Own up to nothing...

I just walked the dog in the late afternoon autumn sun. It was pleasant to be out there because it wasn't too cold and there was no wind to speak of. I had to enjoy it extra much because tomorrow it's going to start raining and it will be done with the fun. I wanted to tell the dog to enjoy the weather, but I don't think he would have cared one way or the other. It's all the same to him. 

I'm having a much needed cup of coffee and it is agreeing with me better than the glass of milk I tried earlier. The milk upset my stomach and caused me to have much discomfort. I'm not back to normal yet. I think now that I must have some bacterial or viral infection because I really felt ill too while I was having these stomach problems. While I am having them still. 

Tonight I'm going to make a very light chicken soup and hope for the best. I'm not going to put any vermicelli in it and basically keep it as simple as possible. It will be mostly bouillon. My personal helper said that I should keep my electrolytes in balance and to do that with something salty. So soup it is.

There, I've already told you more than I was planning to. I was going to keep it light and simple, just like my soup. I wasn't planning on going into a lengthy discourse on my stomach. 

I'm so ready for my glasses to be ready. I'm anticipating a phone call every day, but it may take another week. I've gone so long without glasses, I should be able to wait that much longer. I'm just very impatient to have them. Every day I'm second guessing if I picked the right pair, but I won't know for sure until I've got them on. And then it will be too late to change my mind. 

I've forgotten to watch the news. Now I'm ignorant until later this evening. Luckily, I get a second opportunity. There are political shenanigans going on again. Aren't there always? 

I must make soup to strengthen me. I can't face it on an empty stomach. 

I hope you'll all have a nice evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Neutrality...

All moments should be as simple as this one. Every minute should be as uncomplicated as this one is. Unfortunately, today they aren't and I find myself at times filled with anxiety. 

I know why that is. It's because I wasn't able to stick to the diet because of unforeseen circumstances. It wasn't really because of a fault of my own, but still it makes me feel highly uncomfortable. Going on the diet was a big deal, going off it is an even bigger deal. 

I don't generally do well with changes in my life and this is a double whammy. On top of that I had the discomfort of the stomach problems. It's all been too upsetting for me and I wonder how I would deal with a real crisis. 

Well, it's the seemingly small problems in life that are always the hardest to tackle. Those are the ones that sneak up on you. It's the bigger things we are better prepared for and get the most support in. 

I must say that I consider myself fortunate that I don't have to deal with any big problems and that this is a relative small one that I have to tackle. I do have to count my blessings, after all. I must never forget to do that. God forbid that I should start thinking that my life is overly complicated. 

See how everything is relative? I started off worrying and before you know it, I've talked myself right out of it. I must just accept that I can't follow that silly diet and that I have a sensitive stomach. A stomach with an instruction booklet. That's all, no more, no less. 

At least I'm able to drink a cup of coffee with milk in it, that's truly a blessing. You know how much I want my cup of coffee. How much I need it. I'm not the same woman if I haven't had it. It perks me up tremendously if I'm in need of it. I won't be drinking tea any time soon. I had not such a good experience with it. 

The sun has been shining all day and the dog and the cat have been sitting in front of the window watching the world come by. It has been very entertaining to them because it has been very busy and lots of people have walked through the street. It's been like watching TV for them. 

I've got to see if I can catch the latest news and find out about the state of the country. I hope it's not going to hell in a hand basket yet. According to our able politicians, it isn't.

Ciao,

Nora

Quality time...

I had to put on my bathrobe because I was sitting here in my pajamas in the middle of the night getting decidedly cold after having had a glass of ice cold milk. I already had my requisite cups of coffee and, of course, I couldn't go past my limit. 

I didn't need to anyway because I felt good enough and they weren't warming up my stomach all that much. At least I'm not sitting here mindlessly drinking one cup after another until I'm sick of them. I do have enough sense to make just enough coffee for two cups and that's it.

I'm ever so much more comfortable in my bathrobe now. It envelops me like a warm blanket and I'm so cozy in it. It really isn't that cold in here, even though the bedroom windows are still open. It never does cool off in the apartment that quickly. That's a blessing in the wintertime and it hasn't been hot enough this summer for it to be a problem. 

Yesterday went by so quickly. It hardly felt like a full day at all. Of course, I slept for half of it because I didn't get up until past noontime and when I woke up, I thought it was still early because everything was so quiet. I was surprised to see what time it was on the alarm clock.

