Feast or famine...

I haven't for the past two nights felt funny anymore and that's, I think, because I wake up prematurely. Tonight I woke up because the cat was licking my head with her rough tongue. It was a strange thing to wake up to, but rather pleasant once I realized what the sensation was. I laid very still so she wouldn't stop. 

Of course, after a while she did and moved on, so I got up and made myself some coffee. I'm waiting for it to put some oomph into my life as I sit here rather listlessly. I'm awake, but not functioning well enough. I'm counting on the caffeine to bring some difference to that.

I didn't have a very rewarding day yesterday. I went back to bed early in the morning without setting the alarm clock and I slept past both my appointments. I didn't wake up until a quarter past noon when it was too late for even the last one. 

At least I got all the sleep I needed and that was a good thing because I was in dire need of it. I had been dragging my butt for a couple of days. In the afternoon I even took a long nap and if the cat hadn't woken me up, I'm sure I would be asleep now. I made sure I set the alarm clock before I went to bed last night because I have a new appointment with my psychiatrist at 11 am. I mustn't miss that one. 

Actually, it wasn't such a very unrewarding day yesterday. It was just a very low key day. It rained for most of it, which didn't bother me too much, except for when I had to walk the dog. We did get a little wet and cold. The rest of the day, at least the part that wasn't spent sleeping, went by quickly. The day was over in no time at all. 

I watched a very satisfying episode of 'A Touch of Frost' and started reading a new book: 'Angels & Insects' by A.S. Byatt. I've always liked her novels and hope to enjoy this one as well. She's a very intelligent writer. The first novel I ever read of her was called 'Possession.' I recommend it for beginners. This novel I have now came from my bookcase from the hoard of books I haven't read yet. It is nice to be in 'possession' of all those books and have my pick.

I need to look through the mail from the last couple of days and see what that's all about, but I'm loathe to do it. I keep putting it off. I'm always afraid that people will want money from me. There's only so much to go around. It's a pain in the neck to get unexpected, official looking mail. You try to determine by the look of the envelope what will be in it, but it is impossible. The only thing to do is to be brave and open it up. 

For one day today the weather is actually going to be nice, but it is an exception. The sun will be shining and there will be no rain. The temperatures will be decent and there will be no cold wind like there was yesterday. After that there will be rain again. 

It is a very strange summer and we've had no hot weather to speak of since May. People are booking last minute vacations like crazy. Double the amount that they were last year.

I need to go back to bed to sleep for a few more hours. Not that I'm now sleepy or anything. I may get so once I'm under the duvet. 

Have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Ain't it wonderful?

Today is actually Saturday and the first day of the weekend which I love so much. I can't begin to tell you why I do. It would turn into an endlessly boring story, but I do like the two days off from most of my responsibilities, few as they are and mostly imagined. I have 'during the week stress syndrome'. I always feel under a lot of pressure and it disappears over the weekend. 

I always felt that I had to be sick in order to get out from under the stress that I felt and used to get many mysterious cases of the flu. Headaches, sore throats, stomachaches. Now that I know better, I don't get these aches and pains anymore, except on rare occasions. I can honestly say that I'm actually physically a very healthy person when I didn't think I was before. 

I do still get backaches, but I think those have to do with posture and weak spots in my back. Being away from the computer and taking a good walk help take care of them. Having lost all the weight has also helped tremendously. I do very often have a sore spot halfway up my back, but that's due to the mild case of scoliosis. Sitting very upright helps and taking pain medication on occasion is also helpful. 

That goes to show you how mental stress can translate itself into physical ailments. You need to take care of yourself mentally in order to take care of yourself physically. I used to get an inflamed esophagus regularly and I never do now. My stomach used to be literally tied up in knots and make me feel sick to the point of vomiting. 

Anyway, it is Saturday and I can relax and enjoy the day which will end with an episode of 'Wallander' on TV tonight. It will be on late, so hopefully I will not be too sleepy and have the energy to stay up to watch it. It is on past my bedtime and I may be tempted to go to sleep. But then I would miss out on listening to all that wonderful Swedish, so I do really have to give it my best try and stay up.

Yesterday went by fine. A domestic help was here, but it still wasn't my regular one whose whereabouts are a mystery to me. The girl that was here instead was a part time worker who was really a student at the university, so capable of carrying on an intelligent conversation. She had coffee with the Exfactor and me when he showed up to do some shopping for me. 

The dog thought the domestic help had come especially for him and spent a lot of time bonding with her and by the time she left he was best friends with her. He does like all this company we get and he especially likes the fact that they're all cuddly women who take the time to pet him. He can't get up close and personal enough. He likes everybody. 

