Monday, July 18, 2011

The beguiling early morning...

I've just about had my cups of coffee and I'm more than awake and functioning. It is early in the morning and in a little while it will be dawn and the first birds will start to sing. At least, I hope they don't change their minds in this somewhat gloomy weather. It is going to be an overcast day with showers. 

I've been up for a little while because the dog barked and I had to silence him immediately for the sake of the neighbors. Needless to say, this caused me to be wide awake like it always does. It always startles me out of a sound sleep. It's a bad habit the dog has. 

It's not really all that bad to be awake now because I have a few chores to do before the day starts properly and putting out the trash is one of them. As usual, I forgot to do that last night. I can do it in just a little while before the trash men get here bright and early. I've got the bag all ready to go. All I have to do is haul it outside to the curb. 

I feel better now, but looking back, I can say that I had about four bad days when things weren't going well with me. Maybe it was for even a longer period of time and I was outshouting myself. I may have been uncomfortable with myself for as long as a week. I'm starting to feel back to 'normal' now. 

It necessitated me taking extra medication to make it through the day and I really thought that I was in it for the long haul. This was beside the increase that I had already made. I did discuss this with my psychiatrist and although he wasn't thrilled about it, he allowed it as long as it was necessary. I didn't need it yesterday and maybe now I can get back to the regular dose.

It's awful to be unbalanced and to feel that you are losing the direction over your daily life. To feel that you are entering a state of madness when you seriously doubt your own reasoning powers and your ability to make clear deductions about your thoughts. All roads lead you to the wrong place and that is into the dark hole where there is confusion. 

I don't feel that way now. I can think clearly again. 

It is my own sister who deduced yesterday that I always do badly when she is gone. She had just come back from a week in Italy and I think she is right. I think subconsciously I get very insecure when she is gone. I miss the daily contact that we have on the phone and the knowledge that she is very close by when I need her. If I need her. 

It's dawn now, but for some reason I have not heard the birds sing. Maybe I missed the early concert completely. I have switched to drinking cold milk and very welcome that is too. The dog is sitting in front of the window waiting for the trash men to come by. He does know the Monday morning ritual after having watched me put out the bag. 

I've got to choose my clothes for today and they have to be warm. It's not going to be such a comfortable day outside. The temperatures will be low and there will be wind. I will walk the dog early and then I will tackle the chores. 

The other night, I watched the film 'Angels and Insects' on YouTube. Now I've seen the film before I've finished the book. I'm still interested in the book because I'm sure lots of detail was left out in the film. 

I didn't realize that you could watch whole movies on YouTube and I wonder which other ones are available. I know that the very first 'Harry Potter' is on there. I am going to see what other kinds of movies I can find there that I'm interested in.

Right, I'll get the show on the road. I hope you'll all have a good day. Low pressure systems notwithstanding. 



Twain12 said...

glad you are feeling better, and maybe your sister is on to something, sometimes our unconscious is a strange thing...hope you have a good day today !!

Connie Rose said...

So glad you're feeling better. Next time your sister goes to Italy, get her to take you with!! xox

Wisewebwoman said...

Yes, you seemed a little "off" Nora dear. Not too far away but distant.
Glad you came back to land.
good thoughts from your sister. We all need someone to lean on.