Friday, July 29, 2011


I was just standing by the back door and apparently it has been such a wet month that it smelled like autumn in the night air. It really and truly only is July still, but it smelled like October. If there had been the smell of a wood fire, I would not have been surprised. 

The smell of autumn brings back all sorts of memories. None of them unpleasant, really. It must not be a season that I really have a problem with. The only bad thing is that it is followed by winter and that season I do have a problem with. Like most everybody, I think. I'm thinking of cold wind and ice and snow and how much I dislike them. 

But it's still July, although barely, and we still have August to look forward to. Hopefully it will be a nicer month than July has been. Maybe we will see more sunshine. It has been the wettest July since 1906. Things just have to improve. 

Yesterday I reached the lowest point in my depression and had no reaction yet to the email I had sent to my psychiatrist. I came to find out that he was not going to be in the office until next Monday. I couldn't wait that long.

I managed to get a hold of my SPN and tearfully explained the situation to her. She contacted another psychiatrist who had access to my file and arranged for my anti-depressives to be increased. This meant faxing a prescription to the pharmacy and having the delivery boy drop the pills off in the early evening.

I don't expect miracles and to be cured overnight, but it does give me some hope to have this extra pill that will in the end start working if all goes well. I also feel better for having unloaded my mind with my SPN. It felt good to actually say how bad I really felt and how I was not managing well at all. 

I've pulled myself together now and will wait it out. I can't force anything to be different than what it is at this point. I will roll with the punches. Acknowledging a depression is half the work. 

It's early in the morning and I'm still drinking coffee. I don't think I will go back to bed as I have some chores to do before the domestic help gets here. I'm also expecting the Exfactor. Possibly I will sit in my armchair and read my book while I have more coffee to stay awake by.

I started reading 'We Were the Mulvaneys' by Joyce Carol Oates and I'm already gripped by it. Here is novel to sink your teeth into. It's the kind of book I've been longing to read. It's intellectually and emotionally challenging. She's a great writer anyway and I've liked most of her novels. This one has been sitting on my bookcase for a while waiting for me to read it and I finally started on it yesterday evening.

I also watched an episode of 'Pride and Prejudice.' It seems that I have missed many episodes and last night Lydia had already eloped with Mr Wickham. It's a good thing that I've already seen the series several times and that I've read the book numerous times. I know there's only one episode left and I know the outcome, but still it's fun to watch. Colin Firth is such a joy to behold. If only he could have stayed Mr Darcy forever.

I must make it a point to get dressed today. That should be the least of my efforts. It's been a tough thing to do. Maybe taking the dog out for a walk early will blow the cobwebs from my mind. It's a very ambitious plan. I'll have to wait for it to become dawn first. I'll try to be as brave as my abilities allow me to be. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.



Anonymous said...

Oh, Colin Firth as Mr Darcy! Yum! He is magnificent in that role, isn't he?

I read "We were the Mulvaneys" a number of years ago, and while I also found it gripping, I also thought it dragged in a number of spots. But I did get quite angry at some of the characters - which is the mark of a good author, I suppose, when the reader gets that emotionally involved in the story.

Hope those meds kick in and you're feeling better soon!


Twain12 said...

hope you feel better soon has been pretty rainy here, but we get a nice day here and there. Have a good weekend ♥

Connie Rose said...

Hope your mood is already better, sweetie. I've read that book by Oates. Is P&P with dear Colin a movie? or a miniseries? I'll have to rent it.
Have as grand a weekend as you can. xox