I had to sit and drink my two cups of coffee in peace and quiet and then slowly get ready to go see my sister and her friend, but I dawdled too long and had to rush in the end. I picked out my outfit in a hurry, but it was a good one and I felt comfortable in it. Pretty enough, anyway. 

The weather wasn't bad. There were clouds, but there also was enough sunshine and the temperatures weren't bad. We were able to sit in the garden and have a long conversation with cappuccinos. 

My sister's friend, who's a chemist, had made me a night creme based on honey. I had casually mentioned to him that I needed one for fine, dry skin and he had made it especially for me. It's very nice and it smells delicious. See how easily such a special wish can come true? You just have to know the right people.

When I got home, I walked the dog and watched sports on TV. Football season has started, so there were a lot of rundowns on the games that had been played. Everybody wants to win whatever league championship is coming up first and they are already calculating their chances. A little prematurely, I think. 

The news that I watched was all dire. There is no good news nowadays. You have to have a brave heart to watch it or be steeped in ignorance. Economic crises are being politicized. The financial markets are full of emotions. There's an undercurrent of panic. People are losing their heads. 

I try to stay calm because I'm nobody and don't count. I'm at the bottom of the ladder. A tiny little fish in the very big sea. A sardine. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Dreaming of the good guys...

It's very early in the morning and the first birds have not yet started to sing. I've had two cups of coffee and am now drinking my third one. For some reason they taste extra good this morning and they are even quenching my thirst. They are also making me feel nice and warm on the inside and I'm sitting here in my pajamas without my bathrobe on. 

It was cool during the night and it isn't going to be such a warm day. I like the coolness at night and sleep better for it. I don't mind so much what the temperature is during the day, as long as it's not too hot. I don't think we're in danger of that this coming week. It's going to be summery, but not too warm. It will be pleasant to be outside. 

Because the fields have been mowed again, there aren't any interesting wildflowers growing there right now. The grass is kept cut short. There are still tall red poppies in the flowerbeds, but that's about it. There's nothing exciting to discover. I look in vain for something new, but all there is is white clover that grows very close to the ground and that is not cut down. The interesting ground cover with the purple flowers has been completely decimated. It was better when the fields were neglected during the drought. Nobody cared what was growing there then. 

Last night I watched a very good episode of 'Sebastian Bergman.' It was interesting because you get to know the character better with each episode and learn to find him a little more sympathetic. There's nothing worse that disliking the main character of the plot. He's becoming more human now. The episode was very exciting and filmed well and then, of course, there was the Swedish language which I paid close attention to. It's starting to make sense. 

I watched a journalism program afterwards which touched on a bunch of political subjects, but which left me none the wiser and with more questions than I had. I suppose it was to stimulate my independent mind. I just wish I knew what to do with it. I feel hopelessly inept at changing the course of history. The 'old boys network' seems very much in place and very smug and solid too. Our liberal prime minister seems to have tight control of everything and enough support to get away with it. Liberalism here being the same thing as what conservative republicanism is in the United States. 

I will go back to bed now. My personal helper is going to be here this morning and I've got to set the alarm clock so I will get up on time. I'll have to find some decent clothes to wear too. Something I will feel pretty and comfortable in. 

I hope you'll all have a very good Monday and a Happy 4th of July if that applies to you. 

Ciao,

Nora

Kindheartedness...

I suppose that's best to describe the benign feelings I have right now about the world  in general, though not about all things in specific, but I'll not let myself be bothered about them right now. I want to have nothing but benign feelings, pushing away the effects of the less happy news items I watched on television last night. If they are all true, they make me feel very jaded indeed and I want none of that right now. 

I do want to enjoy my few hours of peace and quiet in the darkness and silence of the night and believe in the general goodness of mankind, though it is hard to pull the wool over my own eyes. It requires a state of oblivion that even I don't know I'm capable of. I'm going to give it my best try, though. 

The face of one man is etched in my mind right now and that is the face of Dominic Strauss-Kahn and I wonder how he is doing in his single prison cell on Wicker Island. I want the allegations to not be true, but I'm afraid they are and I'm ever so sorry about that. It bothers me to no end that a man in his position would steep so low.  I suppose I feel an enormous amount of disappointment. This isn't about having extra-marital affairs anymore. This is about rape and it's very serious. 

Enough said about that. I have to find something equally true and honest in its place. Something to offset it. Something of beauty and elegance. That's hard to come by in this world. I suppose I'm looking for a hero and I can't find one at this moment. I need a Nelson Mandela.

