Friday, March 11, 2011
The sense of medicines...
Because I had not been feeling my old self lately, I asked my psychiatrist today if I could increase my anti-depressants. I told him the reasons why and he said it was okay with him if I felt that I couldn't wait a few days to see if it would improve. I thought about that, but realized that I didn't want to continue feeling the way I was. I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle and that I was going down hill.
What bothered me especially was the over analyzing of my thoughts that I was doing continuously and still want to do, although now that I realize that I'm depressed, I try not to do this anymore. I don't give it the legitimacy that it had before. I was picking every word and deed and thought apart until nothing was left whole and unexamined, but because I looked at it through dark and negative colored glasses, nothing looked right and I couldn't get a clear picture.
Like I said, I try not to over analyze my thoughts anymore and I'm waiting for the medication to do its job. I have faith in it, just like I believe in not using it when it's not necessary. At the same time, I'm not going to take myself so seriously. I'm going to leave my thoughts alone and not pick them apart. I will treat myself like an ailing person who has to get better.
That doesn't mean I'm out of the woods yet. I feel major discomfort creeping up on me as I write this. My mood is morose. I have deep and dark thoughts and unpleasant memories popping up their head. Scenarios that are unwanted and uncalled for enter my head and are played out and they are painful. They make my toes curl in my boots. It's best to keep myself occupied.
One way I did that today was to watch the continuous news about the devastation in Japan from the earthquake and the tsunami. I guess my troubles pale in the face of that. It's always good to keep a sane perspective on things, though you must not neglect your own problems because other people in the world are having worse ones. You'd never get around to taking care of yourself that way.
I have to walk Tyke, he is waiting impatiently. He has just eaten his dinner.
Have a good night.