Neutrality...

All moments should be as simple as this one. Every minute should be as uncomplicated as this one is. Unfortunately, today they aren't and I find myself at times filled with anxiety. 

I know why that is. It's because I wasn't able to stick to the diet because of unforeseen circumstances. It wasn't really because of a fault of my own, but still it makes me feel highly uncomfortable. Going on the diet was a big deal, going off it is an even bigger deal. 

I don't generally do well with changes in my life and this is a double whammy. On top of that I had the discomfort of the stomach problems. It's all been too upsetting for me and I wonder how I would deal with a real crisis. 

Well, it's the seemingly small problems in life that are always the hardest to tackle. Those are the ones that sneak up on you. It's the bigger things we are better prepared for and get the most support in. 

I must say that I consider myself fortunate that I don't have to deal with any big problems and that this is a relative small one that I have to tackle. I do have to count my blessings, after all. I must never forget to do that. God forbid that I should start thinking that my life is overly complicated. 

See how everything is relative? I started off worrying and before you know it, I've talked myself right out of it. I must just accept that I can't follow that silly diet and that I have a sensitive stomach. A stomach with an instruction booklet. That's all, no more, no less. 

At least I'm able to drink a cup of coffee with milk in it, that's truly a blessing. You know how much I want my cup of coffee. How much I need it. I'm not the same woman if I haven't had it. It perks me up tremendously if I'm in need of it. I won't be drinking tea any time soon. I had not such a good experience with it. 

The sun has been shining all day and the dog and the cat have been sitting in front of the window watching the world come by. It has been very entertaining to them because it has been very busy and lots of people have walked through the street. It's been like watching TV for them. 

I've got to see if I can catch the latest news and find out about the state of the country. I hope it's not going to hell in a hand basket yet. According to our able politicians, it isn't.

Ciao,

Nora

Repeat performances...

It was another tough day fighting with 'the black dog,' but now that it's nighttime I'm doing a lot better. I think it's because I've taken the tranquilizers and the sleeping pill and, although they don't always put me to sleep, they sure help me feel more upbeat.

I'm allowed to take tranquilizers during the day also, but I've been reluctant to do this. I don't know if there's something convoluted in my reasoning because right now it seems like a very logical thing to do. They take away so much of the heartache. But during the day I sit and suffer and refuse to take them. 

I may have to rethink this in the morning. Maybe I will be more fit for reason then and see the sensibility of taking them. They really do make a difference and make my life much easier. They eliminate many negative thoughts that I have a tendency to have now and that all have to do with my past. Thoughts that are totally useless to have because they are about issues that I've already dealt with. 

In a way it's like my mind wants to torture me and show me pictures of the things I want to least look at and that I have no good reason to. They serve no purpose whatsoever and when I take the tranquilizers, I'm almost immediately relieved of them. You can imagine that this is a very welcome break.

These sort of unpleasant side effects all come with 'the black dog.' There's a whole litany of them and they are as predictable as all symptoms are that come with this disease. I do and don't do the things that are typical for any person suffering from a depression. I'm a textbook case.

Everything isn't perfect right now, but I can forget a few things at this precious moment because all I have to do after this is go to bed. I won't have to think about anything complicated for a while until morning comes. I can forget that the whole world and all of its difficulties exist, including my own part in it.

I hope you're all having a good night and that you'll have a great weekend. 

Ciao,

Nora