I suppose that I don't feel as benign as I thought I did, though I wish to. I worry about men in power abusing their privilege. It's been shown that the brain activity of people in power changes and that they take bigger chances and do things ordinary people would not. They are risk takers. This goes for women in power as well as men. Women are more subtle, though. They don't have a penis in their pants with which they have to assert themselves. 

I'll gently return to the night and it's peacefulness. If I sit here so silently, it's hard to imagine that there's a big complicated world out there. I can make my own world as small as I like. I can make it as small as the light of my desk lamp reaches. I can forget about yesterday and the day that is to come. All I have to do in a while is go back to bed and sleep. I don't even have to dream about unpleasant things, at least, I hope not. 

On another subject, the book I'm reading, 'Loot and other stories,' is not fascinating me at all, but then again, not many books are lately and I never seem to be able to finish one. I will have to go in search of another book that will hopefully grab my attention well enough. I do still have enough to choose from on the bookcase. It's a shame to leave all these books unread, but maybe some day in the future I will go back and finish them.

Today actually brings nothing complicated with it. It is a day of no consequence at all. I can make it as simple as I want and I am grateful for that. I will do some simple chores and generally take care of my mental health, which has for the most part been good. I'm not going from one extreme mood to the other, but am mostly positioned somewhere in the middle range. You have no idea what a relief that is. I'm not in the bouncy castle.

I hope you're all having a good night and that you'll have a good morning when you get up. We're actually going to have good weather. 

Ciao,

Nora

Alertness at the wrong time...

I'm not at all supposed to be awake now, but the dog climbed on top of me while I was sound asleep and started being grumpy at me as if he wanted me to wake up in a hurry and I did. I tried to push him off, but he was insistent that I get up. He pulled the duvet right off me and pushed his nose against my body in effort to get me to move.

I finally had to get up out of bed before he was satisfied and he settled down as soon as I had gotten a cup of coffee and sat down behind the computer. Isn't he quite the character? He's sound asleep now in the armchair as if he had nothing to do with me being up. He's as innocent as a newborn baby. 

He didn't want anything else. He didn't want to go out for a piddle or want a treat or a fresh drink of water. He just seemed to want me to be up. Apparently he appreciates my watchful company. It probably makes him feel more secure. Maybe he doesn't like to feel alone in the dark. Or he has gotten so used to me being up in the middle of the night that he thinks it's normal.

That leaves me sitting here in the middle of the night, slightly sleepy headed and with some empty time to fill. I usually know how to take care of that. A post is quickly written. Or as slowly as I want. I can take all the time in the world to do it. All I have to do is make sure that I'm up at 9 o'clock in the morning when my psychiatrist is going to call me. 

I mustn't miss that call. I'll have to set the alarm clock for it so I will be coherent when he does call. I have to make sure that I've had a few cups of coffee before I talk to him. The worst thing in the world is talking to someone on the phone right when you've woken up. You are so vulnerable when you do and you can't think straight yet. They've really got you at a disadvantage. 

At least I went to bed at a decent time last night. I got my pajamas on early and watched a consumer program on TV, but it was only mildly interesting. I guess I'm supposed to get outraged every week, but I've ceased to be because nothing surprises me anymore. They do have to find new items every week to air on their program. 

It does go to show you how much there's screwed up in this country, but I can't get excited about everything. We live in a banana republic. Things that don't work well here have been resolved perfectly well in surrounding countries and we're just muddling along, especially with the government of major cutbacks that we have now. All we have to do is look how they're done across the border. And successfully so. 

Don't get me started. All things lead to politics. Badly done politics.

I mustn't get bogged down in that and focus my vision on a totally different subject. I'll talk about the weather instead which was decidedly cold yesterday, although the sun was shining all day. There was a cold wind blowing from the north east and it was only 15C. I needed both my cardigan and my jacket when I went outside to walk the dog. 

The weather is going to slowly improve by the end of the week and it will be a little warmer by the weekend. I don't mind if it's cold as long as I'm dressed for it. The fact that the sun shines makes it easier. It stays light late now and the days last long. This pleases me very much and I'm happy for all the hours of daylight. I wouldn't mind a bit of rain, especially because there are wildfires here and there. These are started by opportunistic arsonists who are hard to catch. 

The fires get started on the moors and they smolder underground in the peat for a long time, even when it looks like they have been put out. They need infra red cameras to see where the fire is still alive and tackle it there. They use firetrucks and helicopters with big water bags to fight the fires.

