Daisies and cravings...

All this talk about rain in the forecast turned out to be a lot of poppycock. I think it drizzled one night. Tonight is a perfectly clear night and today is going to be a bright, sunshiny day. Showers had been predicted and nothing came of them at all. I could easily have hung up the laundry to dry outside.

At least the temperatures are nice for the time of year and that is most pleasant. You could say that we're having an Indian summer in November, although it is not as hot as all that. But sitting sheltered in the sun it feels warm and there are still kids playing outside without their jackets on.

There are a lot of perky daisies blooming in the fields right now despite the fact that the grass has been cut not too long ago. I always thought that daisies were little flowers, but since I have my varifocals. I'm surprised at the true size of them. There are also some dandelions still and some of the rosebushes in the communal flowerbeds are still blooming. They are a creamy yellow color. 

If you have a good look around, there's still enough to see. It's remembering to look that's the hard part. I'm always so busy paying attention to the dog when we walk, that sometimes I don't pay attention to my surroundings. I forget to look in people's gardens, while that is where the most interesting things are happening. I must try to pay better attention to the gardens today. 

I'm having a terrible craving for vanilla ice cream, so I will have to drink a glass of ice cold milk. The creamy yellow color of the roses made me think of vanilla pudding in it's purest form and that led to ice cream because I'm craving something smooth and cold. The Exfactor offered to buy me some when he last did the groceries, but I turned the offer down. I was afraid that I was going to eat it all at once, but now I wish I had some. 

But it would make me gain a kilo, so it's a good thing that I don't have any at all. It's the best solution.

Besides, I can be talked out of any kind of food if I have a glass of ice cold milk. It usually takes care of whatever craving I have. The whole trick is not to have those kinds of foods in the house in the first place. Luckily, I normally only have cravings during the night and not when I make the shopping list.

It's time for me to go to bed. Hopefully, when I next wake up it will be morning. There will be cultural programs on TV and then lots of sports. Speed skating I hope, although a bit of football will be alright too.

Have a good night you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

Unbound and untethered...

The great thing about being unburdened of a depression is that you don't dread the day to come. You can go to sleep at night in a fairly restful state of mind and know that the next day is not going to be one in which you will be fighting a battle with yourself and the elements around you. A battle which you are going to lose and which is going to cause you all sorts of stress. 

Relieved of my depression because of the regular use of tranquilizers, I now feel pretty secure at any time of the day and night. I don't worry anymore that I'm not going to be able to cope because I can look forward to a lot of peacefulness and the knowledge that I'll make it through the day fairly unscathed. 

The fact that I will be safe in my own company makes me feel very secure. I no longer have to try and escape from myself and my own thoughts and find my solace in sleep. My thoughts are very benign now and don't harm me. I no longer have them hanging over me like so many dark clouds. 

Speaking of dark clouds, we've had enough of those around lately. Yesterday we had nothing but and it rained every now and then. We don't need the rain, so it is completely superfluous and we could actually do with a week of sunshine and warm temperatures. There seem to be none in the forecast. 

When I visited my sister yesterday afternoon, I wore two layers of clothing and my jacket and a scarf. I had to ride my bike over there. There was a cold wind blowing and I had to ride into it going over there. Luckily, it did stay dry, but the sky looked threatening all afternoon. 

We did sit in the garden for a little while all bundled up and looked at what flowers were blooming now and which ones were all done. Some plants are thriving in all the rain, but others are not doing all that well. They seem to like drier conditions, but the ground is soaked.

The herbs are doing great and my sister uses them for cooking. She cooks Italian a lot and vegetarian and uses the herbs to give the dishes the extra flavor.

It was good to come home again and see the dog and sit in quiet solitude for a while in my armchair before I took him for a walk. I so very much appreciate the time on my own again. I only need a little bit of socializing, though I could not do without. I like it when other people do most of the talking and I do the listening because I don't have that much to say. I should always be around talkers. 

