Monday, September 27, 2010

The empty white page.

I will have to jump in the shower shortly and wash my hair, because it has not survived the onslaught of the pillows well last night. It is rather crooked and dented in places. But hey, I've got easy hair to style, so it won't be any problem to get it looking good again and I'm going to use my best shampoo, the one that picks up all the highlights in my hair. Won't I look snazzy? 

I've decided not to wear what I was wearing yesterday, because it was a boring outfit after all, and I'm going to look for something completely different. The only thing I really liked was the necklace I was wearing, but if I'm going to wear it again depends on which clothes I pick out to wear. I think I may actually wear a sweater today, it's a possibility, but I have to have a good look in my closet and use my imagination. I found some really neat leggings in one of my closet drawers that I have to put to use somehow and I'm going to try and put an outfit together with them. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think that the possibilities are endless. I can't wait to start looking.

Well, as is usual, you can see what I get excited about in my little limited life. It's almost pathetic, isn't it? My love affair with my closet. I'm sure there are more important things in life to care about. They just escape my line of vision. I'm so encapsulated in my own little world. I'm ensnared by my own tiny little trappings. I'm most certainly not part of the bigger picture. I'm not a hero. I don't stand on the ramparts. I don't have any causes.

Having established that I'm an egocentric person, I will continue to talk about myself. Today I have my creative class. It starts at 1 pm and lasts until 4 pm. That will keep me out of trouble for the afternoon. It's the highlight of my day. It's what everything revolves around. I know I'm capable of so much more, but I'm afraid to make commitments. When I least expect it, I'm a psychiatric patient again. Still, there must be more to life than this. I must also contribute. Participate somehow. I can't just be a useless woman whose main daily event is dressing up well. 

This requires some soul searching, because now I'm not at all satisfied with myself. 

I'm going to jump in the shower and wash those troubles right out of my hair. 

Have a good morning.



Frances said...

going to therapy and getting out of the flat is a good first move. Especially in the autumn. Outward-looking is healthier for this time of year when we all have a tendency to cosy up indoors and forget our social needs

Frances said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Frances said...

now having double commented, I'm getting Service Unavailable... sorry for messing up your comment page! LOL