Battling rain...

Just as I was taking the dog out for a walk, it started to rain, so I made a beeline back home after the dog had done his business. Luckily, it didn't take him too long to do this. He is a very accommodating dog when it comes to things like that. In other ways he can be very stubborn. 

I'd like to think that maybe he realized that it was raining and that we were getting wet, but I don't know if he's as bright as all that. He doesn't care much if he gets wet. He's got thick fur, so it doesn't bother him. To tell you the truth, it didn't bother me all that much either. I was wearing my winter coat and it has a hood that I had pulled up over my head. Neither one of us got much worse for the wear. 

So you see, it was actually a non-adventure and absolutely not worth mentioning, but it did fill up some empty space on the page and now you know about the weather conditions. 

I heard from someone that next month it's going to be very cold. I don't know where this person got the wisdom to know this, but I hope she's wrong.  When someone says it's going to be very cold, all I can think of is snow and ice because surely that will come with it. I don't mind the snow, but I'm ever so wary of the ice that forms in a thick layer underneath it. Luckily, I do have the right boots now, so I should be safe when it comes to walking around on it, but it will not be with joy. 

My attention has been called to the book 'The Help' by Kathryn Stockett and I think I will see if I can get it in the paperback edition because it will fit through my mail slot better than the hardbound. Of course, the subject matter is far removed from my bed because, after all, what in my life has to do with black household help in the 60's in the USA and little white children of privileged families? It will be educational if it is factually written and not emblazoned with false sentimentality. I will read it critically and keep in mind that it's written by one of these grown up children.

It's time for me to eat dinner. My stomach is growling and it should be because it's been some time since I've eaten. I'm more than ready for a meal. First I'll have a tall glass of milk to quench my thirst. My everlasting thirst. 

Have a good evening you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

Not enough of a good thing...

I'm sitting here with a glass of ice cold milk and a cigarette. I just woke up from a short nap on the sofa, which made me feel a lot better than I did before I took it. I was a bit discombobulated and feeling like I wasn't quite all together and thought it was because of the missing pill. I've just now taken all my evening medicines and should be doing okay in no time at all. 

Outside it is raining and melting a lot of the snow and ice, which is good. I wish it would rain more and really get rid of it. I would love to see clean streets and sidewalks. I'm afraid that the rain isn't coming down hard enough to wash away the toughest of the ice. It really needs to pour for that.

Maybe I should do a rain dance, though I'm not related to any kind of an aboriginal at all and probably don't have the right powers and accouterments. The gods would not be fooled by me, a western European woman. I probably can't dance down the rain, but I could give it an honest effort. Can you see me now, out on the patio? That would be a sight!

It's already dark outside and the streetlights are on. I still have the window shades up and can see a splatter of rain hit the windows every now and then. Inside it's cozy with the lamps and the heater on. I've just fed the animals, so they are happy. They do patiently wait in the kitchen until I notice them there. Not a peep out of them. I wish Tyke would be more assertive and carry his dish to me. Or that Gandhi would at least meow.

The Exfactor was here earlier in the day to drink coffee. He could actually make it up the street on his motorcycle. He has been having to park it at the beginning of the street and walk the rest of the way, because it was too slippery.

He told me the same story of how many films he took apart and how many trailers of films and how many advertisements and how long it took him. It makes me cross eyed with boredom. He only has a couple of stories and he tells me the same ones over and over again. He's like an old demented man. I feel that he's slowly driving me mad with them.

It's possible that we don't have enough to talk about for two visits in the week. I certainly don't know enough except for what I hear on the news, so I don't have that much to contribute.

Well, that's really all I've got to tell you, speaking of interesting contributions.

Have a nice evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Gentleness....

Last night I fell asleep with a CD of the sound of a thunderstorm accompanied with gentle music. It was very soothing and I fell asleep about halfway through it. When I woke up in the night to go to the toilet, all was silent in my bedroom and I went straight back to sleep. I slept until 8:30 this morning and enjoyed the serenity that was there instead of the cackle of talk radio. It was a better way to wake up and I probably slept better because of the silence. 

I'm going to try it again tonight with the gentle piano music of Erik Satie. I have two CDs by him and I will look through the rest of my CD collection and see what other soothing music I have there. I think the silence that comes after the music is very important. I seem to sleep better when there is no noise at all. At least I don't get all sorts of subliminal messages from the radio that interfere with my dreams and that makes them more gentle too.

