Sunday afternoon...

Because it's Sunday afternoon, I can pretend I have nothing better to do but to sit here with a cup of coffee and a cigaret and very leisurely take my time and write this post. Really, I don't even have to pretend because it just is so, I really don't have to do anything else but this. How neat is that? 

I had a tall glass of green tea with lemon when I got up early this morning, but it didn't work the same as a cup of coffee. In other words, it didn't wake me up, so very shortly after that I went back to bed and slept a few more hours. No doubt I was up too early anyway. I had hardly slept enough during the night.

I had the feeling that caffeine didn't do that much for me anymore, but I was somewhat wrong. It does still give me a little bit of a kick in the pants, although I don't need it as much as I used to. One cup of coffee is more than enough to get me started.

The tea did taste very good, though, and I enjoyed the whole glass. It also didn't upset my stomach like coffee and milk usually do, so I thought that was interesting. Some more experimenting will have to be done to check if this is always the case. I can't really draw conclusions based on one glass of tea, of course. 

I had both the television and the radio on by turns and I also listened to Spotify, but I've come to realize that I mostly prefer silence. The television is okay if I want to watch a specific program, but it's not okay for background noise. There's just too much unnecessary excitement. On the radio I listen to Arrow Jazz FM, which is a pretty mellow station, but even then I find the music intrusive to my thoughts.

I prefer the white noise of silence, although I would love to hear the summer wind blow through the leaves on the trees and hear the birds sing. It's the wrong time of year for me, but just a little while longer and it will be springtime. I'm an optimist. 

I've got to take the dog for a walk. It's that time of the day again. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

It's good to be back.

It had been my intention to go to bed tonight just like ordinary people do at some point, but for whatever reason. it didn't work out that way and I find myself wide awake behind the computer doing all sorts of interesting things. At least, I find them interesting and they have been a source of entertainment to me this past hour or so.

Of course, I have been up much longer than that, but I have been able to fill my time with enough useful things because I have felt no desire to go to bed. It is absolutely cozy here by the light of the desk lamp and in the quiet of the night with only the company of the animals.

I know that sooner or later I will have to go to bed, but I think I can postpone it for a while longer. I'm most definitely not yawning or in any other way showing signs of sleepiness. As soon as I do, I will make the right decision and find my spot under the duvet where I will no doubt sleep like a log.

Every once in a while I have a night like this when I don't have the desire to go to sleep. It's too exciting to be up in the middle of the night and to keep going until the early morning. It's usually when the dawn is about to come that I am ready to go to bed after such a very long night. I didn't sleep last night either. I never was able to get to sleep. I laid in bed uselessly until I gave up and got up again.

I blame it on the fact that for some reason there was no good thriller on TV last night.  This was contrary to my expectations and upset my schedule. I found myself having to go to bed too early while I was not really ready to. There was nothing on TV that I wanted to watch, but it turned out that there was nothing on the radio I wanted to listen to either. So I laid in bed pretty bored.

I can always think of a sure way to entertain myself and that's behind the computer. I'm rarely bored if I'm occupied that way. There's always an email to answer or a blog post to comment on. I get around to the ones that I didn't have time for before. I reread blog posts with more attention and take my time commenting.

I'm taking my sweet old time to finish this post because I'm dawdling a lot. My mind keeps wandering off to other things. It wants to be occupied with subjects that don't matter right now. You could say that I'm easily distracted. Maybe I'm getting tired. That would not be a bad thing.

I do have a bit of a backache but that's from sitting slumped in my armchair. It is too comfortable for me and I always end up in the wrong position and have to very carefully extract myself from it at the end of the evening without putting myself through a lot of pain. Once I'm up, I'm okay again.

I think I will look at my templates and see if I'm happy with them. I may have to play around with them a bit.

Have a good morning when you get up. I will be asleep.

Ciao,
Nora

How long will it last?

I'm somewhat sleepy headed as I sit here with my first cup of coffee in the middle of the night and I've been yawning nonstop. No doubt another cup of coffee will fix me right up and I will be perky in no time at all. I wish to be perky and not sit here so muddleheaded and in danger of dislocating my jaw every time I yawn. Besides, I do want to be able to make some sense as I write this and not look like a completely misguided woman. I always want to come across as totally sane and sensible. 

