My pesky dog...

It's in the very early hours of Saturday morning and my dog is being a pain in the neck. I don't know what he wants and so far I've given him a milk bone and a rawhide chewy but still he's not happy and keeps pestering me. He's already been out back, but it is possible that he needs to go there again. It will be with great reluctance that I get up and try that again. I never know how quickly I can get him back inside. Maybe I best ignore him. 

That's not at all how I wanted to start of this post. I wanted it to have a serene beginning and not a frustrated one. Now I feel that I have to start all over and get into the proper mood. It's hard when a pup is begging by your side for I know not what. I'll have to figure out a way to find my equilibrium and peacefulness in spite of him and hope he goes to lie down by my feet and falls asleep soon...he has just done that, so there is hope for me yet.

I do have to get up and get myself a cup of coffee because I'm thirsty and in need of some caffeine. I hope I don't upset the careful balance we've achieved. I've already had to make cigarettes and frustrated the dog because I wouldn't let him on the dining table. I didn't want him looking out the window in the middle of the night where he would see imaginary danger and start to bark. That's the last thing I wanted him to do. Yes, my dog comes with an instruction booklet too. It has to be applied on a daily basis. 

Since today is Saturday, it is my day off, but I do have to hang another load of laundry to dry outside. Yesterday's load  was dry in no time at all and I've got very clean smelling sheets and pillowcases. Today I'll be hanging up a load of clothes and it will be nice to have them smelling equally good. I have to take advantage of this weekend's weather to do as much laundry as I can, because on Monday it may rain, so I thought I'd dive into my closet and pull out some clothes to wash. 

We're having a bit of a heatwave this weekend and today the temperature is going to be 28C, which is unheard of for the time of year. I'm not complaining and in the apartment it is still relatively cool, especially the back of it where it will be nice to go lie down for a nap in the afternoon. I'm already looking forward to the day and can't wait for the warm sunshine to walk the dog in. As long as it doesn't get too hot, I'll be alright, if dressed appropriately. I'm sure I'll find something that's just right. 

I'm expecting the Exfactor in the morning who's going to bring me some cat food that I'm almost out of. I had forgotten to put it on the grocery list on Tuesday. The cat does eat a lot, although she doesn't get any fatter. She's a slim cat and dainty. She does beg by her bowl for food every day and will even eat dog food if I don't fill her bowl on time. That is, if the dog lets her because he can be quite moody about that. Some days he cares more than others. 

It's with some amount of relief that I'm going back to bed in a little while because I haven't slept enough yet. I'm yawning and looking forward to going back to bed for a few more hours of sleep. 

I've got to make an appointment with my hairdresser soon. My hair is out of control and I can't do a thing with it. It is too long. I'll call today, but I'm sure I won't be able to get in today. It will probably be sometime next week. You always quite suddenly have desperate hair from one day to the next. With me it happened yesterday. I washed it and it went flat and unmanageable. I look like a hillbilly. 

I'm off. I hope you'll all have a good Saturday no matter what your weather is like, but I wish you lots of sunshine. 

Ciao,

Nora

A repeat performance...

It's in the middle of the night of Thursday going on Friday. Actually, it's officially Friday already, so I will stick to that. It's a much more optimistic point of view. The fact is that I like it being Friday instead of Thursday because it's almost the weekend. I will do a few chores in the morning before the domestic help gets here and then I will be home free. And then, ha ha (laughing wickedly), I will have the weekend all to myself to do with as I please. 

No doubt I'll fill it with all sorts of interesting things to do such as take naps and watch TV and walk the dog and sit and meditate in my armchair. That is if everything goes well. If I can sustain the mood I'm in. That's the crucial ingredient. I must be well tempered. That means keeping my mood as balanced as I can get.

At least I can treat myself to a pleasant night sat behind the computer with a nice cup of coffee. That's one way to get into a good mood. Nobody can take that away from me. I will have the agreeable experience of it and I'm enjoying that a lot. 