That's about as interesting as I can get right now. This post has gotten long enough anyway. I mustn't bore you. I will go and find some other way to amuse myself right now because I'm not nearly ready to go back to bed. Hopefully, something joyful will pass my path. 

I hope you're all having a good night or are about to. I hope your weather is treating you right and that your government is also. 

Ciao,

Nora

A caffeinated post...

Without giving you the impression that I'm hypo-manic, I do have to say that I'm sitting here quite contentedly and that must be because I've already had four hours of sleep and one delicious cup of coffee. As happens once in a while, I got the amount of ground coffee just right and turned out a delicious pot of it that's not too bitter or too strong. It does not make my mouth pucker with the awful taste of it. It was a gentle and nicely brewed cup of coffee that I drank and I'm getting ready for my second one. 

I feel good, but I'm not on a high. My eyeballs aren't popping out of my head from excitement, nor am I thinking that I'm omnipotent and all knowing and have the answer to every question. I'm reasonable and sane, but doesn't every lunatic think that he is? The proof will be in the pudding and the pudding will be this post. You'll be able to judge me on the contents and the reasonableness of it. I hope to make complete sense while still being amusing.

Yesterday afternoon I took the dog for a long walk and I saw my first buttercups. I saw them under two trees on a stretch of grass beside the sidewalk. I thought that was very fortunate because I had just mentioned them on my other blog. It's the only place I saw them. I also saw my first dandelions, but I was not as thrilled about them. I'm waiting to see buttercups in the fields now, besides the many daisies that are there, and I suppose the clover will be next, both purple and white. I'm going to keep careful track of which wildflowers pop up where and when. 

Hopefully I'll know their names. It will be a good reason to take the dog on longer walks. I know of one place that's good for many kinds of wildflowers and if there are going to be any, that's the place to look for them. It's a ways out of town on the edge of it, but maybe I can walk there this afternoon after the domestic help has been here. It's supposed to be nice weather today with sunshine and pleasant temperatures, so it would be a good time to go. The exercise would do us both good and I'd have a goal. 

Speaking of goals, I was watching the highlights of some rugby games yesterday and that's a rough sport. Those guys get thrown around and pounced upon like nothing else. I'm sure their poor bodies are scraped and bruised like no others when they're done with their game. Footballers are ninnies compared to them. And I wonder who washes their clothes because they were covered in grass and dirt stains. I'm sure the wives don't have to do the washing at home. I think this was the Six Nation League Championship and I think England won. It was very exciting to watch.  

I also always watch the highlights of the football games and I'm glad they are the highlights only because I could not sit through a whole game unless they were the championships for something. At least with the highlights you get to see the most exciting bits. They show them from all the games that have been played during the week, so there's a lot. I'm not for any team in specific yet, although I think I'm starting to root for FC Twenthe. They're in second place now. It would be nice to see them at the top again. They were the champions last year. 

The sports news was regularly interrupted with news about the situation in Libya. The latest I heard was that Qaddafi wanted a cease fire and I hope he is serious this time because he's wanted one several times before and didn't keep his word. I hope for the people in Misrata that this time it's true, but I think we must not take him at his word. One thing Qaddafi must not be and that is trusted. He's too irrational for it. 

I'm amazingly calm. I don't have that haunted and over excited feeling that I have been having at all. It's a good thing that I've started using my old sleeping pills again. I sure do appreciate them after trying the other ones unsuccessfully. I guess you don't appreciate what you have until you have to do without it. I know that shortly I will go back to bed and sleep well for another long time and that I will be well rested when I get up. My personal helper is going to be here this morning, so I do have to get up at a somewhat reasonable hour. I want to get ready and dressed before she gets here. 

The only problem is that I'm not in the least tired and I haven't yawned once. I'm actually wide awake. I will have to stay up a while longer and wait for sleep to come and overtake me. It is too early to start the day, although I feel like doing it. I will have to see what I'm going to do with that bit of reality. How do I apply that? There's no need to panic, of course. There's no golden rule about when the day starts and when I'm supposed to sleep. I'll just wait and see where the road takes me. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

 

Sense and sensibility...

I'm up after five hours of sleep, but at least I had those five hours, which is more than can be said for the hours of sleep that I had for the last several nights when I had basically none. Last night I switched back to my old sleeping pills because obviously the new pills weren't working at all. 