Oh yes, I forgot that I had stated that I wanted to be completely honest at all times and that I would show my less positive aspects also. So I don't have to be perfect. I can be muddleheaded and misguided. I'll be it for just a while then until the coffee starts to work. When the caffeine kicks in, I'll be right on track again. 

I'm sitting here with my short hair totally sticking out all over the place. It looks like I've been in a bad storm and it has gotten stuck that way. No amount of brushing will get it in place again. I will have to wash it with a good shampoo to get it to look decent again. I don't know what I do in bed to get it to look that way, but apparently I rub it the wrong way. It's not even static electricity that makes it look like this. I do this all by myself. 

Those are the lesser side effects of having short hair. You very quickly look like a porcupine.

I'm having my second cup of coffee and the yawning is lessening. I do think I'm becoming more clearheaded. Any minute now I'm going to break out in a song and dance routine. 

Well no, I don't think it will be as bad as that. I'm not known for quite that much exuberance. It would cost me an awful lot of effort. It would probably knock the wind right out of me. I don't think I will ever do a tap dance and I can only sing in the shower. 

I almost forgot to be happy that today is Saturday. Isn't that wonderful? I have most of my chores done and the day to myself. It really and truly will be a weekend day to enjoy as I please and as far as I know, the weather is going to be decent also. We're supposed to have sunshine all day. 

In a way, that's not so good because we ought to have some rain to replenish the rivers and canals and groundwater supply. We do officially have a drought now, so we don't hope for a long hot summer. On the contrary, we wish for rain. The dikes along the rivers and the canals are drying out and that may cause a break and a flood and some of them are now artificially kept wet. The Netherlands are not a wet country anymore.

It's with some amount of anticipation that I look forward to going back to bed. It will be nice to lie in the semi dark and listen to the radio before I drift off to sleep again. 

It will be equally nice to choose which clothes I'm going to wear today. I'm still looking for that unfindable cardigan. I have yet to figure out what I've done with it. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day. I'm planning on having a very nice one. God forbid anything should stop me from having it. 

Ciao,

Nora

When you don't know any better...

Yesterday evening I watched inane television. Since it was Saturday evening, it was the only kind of television to watch. It is not thought that intelligent people watch television on a Saturday evening. It is expected that they are all otherwise engaged. Apparently only dull and desperate people watch television on Saturday evenings.

It was one way to pass the evening and I pretended to care very much and be interested. I watched it while I slowly ate my dinner in stages. That takes me a while and is a good distraction. I also played with the dog and petted the cat who decided to come lie on my lap. I do have other things to keep me occupied while I try not to get too disgusted by what is offered for my entertainment. 

The other option is turning the television off, but that is too silent and then I wouldn't have anything to be exasperated with. Luckily, there are only commercials in between the programs, otherwise they would drive me crazy too. There are very few amusing ones and some of them make me want to throw a brick through the screen. Fortunately, I don't have a brick handy. 

Some of them are an insult to my intelligence. But you can walk away from them until the next program starts and go to the toilet or be otherwise engaged. At one point, I just turned the darn thing off and went to bed and listened to the radio instead, which was broadcasting a football game between Milan and Rome. Some days you can't win. Luckily, I was tired enough to fall sleep quickly, so I was spared most of that.

The only reason I was tired enough was because I had taken my 'fall asleep medicines' and once those stopped working, I was awake again. As I became conscious, I was writing a blog post in my mind, the gist of which I don't remember now. That's how much it occupies my mind in the middle of the night. I compose blog posts as I wake up. Beethoven must have composed music in his sleep. I assume he had pen and paper handy. 

I forgot to call the hairdresser yesterday to make an appointment while it was really necessary that I do. Now I'll have to wait until Tuesday because they are closed on Monday. I have a terrible head of hair that needs a lot of hairspray to keep it in place. The dog leaves the bathroom when I apply it and waits in the hallway. He doesn't do that when I apply my deodorant. Of course, I don't use copious amounts then. 

The cat escaped into the stairwell yesterday and stayed away for half an hour. Finally she showed up at the front door again where she waited patiently until I opened it. She does once in a while look for an opportunity to make her escape. I don't know what she does in the stairwell but she always goes way to the top. I refuse to chase her and always rightly guess that she'll show up again. Every once in a while she escapes though the outside door, but she just walks around the block end enters the apartment through the cat flap in the back door as if it is no problem. Luckily, she is a bright cat. 

