All in the twist of a hand...

I'm having my third cup of coffee this morning because it's making me feel so good. The coffee doesn't really taste good because it's instant but I like the effect. It's making my mind sharp and helping me think straight and those are nice things to have happen to you. I've been afraid to switch to cold milk in case I get an upset stomach which is more likely to happen than when I drink coffee. Coffee is by far the safest beverage I can drink. 

I took the dog for a walk and it wasn't too cold out there. The sun was shining and the temperature was agreeable. I did have to wear my winter coat but not my gloves or scarf. My head was warm enough too, funky as it is with my latest hairdo. I wouldn't have wanted to wear a hat over it. That would have ruined the whole effect. 

I was supposed to have had an impromptu appointment this morning, but I decided to call over there on a hunch and find out if the person I wanted to see was actually there. It's a good thing I called because she was not, having fallen ill with a kidney stone. I made an official appointment for next week. Things sounded kind of hectic over there and I'm sure they wouldn't have needed me there today. Sometimes a hunch pays off. 

I'm telling myself that there's nothing wrong with today and that I can spend it as agreeably as I want and that is true. I have no real obligations and no appointments. The day is my oyster, although I hardly know what to do with it. I'm in a contemplative mood and can spend it in much silence and solitude doing nothing important. I have no high goals for the day anyway. Peace of mind is my main concern. 

I suppose that's some kind of higher ideal and I shouldn't take that too lightly. What's better than to seek peacefulness? I hope the dog and the cat are of the same opinion. It would be good if we were all on the same wave length.

I wish the weather would make up its mind because now it's overcast and gray and it looks like it's going to rain. It will be cozy enough if it does. I really don't mind. One of my favorite things to listen to is a YouTube recording of a rainshower in a forest. It lasts an hour and is extremely soothing. Whoever thought of recording these natural sounds is a genius. I also like the ones of birdsong in the early morning. 

I didn't have to take a painkiller this morning for my headache. I did take a tranquilizer. and it has probably relaxed me enough. At least the muscles in my neck aren't tight. I'm wearing my glasses constantly, although I thought for a little while that they were maybe bothering me. It turned out to bother me more to have to do without them. I just don't see well enough if I don't wear them. 

I hope you'll all have a good day whatever kind of weather you're having. 

Ciao,

Irene

By the wayside of my life...

I'm not in the mood for finishing the book 'Angels & Insects' by A.S. Byatt after having seen the movie, so I just now picked out another novel from the ones on the bookcase that I haven't read yet. It is 'The Abortionist's Daughter' by Elizabeth Hyde and I know very little about it except what I've read on the back cover. I'm taking a chance and hope that I will like it well enough. 

I haven't read anything by this author that I can remember, although some of the titles of her other novels look familiar. I can't say for sure if I've read any of them, though. I will let you know what I think of this one when I'm into it a bit. I've become a critical reader, so novels have to live up to a high standard. I'm afraid I've become spoiled by a few excellent ones I've read this past year. 

The energy I put into reading a book is precious and can't be wasted. I feel that it really has to be worth my while to take the time to sit and read it. It's very often an effort that I have to make and it's not always something that comes easy. It helps if a novel really grabs me with it's good prose and credibility and sense of compassion for the characters. I dislike it if the author's too far fetched fantasy wears me out me and pushes my 'hard-to-believe-button'. 

It's still in the middle of the night, although some people would be optimistic and call this the very early morning. It's not going to be light for some time and I'm facing a totally empty day. That is a day of no appointments and no excessive chores. I will have to find other ways to fill my day. I am sure my imagination will not forsake me and then there's always the Tour de France to watch.

I changed the sheets on the bed last night and found two duvet covers in the closet that I had forgotten about, so now I'm sleeping under little red roses. The covers are as good as new because I've hardly used them and had overlooked them being on the bottom shelf. They were just part of the unseen interior of the closet. They were unnoticeably there. I'm richer than I thought I was.

I saw my SPN yesterday. I don't know how well it went. I was teary eyed at the prospect of not seeing her anymore after September and as it is now, I only see her once every three weeks. I asked for another therapist after she's gone and was relieved to hear that my psychiatrist had already broached that subject with her. I don't think I can quite make it on my own and I think I'm going to fall into a bit of a hole when she's gone. 

I don't do well with changes and this will be a big change as she's played such a crucial role in my life. I have to properly prepare myself for it and not act like it's just nothing at all. I mustn't ignore my feelings by sticking my head in the sand and I can't approach everything rationally only. 

I think I will sit and read my book for a while in my armchair until I go back to bed. It's still not dawn yet. I will take my medicines which will make me sleepy. I can sleep late today. 

Have a good morning. 

Ciao,

Nora

Feast or famine...

I haven't for the past two nights felt funny anymore and that's, I think, because I wake up prematurely. Tonight I woke up because the cat was licking my head with her rough tongue. It was a strange thing to wake up to, but rather pleasant once I realized what the sensation was. I laid very still so she wouldn't stop. 

Of course, after a while she did and moved on, so I got up and made myself some coffee. I'm waiting for it to put some oomph into my life as I sit here rather listlessly. I'm awake, but not functioning well enough. I'm counting on the caffeine to bring some difference to that.

I didn't have a very rewarding day yesterday. I went back to bed early in the morning without setting the alarm clock and I slept past both my appointments. I didn't wake up until a quarter past noon when it was too late for even the last one. 