There's no real reason why I should enjoy it this night more than others, because I do enjoy them regularly anyway. Except last night when I was in a minor mood and nothing came of writing a post, but there have to be exceptions to the rule.

There's no need to over analyze this. Everybody has their ups and downs and I'm no different. Some nights you are full of goodwill and some nights you had better go back to bed, even if it means having a somewhat sleepless night until the morning when you properly fall asleep. 

It's with some amount of contentment that I sit here now and write down whatever enters my head, although I do try to make rhyme and reason of it. I don't want to sound completely like a ship set adrift. I do want to make some sense. 

No doubt the coffee is keeping me on the straight and narrow. It does have the tendency to keep my mind focused. At least it prevents me from drifting away from the subject at hand too much. 

But what was the subject at hand? It seems to me that I had not quite chosen one. I think I was just rambling on in a general sort of way and was not really focused on anything in specific. Maybe it's impossible for me to do that right now. There's nothing really pressing on my mind.

All I know is that I have to do the dishes this morning and do a load of laundry and dry it outside on the clothes lines. That will give me a good reason to change the bed again tonight and I can't do that often enough for my taste. The weather is going to be beautiful today and there will be no excuse not to hang the laundry outside. It should be dry in no time because it will be most pleasant out there.

Those are the calls of duty which I'm at liberty to ignore right now because it's not the right time to give heed to them. I've got some sleeping left to do first. It's with some reluctance that I'm going to go back to bed because I'm not nearly ready to. 

It's too bad that reality always creeps into your middle of the night musings. It's that sense of responsibility that calls you back to order. It's too bad that it's so exaggerated. I wish I had a little less of it. 

If you're still up, I hope you're having a good evening. If you're asleep, I hope you'll have a good morning. 

Ciao,

Nora

If I go slowly, I will surely get there...

If I start writing this post slowly now and take my time, it will be tomorrow by the time I'm done. All I have to do is not be in a rush and I really do think that's the most comfortable way to write anyway. Since I seldom consciously allow myself that luxury, I will take full advantage of it and go as slowly as I can. I will even repeat myself if that is necessary to prolong the process. In the meantime, I will make myself some coffee to make the whole experience as holistic as possible. 

I should find some food to eat too, but I will postpone that for a while. It is hard to eat and write at the same time, besides that, you get crumbs in the keyboard. My domestic help is good about getting those out, but I'm afraid that in her enthusiasm she will one day shake loose the keys. 

I have already slept, having gone to bed early, but it was inevitable that I'd wake up again after a few hours. I will go back to sleep eventually, but not until I've gone through the lengthy process of getting into the proper mood again. I've got to get to the point that I'll look forward to going to bed and that it's the only place where I want to be. Luckily, I'm already yawning, so hopefully it won't take too long. 

I stood by the back door a while ago to let out the dog and inhaled the fresh night air and now the smell of it is embedded in my system. It's like it's penetrated my pajamas because I keep smelling it, but I'm sure it's just my imagination. It's  as if I've got freshly laundered clothes on and I've been washed in spring rain. It's very pleasant and all I can think is that it must be an imaginary olfactory experience I'm having.  I'm sure I don't really smell like this. And by the way, no washing powder or shower gel comes close to smelling this way. 

The wind has stopped blowing so hard. It was a cold wind that was blowing from the north east and it is slowly going to start blowing from the south which will make things warmer by the weekend. I'm looking forward to that. It does mean that I can hang the laundry outside to dry because there is no rain in the forecast. Things should dry pretty quickly. 

I've got groceries in the house again because the Exfactor did them yesterday. I was completely out of milk and to me that is very serious. That means I can't drink tall glasses of it and I have to put powdered creamer in my coffee. I still had other supplies so I wasn't completely destitute. There was enough left to eat. I suppose I care most about the milk. I forgot to ask the Exfactor to buy some ice cream, so It mustn't have been very important. I'll try to remember next time because in the middle of the night like this, I feel like having a bowl of it. 