I finally had the courage to open up all my mail and was glad to find out that I could dismiss most of it. A lot of it went straight into the recycling box. Today I have to check the mailbox again because I haven't checked it in a few days not being in the right frame of mind to do it. I don't get mail every day and I have a sticker on my mail slot that prohibits junk mail. I don't want to have to deal with a lot of adverts as well as regular mail.

I checked the TV guide and found out that the daily exercise program is on at 8:45 in the morning. Unfortunately, that's when I'm asleep. I thought I needed the exercise to get rid of some excess fat and to tone some muscles. I have to figure out a way to do this. I know the exercise program is good because I've watched it a few times. 

I suppose I could set the alarm clock, but I don't know if I'm that much of a hero. I would be awfully grouchy if I was woken up by it and I wouldn't have had enough sleep. It's a real dilemma. I would probably shut off the alarm clock and roll over and go back to sleep. 

I have to stop eating vanilla pudding even though I only eat one bowl of it a day. I've got to switch to another kind of sensible and healthy food. I was thinking of whole meal rusk toast with cheese. As long as I feel that I've eaten something substantial. The vanilla pudding tastes great, but it probably has too many calories in it. It tastes too good to be true. 

Well, it's time for me to go back to sleep. I've been drinking cold milk and am sufficiently chilled to want to get back under the warm duvet. The dog's just been out back for a piddle, so he's all set for now. 

I hope you all have a great day. Enjoy your weekend. 

Ciao,

Nora 

Giving it a try...

I've been in a somewhat bad mood for the past two days, but now that I'm up in the middle of the night, I feel better and I'm going to take advantage of it and try to write a cheerful post. The somewhat weak, yet potable coffee is helping me be in a more optimistic mood, but maybe it's the hour of the night that's helping me be more cheerful. I do always do better at this time of my 24 hour cycle. 

The coffee is weak because I'm almost out of it and I have just enough left to make a pot in the morning when I get up again. By that time I will be out of milk, but there's the powdered creamer left. I'm counting on the Exfactor being here on time to save me from my dire situation. I will drink rooibos tea if I have to, it does agree with me as opposed to regular tea, which gives me lots of phlegm and coughing fits. 

My daytime moods have been very negative and make me not be productive at all. I sit around like a bump on a log and do a lot of sleeping. I can't get excited about very much at all and only take out the dog because I have to. My level of motivation is very low. 

There's a commercial on TV for a soft drink in which people turn into a splash of water and scatter like many drops of it into the air. I've been wanting the same thing to happen to me. To just dissipate into thin air and to vaporize completely. What a perfect way to stop existing. If only it were that simple.

I guess I'm looking for a painless way out. An easy solution that only exists in fiction.

Now, however, it is nighttime and there is a different set of circumstances. I must look at the glass half full, though the coffeepot and the milk container are empty. I guess it's time to drink tea. 

I don't know what my day is going to look like, except that the Exfactor will be here to do the groceries. More than anything I would like for my mood to improve. I would like for my sense of peacefulness to return. I must find my inner center of calm and concentrate on that and try to find contentment in the little things. 

There's going to be an episode of Inspector Frost on tonight. That's something to look forward to. There's also mail to open. I look less forward to that. It's a minor miracle that I even got it out of the mailbox yesterday. I prefer no mail at all because whatever it is, it's almost always mail I don't want.

I'm sufficiently tired now to want to go back to bed. I've got hours left to sleep. I may waste this day on nothing important at all. If I regain my equilibrium then that would be an achievement. I think doing some dishes and a load of laundry is called for. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Ain't singing the blues now...

It's too early in the morning to sing the blues. Besides, who sings the blues in the morning? Nobody in their right mind would, would they? The morning is still full of promise of things to come. The day is unfathomable and can't be measured until the end of it.  The possibilities are endless, at least, so I tell myself. But then I'm an optimist and I very much do see the glass half full. Except when it's full of ice cold milk and I've been drinking it, but in that case it's quickly filled again. 

Yesterday morning I was at first grumpy when I got up out of bed and thought the day would be endless and boring, but a cup of coffee helped get me over my initial dislike of the day and the day itself got me over my wariness of it. There were enough diversions to make it a worthwhile day and one that was enjoyable, although nothing very special happened at all. It was just ordinary life taking place, but that was good enough. Ordinary life can be very satisfying if you stop and appreciate the little things and are grateful for them. 

Like walking through the snow that is slowly melting, but that is still deep to the point that I sink into it and that makes Tyke have an awful lot of fun. He's hard to move from one place to the next, because apparently many interesting things hide under the snow and he has to investigate them all and finally pee on them. That outing is a whole adventure by itself. 