At least with my old sleeping pills I do get a couple of hours of sleep, whereas with my new sleeping pills I was getting none. This led me to become hypo-manic at night when I turned out slightly hysterical posts and during the day I didn't feel so great either. I had to take tranquilizers and extra anti-psychotics. 

The seriousness of the situation dawned on me yesterday and I realized that I had to do something quick or I would go around the bend. I already felt mad as a mad hatter and I knew that I had to get some sleep during the night. 

The reason I didn't get more sleep tonight, is that Tyke started to bark and I had to settle him down. I always have to think about the neighbors and I can't have him bark at all. It does wake me up completely. I probably would have slept a bit longer if it hadn't been for that.

So, that's to make a long story short. 

Now I'm sitting here with a glass of cold milk and a cigarette. I've had one cup of coffee and decided to not artificially stimulate myself into a high with more caffeine, but the milk is making me feel cold and I've just turned up the thermostat. Very shortly it will be warm in here because the place heats up quickly. 

Because of the way I started out this post, I find it a little difficult to get onto a different subject. Also, because I'm not on a high now, my mind is not as alert and as astute and I can't come up with anything good to write about. 

I do like the way the events are developing in Libya. It's about time we all interfered and came to the help of the rebels there, although the word rebels is probably not the right one. I use it for lack of better. The fighters for democracy. The freedom fighters. I admire France and Great Britain for taking the lead in this and I hope we show enough muscle to deal with Qaddafi once and for all. The news is filled with the latest updates all day long.  No, I don't watch CNN. I watch the plain old sober minded Dutch news cast. 

I think I'm okay with it being Sunday today. I'm not too much bothered by it. It will be a very low key day in which I don't have a lot to do. I started off the weekend by not liking Saturday, but that's not so strange when you consider the circumstances. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Optimism...

If I didn't get up in the middle of the night, I would never write a blog post. At least not in the frame of mind I am in now in the beginning of the springtime when the first buds are starting to show on the hedges and the trees and it's the season in which I start to rapid cycle. The nighttime is when I feel my most sane as opposed to during the day when things are much more tricky and I'm not capable of writing down a sensible word. I tried that yesterday and got absolutely nowhere. 

It's a good thing that I wake up in the middle of the night and sit here with a cup of coffee and feel so sane. At least I can gather my thoughts together and put down something that's worth reading when I'm not capable of that during the day. I haven't figured out yet why that is, but for me is not to know the reason why, I just accept it. It's probably some chemical process that I don't understand and that is the result of the combination of the medicines I take and the sleep I've had so far. Doubtlessly the silence of the night and the relative safeness of it help too. 

I knew this period of rapid cycling was coming up and I wasn't far off the mark when I told my psychiatrist that it would happen in March/April. It's maybe happening a little bit sooner because of the early onset of springtime, but it's mostly due to the increased hours of daylight and the amount of sunlight. As a result, I'm not that fond of very sunny days when the sun shines in a completely blue sky. I prefer gray and cloudy days with some rain. That's when I feel most happy. They seem to fit my disposition better. 

It's going to be sunny for the next couple of days, so I'm not too thrilled about that, although with my increased dose of medication I may do a lot better. It may not bother me as much. I may be less hyper alert and less sensitive. 

All this talk about my moods doesn't prevent me from writing about other things. I have been keeping track of the national and international news, although I have to say that I'm very sensitive to it now and that it bothers me very much to hear all the negative messages. I worry about what's happening politically in my own country and I worry about what's happening in Libya. On top of that Qaddafi's forces have taken hostage three Dutch soldiers that were trying to rescue a Dutch national and are pretending they were there for evil reasons. I worry about those three soldiers. 

I had to turn off the 8 o'clock newscast last night because I couldn't take anymore after having watched the news a lot during the day. I saw enough politicians' faces to last me a lifetime. Somehow they are going to twist and turn to get everything to go their way and it is not to the good of the people. I'm ready for the opposition to do a coup d'etat. As someone at the bottom of the economic ladder, I feel very insecure. This government is very unkind to the little people. It's a ruthless government and they are capable of anything. I hope it falls apart soon. 

I must think of something happier to write about. I can only think of the animals that bring such joy to my life. Tyke's fur is growing and he is getting some curls in it again. He is starting to look more like his old self. I think he is generally less cold too. When he is asleep, I whisper very quietly, "He is such a good dog," and he perks up his head and starts wagging his tail. He is never so sound asleep that he doesn't hear that.