I just had a bowl of chocolate pudding and that prevented me from getting any crumbs into the keyboard. It was very good and filling. I forgot all about having that in the refrigerator. There's nothing like sleeping on a full stomach, so I suppose I should think about going to bed. It is tomorrow now, after all. 

I hope you'll all sleep tightly.

Ciao,

Nora

Alertness at the wrong time...

I'm not at all supposed to be awake now, but the dog climbed on top of me while I was sound asleep and started being grumpy at me as if he wanted me to wake up in a hurry and I did. I tried to push him off, but he was insistent that I get up. He pulled the duvet right off me and pushed his nose against my body in effort to get me to move.

I finally had to get up out of bed before he was satisfied and he settled down as soon as I had gotten a cup of coffee and sat down behind the computer. Isn't he quite the character? He's sound asleep now in the armchair as if he had nothing to do with me being up. He's as innocent as a newborn baby. 

He didn't want anything else. He didn't want to go out for a piddle or want a treat or a fresh drink of water. He just seemed to want me to be up. Apparently he appreciates my watchful company. It probably makes him feel more secure. Maybe he doesn't like to feel alone in the dark. Or he has gotten so used to me being up in the middle of the night that he thinks it's normal.

That leaves me sitting here in the middle of the night, slightly sleepy headed and with some empty time to fill. I usually know how to take care of that. A post is quickly written. Or as slowly as I want. I can take all the time in the world to do it. All I have to do is make sure that I'm up at 9 o'clock in the morning when my psychiatrist is going to call me. 

I mustn't miss that call. I'll have to set the alarm clock for it so I will be coherent when he does call. I have to make sure that I've had a few cups of coffee before I talk to him. The worst thing in the world is talking to someone on the phone right when you've woken up. You are so vulnerable when you do and you can't think straight yet. They've really got you at a disadvantage. 

At least I went to bed at a decent time last night. I got my pajamas on early and watched a consumer program on TV, but it was only mildly interesting. I guess I'm supposed to get outraged every week, but I've ceased to be because nothing surprises me anymore. They do have to find new items every week to air on their program. 

It does go to show you how much there's screwed up in this country, but I can't get excited about everything. We live in a banana republic. Things that don't work well here have been resolved perfectly well in surrounding countries and we're just muddling along, especially with the government of major cutbacks that we have now. All we have to do is look how they're done across the border. And successfully so. 

Don't get me started. All things lead to politics. Badly done politics.

I mustn't get bogged down in that and focus my vision on a totally different subject. I'll talk about the weather instead which was decidedly cold yesterday, although the sun was shining all day. There was a cold wind blowing from the north east and it was only 15C. I needed both my cardigan and my jacket when I went outside to walk the dog. 

The weather is going to slowly improve by the end of the week and it will be a little warmer by the weekend. I don't mind if it's cold as long as I'm dressed for it. The fact that the sun shines makes it easier. It stays light late now and the days last long. This pleases me very much and I'm happy for all the hours of daylight. I wouldn't mind a bit of rain, especially because there are wildfires here and there. These are started by opportunistic arsonists who are hard to catch. 

The fires get started on the moors and they smolder underground in the peat for a long time, even when it looks like they have been put out. They need infra red cameras to see where the fire is still alive and tackle it there. They use firetrucks and helicopters with big water bags to fight the fires.

That's about as interesting as I can get right now. This post has gotten long enough anyway. I mustn't bore you. I will go and find some other way to amuse myself right now because I'm not nearly ready to go back to bed. Hopefully, something joyful will pass my path. 

I hope you're all having a good night or are about to. I hope your weather is treating you right and that your government is also. 

Ciao,

Nora

Late night thoughts...

My sister had given me a package of organically grown coffee and I made a pot of it just now, but I have to say that I don't like the taste of it very much. I made it just as strong as I made the regular coffee, but it doesn't pack a punch. You can't look a gift horse in the mouth and I will finish it all up, although it is with a bit of resistance. Maybe I will get used to the taste of it after a few pots, but organically grown is not necessarily better.

