Full steam ahead...

It's a very blustery day today. There's a stiff breeze blowing and if it weren't for the hairspray, I would have no hairdo left to speak of. Of course, it's a short haircut, so it stays in place better, but it would have been blown to pieces if I had left it to the whims of the wind. As it is, I still look very decent after having walked the dog and I hardly have to put a hair back in place. 

I've got all the windows open at the top and there's a strong draft blowing through the apartment. It's not cold in here, that's a blessing. I don't have to worry about the temperature yet. The weatherman refused to say if it was going to be a very cold winter this coming season. I think he didn't want to prematurely worry us and spoil our fun. We all think that cold winter is coming anyway.

I've been wearing my winter coat and enjoying it a lot. It's warm and comfortable and the big pockets are very handy. It's just about the best coat I've had in a long time. I just hope it's warm enough for whatever big freeze we're in for. I will have to get ready to wear layers. I'm mentally preparing myself for anything at all. 

I've also been wearing my skinny jeans a lot. It turns out that they are the most comfortable pieces of clothing that I have. I never thought I would find so. I was very hooked on wearing skirts and dresses and wore those a lot. Skinny jeans do indeed make you feel skinny. They make you feel like you have long legs that go all the way up to your shoulders. It's nice to live under that illusion. 

After having been feisty for about a week, the dog has settled down again and is quite a bit more mellow. At least he's leaving the cat in peace and isn't bothering her anymore. He really was bossing her around. The cat is really relaxed about it and acts like she doesn't care. She finds a safe haven on my lap if the dog gets out of hand too much. She doesn't flee the apartment like you'd think she would. She has lots of patience.

To supplement my diet, I've started taking vitamin B-complex, Calcium with Magnesium and Kelp tablets. It's easy to remember to take them because I take them at the same time I do my medicines. They all go down the hatch easily. This is all in effort to be a healthier person and I think I will notice somewhere down the line if it works. I have to be faithful to the regiment and to the diet I'm going to be following which will include lots of fruits and vegetables. 

Speaking of diet, I've got to eat now. My stomach is growling. 

I hope you'll all have a good evening. 

Ciao,

Nora

Quality time...

I had to put on my bathrobe because I was sitting here in my pajamas in the middle of the night getting decidedly cold after having had a glass of ice cold milk. I already had my requisite cups of coffee and, of course, I couldn't go past my limit. 

I didn't need to anyway because I felt good enough and they weren't warming up my stomach all that much. At least I'm not sitting here mindlessly drinking one cup after another until I'm sick of them. I do have enough sense to make just enough coffee for two cups and that's it.

I'm ever so much more comfortable in my bathrobe now. It envelops me like a warm blanket and I'm so cozy in it. It really isn't that cold in here, even though the bedroom windows are still open. It never does cool off in the apartment that quickly. That's a blessing in the wintertime and it hasn't been hot enough this summer for it to be a problem. 

Yesterday went by so quickly. It hardly felt like a full day at all. Of course, I slept for half of it because I didn't get up until past noontime and when I woke up, I thought it was still early because everything was so quiet. I was surprised to see what time it was on the alarm clock.

I had to sit and drink my two cups of coffee in peace and quiet and then slowly get ready to go see my sister and her friend, but I dawdled too long and had to rush in the end. I picked out my outfit in a hurry, but it was a good one and I felt comfortable in it. Pretty enough, anyway. 

The weather wasn't bad. There were clouds, but there also was enough sunshine and the temperatures weren't bad. We were able to sit in the garden and have a long conversation with cappuccinos. 

My sister's friend, who's a chemist, had made me a night creme based on honey. I had casually mentioned to him that I needed one for fine, dry skin and he had made it especially for me. It's very nice and it smells delicious. See how easily such a special wish can come true? You just have to know the right people.

When I got home, I walked the dog and watched sports on TV. Football season has started, so there were a lot of rundowns on the games that had been played. Everybody wants to win whatever league championship is coming up first and they are already calculating their chances. A little prematurely, I think. 

The news that I watched was all dire. There is no good news nowadays. You have to have a brave heart to watch it or be steeped in ignorance. Economic crises are being politicized. The financial markets are full of emotions. There's an undercurrent of panic. People are losing their heads. 

I try to stay calm because I'm nobody and don't count. I'm at the bottom of the ladder. A tiny little fish in the very big sea. A sardine. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Nostalgia...

I was just standing by the back door and apparently it has been such a wet month that it smelled like autumn in the night air. It really and truly only is July still, but it smelled like October. If there had been the smell of a wood fire, I would not have been surprised. 

The smell of autumn brings back all sorts of memories. None of them unpleasant, really. It must not be a season that I really have a problem with. The only bad thing is that it is followed by winter and that season I do have a problem with. Like most everybody, I think. I'm thinking of cold wind and ice and snow and how much I dislike them. 

But it's still July, although barely, and we still have August to look forward to. Hopefully it will be a nicer month than July has been. Maybe we will see more sunshine. It has been the wettest July since 1906. Things just have to improve. 

Yesterday I reached the lowest point in my depression and had no reaction yet to the email I had sent to my psychiatrist. I came to find out that he was not going to be in the office until next Monday. I couldn't wait that long.

I managed to get a hold of my SPN and tearfully explained the situation to her. She contacted another psychiatrist who had access to my file and arranged for my anti-depressives to be increased. This meant faxing a prescription to the pharmacy and having the delivery boy drop the pills off in the early evening.