I've switched Gandhi's food from the store brand kibbles to Gourmet and she likes it very much and seems to barf less often. She's also less interested in eating Tyke's food, so something must have been missing in the old kibbles. 

Today is Friday, but I have no idea what sort of a day it is going to be. It all depends on how well my medicines will work. The domestic help is not coming. I have to do some chores and with a little bit of luck I'll get around to them. 

Have a good day everyone. 

Ciao,

Nora

A few cups of coffee...

I was getting worried about myself and thought that I was maybe feeling the effects of the reduction of my medication. I felt negative and emotional and couldn't talk myself out of it. Then a brilliant idea hit me and I thought that maybe I was going through caffeine withdrawal. I'd only had two cups today. I quickly made a pot of coffee and now I'm drinking my second cup. I feel a lot better already, so my hunch was right and that problem was easily solved. 

I do have my addictions, but I guess my anti-psychotics aren't one of them. Caffeine and nicotine are, but I had been ready to take another pill and I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad the solution of the coffee presented itself to me first, because I would have lived under a mistaken illusion. I would have thought that I could not reduce my medication any further and that would have been a shame. I'm doing such a good job at reducing them and I'm kind of proud of myself that I've gotten this far already. I would not have thought it was possible. 

It's just below freezing outside, but it's nice and warm in here. I have the blinds drawn and the heater on and I'm warmly dressed. I'm glad it's evening and I'm ready to make the most of it. It's my goal to really enjoy this Friday night. Not that there's anything on television, I'll have to find another way to amuse myself. That shouldn't be too difficult. I do have some imagination and then there's always the radio to listen to. 

I've always been fond of a good political discussion and I'm sure there will be one on tonight now that the university students are protesting against the budget cuts. I don't think the protesters will be taken serious and I think the budget cuts will be made anyway. Not enough students showed up at the rally. The protest signs were too neat and too polite. The students were well behaved. There wasn't enough of an uproar. Nobody knows how to get outraged anymore. The government will do what it wants, regardless of the opposition and in this case, it may possibly be right. 

I've had enough coffee now and I feel great. It's done its job and I can function like a normal person again. That certainly is a difference with how I felt earlier. It's funny that the things that seem the most innocent, are the most addictive. I wonder if people get the same addiction to regular tea? And what did people do in the days before there was coffee or tea? They must have had a drink to get them going in the morning. I can't imagine that they just drank water. There must have been some stimulating beverage. I know that people drank a weak beer when the water in the towns was not potable. Maybe everybody was continually slightly drunk back then. It was said that beer was good for nursing mothers. It can't have been all bad and there used to be a lot of breweries. 

My timing is perfect and I can watch the news in a little while. I think the news ought to last longer and be more comprehensive, but that's just me. Most people probably don't want that. 

Have a good night!

Ciao,

Nora

All is well past midnight...

It's past midnight and I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee. I've already slept, but woke up from some awful singing on the radio and the pain in my knee. Yesterday when I was walking Tyke, I slipped on some grating and landed on my knee and hurt it, and since then it has been bothering me. I don't think it is anything serious, but just an irritating pain that makes me hobble a bit. I was wearing my slick ankle boots, thinking I could because there was no snow or ice, but an accident sits in a small corner, as we say here.

Yesterday was actually a pretty good day, except for that, and it went by quickly. My personal helper was here in the morning and, because I wanted to make sure that we had some useful things to do, I had saved up two chores. She jokingly told me that she was very grateful for that and that there was nothing wrong with a good talk over a cup of coffee. The next time I will do those chores by myself, as I'm perfectly able to. I very naively thought it would give us something to do besides talk, but apparently that is enough.

I also called the dog salon to make an appointment to have Tyke trimmed and he will be going there Wednesday next week. It's about time too, because I'm almost to the point that I have to put little ribbons in his hair and that would make him look like a girl dog. I'm sure he wouldn't like that if he understood it. I hope my knee is better by that time so I can take him.

The domestic help was here in the afternoon and very nicely cleaned the apartment. I sat in my bedroom with the animals for part of the time that she was here and listened to the radio. There was a politician on from the extreme right party, who was not following the party policy and keeping young Muslim women from entering the work force and therefor had been kicked out of the party. These are interesting times. He could not get a subsidy to set up a fledgling program because, according to party policy, he would have had to vote down his own proposal.  You learn something new every day. You don't hear these things on the 6 o'clock news.