Now I'm sitting here slowly waking up with my coffee and cigarettes. The sun is shining brightly outside and the sky is blue. The sun is hopefully melting the snow in the street. I'm still yawning and think I could have slept another hour or so, but I had to get up, because I'm expecting the Exfactor. I should get dressed before that time, but I'm awfully comfortable in my bathrobe right now. I'll have one more cup of coffee first. 

I was supposed to go see my SPN this afternoon, but the secretary called to say that she was sick, so suddenly there is no rush to the day. I can take it easy, because I don't have to be somewhere at a certain time. That gives me some spare time that I'm sure I'll find a purpose for. I've been reading my own blog archives and I think I will continue to do that. It is very enlightening. 

Well, I think I will get dressed. I'm just dawdling now and not accomplishing much. I don't have much to report either. Everything is fine. 

Have a nice day!

Ciao,

Nora

Quiet Days...

I've spent a quiet day at home, not doing anything out of the ordinary but watching television and drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. I did open the bedroom window at one point to air out the place until it got too cold in here. I just turned up the thermostat and I'm waiting for my hands to get warm. I didn't realize that I had gotten so cold.

I did take Tyke out and we trudged through the melting snow. The ice is even melting and crunches when I step on it. Some people have cleaned their sidewalks. Other people have blocked the sidewalks with piles of snow from their driveways. That's real smart, isn't it? They're not the brightest bulbs in the package. 

I put out the trash early while I thought of it, because I forgot last week so I had two bags today. If I don't put it out while I think of it and put it off until later, I'm bound to forget about it, because the Exfactor always used to put out the trash and it's a job I'm still not used to doing regularly. You would think I would be now after two years, but I still have to make a point of it. There's always a little warning bell going off some time during the weekend that I must not forget it, but it doesn't usually go off at the right moment.

He also used to always pay the bills, but that was a job he disliked doing very much and paperwork was always put off until the very last minute. When I had to take that over all on my own, I immediately got very organized and found out all about it as quickly as I could. I'm very up to date on the bills and have most of them written off automatically so I don't forget anything. I do have a budget and stick to it closely. It's a responsibility I can handle, but then I only have to worry about my own expenses and I don't have a family to worry about. Like kids who make big demands or a husband who is high maintenance. 

I didn't used to know what was in the kitchen cabinets or in the kitchen closet, except the most necessary things. I came to find out, when I was living on my own, that there was a lot of junk there and that a lot of other places in the apartment held a lot of junk. A 'getting rid of stuff' process started and now I'm almost down to the basics and everything is accounted for. The Exfactor used to be in charge, but wasn't really capable of running the ship. He was the wrong person for it, because he was not capable of throwing anything out. Things got stowed everywhere and collected dirt and dust.

It's very strange to live in a place that you're not in charge of, while you're in fact the woman of the house. It's a very liberating realization when you do become in charge of it and fix things according to your own ideas and actually have the nerves to toss things out. You make huge discoveries and have light bulbs go on above your head and suddenly you see reason and become clear headed. Bless the day that I came to live on my own in this apartment. It is the best thing that happened to me in a long time. I guess you never would have thought that I'd say that one day, would you? 

It's very liberating to be a woman on your own, although it can be lonely at times and sometimes I do wish for a companion. I wouldn't want someone around me all the time, though. It would get on my nerves, because I do appreciate my independence and my privacy. I don't want to play house with anyone. I never was into that when I was a kid either. Neither did I play with dolls. I don't think I have huge bonding needs. They're not out of the ordinary anyway. I have a tendency to stick to myself and make do with my own company. Each person is an island, although part of an archipelago. You can build a bridge, but a bridge can be dismantled and then you can only swim across. 

I know someone who is a gregarious loner. It is something I would like to be, but I think I'm not gregarious enough yet. I need a little bit more humor in me. I take myself much too serious. Some day I'll be relaxed and wise enough to be one too. Then I'll be able to laugh at myself and see the humor of my own character. I'll be able to see the comedy that my own life also is. I'll approach mankind with laughter on my face. That will be my first expression. I have been told that I look naughty, like the cat that ate the mouse. But that's really my ironic look. Nobody knows this yet. Until now. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

It's 2011...

I realized that this time Christmas and New Year's Eve weren't as bad as last year, because they were the second time since my divorce that I lived through them on my own. The first time was much harder. I was very consciously aware that I was on my own and I felt sorry for myself. I had no such problem this time and made it through just fine. I felt very independent and sure of myself and like the solitude was a choice and not something that was forced on me. I was comfortable with my own company and I didn't feel lonely. 

Last night, at the stroke of midnight, I cuddled and kissed Tyke and wished myself a Happy New Year. I couldn't cuddle and kiss Gandhi, because she was hiding from the noise of the fireworks. She didn't show up until an hour later. I petted her then and she followed me to the bedroom where I could finally get into bed along with Tyke very cozily. I was asleep soon after that. It does wear you out to listen to a barrage of fireworks for nearly one hour. 

Tyke did well. He was a little bit scared, but stayed close to me and I petted him the whole time and soothed his sometimes trembling body. He didn't bark or whine and I thought he was very brave. 

I'm very much aware that this is a new year and I do have certain expectations of it. I have not really made any resolutions. I still have the ones I made along the line last year and I'll continue on with those. They are very simple ones. Just some things I have determined to do for myself. Eat healthy, live frugally, be social and look at the bright side of things. Learn lessons from everything that happens. Nothing happens by chance. 

It's late in the morning now and I have been sitting here for a while drinking coffee as if I have a hangover. I drank milk at midnight. No alcohol for me. I would have enjoyed a cold white beer, but I didn't have any in the refrigerator. I survived without it too. It isn't necessary to celebrate every significant event with booze. It's a myth that it puts us in a better mood. Alcohol is a depressant, so who needs that? 

I'm going to see my sister and her friend this afternoon. She will come and get me so I won't have to ride my bike through the sludge that is the thawing snow and ice. That's a relief. I must eat something before I go. To celebrate the new year, I will eat something festive from my care package. The best thing I've been eating from it was the aged cheese. I have a piece of that every day and it's quite good. I'm down to the last piece now and I will have that tonight, providing I have room in my stomach. It depends on what else I've eaten. 

I must get dressed in something festive too. I must enter the new year correctly with the right amount of color. It won't do to look drab. 

Tyke and I will take a walk through what's left of the snow. There's actually quite a bit of it still. It isn't thawing fast enough for me and on Sunday night it is supposed to start freezing again. I hope they got that prediction wrong, because the street isn't nearly clean yet. It will be nice to be out in the fresh air and not break my neck in my new boots. They have proved to be very steady.

Hava Happy New Year all of you! May it be the best year ever. 

Ciao,

Nora

Ain't singing the blues now...

It's too early in the morning to sing the blues. Besides, who sings the blues in the morning? Nobody in their right mind would, would they? The morning is still full of promise of things to come. The day is unfathomable and can't be measured until the end of it.  The possibilities are endless, at least, so I tell myself. But then I'm an optimist and I very much do see the glass half full. Except when it's full of ice cold milk and I've been drinking it, but in that case it's quickly filled again. 

Yesterday morning I was at first grumpy when I got up out of bed and thought the day would be endless and boring, but a cup of coffee helped get me over my initial dislike of the day and the day itself got me over my wariness of it. There were enough diversions to make it a worthwhile day and one that was enjoyable, although nothing very special happened at all. It was just ordinary life taking place, but that was good enough. Ordinary life can be very satisfying if you stop and appreciate the little things and are grateful for them. 

Like walking through the snow that is slowly melting, but that is still deep to the point that I sink into it and that makes Tyke have an awful lot of fun. He's hard to move from one place to the next, because apparently many interesting things hide under the snow and he has to investigate them all and finally pee on them. That outing is a whole adventure by itself. 

It's made better now by the new boots I ordered with a much better profile in the soles and that arrived yesterday. I tried them on immediately and much to my relief they fit. I ordered them one size smaller, because on the website it had said that they were a bit large for their size. When I wore them in the snow and on the ice, I was a lot steadier and didn't slip once. I'm still a bit scared, but I'm sure I'll gain confidence with experience. I'm so used to almost falling over, that I can't believe that now I'm not.

I got a huge pile of mail from the mailbox, but when I sat down and looked through everything, most of it turned out to be unimportant, regardless of the seriousness of the sender. It all looked very official, but turned out to be so many storms in glasses of water and I soon had it reduced to a pile of recyclable paper. There was not one bill in there and that certainly made me feel good. There were a couple of Christmas cards which made me feel even better. I considered all of that a piece of good luck.

I slowly got chores done, although I have some left to do today. I have very clean laundry to hang up and another load to wash. I must do the dishes, but first I have to find some interesting clothes to wear. I hope something magically appears from the closet. If not, I'll have to go in search of it. This will not be a problem, as I'm bound to find something I like. The only thing to worry about is to dress warm enough. 

The Exfactor is supposed to be here today and I will send him to the tobacco shop, although I still have a bit of a supply. It's better to be safe and have extra over the holidays. It's New Year's Eve and tomorrow the stores will be closed. Tonight at midnight the whole town will set off fireworks and there will be no going to sleep until 1 am. That's how long it takes for the whole spectacle to end. It would be impossible to sleep through the noise, much as I'd like to.

I wish you a Happy New Year and all the best wishes for 2011. 

Ciao,

Nora

Early in the morning...

It's with some amount of pleasure that I sit here drinking my coffee and smoking my cigarettes. It's early in the morning still, but I am wide awake and ready for the day to start. I went to bed on time last night and slept well. I was more than ready to go to sleep, because there was nothing on television that I was interested in after I watched the Dutch speed skating championships. They weren't even that exciting to watch and I was only pretending they were. The commentary was almost more interesting than the races themselves. Sometimes you have to fake an interest and act like it matters. I wasn't for any skater in particular, especially since Sven Kramer didn't participate. He was out because of an injury. 

After that it was really time to shut off the television and call it a day. I postponed going to bed for a while, because it was awfully early, but after some time I went ahead and changed into my pajamas. I listened to an interview with a well known architect on the radio and thought that some of it was bullshit. I think people make themselves and their methods and motivations look better than they are. They are asked for explanations and suddenly have to come up with them when they really do things for reasons even unknown to them and not well thought out and planned at all. They are put on the spot and have to look good.

I fell asleep after a while and slept without remembering my dreams. It was just a long dark night. Tyke woke me up because he had to go out. He gently growled at me. I let him out and made coffee. The coffee was most welcome. The first cup tasted like the elixir of life and gave me a kick. The second cup I drank for good measure. There isn't going to be a third cup this morning. I don't need it. 

The snow is very slowly melting as the temperatures are above freezing. There are supposed to be some rain showers today. I wonder if they will be enough to melt the rest of it? It will probably just turn into a big slush, I think there's too much snow and ice. Actually, at this point I wouldn't mind if all of it was gone, because it's no fun to walk in any more. It's downright dangerous. 

My Wednesday personal helper is coming this morning at 8:30. I have to make sure I'm ready before that time. I want to strip my bed and put clean sheets on and run the washing machine. I'll have two loads to do, but I like doing laundry. 

I have to keep in mind that Saturday will be a holiday and that all the stores will be closed. The Exfactor was here yesterday to do the groceries, but he said he would be here on Friday again in case I needed anything else. My shopping list was so short. I keep thinking I've forgotten something crucial. I may need tobacco before the weekend is over, that's something I always have to calculate in. 

Look, I'm just writing down a bunch of nonsense. It's basically to keep you up to date. I'm not planning on doing anything special with my day. If I'm lucky, I won't need a nap. I've completely stopped taking the tranquilizers during the day, so they're not something that make me tired anymore. All I can think I'm doing now is hibernating, although it's possible that the anti-psychotics make me tired. They do have that side effect. I'll know once I decrease them more. 

Have a nice day, everyone. Don't let the weather get to you too much. 

Ciao,

Nora

Slipping and sliding...

Today it is Second Christmas Day in the Netherlands, which is also an official holiday, so even if it weren't Sunday, all life would have still come to a halt. Luckily, it is Sunday, so I won't notice anything of it. That's the fortunate thing about having the holidays on the weekend. 

Still, it does give you a little bit of a festive feeling and that isn't half bad. It does put you in a special mood, you can't help yourself, and you do feel as if you've got something to celebrate. 

Besides, it's hard not to notice all the Christmas specials on television, although they do get awfully sentimental and people get so carried away by them. I suppose that some of the broadcasting networks feel the need to reassert that we're a Christian nation. It's just an observation I'm making. It's not a judgment. A whole theological and social debate could be held about that. It's not an idea to dismiss so easily. 

My sister and I made the town walk yesterday afternoon with the guide and a small group of people. It was cold outside and very slippery in the streets. I had to hold on tightly to my sister so as to not fall down. My boots were absolutely useless, they gave me no grip whatsoever. She prevented me from falling over quite a few times. She was wearing snow boots which worked quite a bit better.

The walk was interesting and we found out all sorts of little details that we had no idea of. We trekked all through downtown and had a break at a cafe halfway through, where I was even allowed to smoke, because they were officially closed to the public and only open to tour groups. I had a delicious cup of coffee there, that warmed my stomach and gave me the energy for the rest of the walk. There was also an opportunity to eat thick slices of raisin bread, filled with almond paste, with real butter on it, but I decided better not to try that. 

We visited the two oldest basilicas and the crypt of the oldest bishop, but we found out that it was empty, because all of his bones had been taken out to be used as relics. He was considered that holy. The stone threshold to this crypt had been completely worn down into a hollow over the centuries by pilgrims visiting it.

The terraces of the cafes were open, but they were all heated and on each chair there was a blanket to keep the customers warm. Unfortunately, we didn't sit down there. I would have enjoyed that very much. I'm a real terrace visitor. I do enjoy watching the people come by while sipping a beverage. 

My sister and I had taken the car downtown, although none of the streets had been cleaned. I think they're running out of salt. There were tracks in the snow to follow where enough traffic had passed. The car has front wheel drive, so there really was no problem. There was a true winter landscape all around us, though. It really was pretty if you didn't have to walk in it. On that slippery ice downtown. 

I had a nice time the rest of the day with the animals and took it easy. I talked to my daughter in the evening and it was good to hear her happy voice. I went to bed on time, tired as I was from my afternoon out, and I fell asleep quickly. Tyke greeted me this morning with much enthusiasm, but that was because he needed to go out, although it's possible that he loves me a little bit too. 

I don't have any plans for today. I'll just let it unwind and see where it goes. I have some chores to do, so those will keep me occupied for a while. I'm not worried about being bored. There will be enough to occupy me (I've got that book to read).

The first thing I'm going to do is go back to bed. I have more sleep in me. It will be quite cozy there. 

Have a good morning!

Ciao,

Nora

Gently falling snow...

I'm drinking my second cup of coffee while outside it is still snowing. It has been since forever, but it is very fine snow now and accumulates slowly. Still, there's quite a bit of it out there and it looks wonderful and white and pristine. No one has walked in it yet and there are no tire tracks. It's too early in the morning for that. Every once in a while, I go to the window and push the shade aside and look outside to take it all in. I seem to especially like this round of snowfall. It fits the upcoming holidays, doesn't it? A white Christmas is something special. 

I woke up very happily with a head of short hair and ran my fingers through it. Every hair was in place and that pleased me very much. I must remember to go to the hairdresser on time, because obviously it makes me very happy. There's nothing better than waking up with a decent hairdo. The only thing that bothers me is the terribly itchy skin that I have on my scalp. I scratch it subconsciously and make it worse. There must be a good solution for it.

Today I have a day off, The domestic help isn't coming, because she is sick and there is no replacement. I didn't want a complete stranger in the apartment and they couldn't tell me who was going to come instead, so I begged off. I don't mind if just for once there isn't anyone here. It gives me a little break. 

The Exfactor is going to try and be here in spite of the weather. He'll probably not make it on his motorcycle, but will take the train instead. The buses aren't driving. All services are canceled and the police are only coming out for emergencies. It's even a question if the trains will run. 

I do hope the Exfactor will make it, because he will bring the spare mobile phone that he's got  to replace the one that Tyke demolished and that's left me incommunicado. I feel very primitive without a phone, but at least I'm able to email when I want to reach someone. It's just a little bit slower if they're not behind their computer at that moment. 

I have to go to the tobacco shop to buy supplies and also buy a new cigarette case, because I'm using old cigarette packages now and they fall apart after a while. Besides, I can never get enough cigarettes in them and I'm always running out. They have nice sturdy cases at the tobacco shop and I will pick one out in a pleasant color. It will be an accessory, so it has to look good. I don't want to go around with ratty looking cigarette packages anymore.  I do have to show more class than that. 

I want to go wash my hair with the blond lightening shampoo. I think the girl at the hairdresser's didn't use it this time. It does make a difference with how well your hair looks and it brightens it up just a bit. It's early in the morning still and I have lots of time to do all sorts of things. I can dawdle for a while before I have to get the show on the road and get serious about anything.

Have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

Don't tell me it's Monday already!

