Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Writing during the night...

It's a good thing that I wait with writing my posts until it is the middle of the night. If I were to write one during the day, it would be a very depressive one, because during the day I am in a depressed state of mind and not much good would come out of me. I would just bore you with doom and gloom stories, telling you how miserable I am and how I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day. 

I'm in much better shape at night and can actually see the forest for the trees. Some load lifts off my shoulders and I can breathe easily until it is morning again.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time in bed, just laying there or dozing. It was pure escapism and I didn't answer the phone because I didn't feel like talking to anybody. This did not prevent a friend of mine to try to call me 8 times. Now, I know there was no emergency. This is just what she does when she can't get a hold of me. It makes me feel like a hunted animal. She will do it again today until I answer the phone, by which time I will be very irritated.

Anyway, during the day I'm in a terrible funk and it doesn't clear up until I've put my pajamas on and I go to bed at night. I lay there for a long while listening to the radio before I fall asleep, and have my glass of milk and a snack. Crackers and I share them with the dog. I know I will sleep a while before I get up again in a better mood, although what passes as a better mood is not nearly as good as what I'd like a good mood to be. I'm not jumping up and down with joy.

I think I'll choose the side of caution this week and accept that I'm in a depressed state of mind and act accordingly. That way I'll not make the expectations I have of myself too high and not have any big goals. I'll just aim for little achievements. Getting dressed and walking the dog will be one of them. Getting through the day safely and sanely will be important. However I decide to do that. I'll have to find the best possible way. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that you're temporarily going to underachieve.

I suppose I'll get ready to go back to bed now. I'm not sure if there is any other kind of trouble that I can get into. 

Have a good night.



Elsie Button said...

often when you are in it you can see no way out - but happier times lie ahead - they do. and sometimes lying on your bed and doing nothing is absolutely ok. x

Maggie May said...

I expect you feel safe and secure when tucked up in bed, even if you have to get up to blog.
Hoping you'll feel much better soon during the day. The weather is lovely. Maybe if you have a walk in the sunshine you might feel better.
I hope so.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Twain12 said...

i hope pout feel better soon too, maybe your friend is just worried about you, but i can see how it gets annoying :(