The dog doesn't know what to do with himself when the cat has escaped. He thinks it's weird and misses her because he knows she's gone through the front door. He keeps going there to see if she's not back yet. Then when I let her in, he pretends that he won't let her and tries to push her out again as if he's not happy with her company. God forbid she should not show up one day. He'd miss her badly.

It's with some amount of reluctance that I bring this to an end. I don't want to make this too long and I have to think about going to bed. I am yawning, so maybe I'll be asleep again in no time. There's always the radio to listen to. I'm sure there will be no football games on now. 

We're still expecting some rain today and it will be most welcome, I just hope there will be enough to really make a difference. A really good shower should do. 

Have a good morning. 

Ciao,

Nora

Writing during the night...

It's a good thing that I wait with writing my posts until it is the middle of the night. If I were to write one during the day, it would be a very depressive one, because during the day I am in a depressed state of mind and not much good would come out of me. I would just bore you with doom and gloom stories, telling you how miserable I am and how I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day. 

I'm in much better shape at night and can actually see the forest for the trees. Some load lifts off my shoulders and I can breathe easily until it is morning again.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time in bed, just laying there or dozing. It was pure escapism and I didn't answer the phone because I didn't feel like talking to anybody. This did not prevent a friend of mine to try to call me 8 times. Now, I know there was no emergency. This is just what she does when she can't get a hold of me. It makes me feel like a hunted animal. She will do it again today until I answer the phone, by which time I will be very irritated.

Anyway, during the day I'm in a terrible funk and it doesn't clear up until I've put my pajamas on and I go to bed at night. I lay there for a long while listening to the radio before I fall asleep, and have my glass of milk and a snack. Crackers and I share them with the dog. I know I will sleep a while before I get up again in a better mood, although what passes as a better mood is not nearly as good as what I'd like a good mood to be. I'm not jumping up and down with joy.

I think I'll choose the side of caution this week and accept that I'm in a depressed state of mind and act accordingly. That way I'll not make the expectations I have of myself too high and not have any big goals. I'll just aim for little achievements. Getting dressed and walking the dog will be one of them. Getting through the day safely and sanely will be important. However I decide to do that. I'll have to find the best possible way. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that you're temporarily going to underachieve.

I suppose I'll get ready to go back to bed now. I'm not sure if there is any other kind of trouble that I can get into. 

Have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Trying not to be too shallow...

It's the same setting as it usually is: the middle of the night and me in it with a cup of coffee and lots of silence. I wouldn't want to change anything about the formula, though it does become very repetitive as a description of my situation. I could just leave it out and not even describe it, but that does not seem right somehow. I do want to give you some idea of the circumstances I find myself writing under. I need it as a preamble to the rest of the story, although that is a very simple one. 

I spent a good deal of the day sleeping. I slept the whole morning after I went back to bed after being up half the night. I didn't get up until it was almost noon. I didn't feel bad about this and certainly didn't feel as if I had wasted half of the day. I like sleeping because I don't do enough of it at night, so whatever sleep I get in the morning is most welcome. 

I spent a long time drinking coffee before I felt I could function and get dressed and walk the dog. By that time, he was more than ready to go and his patience had worn thin. He had been out back for a piddle, but that's not the same thing as going for a walk. 

I dressed warm, because it was a cold and dreary day. I wore a double layer of clothes and my jacket and a scarf, although the last item may have een a bit overdone. I was very nice and warm anyway and not bothered in the least by the chilly wind. I had vowed not to feel cold anymore after the weather had been so beautiful, so I'm taking all these measures not to. 

Call me a spoiled Western European woman, but I don't want to be cold anymore after this winter and having felt the premature warmth of the early spring. So, when the sun didn't appear to warm up the living room through the windows, and the temperature in the apartment stayed low, I closed the bedroom window and turned on the heater even though I was also wearing my warm, woolly cardigan.

It continued to be a dreary day and later in the afternoon, being overcome by the need to hibernate, I went to bed and took a long nap. It was ever so warm and comfortable and when I got up, the apartment was a very pleasant temperature. 

I had a cup of coffee to clear the last of the sleep from my mind and ate most of a bowl of chicken soup with pasta and shared what was leftover with the dog. Later in the evening I had chocolate pudding and a tall glass of milk. 

I watched the news, which was not that uplifting as news nowadays isn't. A policeman had been shot dead with his own gun. There were wild west scenes as the gunman exchanged fire with other policemen and the gunman was wounded. Needless to say, the police will be the subject of much scrutiny. Isn't that always the way it goes. The gunman had earlier murdered a woman and was on the run. It sounds to me like he ought to be the subject of much scrutiny.

I tried to watch more television, but I really wanted to go to bed. I postponed it as long as I could, but finally just went. I laid in bed for a while listening to the radio before I turned the light off and pulled the duvet over me. I was asleep in the shortest amount of time and slept for 4 hours until I got up again.

Now I am getting sleepy again and I'm yawning. I will have to go back to bed. The domestic help is going to be here today and I have to get up on time. I can't sleep until noon. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

Almost fools in April...

Today is the last day in March and tomorrow will be April Fool's Day. I hope I'm not fooled by anyone because in the past I've been gullible and fallen for it. I may be cynical enough by now not to, I don't know. I suppose it depends on who were to try it and how sincerely it was done. I will forewarn myself and with every story I hear, I will remind myself that it's April 1st and intend not to believe it. I think that's the best defense. 

I'm not a great fooler myself  and hate to tell people stories that aren't true, so I'm not about to go along with the tradition. It's probably because my mother and older sister used to tell very upsetting stories that turned out not to be true when I was a child. I never wanted to carry on that tradition. It's not the kind of joking around that I like. 

Yesterday was not a great day weather wise. It was cloudy and the sun was not out and with it, all my good intentions disappeared. It was as though most of my energy had been drained out of me and I did the least amount of chores. Whether or not it is a sunny, bright day does influence me, apparently. The gloomy weather didn't make me gloomy so much, but it made me want to withdraw inside the apartment and not do much of anything. 

I've done enough of that this wintertime and am not about to repeat it every time the weather doesn't co-operate. I have to get over that and not be so influenced by it, although it seems to have a life of its own and I don't know how much I can actually do about it.

I didn't really perk up until the end of the day and the news came on television. Not that it was anything to be happy about. You have to watch the news so critically, not that they try to influence you one way or the other, but you have to do a lot of reading between the lines and try to get more background information about the stories you hear. Radio is good for that because you hear many different points of view on the subjects. Different broadcasting groups have to share air space on Radio One so, many angles are got at and more information is given. 

It's with some amount of dread that I look forward to today because it's going to be a cloudy, rainy day. Now, I know in the past I've claimed that I liked these days, but I don't like them now. I crave sunlight. I probably preferred the relatively mild, rainy days to the snowy, cold, windy days. Maybe I felt like hibernating more then, but since we've set the clocks ahead one hour, I want nothing more then bright and long, sunny days to go out in. I do walk the dog with much more cheer when it's sunny outside. Heck, I do everything with much more cheer.

I'm going to sit down in my armchair and read my thriller before I go back to bed. It's become a nice little habit. I read in the afternoon also. Slowly but surely I'm getting through that book. Havers is being insubordinate to Linley, but it will all be for a good cause. It will help solve the case. 

Have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

It wasn't working...

I didn't achieve my goal of sleeping six hours last night. I had really imprinted it in my mind before I went to sleep and had picked the time that I should have woken up at, but alas, it didn't work out. 

First I woke up because I had to go to the toilet, which isn't too bad because I can usually go back to sleep. Then I woke up from a cacophony of noise emanating from the radio instead of the usual gentle nighttime sounds that come from it. After I got over that shock and tried to get back to sleep, I was alerted by the dog who had taken one of my boots off the third shelf of the bookcase and was just planning on having a good chew on it. 

I gave up trying to get more sleep then because I was perfectly awake, but had slept only four and a half hours. I decided that would have to do and got up reluctantly not having achieved my goal. I'm going to try again tonight and every night and get as close as I can get. It must be doable if I have my mind set the right way. I will always aim for six hours. 

My psychiatrist thought my way of dealing with my sleep problem was the right way and he was glad that I didn't want any new sleeping pills because he would have been very reluctant to give me any. I think I would have had to beg for them. He likes this approach much better and he was about to suggest it to me himself. 

