And all the king's horses...

I'm sitting here feeling in a pretty good mood, although I have no special reason to, but I suppose you don't always have to. I guess you can have a pretty good mood just for the hell of it. Maybe all the right ingredients are in place to make me feel this way and I'm not even realizing it consciously. If so, I'm grateful for it and will take full advantage of it as long as the situation exists. 

There's one thing I do know and that's how to count my blessings, even if they are small and quite accidental. I look for them whenever I can and praise all of them. I never take anything for granted. God forbid that I should be ungrateful. I'm always thankful enough when things turn out well as they often do and count my luck along the way. Even when things don't look good, they always end up okay in the end. As a rule, of course. There are exceptions.

I'm not Pollyanna and I don't look at the world through rose colored glasses, although I may be accused of that. It's possible that I'm just naive enough for it. I refuse to see life differently, unless my own black mood dictates it, but then it is of a temporary nature and it doesn't reflect my normal state of mind which is a lot sunnier.

I've had my cups of coffee and they've woken me up enough. I was a little bit discombobulated when I got up but now I'm more than wide awake enough. It's a pleasure to feel so sharp witted, although that is only relatively speaking. I wouldn't want to have to complete a series of difficult tasks right now, Turning out a post is hard enough. I do have to think of amusing enough things to write about to entertain my public. 

It's very possible that the anonymous caller didn't call me at midnight. I normally wake up from the phone ringing and I didn't this time for which I'm very grateful. Hopefully he's gotten tired of calling me because I don't answer the phone anymore after I couldn't get anything out of him. If it is a him. The phone calls started right when I got my new land line and I can only hope that he's got the wrong person. He sure was persistent.

The dog woke me up by licking my hands and face. He had to go out back. It wasn't cold outside and it was a pleasure to stand by the open back door and get some fresh air. It was a clear night out and a lot of stars were visible. I always imagine what it would be like to be out in the countryside and see the night sky then. I'm sure it would be beautiful. You miss a lot of stars when you're in town because of the light polution.

I have to go back to bed and finish sleeping because tomorrow I have an appointment with my therapist. I do have to get enough sleep before that time. I've been drinking ice cold milk and settling down a bit. It agreed pretty well with my stomach and quenched my everlasting thirst. 

Goodnight everyone. 

Ciao,

Irene

The eagerness of it...

The delivery boy from the pharmacy delivered my new sleeping pills yesterday evening, so I was looking forward to taking them last night and having a good night's sleep. After I put on my pajamas and bathrobe, I watched an episode of Inspector Linley that lasted until 11 pm and then got ready for bed. I took one sleeping pill and waited for sleep to overtake me. When after one peaceful hour in bed it had not, I took another pill like I had been instructed to do. After a while, I fell asleep only to wake up a half hour later, wide awake without any drowsiness whatsoever. It felt like I had not taken any medicines at all. 

Needless to say, I was very disappointed and am sitting here now getting ready for a long night of no sleep. I don't know if it's a good idea to take my old sleep medication, but I am tempted to. At least I slept better with it. I did manage to sleep six hours the night before this one. I had asked my psychiatrist to prescribe me a knock out pill and he had said that this sleeping pill was one and had even said that possibly I'd be drowsy the next morning. I sure don't feel drowsy now. It's like I've taken a couple of aspirins. I think it was only the power of suggestion that made me fall asleep at all. 

It's just my luck that these pills don't work for me. I'm sometimes resistant to the workings of pills and need extra large doses of them, but I'm not going to do that with these. There's a safe limit to take and I'm not going to take more than that. 

So, unless I take my old medication, I'm going to have to entertain myself tonight. I don't know how I am going to do this yet. I can write endless blog posts, but sooner or later I'm going to run out of things to write about. I don't feel hypo-manic, so I don't have the thrill of that, but I'm glad about that. I'd rather keep both feet on the ground, or in this case, have my rear end planted firmly in my seat.  I really have no desire to go to bed right now as it reminds me of failure to go to sleep.  I hope I will naturally get tired and find my way there eventually. 

Maybe I'm meant to be a night person as I seem to function best then. I have the clearest head possible. I sure think better at night than I do during the day. I'm not encumbered by the complications that come with the daytime, even though they are small and hardly of any consequence at all. The nighttime seems to be my realm. I wish I could give you examples of great minds that functioned well during the night, but I'm sure there were many. I would have to investigate that. 

My normal mode of operation is to mess around with the appearance of my blogs when I can't sleep and I may do that. There are probably all sorts of possibilities that I have not tried out yet. There's always the desire to make things look different and better, although I don't know in the end if I do. It's a way to humor myself and to take care of my creative needs. I don't have enough outlets for those now, nor am I really desiring of them. A little bit of blog design goes a long way in the empty hours. I only have those on sleepless nights. 

Not being under the influence of drugs is an amazing thing. It's incredible how clear my mind is. How straight I can think. It's like a fog has lifted from my brain. I should always be this way. I am, to some extent, always under the influence of medication, especially during the day when I take the majority of my medicines.  They are necessary, but still...

I will see what sort of trouble I can get into. I shouldn't call it trouble but creative design. It may all come to naught, we will see. In the meantime, I will entertain myself while you all asleep, unless you are in North America and you are still up. Give me a sign of life if you are.

Ciao,

Nora