It was coffee she no longer used because she has a complicated Krupp machine now that makes all sorts of coffee and grinds whole beans. Before that, I never thought I had a decent cup of coffee at her house, but I thought she was just not very good at making coffee. Now I understand why that was. She made the coffee too weak and it was organic. Another mystery solved. 

Her Italian friend tweaked the Krupp machine yesterday and fixed me a most excellent cappuccino in a tall glass that I really savored, so I know now to always have him make my cappuccinos. It must be because he's Italian that he knows how to fix them so well. The milk was foamed to perfection.

As we speak a mixture of Dutch and English and Italian when we are together, we are all starting to understand each other in these languages. We switch from one to another without realizing that we do, although I'm very limited in Italian. I did guess the correct word for pillow, which is 'il cushino.'  

We sat in the garden in the sunshine and as I sat with my back towards the sunlight, I've got a tan line there and on my shoulders. My dress was low cut in the back. The fence blocked the cool wind that was blowing and it was lovely. We moved our chairs as the shade of the house moved across the garden. 

On the fields by my apartment, the dandelions have all gone to seed, but the daisies are still blooming. There is also purple clover now and there are yellow buttercups all over. I've even see the first pink poppies. It is a joy to walk the dog and to discover the new wildflowers. There are some other very small ones in different colors, but they are so little, that they hardly show up. There are bees buzzing around now too, but luckily I have no fear of them. I've never been stung by one. 

All in all, it was a wonderful lazy day yesterday as Sundays should be. It was truly a day of rest and I didn't even get around to doing the dishes that I should have done. I was also going to change my bed, but I didn't get around to that either. Those will be jobs for today. That's what Mondays are for, after all. I do have a clean set of sheets and pillow cases. It's the pillow cases that I always run out of. I have to get more of those with four pillows on my bed.

I'm truly thankful for the mood I find myself in. It's neither high nor low, but nicely in between. I guess I'm doing something right. If only I could figure out what the magic ingredients are, I would keep adding them every day. I would subtract whatever did not fit into the picture. It's such a relief to be balanced. I'd wish for it every day. I suppose that would bring me the greatest happiness. 

I've had a glass of milk, but the taste of that coffee is still in the back of my mouth. It really isn't very good. I think that maybe I will just keep it for emergencies. There's no sense in drinking something against your will. That's not what life is all about. You always need to find the most enjoyable experience as long as you don't hurt anyone with it. I'm sure my sister won't mind if I don't like her coffee. I don't think she was too thrilled about it herself, but bought it out of a sense of responsibility. She had a wacky little coffeemaker when she moved to her new house until the Krupp machine arrived.

I've got to think about going to bed, although I'm not nearly ready to. I'm enjoying the peace of the nighttime too much. 

I hope you're all sleeping tightly or are about to. 

Ciao,

Nora

Another one for the road...

You can't artificially create a highly charged mood, so I will have to do with this medium charged mood instead. I'm not plucking the last stars out of the heavenly skies and seeing as though it's nearly dawn now, I won't be anymore either, no matter how many cups of coffee I drink. The morning will start off quietly and not with a bang and I will not go roaring into it. That's probably for the best, as it results in less accidents. 

After having had the joy of watching the royal wedding yesterday, I get the fun of watching Queen's Day being celebrated on television today. This is when our Queen Beatrix honors the birthday of our old Queen Juliana. It's a regular people's party all over the country and all stops are pulled out. We all celebrate. It's when the flags and the orange bunting are pulled out and flown all over and we go orange mad in honor of the House of  Orange. It's our national color. Queen's Day is our first national celebration in the springtime. The next will be Liberation Day on May the 5th. 

Since today is Saturday, it is a day off already besides being a national holiday. It will be very busy downtown and that area is best avoided. The cafe terraces will be filled with people because the weather will be good.  There will be the usual tourists and, because it's also spring break, there will be large amounts. It would be a perfect day to get lost in the crowd, if you liked a crowd.