We're also going to not do anything with the rest of my medication, so there are to be no reductions for awhile. It is thought better to let me be in balance for now and have a steady time before we do any more of that. I've been bouncing up and down enough. It's time for some peace and quiet. I can only agree to that.

My visit with my SPN went fine. She said she was glad to have the old me back. She was genuinely pleased about that. I was a reasonable woman again. I know I am because I feel that way myself.

Now I'm yawning again. I think I will sit in my armchair for a while and read my book and then go back to bed. I have lots of sleep to catch up on. 

Have a terrific day.

Ciao,

Nora

Reading is a nice hobby too...

I'm sitting here very early in the morning with my second cup of coffee, but I'm really so thirsty that I'm looking forward to a glass of cold milk. I'm going to have that as soon as I finish the coffee. Like I said yesterday, coffee isn't doing so much for me anymore, so the joy of it is gone and I don't need it so much anymore to wake up with. I'm very much awake on my own when I get up out of bed. That's a much better state of affairs, of course, and I'm not complaining. It is good to be clearheaded when I wake up and to not sit here half comatose. 

Yesterday morning, after I had written my post here, I didn't go back to bed, but sat down in my armchair and finished reading 'The Girls' Guide To Hunting and Fishing.' It was thoroughly enjoyable and I finished it in one fell swoop. It was such a different book than I had anticipated. It was actually a very mature look at a woman's experience with the various men in her life before she possibly found the one that was the one that was her soul mate. I say possibly, because that's left uncertain. We assume so. 

The book is not without humor and lots of insights into a woman's way of thinking about love and longing, all the feelings we share as women and that we spend a lot of our time doing, especially when we are younger and looking for our potential partner. When we are in our prime.

After I finished reading it, I started reading 'Vinegar Hill' by A. Mansette Ansay which is a book that takes place in the early 1970's and that is a dark and somewhat disturbing novel. The men in it are especially disturbed, although a lot of the characters are and the only really sane one in it seems to be the wife who is trapped in her role before women's liberation has really made itself known to her. There but for the grace of god went many of us, except that we weren't married to very odd husbands, or so we may have assumed. Those husbands of that generation may have actually all had a screw loose. 

I'm almost done with it and am already looking forward to the next novel. I spent a lot of time reading yesterday and not having the computer or the television on. I think it's better that way. It's better to lose yourself in a book and to use your imagination and picture the scenes and the characters. It's also better not to be constantly exposed to the latest news like I was. I get enough of that watching the 8 o'clock news and listening to the radio at night when I go to bed.If I can keep this habit up of reading like I used to, I won't be watching television all the time.

I don't want to be hooked on the computer. I have the habit of turning it on several times a day when I get bored and I can't think of a better thing to do. It's really ridiculous because I expect something magic to happen when obviously there is not. Turning it on once a day (or at night) is more than enough. Nothing bad will happen if I don't check my emails more often. I'm weaning myself of the habit to want to turn it on more often and really, when you're caught up in a good book, you have no desire to. 

I have several novels that I've read before in a long ago past that I'm planning on reading again. It's been long enough since I read them that I've forgotten enough about them so that they will be like new again. 'The Joy Luck Club' is one of them. 'The Accidental Tourist' is another. First I have to read the novels that I've never read and I have enough of them. I have a bunch by Edna O'Brien that I never got around to reading. They are in small print and I had no reading glasses when I acquired them. I have novels that were on Oprah Winfrey's recommended books of reading and she does do that very well. Most of those books are worth reading. If you need exposure to English language literature, it's a good source. 

I've increased my anti-psychotics by one more milligram and now feel very comfortable. I feel normal again and not so haunted and stressed. I had a fairly normal day yesterday, although that may also have been because I spent my day differently. I have to take care to build in as many soothing moments as possible and to keep the stress to a minimum. The weather co-operated and it was a gray and overcast day which suited my mood. I like those kinds of days better right now. I don't like glaring sunlight in a blue sky. Not right now anyway. 

I'm going to take my medicines and sit down in my armchair and finish that book. Then comes the joy of picking out another one. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Always in the morning...