I'm drinking cold lemonade now and very welcome it is too. I was very thirsty, but I think the coffee makes me so. It does dehydrate you. Every time I get up to get something, I limp for the first few steps until my knee gets adjusted to be in that position. It makes me look very poorly. 

I am going to try and go back to sleep in a while, but I feel amazingly awake. I don't think a person is supposed to be this awake in the middle of the night. It's not normal. I must start longing for my bed and that warm duvet. I am a little bit cold sitting here. Doubtlessly that's from the cold lemonade too, but it does make me long for a warm and cozy place.

Have a good morning when you get up or a good night when you go to sleep. Whichever applies to you. 

Ciao,

Nora

We all fall down...

It's early on a Sunday morning and I'm having my second cup of very delicious coffee. For some reason it turned out really well today, so I must have had the magic touch when I put the ground coffee into the filter. Maybe slightly carelessly scooping is the best way to do it, instead of carefully measuring each spoonful. I was in a hurry when I made the coffee, because I was impatient for a cup and I couldn't make it quick enough. 

Luckily, the coffeemaker gets done quickly and I had my nice hot cup of coffee in no time at all. It just seems to take a while when you're waiting, but that's when you have to find a way to amuse yourself instead. I did that by answering emails. That's usually the first thing I do in the morning, though I'm barely capable of it at first because of the cobwebs. I do manage to fake it until I make it, I think, because I go about it very slowly, unless the answers are very simple. 

I went to bed very early last night. I realized that I was grumpy because I was tired and in need of sleep. I had no patience left for anything or anybody. I made myself a glass of black berry milk and took that to bed with me and listened to the radio. I made sure that Tyke and I had some quality bonding time, which he was in need of, and in the shortest amount of time I was asleep. Gandhi was sleeping beside my pillows.

I suppose that yesterday was a perfectly uneventful day. I paid bills and got my paperwork in order and found out how poor I was. That's always good to know for the rest of the pay period. Then you know how much you have left to spend on groceries. God forbid that you should eat too much. 

I had planned to take a nap in the afternoon, but I never did get around to that. I suppose I wasn't sleepy enough and wanted to save whatever there was for the nighttime. I walked Tyke when he needed to get walked and sat behind the computer. I did some chores, but there weren't that many to do that were urgent and I will finish today what I didn't do yesterday. I have to put clean sheets on my bed and I do want to do that today to make going to bed tonight as pleasant as possible. 

Since today is Sunday, it's going to be another quiet day. There will be speed skating and other sports on television and I will watch them most likely. I also have to make sure I watch the news this morning. There were manifestations all over the country yesterday against the cultural budget cuts that the new government is planning against the will of many. I think the attempts to call a halt to it, though, are useless, because this government is ruthless.

It's going to be a cold day today. I just let Tyke out back and there was a cold wind blowing from the east. I was shivering in my bathrobe. Even Tyke thought it was cold and came back in in a hurry. It's only going to be 44F, but because of the wind, it's going to feel colder. It will be no fun to take Tyke out for walks today. I'm not looking forward to that. I do so dislike being in the cold wind. I will have to wear my North Pole coat. My leather jacket is not going to be warm enough. 

I've had enough coffee for this morning and have switched to milk with blackberry syrup. It's very delicious and filling too. It takes care of my sweet tooth at the same time. It does give me that little sugar high and it makes the milk more interesting to drink. It makes it last twice as long, because I don't gobble it down all at once. I take delicate sips, if you can imagine that. It's an excellent discovery and for that kind of milk you pay a relative fortune in the supermarket. 

I've got to take my medicines. It's that time of the morning again. I've had to play ball with Tyke while I wrote this. That involves a lot of wrestling to get it away from him. 

Have a good Sunday!

Ciao,

Nora

But it feels so much later!

Having set the clock back on hour is a tricky thing to have done. I had set my watch back already and the alarm clock. The computer's clock had set itself to the right time. I hadn't set back the living room clock, though, and kept looking at it as if it was the right time and being tricked by it. I finally set it to the right time and now it is only just past noon and not nearly time to go to my sister. 

I have already taken the dog for two long walks and my legs are tired enough. I can only handle one hour at the time. I need better walking boots if I want to do more. The ones I have are torturing devices, so I'm not wearing them anymore. I do have to get some new ones before winter gets here, otherwise I won't have any grip on the snow and ice.

You see, I'm assuming that there's going to be snow and ice. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there weren't any? Today is so mild that you would almost believe it. The temperature is pleasant and we haven't seen any rain yet. The sun is even peeking through the clouds. There is a little bit of wind and leaves drifted down on us when we walked along the sidewalks. 