I have to remember to be happy today and to not sit here like a rock in a meadow, all stony and silent and morose. There's no reason for me not to see the sunny side of life. I have to look at the reality of the day and see the lightness in it and it is going to be a very light day indeed. Maybe that has not quite dawned on me yet. The day will be filled with simple things and there's nothing to worry about, except what to wear and at what time to walk the dog. That's as easy as it gets. 

I slept a good six hours last night and that's a long time for me. I was pleasantly surprised when I looked at the alarm clock this morning. Still, I'm yawning right now, so I'm not fully awake yet. I must go and get dressed and take the dog out in the cool morning air and get woken up properly. There's a bit of wind that ought to blow the cobwebs from my mind. 

At this point the dog seems to have the same idea and has come up to me with big begging eyes. I think he's ready to go out. It's completely light outside now and the sun is shining.

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Being perfectly normal early in the morning...

Being perfectly normal doesn't happen very often anymore, so I do have to give it a special mention. Besides, I don't know how long the feeling is going to last. It may be very fleeting, but I hope it is solidly settled into my psyche for the rest of the day. I certainly welcome it and am very happy with it. It's been a long time since I have felt this way. 

I never know what ingredients make up the feeling and I hope to keep getting them right as I guess at them. I'm drinking coffee and have read other people's blog posts. They were for the most part cheerful, even the ones that were more introspective. Maybe that was just the take I had on them from my own point of view which is more rose colored. 

I've had at least 5 hours of sleep, that's pretty good by my standards. I had a very nice phone conversation with my daughter last night. I think that put some weight into the balance. It was about a positive subject and one I could advise her on using all my maternal instincts which are intact and alive and well. You never do stop being good at that, do you? It doesn't matter what age you are or what age your daughter is.

I'm seeing my psychiatrist today for the second time this week and I'm going to set something straight which has been bothering me very much. It's a problem I had which I've since resolved and I want to help it out of this world and never talk about it again. It's an embarrassment to me now to even think about it. I will make short shrift of it. It's a reflection of how low I can get and had gotten. 

Being sound of mind has improved my point of view of life in general and my life in specific and suddenly everything looks a lot brighter than it did. All the little details that seemed so complicated now all look resolvable. I can't say that the world's problems seem less big by comparison, but I'm less burdened by them, if only in the smallest degree. Maybe my shoulders have become a bit stronger. 

I've always remained a realist about them anyway and never did think there was an easy solution or a solution at all. It's easier to look at my own life and take care of the details there. All I can do is manage my own life well. 

It's with some amount of relief that I start the day. Feeling unburdened for the most part has improved the way I'll enter the fray. It's not much of a fray anyway. At least, I don't look at it that way. Except for some minor complications, it all seems rather simple. All I have to do is stay as honest and as upfront as I can be and do my best. With a little bit of goodwill and a continuing good outlook, I ought to be able to do that.

And I still say, thank god it's Friday. The week has lasted long enough and it has been intense enough with lots of conflicting emotions that I'm more than ready for two days of nothingness. Of only watching cultural television and walking the dog and taking naps. And worrying about nothing else but which clothes I'm going to wear depending on the weather. That's as complicated as it's going to get. That's just about the level of excitement I'm willing to handle. 

No doubt I'll find some interesting elements to add to the mixture as I go along. One thing I have thought is that maybe I'm not really enjoying the book I'm reading and that I ought to start reading a different one, although I'm always loathe to leave a book unfinished. This one is not grabbing me, though. I don't really care enough about how it's going to end and I have been uninterested in reading it. I'm two thirds of the way through it and, although I like the characters, I don't care what happens to them. So I may be looking for a different book. 

I've got to take my medicines and check my emails. It's not quite time to get the day started. It is rather early still. I'll have to do some chores because the domestic help is going to be here today and I don't want her to walk into a messy apartment. I do still have my housewifely pride. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora