Feeling my oats...

I'm really on my way to bed but temporarily got sidetracked about 30 minutes ago. I'm still planning on going there soon but I'll let myself be delayed for a little while longer. I'll pretend to not be in a hurry and that my bed is something I'm not looking forward to very much. That's only half true. I'll let you figure out which half is true. 

I'm also temporarily in a good enough mood. That's surprising because for the last few days I have been grumpy. I do want to take advanatge of this good mood and write a cheerful post even if I have not much to say. I very often have not much to say and somehow I manage to write a post anyway. That's when I write what is called a bunch of bull. 

I don't know why I have been grumpy these last few days. I'm getting enough sleep, so that's not the problem. I'm eating well, so I'm not going hungry. I don't smoke anymore, of course, but I'm still getting nicotine through the patches. I'm not going through withdrawal. I'm just grumpy for no apparent reason. 

I'm sure there is a cause but it's not clear to me. I would have to be deeply analyzed to find it out. I don't know if I want to make quite that much effort. I figure that sooner or later I'll get over being grumpy and be in a good mood again permanently or for as long as it lasts. Whichever comes first. 

I had bacon and eggs for dinner but it wasn't the deeply satisfying experience it should have been. I think this was because the eggs weren't biological eggs and they didn't taste as good. The yolks weren't nearly as tasty as they should have been. I opted for quantity over quality and regret it now, but you live and learn.

I think now that I can eat more normally, I will start eating open faced sandwiches again. I have a hunkering for chicken, lettuce, tomato and mayonaise on wheatbread.  That sounds absolutely delicious. I wish I had one right now. I will have to make a good shopping list on Tuesday. It's too bad that I have to wait until that time. 

Oh, I'm just having cravings now. It's that time of the evening again when I always get them. Normally I feel like eating ice cream. I better have a glass of ice cold milk. That will take care of it. 

When I feel cravings, it's time to go to bed. It will be fun to go in search of it, although it shouldn't be too hard to find. I'm already looking forward to getting under the warm duvet. Sleeping is wonderful. The moment of awakening is sheer bliss, even though it only lasts a second.

Have a good night. 

Ciao,

Nora

On being truthful...

Well, I can't blame the dog for me being up in the middle of the night. I owe it all to myself this time and my need to go to the toilet. That and my refusal to go back to bed afterwards because I was wide awake. Actually, I was eager for a cup of coffee and a cigarette and I very selfishly indulged in those and now I still am. I'm not always known for my wise decisions, but I am known for my most indulgent ones. 

I've read other people's blogs and commented where I thought I had something to say. I don't always leave a comment. Sometimes I think it's better if I don't say anything at all because it may come out a little bitchy. Or more negative than I intend it to be. I can be super critical at times and that, of course, is not always necessary. Nobody is waiting for my opinions. I sometimes feel that I have to be kinder than I actually am.

I didn't have any emails, much to my disappointment. I felt forsaken by everybody. Usually there are at least one or two, but now there was nothing. That severely cut down on the time I had to spend answering them. Let's hope I'm not completely forgotten and that some will trickle in during the night. It feels very bad to be so unpopular. Maybe it's because I'm such a misanthrope. I've been discovered for the true person I really am. 

I mean to be more truthful in these posts and not make myself look so wonderful and understanding all the time. Instead I want to present myself as the very ordinary and fragile human being that I am, just like everybody else if they really owned up to it. I'm all done being superwoman, and will show you the not so pretty sides. The ones I always cover up. 

Don't expect any big revelations now. They will happen with time as I write about things. I will always try to be honest and not embellish things. If there's a negative aspect about myself, I will try not to hide it if it's pertinent to what I'm writing about. It's a whole new approach. That doesn't mean I'm going to write about my problems, but just about my thoughts and opinions and general attitude. 

What I think now is that I ought to go back to bed. I have much sleep left in me and hours left to go before I have to get up. It's a lonely business, this blogging in the middle of the night. There is nobody else out there to keep you company. Everybody seems to be asleep. 

I have to do the groceries myself today. It's with some trepidation that I look forward to this. I'm not quite sure if I'm up to it, but I will be brave and do it.

Ciao,

Nora