now. It is still very welcome. I've turned the lights on in the living room and will close the blinds in a minute. I see people coming home from their work now, many of them on their bicycles. There are still kids playing outside before they have to go in for dinner. It's Wednesday, so it must be meatball day. That's traditional.

When I think of meatballs, I think of the nice little ones you get at Ikea. I haven't had those in a long time. I can't eat them anymore because of my gastric band and the last time I did, I ran into terrible trouble, because I ate more than I could handle. I'll never forget those meatballs. 

But I still like to go to Ikea. You just need to bring a big, full wallet with you when you go, because there's so much to see that you want and you can easily fill up one of those big shopping carts they have. I have no trouble spending money there. That's probably why I avoid the place right now. It's dangerous. 

It's time to watch the news. I have to go and be informed, although I think it will make no difference if I know how things are in the world. I can only do my share to make it a better one in my own limited way and hope everybody else does their share. I feel very frustrated at times. It doesn't seem that enough people care. 

Have a good evening!

Ciao,

Nora