Monday, March 7, 2011

About the coffee...

Forget everything I said about the coffee because I just had a cup and like it used to, it is working its magic on me. I woke up a bit sleepy headed and drank one cup and immediately felt elevated, which to me means that I'm probably on my way to being a bit hypo-manic. I do have to keep an eye on myself and make sure it doesn't get out of hand. The more coffee I drink now, the higher I will get. I'm working on my second cup now and will stop after this one. 

It is a very pleasurable feeling and one you usually get after using a recreational drug, though maybe not as extreme. I'm not hallucinating and perfectly clearheaded. I am filled with good vibrations and could sing that song. Needless to say, I'm enjoying my time behind the computer here in the middle of the night and am planing on making the most of it. I will take advantage of every good mood whenever it strikes me. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it is. 

I knew I was in for a change of mood last night when I laid in bed and I was very content and upbeat. I was looking forward to going to sleep for a while knowing that I would get up after a few hours and spend the middle of the night blogging. That was going to be my treat. As soon as I'm done with this, I will sit in my armchair and read my latest novel while I drink glasses of green tea. It will be the best start to the day.

I'm done reading 'Vinegar Hill' and I started reading 'House of Sand and Fog' by Andre Dupuis. For a change I'm reading a male author and that is interesting too for a different point of view. The story takes place in a part of California that I'm familiar with, so I can picture the scenes very well. The cast of characters consists of three eclectic people and I'm being introduced to the second one now. Their lives get interwoven and they all revolve around a much coveted house.

I am thinking about arranging my bookcase according to color. I had it arranged according to the alphabet, but that has since become undone and I'm having a bit of a hard time finding books. As I get new books, I stick them in the empty cubbyholes or wherever there is an empty space and the system has become undone. I recognize a book by its cover and always remember what color it was. When I go looking for it, I look for the color. Besides, right now it would please me very much if the bookcase were a harmonious arrangement of colors. I would find it pleasant to look at. I would also enjoy looking through it to find the books I hadn't read yet. It would be full of surprises, so it's a job I may do today if I find I have time on my hands, which doubtlessly I will. 

Today is a holiday as tomorrow will be also. That's because of carnival. I have no domestic help and no personal helper coming here today, but I don't mind. I appreciate the day off. I have a few chores to do and will otherwise amuse myself. I do like the time on my own and I will not be bored, especially not in this mood. I always find myself easily entertained when I'm hypo-manic and the days fly by. 

I slept well in the few short hours that I did sleep. My bed had clean sheets on it and it smelled good when I got into it. I had a most interesting dream about a past life and in it I forgave myself for who I had been and came to grips with my past. I hadn't realized that I needed to do this, so the dream was very therapeutic. It was very easy to analyze as it was a very clearcut story. I put on my old self and completely accepted the way I was then. I even put on the clothes I wore then and styled my hair like that and was comfortable with it. I think that was about acceptance of the past and that it had not been all bad. I thought I had to forgive other people without realizing that I had to forgive myself. I have hereby done this and acknowledged my redeeming qualities.

I hope I can settle down today and find the middle of my mood. I have to do quiet activities and do the opposite of what I want to do, as that is always the case when I'm hypo-manic. It's not good if I start to make too many wild plans. I have to keep a low profile and make sure I get a few hours of sleep too. Obviously, I haven't slept enough tonight. 

The sun is going to shine all day and I don't know yet how I'm going to feel about that. I think for my own sake I would like a day of rain. It would settle me down better. Of course, going for walks with Tyke will be a lot easier. I do like the rain because it makes me feel safe inside the apartment and I feel like a bear inside her den. I think it puts the brakes on me mentally whereas the sun stimulates me too much. It makes me feel breakable like glass as if I'm going to explode into many fragments. This fragility makes me feel uneasy.

Well, I'm going to sit and read now. It's early in the morning optimistically speaking. I will take my medicines and slow down a bit. I'm awfully thirsty, so many beverages will be consumed.

Have a good day.


1 comment:

Gail said...

Sounds like you are having a good day. Lots of time to enjoy your hobbies and enjoy walks with Tyke.