I suppose that's best to describe the benign feelings I have right now about the world in general, though not about all things in specific, but I'll not let myself be bothered about them right now. I want to have nothing but benign feelings, pushing away the effects of the less happy news items I watched on television last night. If they are all true, they make me feel very jaded indeed and I want none of that right now.
I do want to enjoy my few hours of peace and quiet in the darkness and silence of the night and believe in the general goodness of mankind, though it is hard to pull the wool over my own eyes. It requires a state of oblivion that even I don't know I'm capable of. I'm going to give it my best try, though.
The face of one man is etched in my mind right now and that is the face of Dominic Strauss-Kahn and I wonder how he is doing in his single prison cell on Wicker Island. I want the allegations to not be true, but I'm afraid they are and I'm ever so sorry about that. It bothers me to no end that a man in his position would steep so low. I suppose I feel an enormous amount of disappointment. This isn't about having extra-marital affairs anymore. This is about rape and it's very serious.
Enough said about that. I have to find something equally true and honest in its place. Something to offset it. Something of beauty and elegance. That's hard to come by in this world. I suppose I'm looking for a hero and I can't find one at this moment. I need a Nelson Mandela.
I suppose that I don't feel as benign as I thought I did, though I wish to. I worry about men in power abusing their privilege. It's been shown that the brain activity of people in power changes and that they take bigger chances and do things ordinary people would not. They are risk takers. This goes for women in power as well as men. Women are more subtle, though. They don't have a penis in their pants with which they have to assert themselves.
I'll gently return to the night and it's peacefulness. If I sit here so silently, it's hard to imagine that there's a big complicated world out there. I can make my own world as small as I like. I can make it as small as the light of my desk lamp reaches. I can forget about yesterday and the day that is to come. All I have to do in a while is go back to bed and sleep. I don't even have to dream about unpleasant things, at least, I hope not.
On another subject, the book I'm reading, 'Loot and other stories,' is not fascinating me at all, but then again, not many books are lately and I never seem to be able to finish one. I will have to go in search of another book that will hopefully grab my attention well enough. I do still have enough to choose from on the bookcase. It's a shame to leave all these books unread, but maybe some day in the future I will go back and finish them.
Today actually brings nothing complicated with it. It is a day of no consequence at all. I can make it as simple as I want and I am grateful for that. I will do some simple chores and generally take care of my mental health, which has for the most part been good. I'm not going from one extreme mood to the other, but am mostly positioned somewhere in the middle range. You have no idea what a relief that is. I'm not in the bouncy castle.
I hope you're all having a good night and that you'll have a good morning when you get up. We're actually going to have good weather.
Ciao,
Nora