Yes, you can get used to the lazy days of the weekend it seems. Even I, who usually dislikes the weekends, can get used to them. It's nice to hardly have a care in the world, like I did yesterday when I pretended I was snowed in. I had gotten up early and written a post for another blog and gone back to bed. When I got up, it started snowing and it snowed all afternoon, adding a fresh layer to the snow that was already there. I dare not guess how much snow there is now, but it's a lot by our standards.

I must say that I kind of like it. I like the snow, but I don't like the ice that's underneath it, that's the drawback. The snow is lovely and for all I care it keeps snowing, but then I really don't have to be anywhere far away from here. The furthest I have to go this week is the office of my SPN and I can walk there. My poor sister has to fly home from Milan and I hope she will make it, because the weather is bad everywhere in Europe and where will she land? 

If you're not  on the road, the snow is nice. It makes you feel that the world has gotten a lot smaller and it has in reality, because your radius of action becomes more restricted. You really do stick close to home. I did anyway, but I feel that I have a legitimate reason now. Nobody expects me to go anywhere far away and far away could be as close as downtown. I'm happy in my little world. I would have made a good villager if I had lived a long time ago. 

It's early in the morning and I'm having my coffee, but I've just about had enough of it. I'm very thirsty and I need to drink something very cool and refreshing. All the juice is gone, so I'm thinking of a glass of lemonade. The Exfactor is going to be here tomorrow to do the groceries. He already sent me an email to tell me that he would be here. He isn't bothered by the weather, but it looks like it isn't going to snow anymore. As a matter of fact, there is rain in the forecast. That's a bummer. The temperatures are going to rise and the snow and ice will melt. Oh well, clean streets are nice too. We had those for a little while before. At least the ice will be gone. 

I'm expecting my personal helper and the domestic help today, so I must do some chores. I never did get around to those yesterday. I had a completely lazy day and didn't do a thing. I truly did have a day of rest. I have lots of time to putter around this morning. The first thing I will do is take a shower and get dressed in a brand new outfit. I will have to look through my closet and see what's there. I'm sure I'll find something of interest that's warm enough. It has to be something at least mildly exciting. Something that I will be happy to wear. 

I'm going to be reading a new book by a blogging friend of mine. Her name is Laurie Hertzel and the name of the book is: News To Me, Adventures of an Accidental Journalist.  It's a book I've been looking forward to reading and I just received it in the mail this weekend. Knowing Laurie's way of writing, I'm sure I'll enjoy it very much. I'm not a literature critic, but I'll let you know what I think of it when I'm done with it. I can only read it during the day. It is too dangerous to take to bed with me at night, because Tyke will get a hold of it and destroy it. I sure as heck don't want that to happen, although Laurie suggested that maybe he could nibble around the edges for Toby's sake. Toby was her first dog and is pictured on the back cover. 

Okay, I'm getting the show on the road. I'm off to pick out an outfit. 

Have a nice day, everyone!

Ciao,

Nora

The weekend.

It's Saturday, the first day of the weekend, but I'm not going to let that bother me. I'm going to act like it's a day like any other day and not give it a different connotation. I will get dressed in a little while and take Tyke for a walk, even though he's already done all of his business out back. It will get me in the proper mood for the rest of the day and I do have to go out this morning and go to the tobacco shop. I will be ready and in the starting blocks.

It hasn't snowed any more, despite the predictions, and even though it snowed a lot in the west of the country, we are left with the couple of inches that we already had. I found out that my boots are snow proof, so that's a relief, and they are warm enough. I just mustn't walk around in wet slush with them. I also found out that if I wear thin socks in my hiking boots, they fit a lot better and I don't get a blister on my toe that turns into a permanent sore spot. Of course, I haven't tried them on long distances yet and will not. I'd rather not tempt fate. 

I think I will watch a lot of cultural programs on television today, because Saturday is the day for it, and there will be the news on. There will be sports later on in the day, but a lot of football matches got canceled because of the snow. The cultural programs are about art and literature and architecture, amongst others. They're usually quite interesting, although not always to my taste, but challenging nonetheless. A person does need to be keeled out of his comfort zone sometimes. It gives you an opportunity to think about certain expressions of art and understand them better, even if you don't take to them or are even repelled by them.

Well, I've just taken my medicines and I have to get the show on the road. It's still dark and quiet outside and it will be a perfect opportunity to walk Tyke. We will have the world to ourselves. 

Have a good day!

Ciao,

Nora

On a cold morning...

