One of those nights...

 It's threatening to become one of those long sleepless nights that I'm famous for which end up with me not going to bed until some time in the morning. I haven't been to bed yet and have been keeping myself busy with the appearances of my blogs and the names of them. 

I don't know if that was necessary, but it's something I get caught up in very once in a while. A madness comes over me and I go looking for blogger layouts and always find a new website where I can get them for free. And of course, I always think there are better layouts there than the ones I have at the moment. 

I think I am one hell of a stubborn woman with a one track mind who gets fixated on certain activities and stops being aware of everything around her. That's why it's good for me to sit here and write this post and take some distance from it all. Maybe I can get my head out of the clouds and my feet back on the ground and go to bed at a halfway decent time. Maybe I can talk some sense into myself. 

Regardless of the late hour, I'm having some coffee to straighten out my head. It was in a complete muddle. I'm tired enough so I won't worry about falling asleep. That is, if I have enough sense to go to bed and don't continue to sit here doing useless things. I must tell myself that I look forward to going to bed and that it's a nice place to go to. There's so much temptation to stay up and sit here in a half stupor. 

I do like altered states of mind.Especially the kind that are benign and treat me friendly. The kind that leave me without feeling guilty, as this one is right now. Of course, I don't know the aftermath of it yet, but I assume a good outcome.  All will be well in the morning. 

I don't know what happened to the day. It was over in no time at all and I wasn't bored for one minute. Of course, sleeping for half of it took care of a great deal of it. I would be bored in the morning I I didn't sleep. To me that's not the best time of the day to be up. I used to clean house then in my housewifely days, but those are far behind me. I scrub the toilet at any time of the day now. I have no method. 

I have to go to bed now because I'm starting to doze off. My eyes want to fall shut. I'm sure one more cup of coffee would save me, but i better not drink it. I also have to pay attention to the dog because he's bothering the cat for lack of attention from me. I'll have to give him a good belly rub. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Fooling my brain....

I'm up again during the night and taking advantage of the fact that I feel as good as I do. I've had two cups of coffee that have helped me straighten out my brain and helped me think straight and I will switch to a nice glass of cold milk next. I'm in as much anticipation of that as a kid is of an ice cream cone. That's how much I like cold milk. The fact that it's nutritious is an added extra, although I would not drink it if it were just empty calories.

Yesterday, I dealt with my ever increasing stress by taking 20 mg Temazepam at regular intervals and it calmed me down very well. It really took the edge off and made me not suffer from my own nerves so much. I'm planning on doing that again today the moment the stress starts to hit again. It's such a relief to feel it almost completely disappear and to be able to sit in silence and tranquility. And most importantly, to be able to walk the dog with a peaceful heart, as that had become an almost unbearable chore. 

I'm to the point now that I will do whatever I can to get peace of mind as the stress is something I find I can not cope with. It eats me up. If I were a candidate for ulcers, I would have a couple of them now. It causes a tremendous amount of anxiety that I can not live with and that makes me neurotic in all areas of my life. It influences my thought processes and forces me to make the wrong decisions.

At any rate, I'm sitting here now feeling fairly normal and I'm making myself some more coffee to fight off the feelings of sleep. It is Sunday today and there is time enough to go to bed. I don't quite want the night to end yet. I want to enjoy it as long as possible because it's the longest stretch that I feel good without taking any medication. 

I made the coffee strong and it tastes very good. It is almost as good as having  an espresso. It puts hair on your chest, whether you want it or not. It's pure indulgence and to get the most effect out of a cup. I'll have to drink it as quickly as I can while it is still fresh in the can. That's when it tastes best. There's nothing worse than overheated coffee. I'm already working on my second cup, granted that my cup is not a mug by any standard. It's got my name on it so I know who I am. That could be confusing so early in the morning. 

I wish I had the kind of courage I have at night during the day. Life would be so much simpler. 

