Friday, March 4, 2011

Optimism...


If I didn't get up in the middle of the night, I would never write a blog post. At least not in the frame of mind I am in now in the beginning of the springtime when the first buds are starting to show on the hedges and the trees and it's the season in which I start to rapid cycle. The nighttime is when I feel my most sane as opposed to during the day when things are much more tricky and I'm not capable of writing down a sensible word. I tried that yesterday and got absolutely nowhere. 

It's a good thing that I wake up in the middle of the night and sit here with a cup of coffee and feel so sane. At least I can gather my thoughts together and put down something that's worth reading when I'm not capable of that during the day. I haven't figured out yet why that is, but for me is not to know the reason why, I just accept it. It's probably some chemical process that I don't understand and that is the result of the combination of the medicines I take and the sleep I've had so far. Doubtlessly the silence of the night and the relative safeness of it help too. 

I knew this period of rapid cycling was coming up and I wasn't far off the mark when I told my psychiatrist that it would happen in March/April. It's maybe happening a little bit sooner because of the early onset of springtime, but it's mostly due to the increased hours of daylight and the amount of sunlight. As a result, I'm not that fond of very sunny days when the sun shines in a completely blue sky. I prefer gray and cloudy days with some rain. That's when I feel most happy. They seem to fit my disposition better. 

It's going to be sunny for the next couple of days, so I'm not too thrilled about that, although with my increased dose of medication I may do a lot better. It may not bother me as much. I may be less hyper alert and less sensitive. 

All this talk about my moods doesn't prevent me from writing about other things. I have been keeping track of the national and international news, although I have to say that I'm very sensitive to it now and that it bothers me very much to hear all the negative messages. I worry about what's happening politically in my own country and I worry about what's happening in Libya. On top of that Qaddafi's forces have taken hostage three Dutch soldiers that were trying to rescue a Dutch national and are pretending they were there for evil reasons. I worry about those three soldiers. 

I had to turn off the 8 o'clock newscast last night because I couldn't take anymore after having watched the news a lot during the day. I saw enough politicians' faces to last me a lifetime. Somehow they are going to twist and turn to get everything to go their way and it is not to the good of the people. I'm ready for the opposition to do a coup d'etat. As someone at the bottom of the economic ladder, I feel very insecure. This government is very unkind to the little people. It's a ruthless government and they are capable of anything. I hope it falls apart soon. 

I must think of something happier to write about. I can only think of the animals that bring such joy to my life. Tyke's fur is growing and he is getting some curls in it again. He is starting to look more like his old self. I think he is generally less cold too. When he is asleep, I whisper very quietly, "He is such a good dog," and he perks up his head and starts wagging his tail. He is never so sound asleep that he doesn't hear that.

I've switched Gandhi's food from the store brand kibbles to Gourmet and she likes it very much and seems to barf less often. She's also less interested in eating Tyke's food, so something must have been missing in the old kibbles. 

Today is Friday, but I have no idea what sort of a day it is going to be. It all depends on how well my medicines will work. The domestic help is not coming. I have to do some chores and with a little bit of luck I'll get around to them. 

Have a good day everyone. 

Ciao,
Nora






3 comments:

Wisewebwoman said...

Oh darlin' I hope you are feeling a little better after you wrote your post.
Are there any significant anniversaries around this time for you?
I find that subconsciously I feel very forsaken and sad around certain times of the year and it took me a while to put the dates together.
Sending you lots of hugs.
XO
WWW

Twain12 said...

I agree with Wisewebewoman...I actually stopped watching the news so much...like you it upsets me and unfortunately a lot of things are out of our hands. I hope things don't get to out of whack for you, sending hugs ♥

Maureen said...

I don't watch the news at all anymore. I just scan the headlines online, and if I want to read more, I do. That way I can filter out the negative. I prefer good news! It's still very cold and snowy over here. No signs of Spring at all yet. But for us, that's normal! Take care.