Sunday afternoon...

Because it's Sunday afternoon, I can pretend I have nothing better to do but to sit here with a cup of coffee and a cigaret and very leisurely take my time and write this post. Really, I don't even have to pretend because it just is so, I really don't have to do anything else but this. How neat is that? 

I had a tall glass of green tea with lemon when I got up early this morning, but it didn't work the same as a cup of coffee. In other words, it didn't wake me up, so very shortly after that I went back to bed and slept a few more hours. No doubt I was up too early anyway. I had hardly slept enough during the night.

I had the feeling that caffeine didn't do that much for me anymore, but I was somewhat wrong. It does still give me a little bit of a kick in the pants, although I don't need it as much as I used to. One cup of coffee is more than enough to get me started.

The tea did taste very good, though, and I enjoyed the whole glass. It also didn't upset my stomach like coffee and milk usually do, so I thought that was interesting. Some more experimenting will have to be done to check if this is always the case. I can't really draw conclusions based on one glass of tea, of course. 

I had both the television and the radio on by turns and I also listened to Spotify, but I've come to realize that I mostly prefer silence. The television is okay if I want to watch a specific program, but it's not okay for background noise. There's just too much unnecessary excitement. On the radio I listen to Arrow Jazz FM, which is a pretty mellow station, but even then I find the music intrusive to my thoughts.

I prefer the white noise of silence, although I would love to hear the summer wind blow through the leaves on the trees and hear the birds sing. It's the wrong time of year for me, but just a little while longer and it will be springtime. I'm an optimist. 

I've got to take the dog for a walk. It's that time of the day again. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

In the early morning...

After a not so terribly sleep filled night. I'm sitting here early in the morning with my second cup of coffee being wide awake again. Apparently, my need to sleep was not so great and what little I did get was enough. 

It wasn't the dog who woke me up. He was sound asleep on the bed beside me. So was the cat. I woke up all by myself in a sweat and had to get up to cool off. I sat here in my pajamas for a while until I had. I just now put on my bathrobe and the heater isn't even on. 

It was not such a cold night and it isn't very chilly in the apartment, even though the living room windows are open at the top to air out the place. I only have the heater on sometimes for short periods of time. Just enough so when it does get cold in here, I can heat the apartment up a little bit. I'm not going to make the energy company very happy. I won't be their favorite customer. 

Today is going to be a very uneventful day because I have no appointments and nobody coming over. That is, unless the optician calls me to tell me that my glasses are ready. Then I'll go downtown on my bike to pick them up. Yesterday it was two weeks since I ordered them and it's about time that they are ready. 

I think waiting two weeks for a pair of glasses is an awful long time. I wouldn't have gone to this particular optician if I had known this ahead of time. I could easily have gone to another one or even have gone back to Specsavers where I had gone originally. I'm sure I would have had them by now. 

At any rate, I'm going to have to fill the day in a useful and entertaining manner. I will have to think of things to do that will keep me occupied. I will pretend to be a good housewife and look for chores to do. And I will definitely be a good pet owner and take the dog for many long walks. The weather will be nice enough for it anyway. 

I'm thirsty and I would drink a glass of cold milk now, but milk hasn't been agreeing with my stomach. It's a darn shame because I like cold milk very much and, besides coffee, it's my favorite beverage. My stomach revolts against milk and absolutely rejects it and I think that's a clear sign that I should not drink it. 

I will again have to start drinking rooibos tea and green tea with lemon now that I'm over that stomach bug. Nothing was agreeing with me when I had that. Even a glass of water was painful to drink. That sure had me confused until I figured out that I must be sick. I thought I was having some sort of a problem because of my gastric band. 

I don't associate being sick with myself. I so rarely am, that I don't expect to be. I have an occasional chest cold that is a little bronchial, but it happens only once a year and I get over it in no time. I miss out, as a rule, on all the viruses and other things that go around every winter. Everybody around me gets sick and I hardly ever do. I also don't get a flu shot and now there's even doubt about the sense of it. 

I must knock on wood.

It's time to get the day started. I must find some interesting and warm clothes to wear. I'm sure that will be no problem, organized as I am. As soon as it gets light enough, I will take the dog for a walk. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

Neutrality...

All moments should be as simple as this one. Every minute should be as uncomplicated as this one is. Unfortunately, today they aren't and I find myself at times filled with anxiety. 

I know why that is. It's because I wasn't able to stick to the diet because of unforeseen circumstances. It wasn't really because of a fault of my own, but still it makes me feel highly uncomfortable. Going on the diet was a big deal, going off it is an even bigger deal. 