I did the last of my chores in the evening and stayed up as long as I could, although I wanted to go to bed much earlier. I didn't want to upset my schedule, but in a way I do every night. At least I'm steady about it. 

Now it's time to finish sleeping. I will take my medicines and go back to bed for a while. I only have the domestic help coming here this afternoon. That's more than enough. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Executive decisions...

Yesterday I decided to find a way out of my depression and started out the day immediately with a dose of tranquilizers. This had me feeling well very soon and I went from a vegetative state, in which I achieved nothing, into a functioning one in which I got chores done almost cheerfully. 

Not only that, sitting in my armchair with a cup of coffee and a cigarette contemplating my navel turned into a fun activity again during which I felt very mellow and relaxed. I was not stressed about the things I had to get done and knew I would finish them all in good time. I had an overall change of attitude. 

With every dose of medicines I had to take during the day, I took a dose of tranquilizers and they kept me on an even keel. My mood was good and I didn't sink into the dark depths of despair, nor did I have any unwanted thoughts kidnapping my mind.

I got all of my chores done without feeling like they were overwhelming me. I took a break between each chore and rewarded myself with something to drink and a cigarette. This way, I painlessly got one chore done after another. Things should always be this easy. It made me realize how much stress I always walk around with regardless of the depression. 

Now I'm sitting here in the middle of the night with a cup of freshly made coffee and I feel good. That's also because I don't dread the coming day. I know I will be alright and that the day will not be a god awful battle to get through. It will not be filled with negativism and sadness. I will mostly be filled with peaceful feelings and the knowledge of that gives me courage.

But it's nice to be up in the middle of the night anyway and enjoy the peace and quiet of the darkness. It has stopped raining and it is a clear night. Yesterday we had a lot of rain and thunderstorms. There will be showers today and it won't be very warm. 

I will definitely have to wear a warm sweater when I go see my sister in the afternoon and I don't think that we will be sitting in her garden. We'd probably get rained on. I just stood outside by the back door to let out the dog and it was mighty chilly out there. Can you believe that for August? It's supposed to be balmy weather now, even at night. 

I best go back to sleep for a while. It isn't quite time to stay up yet. I have to go put my somewhat chilled body under the duvet. 

Have a great Sunday.

Ciao,

Nora

On a hot Sunday in May...

The dog wouldn't let me sleep tonight. Every time I had dozed off, he woke me up by barking very softly but insistently beside the bed. Of course, I got up each time to find out what he wanted, but never could figure it out. The fourth time I gave up and stayed up and now he 's lying beside my feet, sound asleep as if nothing is bothering him. 

I suppose he just didn't want me to be asleep in bed. He's done this before and seems to prefer me up and present in the living room while he sleeps soundly in my vicinity. I seem to function as his guardian angel, which is fine, but I do also need to get my sleep eventually. 

I had already taken my 'falling asleep medicines' and I'm now a little stoned. I'm trying to get over that by drinking some coffee. I don't know how well it's going to work. I've had one cup and I'm waiting to see how it will affect me, but I've already made the second cup just to be sure. I'm yawning something awful and really have to get over this sleepiness. 

It's not such a pleasant feeling at all. I feel a little sweaty and drunk as if I'm coming down with something. I don't recommend doing this at all. Of course, I'm sitting around in my bathrobe, which I should not be at all because it is too hot, but I didn't want to sit around half naked late at night. I think I ought to shed the bathrobe.

I feel like drinking about 5 glasses of cold lemonade, one after the other. I'm very thirsty, but that must be because it's been another warm day and the apartment has still not cooled off. The air is very dry also. I spent the afternoon in my sister's garden sitting in the shade because it was too hot to sit in the sun. We wore the least amount of clothes possible and drank cold beers in elegant glasses. 

My sister and I made a big joke about having the best possible posture and showing the most amount of cleavage, the flattest stomach and the most tucked in bottom, but decided it couldn't be done while shaking someone's hand and saying, "How do you do?" at the same time.  We practiced that and it was impossible and hilarious.  