I made the mistake of looking at the alarm clock this morning, not realizing that it had stopped because the battery had died. According to it, it wasn't even early in the morning yet. I felt quite frustrated, because I was all done sleeping, but soon after that, I looked at my watch and saw that it was much later. I do have bad luck with batteries for the alarm clock and I hope this one is rechargeable. I'll have to invest in a package of rechargeable batteries. That shouldn't cost an arm and a leg and I do need them for other things as well. I'll put them on the shopping list for next Tuesday along with a bottle of vinegar to clean the coffeemaker. 

The coffeemaker is making a lot of protesting noises when it spits out the last bit of water into the filter and I know it is because of the hard water and the fact that I haven't cleaned it for a while. It's so easy to forget. I do have to take care of it, because it's a good coffeemaker, although I would prefer a Senseo machine, but I can't really afford one of those right now. I want to get a real one and not one of those cheap imitations that you see for sale sometimes. I have no faith in them at all. I think they'll break down in the shortest amount of time. 

Yesterday was a nice day, although it rained nearly all day. I didn't let that bother me and took Tyke for a long walk in the drizzle. I decided we needed some fresh air and some exercise. We both enjoyed it very much, apart from the fact that we got wet. That's not the worst thing that can happen, though. I pretended that I didn't have a sore knee and walked like it didn't bother me. I doesn't seem to have hurt me at all. It's going to be sore anyway, regardless of what I do. At this point, I think it's the cut that hurts me most. 

There was speed skating on television in the afternoon and that did provide some diversion. The Dutch men did well and I can only be proud of them. I do enjoy watching speed skating, as it's almost hypnotic to look at, especially if they skate a longer distance. It's a very relaxing sport to watch, while being exciting enough too. The commentary is always very good and professional and as unbiased as it can get. There's real admiration for the skaters from other countries, not just our own. 

I didn't get a lot of chores done, but then that didn't seem so important. There was not that much to do anyway. I played with Tyke a lot and gave him some of my undivided attention, which he appreciated very much. Gandhi participated as much as possible, unless it got too rough. She stuck as close to us as she could and retrieved Tyke's rubber toy when it got stuck under the chair. That was good, because I didn't have to kneel down and get it. That's kind of hard on my knee.

The Exfactor came by and I gave him some of my strong coffee and that quite perked him up. I saw him come to live. I think he'd only had tea, which proves my point that it's another beverage altogether. 

I went to bed early, despite my intention to stay up. By eight o'clock I was yawning something awful and longing to go to sleep. I put it off as long as I could, but there was no stopping it. I listened to the radio for a while, but there were football games on and that doesn't interest me all that much. It seems that football season is never over. If so, I must miss the break. I was thinking about putting on a CD when I fell asleep. 

This morning I will go back to bed for a while, because it's Sunday morning and there's no need to rush the day. There will be enough hours to be up to do things in. It's going to be cloudy and chilly today and there may be a shower now and then. It's not very exciting weather. Mostly very dreary. It's really the kind of weather that makes you want to have a hibernating Sunday, but I suppose I will go for another long walk with Tyke. We'll take the same route we did yesterday, because it was such a great success. It was just long enough to not be too exhausting. 

I hope you all have a great day!

Ciao,

Nora

A few cups of coffee...

I was getting worried about myself and thought that I was maybe feeling the effects of the reduction of my medication. I felt negative and emotional and couldn't talk myself out of it. Then a brilliant idea hit me and I thought that maybe I was going through caffeine withdrawal. I'd only had two cups today. I quickly made a pot of coffee and now I'm drinking my second cup. I feel a lot better already, so my hunch was right and that problem was easily solved. 

I do have my addictions, but I guess my anti-psychotics aren't one of them. Caffeine and nicotine are, but I had been ready to take another pill and I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad the solution of the coffee presented itself to me first, because I would have lived under a mistaken illusion. I would have thought that I could not reduce my medication any further and that would have been a shame. I'm doing such a good job at reducing them and I'm kind of proud of myself that I've gotten this far already. I would not have thought it was possible. 

It's just below freezing outside, but it's nice and warm in here. I have the blinds drawn and the heater on and I'm warmly dressed. I'm glad it's evening and I'm ready to make the most of it. It's my goal to really enjoy this Friday night. Not that there's anything on television, I'll have to find another way to amuse myself. That shouldn't be too difficult. I do have some imagination and then there's always the radio to listen to. 