It's made better now by the new boots I ordered with a much better profile in the soles and that arrived yesterday. I tried them on immediately and much to my relief they fit. I ordered them one size smaller, because on the website it had said that they were a bit large for their size. When I wore them in the snow and on the ice, I was a lot steadier and didn't slip once. I'm still a bit scared, but I'm sure I'll gain confidence with experience. I'm so used to almost falling over, that I can't believe that now I'm not.

I got a huge pile of mail from the mailbox, but when I sat down and looked through everything, most of it turned out to be unimportant, regardless of the seriousness of the sender. It all looked very official, but turned out to be so many storms in glasses of water and I soon had it reduced to a pile of recyclable paper. There was not one bill in there and that certainly made me feel good. There were a couple of Christmas cards which made me feel even better. I considered all of that a piece of good luck.

I slowly got chores done, although I have some left to do today. I have very clean laundry to hang up and another load to wash. I must do the dishes, but first I have to find some interesting clothes to wear. I hope something magically appears from the closet. If not, I'll have to go in search of it. This will not be a problem, as I'm bound to find something I like. The only thing to worry about is to dress warm enough. 

The Exfactor is supposed to be here today and I will send him to the tobacco shop, although I still have a bit of a supply. It's better to be safe and have extra over the holidays. It's New Year's Eve and tomorrow the stores will be closed. Tonight at midnight the whole town will set off fireworks and there will be no going to sleep until 1 am. That's how long it takes for the whole spectacle to end. It would be impossible to sleep through the noise, much as I'd like to.

I wish you a Happy New Year and all the best wishes for 2011. 

Ciao,

Nora

On succesfully being awake and living to tell about it.

Although I had a big mouth this morning about getting dressed and going out early to walk Tyke, I did no such thing, but went to bed instead and slept for 4 hours. The prospect of going out in the cold morning air wasn't all that appealing when I considered my warm and cozy bed and the sleepiness that suddenly started enfolding me. I decided to do the easiest thing first and get a few hours of sleep before I became an active and responsible dog owner. I set the alarm clock so I would not stay in bed too long and fell asleep almost instantly with Tyke by my side. I guess he was okay with the whole plan and he snuggled up quite cozily. 

When I got up, I made myself the obligatory coffee and smoked some cigarettes. Waking up wasn't too hard and I hardly had any cobwebs. I had two cups of coffee and I didn't feel discombobulated at all. Then Tyke and I got ready to walk to the tobacco shop with baggies in my pocket and my wallet in my purse. Tyke likes the walk there, because it allows him to explore some different territory and to pee against different trees and bushes and to hopefully find edible items when we pass the little shops. He is an equal opportunity eater because he eats from the fish monger and the Arab grocer. 

When we got to the tobacco shop, it was closed due to illness, so we had to turn around and go home again, because I could not take Tyke to the supermarket. I took a different route home, thinking that would be exciting for Tyke and I was not mistaken. There were many good trees that needed to be thoroughly sniffed and examined and very regularly there was something minuscule on the sidewalk that needed to be closely looked at and tasted. Tyke lies down and makes himself into a dead weight that refuses to budge and can't be moved without you looking like an animal abuser. So you stand and wait until he's done. I have to have patience. Luckily, I had little kids once and I've been well trained. 

I did chores when I got home, because my domestic help was coming and I do want to look like someone who cares and empties her ashtrays and folds her laundry. It was my very own Monday domestic help that was coming, so I was very happy about that. I picked up the place as much as I could without actually cleaning it and sorted out all the things that needed to be sorted. I even tackled the mail and it was all good mail. I was supposed to have done this yesterday, but I chickened out at the last moment. My excuse was that it was Sunday then and not a day to worry about bills.

I rode my bike to the supermarket in the afternoon, in the bright sunshine, in the somewhat chilly temperatures, and made copies of my passport and birth certificate for my daughter who is applying for a Dutch passport. We are in the preliminaries and many certified copies of documents will have to be sent. I also bought tobacco and filter tubes and managed to retrieve my bike out of the overfull bike rack without damaging it and without pulling a lot of other bikes out with it. It's the handlebars that get caught. It's like when you have a box full of clothes hangers and you want to pull one out and they all get caught in each other and you pull them all out.

I just took Tyke out for another walk and we went to the field. There was a little Yorkshire Terrier puppy running around and it was love at first sight. I've never seen such a thing. That puppy looked like he was attached to a rubber band and hopped up and down around Tyke quicker than a ping pong ball. Tyke was mesmerized. I think he would like a little puppy of his own. Oh, I mustn't even think about it.

I'm getting awfully tired and must think about going to bed. I haven't had that much sleep. It will be nice to lie in bed and read for a while and hopefully remember to hide my book from Tyke. 

Have a good night everyone. 

Ciao,
Nora