Writing during the night...

It's a good thing that I wait with writing my posts until it is the middle of the night. If I were to write one during the day, it would be a very depressive one, because during the day I am in a depressed state of mind and not much good would come out of me. I would just bore you with doom and gloom stories, telling you how miserable I am and how I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day. 

I'm in much better shape at night and can actually see the forest for the trees. Some load lifts off my shoulders and I can breathe easily until it is morning again.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time in bed, just laying there or dozing. It was pure escapism and I didn't answer the phone because I didn't feel like talking to anybody. This did not prevent a friend of mine to try to call me 8 times. Now, I know there was no emergency. This is just what she does when she can't get a hold of me. It makes me feel like a hunted animal. She will do it again today until I answer the phone, by which time I will be very irritated.

Anyway, during the day I'm in a terrible funk and it doesn't clear up until I've put my pajamas on and I go to bed at night. I lay there for a long while listening to the radio before I fall asleep, and have my glass of milk and a snack. Crackers and I share them with the dog. I know I will sleep a while before I get up again in a better mood, although what passes as a better mood is not nearly as good as what I'd like a good mood to be. I'm not jumping up and down with joy.

I think I'll choose the side of caution this week and accept that I'm in a depressed state of mind and act accordingly. That way I'll not make the expectations I have of myself too high and not have any big goals. I'll just aim for little achievements. Getting dressed and walking the dog will be one of them. Getting through the day safely and sanely will be important. However I decide to do that. I'll have to find the best possible way. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that you're temporarily going to underachieve.

I suppose I'll get ready to go back to bed now. I'm not sure if there is any other kind of trouble that I can get into. 

Have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Make a story out of it...

I hope that the cup of coffee I'm drinking is quickly going to put me in a more cheerful mood. If not this one, then the one I'm going to drink after it. I am a bit down in the dumps and I've been trying in various ways to feel better, but they haven't made a difference yet. I wish I had a magic pill that I could take to cheer me up, but I know that such thing does not exist, although I used to think so. Now I'm counting on the coffee. 

I didn't start the day out too bad. I was a bit slow this morning and I took my time waking up in my armchair with several cups of coffee and my inevitable cigarettes. Once I had my head together after a long enough time, I took a shower and got dressed and walked Tyke. I seemed to function alright, but after that, I've been going downhill and my mood has not improved yet.

I did do the chores that needed to get done. I hadn't changed the bed last night like I had planned and I did that today and did a load of laundry. I've got a nice clean bed to look forward to tonight. That ought to cheer me up a bit, but that's nice for later when I've got my pajamas on. I've got to think about this moment and try to make a difference. I don't want to sit here like a bump on a log and be downhearted. I've got to find something to be a bit happy about right now. 

Maybe the last reduction of my anti-depressives has caught up with me and that is making me have a down day. Usually those reductions take a couple of days for your body to react to. The amount of medication in your body doesn't drop down to the new level until a few days after you've cut back. It's been four days since I reduced it. That could account for it and I may be okay again by tomorrow. There's no reason to get worried anyway. 

I heard somewhere that last night was a full moon. That would explain why I couldn't get to sleep right away. I never keep track of these things as I'm completely unaware of the moon in the night sky. I never know what phase it is in. I'm a typical city dweller when it comes to something like that. After the fact, I do always seem to be affected by the full moon and I should keep better track of it. It would explain my lunatic moments.

There's no sunshine today to cheer me up. It's completely overcast and cold. It isn't much fun to go for walks now and Tyke only gets short ones. We're expecting rain tonight and tomorrow we're even supposed to have wintry showers. I guess I was prematurely excited about the springtime. I am wearing cheerful clothes because of it. I thought I had to make the best of a gloomy day. 

The coffee hasn't helped much and I'm going to stop drinking it and switch to cold milk. I better stop having high expectations of today and strike this one up to experience. You can't have good days all the time. That would be too much to ask for. I suppose it's in human nature to have the odd day when things don't go all that great for whatever reason and I guess it keeps you humble in case you get a big head. 

I hope you're all having a good day. 

Ciao,

Nora