I've always been fond of a good political discussion and I'm sure there will be one on tonight now that the university students are protesting against the budget cuts. I don't think the protesters will be taken serious and I think the budget cuts will be made anyway. Not enough students showed up at the rally. The protest signs were too neat and too polite. The students were well behaved. There wasn't enough of an uproar. Nobody knows how to get outraged anymore. The government will do what it wants, regardless of the opposition and in this case, it may possibly be right. 

I've had enough coffee now and I feel great. It's done its job and I can function like a normal person again. That certainly is a difference with how I felt earlier. It's funny that the things that seem the most innocent, are the most addictive. I wonder if people get the same addiction to regular tea? And what did people do in the days before there was coffee or tea? They must have had a drink to get them going in the morning. I can't imagine that they just drank water. There must have been some stimulating beverage. I know that people drank a weak beer when the water in the towns was not potable. Maybe everybody was continually slightly drunk back then. It was said that beer was good for nursing mothers. It can't have been all bad and there used to be a lot of breweries. 

My timing is perfect and I can watch the news in a little while. I think the news ought to last longer and be more comprehensive, but that's just me. Most people probably don't want that. 

Have a good night!

Ciao,

Nora

All is well past midnight...

It's past midnight and I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee. I've already slept, but woke up from some awful singing on the radio and the pain in my knee. Yesterday when I was walking Tyke, I slipped on some grating and landed on my knee and hurt it, and since then it has been bothering me. I don't think it is anything serious, but just an irritating pain that makes me hobble a bit. I was wearing my slick ankle boots, thinking I could because there was no snow or ice, but an accident sits in a small corner, as we say here.

Yesterday was actually a pretty good day, except for that, and it went by quickly. My personal helper was here in the morning and, because I wanted to make sure that we had some useful things to do, I had saved up two chores. She jokingly told me that she was very grateful for that and that there was nothing wrong with a good talk over a cup of coffee. The next time I will do those chores by myself, as I'm perfectly able to. I very naively thought it would give us something to do besides talk, but apparently that is enough.

I also called the dog salon to make an appointment to have Tyke trimmed and he will be going there Wednesday next week. It's about time too, because I'm almost to the point that I have to put little ribbons in his hair and that would make him look like a girl dog. I'm sure he wouldn't like that if he understood it. I hope my knee is better by that time so I can take him.

The domestic help was here in the afternoon and very nicely cleaned the apartment. I sat in my bedroom with the animals for part of the time that she was here and listened to the radio. There was a politician on from the extreme right party, who was not following the party policy and keeping young Muslim women from entering the work force and therefor had been kicked out of the party. These are interesting times. He could not get a subsidy to set up a fledgling program because, according to party policy, he would have had to vote down his own proposal.  You learn something new every day. You don't hear these things on the 6 o'clock news.

I'm drinking cold lemonade now and very welcome it is too. I was very thirsty, but I think the coffee makes me so. It does dehydrate you. Every time I get up to get something, I limp for the first few steps until my knee gets adjusted to be in that position. It makes me look very poorly. 

I am going to try and go back to sleep in a while, but I feel amazingly awake. I don't think a person is supposed to be this awake in the middle of the night. It's not normal. I must start longing for my bed and that warm duvet. I am a little bit cold sitting here. Doubtlessly that's from the cold lemonade too, but it does make me long for a warm and cozy place.

Have a good morning when you get up or a good night when you go to sleep. Whichever applies to you. 

Ciao,

Nora

In the land of do not sleep...

It's very early in the morning, as it usually is when I write a post, so there's nothing new there. I need not even mention it anymore, but it's such a convenient way to start a sentence. I'm having my coffee and cigarettes, as is usual too and I shouldn't have to mention that either, but it sets the scene. I'm sitting by the light of the desk lamp in my bathrobe and slippers. Do I ever sit here any differently? You'd be surprised if I wrote that I'm sitting here totally naked with strawberries stuck up my nose. Well, I'm not, don't fear. 