Yesterday it snowed all morning, but it only gave us about an inch of snow. All that effort for such a little bit. It's supposed to snow more today and we'll see if anything serious comes out of the sky. A few inches of snow would be right. It's very frustrating to see it snow all morning and to hardly have anything to show for it.

I do have the proper boots now and I want to test them out, although I tested them out on the slippery street last night and they seem to work fine and hold their grip. I do have to wear thicker socks with them, as they are a little bit roomier than my other boots. That's okay, I was wearing thin socks and they may not have been warm enough, although that never bothered me.

Tyke was lucky, as I developed a tiny hole in the toe of one of my socks and I could give it to him last night and he was very happy with it and guarded it with his life when he thought I was going to take it away. I saved the other sock, as I have more just like it and they all match up, so sooner or later it will have a partner again.

My Wednesday personal helper and I took Tyke for a walk in the snow yesterday morning and very pleasant it was too, as it was not really cold and there was no wind to speak of. Tyke tried to follow a trail, but completely lost his bearings and went in a hundred different directions and plowed through the snow like a vacuum cleaner. I had to shorten the leash to get him to follow me properly, because he was beyond control, but it was nice to walk outside with the snowflakes falling down on us and the world looked very pretty and peaceful.

My SPN called me and told me that there was a place open in the creative therapy class at the SPC (Social Psychiatric Center) and that they had advised her to put in an application for me immediately, so that I would be able to start in January. The SPC has moved from its location downtown to a new building just around the corner from the office of my SPN, so it is a lot closer to me now and considering my agoraphobia, this is only serendipitous. I won't have to go all the way across the river anymore into the complicated downtown area. That is one of the reasons why I didn't go before. Hopefully, I will be more brave this time. 

Today is an empty day, although the Exfactor may come by. I don't know if he'll make it through the snow, though. I have to find enough things to do to entertain myself and I'm not quite sure if I can. I do worry about that a little bit. Maybe I have to get some more sleep first. I'll take my medicines and try that. 

Have a great day!

Ciao,

Nora

C'est la vie...

I'm waiting for the coffeemaker to finish brewing the coffee. I can't wait to have a fresh cup. I am in dire need of one. I just had some milk to quench my thirst, but it didn't wake me up. I did function without coffee and managed to write emails that were quite coherent, but I'm yawning still and definitely need the caffeine to get me started properly. 

I craved Nutella and had a couple of teaspoons of that straight from the jar. It is my energy boost and I figure the hazelnuts in it are good for me. It's my secret passion, though I can't have too much of it all at once. There is a limit to how much of it I can eat, but that is good. A little bit goes a long way and takes care of the craving. When I say teaspoon, I mean one of those little teaspoons that are used with china cups  and saucers and tea glasses. Not what Americans consider teaspoons to be. Those are dessert spoons in my book.  

Yesterday, my SPN and I started discussing my second marriage and that brought us back to the very beginning of it in California where I lived then and I had to tell about my situation then. I talked about that period in my life with a lot of nostalgia and love and quite extensively, but later when I was home, I wondered if in my head all this time, I had not romanticized this period of my life too much and forgotten all the gritty details.

You see, I'm sure I have, and that I've only told a little bit of the story and not the whole truth. I think I walk around for years with the romanticized version of my life in my head and have heartaches about it, but when it comes down to analyzing everything, it turns out not to hold up under close scrutiny and the truth comes to the surface. I have to face all the not so nice things about it and destroy the mythology that I've built up around it.

Luckily, I'm willing and able to do that. I'm not afraid to dismantle the myth if it helps me let go of the pain. If they are just fables I've been believing in, then I'm more than willing to stop believing in them. I can't live my life as if it is a movie set or as if I am a character in an exciting novel. I can't have my memories be stuck in that kind of a format. I'm stripped of any romanticism now. I have no illusions about my life. I only see the naked truth. There's not one poetic bone left in my body.

I'm seeing my SPN again next week and I'll deal with the rest of the story and tell the truth. It will be good to have it all come out. 

The ice in the streets and on the sidewalks is covered with a new layer of snow. It will snow some more today. I'm expecting my other personal helper at 8:30 this morning. I have to get dressed before that time and get the show on the road. I wish she wasn't coming quite this early, but we thought it was a good idea to get me started well in the morning. 

Have a good day, all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

Thursday morning....