I don't generally do well with changes in my life and this is a double whammy. On top of that I had the discomfort of the stomach problems. It's all been too upsetting for me and I wonder how I would deal with a real crisis. 

Well, it's the seemingly small problems in life that are always the hardest to tackle. Those are the ones that sneak up on you. It's the bigger things we are better prepared for and get the most support in. 

I must say that I consider myself fortunate that I don't have to deal with any big problems and that this is a relative small one that I have to tackle. I do have to count my blessings, after all. I must never forget to do that. God forbid that I should start thinking that my life is overly complicated. 

See how everything is relative? I started off worrying and before you know it, I've talked myself right out of it. I must just accept that I can't follow that silly diet and that I have a sensitive stomach. A stomach with an instruction booklet. That's all, no more, no less. 

At least I'm able to drink a cup of coffee with milk in it, that's truly a blessing. You know how much I want my cup of coffee. How much I need it. I'm not the same woman if I haven't had it. It perks me up tremendously if I'm in need of it. I won't be drinking tea any time soon. I had not such a good experience with it. 

The sun has been shining all day and the dog and the cat have been sitting in front of the window watching the world come by. It has been very entertaining to them because it has been very busy and lots of people have walked through the street. It's been like watching TV for them. 

I've got to see if I can catch the latest news and find out about the state of the country. I hope it's not going to hell in a hand basket yet. According to our able politicians, it isn't.

Ciao,

Nora

English tea...

I'm having a pot of ordinary tea (it is called English tea) and it's not keeping me awake. I sat here reading blogs and I was slowly drifting off to sleep in my chair. "Well, go to bed then," I hear you all say, but I don't quite want to do that yet. I want to sit here in a stupor and see if I can write a post first while I break out into a sweat from the effort. 

Oh right, that may be from the hot tea. It does taste very nice and I hoped that whatever caffeine was in it would keep me awake, but it doesn't quite work like that, I guess. There is a difference between coffee and ordinary tea, apparently.

It did get me over the grumpiness that I felt when I had just gotten up. I'm grateful for that because that's the one big reason why I drink the coffee. It's to alter my mood, but the tea seems to have done the job too. I do have to say that I make strong tea. It is almost black and the sugar makes it sweet. Strong, sweet tea. Isn't that supposed to cure what ails you? 

Darn, it's hard to stay awake. I have to try and think of something interesting. It's hard to do when only some parts of your brain are functioning and others are in sleep mode. Maybe I can wake them up with a glass of ice cold milk. Sort of shock them into alertness. It's worth a try. 

I didn't stay up to watch 'Midsomer Murders' last night. I was too tired and went to bed early. That's because I didn't have my afternoon nap. Middle aged women like I do need their beauty sleep. I'll even miss a good thriller for that. 

I just let the dog out back and stood outside in the cold night air. There was a pleasant wind blowing and it cooled me off quite nicely.Now I'll appreciate getting under the duvet all the more. 

It's time to go back to bed, although I've stopped yawning and am alert again. The cold milk worked. Well, up to a point it did. I am somewhat looking forward to going back to sleep. I do know that I need at least several more hours. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Green tea with lemon...

It's in the middle of the night and I'm drinking green tea with lemon. The reason that I am is because I'm almost out of coffee and I want to save the little bit that I do have for in the morning when I'm really going to need it. For when my brain will be screaming for the caffeine.

The tea is actually working out quite nicely and making me feel very good. I have no complaints about it at all. Of course, I take it with sugar to make it more potable and I realize that's cheating a little bit. True tea lovers would not take sugar in their tea. They would want to drink theirs unadulterated. They probably have purer souls that I do or more rarefied taste buds.

Whatever...the tea is making me feel good enough to be able to write a post, although it may turn into a silly post. If it does, I will drink tea in the middle of the night more often. Besides, I have no reason to write a serious post and I'm not in the mood for it either. I've done enough of that lately. It's time to lighten up.

Having written that, I'm momentarily stuck for words and I think I'm having writer's block. I must ignore that and pretend that I have something to say anyway.

I will tell you about the weather yesterday which, after a bad start, was good for the second half of the day. It was actually warm enough to go out in it without a jacket and the sun was shining. That is such a rarity these days that it is worth mentioning.

I had to go out in it to see my SPN with whom I had an appointment for 45 minutes. I took up only 25 minutes of her time, because that's all the time I needed to say what I wanted to say. Nothing was very complicated and I came to my conclusion quickly. I didn't feel the need to prolong the session. 