I didn't sleep all night long like I wished. I did have that intention, but my wish didn't come true. Like so many other nights, I woke up to go to the toilet and was wide awake after that. Tyke needed to go out and I made coffee. I do have enough sense to make coffee and not rely on a glass of milk to get me to rejoin the living. That doesn't work. Milk addles my brain and works like a tranquilizer. Coffee makes me sharp and quick witted. I don't think I'm supposed to drink milk when I write a blog post. It immediately dulls my senses. It's okay for watching television with. I seem to have that reaction to milk. 

I went to sleep last night without listening to the radio or to any music. I just laid in the almost dark and closed my eyes and tried to push away any intruding thoughts. I thought of pleasant things, mostly. Whenever something unpleasant popped up, I concentrated on the different parts of my body and how relaxed they were. I did notice that, because there was no radio or no music, I had a tune running through my head on my own continuously. It wasn't anything familiar and I thought maybe I was an undiscovered composer. Yeah, right. And Vivaldi was my ancestor. 

I fell asleep within 20 minutes. It wasn't such a bad thing to lie there and wait to fall asleep. I know that if I were to read a book, it would take me much longer, because I would get absorbed in what I was reading. I'm trying to keep the stimuli to a minimum and find the best way to fall asleep and stay asleep. It's still very elusive to me. Staying asleep, that is. Once in a while when it happens, I'm always pleasantly surprised and I wonder what I did right. Apparently I got it wrong this night. 

I've got to decide what I'm going to wear today. It's going to be a balmy 6 degrees Celsius and it's going to rain this afternoon. It will be near tropical weather (42F). That calls for a whole different outfit than I've been wearing. I will look in my closet and see what sort of exciting things are there. 

It's much too early to start the day, but I suppose I will. There's no time like the present to do the things I must do. 

Have a nice day!

Ciao,

Nora

Early in the morning...

It's with some amount of pleasure that I sit here drinking my coffee and smoking my cigarettes. It's early in the morning still, but I am wide awake and ready for the day to start. I went to bed on time last night and slept well. I was more than ready to go to sleep, because there was nothing on television that I was interested in after I watched the Dutch speed skating championships. They weren't even that exciting to watch and I was only pretending they were. The commentary was almost more interesting than the races themselves. Sometimes you have to fake an interest and act like it matters. I wasn't for any skater in particular, especially since Sven Kramer didn't participate. He was out because of an injury. 

After that it was really time to shut off the television and call it a day. I postponed going to bed for a while, because it was awfully early, but after some time I went ahead and changed into my pajamas. I listened to an interview with a well known architect on the radio and thought that some of it was bullshit. I think people make themselves and their methods and motivations look better than they are. They are asked for explanations and suddenly have to come up with them when they really do things for reasons even unknown to them and not well thought out and planned at all. They are put on the spot and have to look good.

I fell asleep after a while and slept without remembering my dreams. It was just a long dark night. Tyke woke me up because he had to go out. He gently growled at me. I let him out and made coffee. The coffee was most welcome. The first cup tasted like the elixir of life and gave me a kick. The second cup I drank for good measure. There isn't going to be a third cup this morning. I don't need it. 

The snow is very slowly melting as the temperatures are above freezing. There are supposed to be some rain showers today. I wonder if they will be enough to melt the rest of it? It will probably just turn into a big slush, I think there's too much snow and ice. Actually, at this point I wouldn't mind if all of it was gone, because it's no fun to walk in any more. It's downright dangerous. 

My Wednesday personal helper is coming this morning at 8:30. I have to make sure I'm ready before that time. I want to strip my bed and put clean sheets on and run the washing machine. I'll have two loads to do, but I like doing laundry. 

I have to keep in mind that Saturday will be a holiday and that all the stores will be closed. The Exfactor was here yesterday to do the groceries, but he said he would be here on Friday again in case I needed anything else. My shopping list was so short. I keep thinking I've forgotten something crucial. I may need tobacco before the weekend is over, that's something I always have to calculate in. 

Look, I'm just writing down a bunch of nonsense. It's basically to keep you up to date. I'm not planning on doing anything special with my day. If I'm lucky, I won't need a nap. I've completely stopped taking the tranquilizers during the day, so they're not something that make me tired anymore. All I can think I'm doing now is hibernating, although it's possible that the anti-psychotics make me tired. They do have that side effect. I'll know once I decrease them more. 

Have a nice day, everyone. Don't let the weather get to you too much. 

Ciao,

Nora