It's going to be another warm summer day in April today without any rain, although we need it badly. Next week the weather is going to change completely and we will have lower temperatures and rain, which will be more normal for the time of year. It will mean dressing in layers again. I'm more than willing to do this because walking around skimpily dressed is not something I'm all that comfortable with. I'm not all that happy when it's too warm. I like moderate temperatures, I don't mind when it's not all that hot. 

The farmers need the rain for their crops and nature needs the rain too as there are now fire danger zones. The traditional Easter Bonfires have to be canceled because there's to much danger of a wildfire breaking out. They are a tradition that goes back thousands of years, so it's a big deal when they are canceled.

I'm not having any chocolate for Easter, not even one tiny little milk chocolate egg. It's for the best because I don't need the calories and if faced with a whole basket of them, I would feel compelled to eat every one of them. I know no measure when it comes to chocolate. It's best when I don't have any around. To me it's just another weekend with an extra day off on Monday which we call Second Easter Day. It's an extra long weekend, that's nice. 

I will mess around with my blog templates next. I'm not quite happy with what I've got now and I have time to do something about them now. I'm full of caffeine, after all. 

I hope you will all have a good Easter Sunday.

Ciao,

Nora

The eagerness of it...

The delivery boy from the pharmacy delivered my new sleeping pills yesterday evening, so I was looking forward to taking them last night and having a good night's sleep. After I put on my pajamas and bathrobe, I watched an episode of Inspector Linley that lasted until 11 pm and then got ready for bed. I took one sleeping pill and waited for sleep to overtake me. When after one peaceful hour in bed it had not, I took another pill like I had been instructed to do. After a while, I fell asleep only to wake up a half hour later, wide awake without any drowsiness whatsoever. It felt like I had not taken any medicines at all. 

Needless to say, I was very disappointed and am sitting here now getting ready for a long night of no sleep. I don't know if it's a good idea to take my old sleep medication, but I am tempted to. At least I slept better with it. I did manage to sleep six hours the night before this one. I had asked my psychiatrist to prescribe me a knock out pill and he had said that this sleeping pill was one and had even said that possibly I'd be drowsy the next morning. I sure don't feel drowsy now. It's like I've taken a couple of aspirins. I think it was only the power of suggestion that made me fall asleep at all. 

It's just my luck that these pills don't work for me. I'm sometimes resistant to the workings of pills and need extra large doses of them, but I'm not going to do that with these. There's a safe limit to take and I'm not going to take more than that. 

So, unless I take my old medication, I'm going to have to entertain myself tonight. I don't know how I am going to do this yet. I can write endless blog posts, but sooner or later I'm going to run out of things to write about. I don't feel hypo-manic, so I don't have the thrill of that, but I'm glad about that. I'd rather keep both feet on the ground, or in this case, have my rear end planted firmly in my seat.  I really have no desire to go to bed right now as it reminds me of failure to go to sleep.  I hope I will naturally get tired and find my way there eventually. 

Maybe I'm meant to be a night person as I seem to function best then. I have the clearest head possible. I sure think better at night than I do during the day. I'm not encumbered by the complications that come with the daytime, even though they are small and hardly of any consequence at all. The nighttime seems to be my realm. I wish I could give you examples of great minds that functioned well during the night, but I'm sure there were many. I would have to investigate that. 

My normal mode of operation is to mess around with the appearance of my blogs when I can't sleep and I may do that. There are probably all sorts of possibilities that I have not tried out yet. There's always the desire to make things look different and better, although I don't know in the end if I do. It's a way to humor myself and to take care of my creative needs. I don't have enough outlets for those now, nor am I really desiring of them. A little bit of blog design goes a long way in the empty hours. I only have those on sleepless nights. 

Not being under the influence of drugs is an amazing thing. It's incredible how clear my mind is. How straight I can think. It's like a fog has lifted from my brain. I should always be this way. I am, to some extent, always under the influence of medication, especially during the day when I take the majority of my medicines.  They are necessary, but still...

I will see what sort of trouble I can get into. I shouldn't call it trouble but creative design. It may all come to naught, we will see. In the meantime, I will entertain myself while you all asleep, unless you are in North America and you are still up. Give me a sign of life if you are.

Ciao,

Nora