At least I got all the sleep I needed and that was a good thing because I was in dire need of it. I had been dragging my butt for a couple of days. In the afternoon I even took a long nap and if the cat hadn't woken me up, I'm sure I would be asleep now. I made sure I set the alarm clock before I went to bed last night because I have a new appointment with my psychiatrist at 11 am. I mustn't miss that one. 

Actually, it wasn't such a very unrewarding day yesterday. It was just a very low key day. It rained for most of it, which didn't bother me too much, except for when I had to walk the dog. We did get a little wet and cold. The rest of the day, at least the part that wasn't spent sleeping, went by quickly. The day was over in no time at all. 

I watched a very satisfying episode of 'A Touch of Frost' and started reading a new book: 'Angels & Insects' by A.S. Byatt. I've always liked her novels and hope to enjoy this one as well. She's a very intelligent writer. The first novel I ever read of her was called 'Possession.' I recommend it for beginners. This novel I have now came from my bookcase from the hoard of books I haven't read yet. It is nice to be in 'possession' of all those books and have my pick.

I need to look through the mail from the last couple of days and see what that's all about, but I'm loathe to do it. I keep putting it off. I'm always afraid that people will want money from me. There's only so much to go around. It's a pain in the neck to get unexpected, official looking mail. You try to determine by the look of the envelope what will be in it, but it is impossible. The only thing to do is to be brave and open it up. 

For one day today the weather is actually going to be nice, but it is an exception. The sun will be shining and there will be no rain. The temperatures will be decent and there will be no cold wind like there was yesterday. After that there will be rain again. 

It is a very strange summer and we've had no hot weather to speak of since May. People are booking last minute vacations like crazy. Double the amount that they were last year.

I need to go back to bed to sleep for a few more hours. Not that I'm now sleepy or anything. I may get so once I'm under the duvet. 

Have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Laughing matters...

This is going to be an attempt at not taking myself so seriously, but I honestly don't know if I'm capable of it. It seems to me that I try to weigh off the amount of humor against the amount of graveness very carefully, but that I get bogged down in the latter very often. That is my perception anyway. It may be a skewed point of view, but that's how I see it. 

It's in the middle of the night and I'm having my inevitable cups coffee. I'm still waiting for them to wake me up properly and to put some pizazz into my writing. If they're not going to soon, I'm switching to cold milk. I want to get a little high out of the caffeine and if I'm not getting that, there's no point in drinking them. I'm still yawning and may have gotten up when I shouldn't have. 

I very easily could have continued sleeping after I went to the toilet, but I had to be stubborn and stay up. I have to be fully awake by 7 am because I have an appointment at 8:50 am. I have to go see the woman at my GP's practice who's going to help me quit smoking. That doesn't leave me much time to get any extra sleep and at noontime I have an appointment with my psychiatrist. It does pay to be alert by that time. 

I woke up with my short hair sticking up all over the place. I look like a stick figure that a child drew. That's the one drawback about having short hair. It does look funny when you've slept on it. I'll have to wash it every day to get it to look nice. That's no real hardship, of course. It's in place and dry in no time at all.

I have to go back to bed for a while. I feel that my whole body needs it. I'll have to set the alarm clock and hope I make it up on time. I'm going to set it for 8 o'clock. That should give me enough time to get my act together. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Ease me gently into the morning...

I figure if I've managed to get 5 hours of sleep, I've done a damn good job and I allow myself to get up and walk into the living room to turn on the computer and from there proceed into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I know how really awake I am by how well I perform this job. If I do it without the least frustration, I am most definitely ready to be up. 

This morning I made the coffee without the least amount of effort. I did it routinely, without giving it a thought and got the proportion of ground coffee just right. I don't over optimistically spoon coffee into the paper filter anymore. I know that less is better to make a strong enough cup with this Dutch coffee.

I also know now at which time of the evening to go to bed to get the most out of my sleep. It isn't very late and I'm certainly not going to go down in history as a party animal, but it is the most sufficient way for me to deal with my specific sleep requirements. It's a good thing that I live alone and that I don't have to be a companion to anyone late at night, because surely it wouldn't work out. Our schedules would clash like crazy.

My dog knows when it's time to go to bed. He gives me the warning signs and acts like my alarm clock to tell me it's time to go. Around bedtime he sits and barks at me softly and won't stop until I've gotten up and changed into my pajamas. Then I have to do my whole 'going to bed routine' while he follows me around the apartment, checking to make sure I do everything I'm supposed to do. He's not happy until I've settled down under the duvet and he's climbed onto the bed with me. 

Of course, every night we have the problem of the cat who wants to come on the bed also and who needs to be chased away by the dog. This is another endless routine that we go through and nobody seems to learn a lesson. The cat always comes and the dog always wants to assert his position and I always have to intervene. Maybe I should stop intervening and let them figure it out for themselves. I should stop rescuing the cat and let her fight her own fights. She needs a little bit of assertiveness training. 

I've stopped drinking coffee a while ago and have switched to lemonade. I'm going to take it and sit in my armchair for a while and read my thriller before I go back to bed to get some more sleep. The Exfactor is going to be here this morning and in the afternoon I've got appointments with my psychiatrist and my SPN.  I don't want new sleeping pills. I think they mess me up too much during the day without working at night. I think the system I have now will suffice. 

Have a great day everyone!

Ciao,

Nora