It's early in the morning and outside it is snowing, covering the treacherous ice that is on the streets and the sidewalks. The street looked like an ice skating rink earlier and it was nearly impossible to cross it. When I walked Tyke last, I felt like I was taking my life in my own hands. Maybe this new snow will solve the problem, I certainly hope so. There just has to be enough of it to really form a thick layer to cover the ice well.

Because I didn't have the proper boots to wear and only had the kinds with slick soles, I ordered a new pair with profiled rubber soles on line yesterday. I thought I would have to get hiking boots, but I actually found a pair of attractive boots that are fashionable and functional. They are from Scapino, which is a funky brand of shoes and boots. I'm unable to post the image of them to show you, but hopefully they will do the job and carry me across the streets and down the sidewalks safely.

The reason I'm up so very early, is that I went to bed very early. I was tired and couldn't stand to stay up and longed to go to sleep. It would have been nice if I had slept late, but I have no such luck. I wake up after I've slept the requisite hours. I had taken a nap yesterday afternoon on the sofa, so that took care of some of my sleep requirements. 

I do actually always get enough sleep one way or the other. Sooner or later I catch up on whatever I'm lacking. It was nice to sleep on the sofa. I had an extra thick cardigan on over my regular clothes and I laid under the red fleece blanket. I really should crochet a blanket to lie under for on the sofa. Maybe that is something that I can do in the near future. It would be a fun job.

My personal helper is supposed to be here today, but only if she manages to make it from her home in the hills to the town. She did have some concerns about driving under these kinds of weather conditions. She actually has a phobia about driving on snow and ice and who wouldn't when there are hills? I told her that if she was worried about making it to my apartment, she didn't have to come, so we will see. 

I do somehow have to make it to the tobacco shop and I have to take some mail to the mailbox at the same time. I'll walk Tyke also while I'm at it. I think I'm going to have to wear last years hiking boots and risk getting a sore toe, because I'm too worried about slipping and falling down. It will just be for today. I ought to take that chance. I should get my new boots this evening, so tomorrow I'll be able to wear them. 

I have to take a shower shortly and find some interesting clothes to wear. Fashionable, but warm. Try and pull that one off. It's a challenge, but I'm sure I'm up to it. Already the little gears in my head are spinning. 

Have a good morning!

Ciao,

Nora

On a cold Tuesday morning...

According to my weather bar, it is supposed to be snowing right now, but it looks like we haven't had any snow since last night. I think it must get it's information from the airport which is several kilometers away from town, because it very often shows different weather than what we have here. It lies on a higher plateau, so that may make the difference. 

The world is white and lighter and brighter, and so far the snow is pretty. We don't have any treacherous ice yet. I'll have to go out in it in a while to walk Tyke and test the conditions. I'll wear my sturdy cowboy boots, those are the best ones I've got at the moment. I wore my ankle boots yesterday, but snow got in them and my socks got wet. The snow falls on Tyke's outer fur and he easily shakes it off and doesn't really get wet. He's well insulated. 

I've slept well. I went to bed at 11 o'clock and woke up at 6:30 this morning. That's not a heck of a long sleep, but it's enough for me. I feel I've done well if I've slept that many hours. It did take one cup of coffee to wake me up properly and another one to get me started well. I think I could have stayed in bed a while longer, but I was too eager to get up.

As it is I'm dawdling now and the morning is moving along steadily. The parents have already come by and taken their children to school. The kids were making snowballs as they went along. Tyke's looked at them full of curiosity and he's now sitting in front of the window looking at the white world. No doubt he wants to go out in it. It has started snowing lightly.

I wonder if the Exfactor will be able to get through it on his motorcycle. I assume the major thoroughfares are clear. I don't want him to break his neck just to get here, but he always managed it last winter. I think he sees it as a challenge. I do need groceries and my bike does need to get fixed. Unfortunately, he was not able to get that done when he was here yesterday. All for the lack of the proper tools.

I do an awful lot of daydreaming when I write a post. I spend more time daydreaming than I do writing. Whatever subject I write about,  causes a long string of thoughts to unravel in my mind and before you know it, I'm someplace far, far away. It's amazing the amount of stuff I deal with when I do that. It must have some purpose. I assume these things need to be thought about and that they are subjects that I normally would not get around to putting much thought to.

I look outside and see that, for the sake of fashion, some people are hopelessly under dressed for this weather. They wear everything just a bit too tight and too short and too open. You know they must be cold.

I'm going to get dressed myself and walk the dog. We'll get dusted by the snow and it will be nice.

Have a nice day!

Ciao,
Nora