I was home in no time at all and had the good fortune to be able to take a nap with the animals on the bed. We sure all appreciated that. I personally like nothing better than taking naps. I think that's all I do anyway, take longer or shorter naps. That's how I sleep.

I think I will go back to bed now and see if I can sleep some more. I'm most definitely not wide awake from drinking coffee. It does make a difference if you don't. I didn't even have to drink a glass of ice cold milk to get to this state. I'm drowsy all by myself. 

I hope you're having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Slow motion...

It's truly in the middle of the night, there's no doubt about it. It's not even close to dawn. In a way that's good because it will allow me enough time to go back to bed and sleep long enough before the Exfactor gets here. I won't be completely befuddled when he gets here, although it doesn't matter so much in his case if I am. He is very patient with me and allows me time to wake up properly without me having to be all artificially cheerful. It's a much kinder process of waking up. 

I will try to be up on time before he gets here anyway and have the coffee ready. We are both always ready for a cup because a lot of times the Exfactor only drinks tea in the morning at his place and I'm convinced that it doesn't give him a proper start to the day. He really seems to come alive after he's had a cup of coffee here. That's because he drinks things like mint tea with sugar which leave him dopey. 

I'm drinking coffee now in an attempt not to be too sleepy headed and to be able to finish this post before I go back to bed. I've made just a little pot of it so I won't drink too much. There is always cold milk. I do need something to keep the slumber at bay for now. I would fall instantly asleep behind the keyboard if I didn't. It wouldn't do to have a row of letters imprinted on my forehead. 

It's not bad being in this half awake state. It's actually kind of pleasant. I feel as though I'm slightly drugged and better able to express my feelings, although they are all tenuous and hardly of any consequence at all. They are strictly nighttime feelings of made of ethereal stuff. Like fluffs of stardust and just as lightweight. There's not a heavyweight thought among them. 

I would always like to exist in this state of mind, somewhere in limbo I suppose. Neither here nor there. Somewhat approachable yet not quite present in my own elusive way; in a dreamy state of mind. It's a much more relaxed way of being.

I can't keep existing here. Reality pulls me back and has me return to the present situation which is that I'll have to go back to bed and finish sleeping. Besides, the dog wants impossible things from me that I don't know how to fulfill. He's been out back and he's had a snack. I don't know what else to do. There's little escapism when you get right down to it. It's all of momentary nature. 

Right, I'm off to bed to sleep some more and perchance to dream. I actually have no doubt about that. I always do the second time around and the most interesting things too. 

Have a good morning.

Ciao,

Nora

Giving it a try...

I've been in a somewhat bad mood for the past two days, but now that I'm up in the middle of the night, I feel better and I'm going to take advantage of it and try to write a cheerful post. The somewhat weak, yet potable coffee is helping me be in a more optimistic mood, but maybe it's the hour of the night that's helping me be more cheerful. I do always do better at this time of my 24 hour cycle. 

The coffee is weak because I'm almost out of it and I have just enough left to make a pot in the morning when I get up again. By that time I will be out of milk, but there's the powdered creamer left. I'm counting on the Exfactor being here on time to save me from my dire situation. I will drink rooibos tea if I have to, it does agree with me as opposed to regular tea, which gives me lots of phlegm and coughing fits. 

My daytime moods have been very negative and make me not be productive at all. I sit around like a bump on a log and do a lot of sleeping. I can't get excited about very much at all and only take out the dog because I have to. My level of motivation is very low. 

There's a commercial on TV for a soft drink in which people turn into a splash of water and scatter like many drops of it into the air. I've been wanting the same thing to happen to me. To just dissipate into thin air and to vaporize completely. What a perfect way to stop existing. If only it were that simple.

I guess I'm looking for a painless way out. An easy solution that only exists in fiction.

Now, however, it is nighttime and there is a different set of circumstances. I must look at the glass half full, though the coffeepot and the milk container are empty. I guess it's time to drink tea. 

I don't know what my day is going to look like, except that the Exfactor will be here to do the groceries. More than anything I would like for my mood to improve. I would like for my sense of peacefulness to return. I must find my inner center of calm and concentrate on that and try to find contentment in the little things. 

There's going to be an episode of Inspector Frost on tonight. That's something to look forward to. There's also mail to open. I look less forward to that. It's a minor miracle that I even got it out of the mailbox yesterday. I prefer no mail at all because whatever it is, it's almost always mail I don't want.