It was very pretty in an autumnal way. If you're into that kind of thing. I'm always too busy keeping control of the dog to fully enjoy myself. I have to make sure he doesn't run into gardens and bike paths or poop on somebody's well manicured lawn. He is a mixed blessing. He gets me out of the house for walks, but then I really don't enjoy them as much as I could. 

Because of him, I don't get to walk around and daydream, which is my favorite activity, unless I have a human partner and then I like to talk. The Exfactor and I used to go for enormous walks when we were first married and before we had a dog and we would discuss everything under the sun and have opinions about everything too. We were world improvers and if only they made us boss. 

We were a little bit naive back then, although we didn't think so. We were both new to the country and the way things were done and we thought they could be done better, well old rotted socialists that we were, although some American influence had rubbed off on me. 

The Exfactor was actually more of an anarchist and hard to pin down in any sort of group, but socialism came closest. He was such an extreme anarchist that he was almost ultra-conservative and a republican of the worst kind. That's all I could think. He made for an interesting conversationalist. I disagreed with him often and felt like he was brainwashing me. I tried to influence him in becoming more tolerant. 

Anyway, walks! If you're living by yourself, you have a tendency not to take that many, at least I don't. I feel very conspicuous walking on my own, unless I have a goal and I think people can read that on my face. As if walking with a purpose is somehow more permissible than slightly sauntering. Hence the dog! Anybody with a dog is allowed out on the street wherever. 

Still, this setting the clocks back one hour, which is really what I started off with, is making me feel very frustrated. The time is crawling by today as if it is doing it on slow motion on purpose. Whoever is in charge of time, is holding back the second hand. The hand that counts the seconds. Not the second hand stuff that you buy at garage sales. 

Although going to garage sales is a lot of fun and I miss that. We're only allowed to sell our old junk without a license once a year on Queen's Day. It's called Free Market and everybody can and does do it. It's a wonderful event and treasures are found. I think recently a Van Gogh surfaced. 

But that is just an aside. 

I'm going to have coffee with my sister and I must remember to bring that cardigan. She probably won't like it because it's cheap, but that's a chance I'll have to take. 

I hope you're all having a nice Sunday. It's a boring day, isn't it? Really? 

Ciao,
Nora

Slept right through it...

I fell asleep on the sofa and slept right through the news, so now I don't know anything about the state of the country or the world and I feel very badly informed. Do you think it is really terrible if I miss a couple of days? Actually, it's been more than a couple of days and for all I know the queen has taken over the leadership of the government and sent the whole incompetent bunch home. 

Oh no, I did watch the repeats of the news this afternoon and everything was as incompetent as ever, that's right. Our new government was almost being formed, we're just a hair's breath away from it and we're all just thrilled to pieces. It's been an extremely difficult birthing process and I think that shows it's not really meant to be, but onward they go with one track minds. I won't go on about this, because I'll get bogged down in details and I'll get upset and that will influence my good mood. 

When I woke up, I did not feel the need to make a pot of coffee like I usually do when I wake up from a nap, but got a glass of cold milk and that's what I'm drinking now, figuring that it will help me fall asleep quicker tonight when I'm ready to go to bed. So, I'm not having to artificially alter my mind with caffeine to feel good. I think that's a good sign. I'm a bit wary of drinking too much coffee, because I don't want to become hypomanic again. There's still a slight danger that I will, because sometimes I feel very good, as in, "Wow, are those fireworks exploding in my head?" And "My God, everything is full of stars!" 

I've started reading 'The Amateur Marriage' by Anne Tyler. Sometimes you need to read an uncomplicated, non-offensive book and that's the kind Anne Tyler writes.This is one of the few books by her that I've not read. I've also got 'The Accidental Tourist' and I'm going to be rereading that soon. I remember enjoying that one very much the first time around. When I read in bed, I have to hide my book and reading glasses so Tyke doesn't destroy them while I'm asleep. I shove them under my pillows when I get sleepy and hope he doesn't see me do that. Today he tried to steal my lighter, but I caught him on time. Now I leave everything on my desk and on the dining table. I think he's trying to get my attention. 

I'm off to bed now. I'm tired and more than ready to go to sleep under the duvet. I must remember not to get up in the middle of the night, but to keep sleeping. My personal helper is coming in the morning and I must be fit for that. We have some jobs to do together. 

Have a good night.

Ciao,
Nora