Because we did this in Dutch, her Italian friend couldn't figure out what we were doing, so every time we said, "How do you do?" to him, he thought we had gone bonkers, while we were just trying to show lots of cleavage, but apparently it didn't show up.

Then I had to ride my bike home and got exercise induced asthma because the air was so dry. There must have been lots of pollen in it. I had to sit and rest a while when I got home. I didn't have an inhaler to use. The one I have is ancient. I got over it by doing breathing exercises and being calm and serene. I do have to get another inhaler just in case for this summer. It's better to be safe than sorry.

I'm over the worst of my sleepiness now, but I think I will still be able to go back to bed when I'm done with this. I just hope the dog is agreeable to it. The cat was lying beside my pillows, very cozy, all rolled up. She was settled down for the night and we disturbed her beauty sleep. At least she got to have another little bowl of milk. She never turns that down and she still likes the new kibbles. The cat is most satisfied. That's one out of three anyway.

I've lost another 1.4 kilos and now have another 0.5 kilos left to lose. Next, I'm going to try for another 5 kilos, but I don't know if it is possible. I will not make an extra effort, but just keep eating as I am. If I don't make it, I will be satisfied with the weight I am. I will have to have corrective surgery done to get rid of all the loose skin on my belly and stomach. I think my insurance company pays for it. 

I will make an effort to go back to bed now. I do need my sleep. I'm not going to say 'beauty sleep'  because I'm beyond that. The dog is snoring by my feet. I've let him out back and have given him a rawhide bone, so I hope he is satisfied. 

I hope you're all having a good night. Sleep tight!

Ciao,

Nora

Tea doesn't do the job...

I tried to wake up with a cup of tea, but it left me very grumpy and grouchy, so that was not a success. The reason I had the tea, was that I had to open a new vacuum sealed package of coffee and I was not in the mood for that first thing when I got up. I just couldn't face the struggle of opening it up and pouring the coffee into the glass containers before I could make a pot. So I chose the easy way out and microwaved a cup of tea. It did nothing for me, except leave me in a bad mood. 

Of course, then I was very motivated to open that darn package and make coffee. It didn't turn out to be too frustrating a job by then. I was quite up to dealing with it. I'm very happy to say that I'm having my second cup now and that I'm beginning to feel a lot better. My coffeemaker is kind to me and doesn't take too long to turn out a fresh pot. I don't have to wait endlessly. My craving is soon satisfied.

I went to bed very early last night because I simply was done with the day and had read my book and there was nothing decent on television. In the book a gruesome murder had just been discovered and I figured that was a good place to stop reading lest my imagination started working overtime. The investigating team was just off to start looking for a second body, which I'm sure was going to be an equally gruesome discovery. It was a lot to take in all at once. 

Television on weekend nights is pitiful. You can't count on it for your entertainment, unless you are a vegetable and have no functioning brain cells. They must save the worst programs for the weekends when everybody is otherwise committed and only really dull and less challenged people stay home.  The kind who don't know that the television has an off button. 

My sister and I sat in the sunshine in her garden yesterday afternoon and I had cappuccinos while she drank tea. It was wonderful. All the bulb plants had come up and were blooming or were about to bloom. The violets were brightly purple and blue. The hydrangeas were getting new leaves and the perennials were starting to pop out of the ground. We got a little bit of color from the sun and discussed world issues. We agreed on most everything and exchanged information about what we'd read and heard and seen. It had been a while since we'd had a good conversation. It gives you food for thought. 

Tyke and Gandhi were happy when I got home and Tyke got a belly rub and then a walk. When we got back, Gandhi got to lie on my lap for a while. I do have to keep both animals happy. 

I'm sufficiently tired now to go back to bed. I do have to put the trash out. I forgot to do that last night. I have to set the alarm clock because my personal helper is going to be here later this morning. I do want ample time to wake up before she gets here, otherwise I won't be communicative enough. 

Have a super day.

Ciao,

Nora