I'm sufficiently tired now to want to go back to bed. I've got hours left to sleep. I may waste this day on nothing important at all. If I regain my equilibrium then that would be an achievement. I think doing some dishes and a load of laundry is called for. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Tea doesn't do the job...

I tried to wake up with a cup of tea, but it left me very grumpy and grouchy, so that was not a success. The reason I had the tea, was that I had to open a new vacuum sealed package of coffee and I was not in the mood for that first thing when I got up. I just couldn't face the struggle of opening it up and pouring the coffee into the glass containers before I could make a pot. So I chose the easy way out and microwaved a cup of tea. It did nothing for me, except leave me in a bad mood. 

Of course, then I was very motivated to open that darn package and make coffee. It didn't turn out to be too frustrating a job by then. I was quite up to dealing with it. I'm very happy to say that I'm having my second cup now and that I'm beginning to feel a lot better. My coffeemaker is kind to me and doesn't take too long to turn out a fresh pot. I don't have to wait endlessly. My craving is soon satisfied.

I went to bed very early last night because I simply was done with the day and had read my book and there was nothing decent on television. In the book a gruesome murder had just been discovered and I figured that was a good place to stop reading lest my imagination started working overtime. The investigating team was just off to start looking for a second body, which I'm sure was going to be an equally gruesome discovery. It was a lot to take in all at once. 

Television on weekend nights is pitiful. You can't count on it for your entertainment, unless you are a vegetable and have no functioning brain cells. They must save the worst programs for the weekends when everybody is otherwise committed and only really dull and less challenged people stay home.  The kind who don't know that the television has an off button. 

My sister and I sat in the sunshine in her garden yesterday afternoon and I had cappuccinos while she drank tea. It was wonderful. All the bulb plants had come up and were blooming or were about to bloom. The violets were brightly purple and blue. The hydrangeas were getting new leaves and the perennials were starting to pop out of the ground. We got a little bit of color from the sun and discussed world issues. We agreed on most everything and exchanged information about what we'd read and heard and seen. It had been a while since we'd had a good conversation. It gives you food for thought. 

Tyke and Gandhi were happy when I got home and Tyke got a belly rub and then a walk. When we got back, Gandhi got to lie on my lap for a while. I do have to keep both animals happy. 

I'm sufficiently tired now to go back to bed. I do have to put the trash out. I forgot to do that last night. I have to set the alarm clock because my personal helper is going to be here later this morning. I do want ample time to wake up before she gets here, otherwise I won't be communicative enough. 

Have a super day.

Ciao,

Nora

A pot of strong tea...

It's early in the morning and I've run out of coffee, so I've made a pot of strong tea and it seems to be doing the job of waking me up properly too, which I had not expected, although I hoped it would do something. I've had 2 mugs of tea and feel as wide awake as if I had one mug of coffee. I am much pleased and can't believe it's working. I thought I had to sit here half asleep forever, but it's not true. 

Because I was emotionally so wiped out yesterday, I went to bed at 4 o'clock in the afternoon and slept until some time in the evening, when I briefly got up because I thought I was awake. If I had had coffee then, I would have had some and become awake, but luckily I didn't have any, so in the shortest amount of time I was back in bed and sound asleep until about 4 o'clock this morning. You could say that I slept almost 12 hours and that's a long time for me.

I feel much better this morning than I did yesterday afternoon and have courage again. Yesterday afternoon I was rapidly spiraling downwards and it was not a heck of a lot of fun. I'll spare you the details of how I tried to cope with that. I didn't do anything stupid, but I reached out and touched a lot of people. That's always kind of embarrassing afterwards. I was aided and abetted in this by my personal helper and I have to watch that as she tries her best to rescue me. There can be too much of that too. She becomes an enabler instead of a helper. She starts grasping at straws and has me grasping at them too. I have to keep my own council more.

My personal helper and I are meeting my SPN today. This was at the request of my personal helper who wants to know better how to help me and I think she will be set straight by both my SPN and me, because my personal helper seems to think that I need to be rescued somehow out of a terrible situation. She doesn't realize that I have good people working in my interest. 

Ha! The dull details of my life. Let me think of what else I can tell you. The Exfactor is coming by this morning to do the groceries and it's a good thing too, because I'm running out of things. I'm down to my last little bit of milk and I'm going to drink that shortly, although I must say that the tea doesn't make me nearly as thirsty as the coffee does. So it's true that tea is a great thirst quencher. I'll drink more of it in the future and put a couple of packages on the shopping list. It's called English Tea, but the English probably don't have it. 

Okay, I'm off to other things. 

Have a really terrific day.

Ciao,
Nora