I don't expect miracles and to be cured overnight, but it does give me some hope to have this extra pill that will in the end start working if all goes well. I also feel better for having unloaded my mind with my SPN. It felt good to actually say how bad I really felt and how I was not managing well at all. 

I've pulled myself together now and will wait it out. I can't force anything to be different than what it is at this point. I will roll with the punches. Acknowledging a depression is half the work. 

It's early in the morning and I'm still drinking coffee. I don't think I will go back to bed as I have some chores to do before the domestic help gets here. I'm also expecting the Exfactor. Possibly I will sit in my armchair and read my book while I have more coffee to stay awake by.

I started reading 'We Were the Mulvaneys' by Joyce Carol Oates and I'm already gripped by it. Here is novel to sink your teeth into. It's the kind of book I've been longing to read. It's intellectually and emotionally challenging. She's a great writer anyway and I've liked most of her novels. This one has been sitting on my bookcase for a while waiting for me to read it and I finally started on it yesterday evening.

I also watched an episode of 'Pride and Prejudice.' It seems that I have missed many episodes and last night Lydia had already eloped with Mr Wickham. It's a good thing that I've already seen the series several times and that I've read the book numerous times. I know there's only one episode left and I know the outcome, but still it's fun to watch. Colin Firth is such a joy to behold. If only he could have stayed Mr Darcy forever.

I must make it a point to get dressed today. That should be the least of my efforts. It's been a tough thing to do. Maybe taking the dog out for a walk early will blow the cobwebs from my mind. It's a very ambitious plan. I'll have to wait for it to become dawn first. I'll try to be as brave as my abilities allow me to be. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Slowly but surely...

My coffee tastes very good this morning and I can't get enough of it. It is making me as perky as a butterfly on a sunny spring day. Well, you can see where my thoughts are. They are certainly not stuck in the wintertime. They long for another season. Because it's January I do dare to long for the springtime. I look forward to it as something that's going to happen in the not too unforeseeable future. I am an optimist, no matter what the weather is still going to bring us. Which will be rain this weekend and that is a heck of a lot better than snow or sleet. 

I even dared sleep with my bedroom window open last night. That's because it really wasn't that cold outside. Cold is all very relative. It just depends on what you've gotten used to. It's no longer freezing, so any kind of temperature is nice. It feels healthier to sleep with the window open, all that fresh air must be good for something. I imagine it's better for my braincells. I will have better dreams because of it, though I don't really remember the ones I had last night. They must not have been that impressive.

I ate carrots and peas for dinner last night and they were so good that I ate my fill of them. I was truly full when I had to stop eating and I had to give the last of the carrots to Tyke who devoured them with a lot of appetite. I had forgotten how much fun it was to eat a big spoonful of peas. To really stuff your mouth with them and slowly chew them. It was heavenly. I have more left for tonight and it's something to look forward to. It's the little pleasures in life that make it fun. Peas and carrots can make you very happy. 

I watched a Dutch police series and it was as bad as they always are. A lot of drama and action and very little substance. I don't know why I bother, except that this one is filmed locally so it is interesting to see all the familiar places. The only problem is that nobody in the series speaks with a local accent, because they all come from the west of the country and that does make it lose some of its credibility. I don't know if that holds true for British series as well. 

I didn't go to bed too late last night. There was nothing else on television that I wanted to watch, as is usual for Friday nights. I can't get excited about many of the programs that are on, but that's why the television has an off button. I won't sit there and mindlessly watch whatever is on. I'm not hooked on it. 

Today is Saturday and the first official day of the weekend, although it really started yesterday afternoon after the domestic help left. I'm looking forward to the lazy days that are ahead of me. I will hang out in my bathrobe for a while this morning and be slow to get the show on the road. There is no time clock to punch and nobody will show up here. I get to have my privacy all to myself. 

There will be speed skating on today and I will watch that. Our best skater is not competing, so now it's up to the other guys. They will get a chance to prove their worth. They're up against some tough competition. They're skating the 10K today and that's a tough race. I'm curious to see how well we will do. It will be a relaxing way to spend the afternoon, for me at any rate. Not for them.

Have a good day!

Ciao,

Nora

Emjoyment...

I've just made a fresh pot of coffee and it is very good. As a matter of fact, it is delicious, even if I do say so myself. This makes me more determined to always make a pot of coffee myself and to not leave it in the less competent hands of someone else. 

If you want things done right, you have to do them your own way and not assume someone else will do them like you want them done, because you will be disappointed. If you're going to stand there and give exact instructions, you may as well do them yourself. 

If you know how to do something well, like take care of yourself, then do it and don't expect the other person to. Not if you have to tell them how. They will be incompetent and you will get a second rate job and nobody will be happy, because you will let your displeasure show and they will feel bad. 

The tip about grinding the coffee fine was lesson number one, this was lesson number two. 

So, I'm enjoying my coffee very much. Actually, I'm enjoying my evening very much and I'm already looking forward to bedtime. I'm postponing it as long as possible, but the idea that I'm going in the foreseeable future is making me happy. I think that very shortly I will put on my pajamas and be ready up to that point at least. 

It is possible for me to sleep late in the morning and if I'm lucky, I will do just that, although it is just as possible that I will wake up in the middle of the night and sit behind this computer. I always imagine that I need a large princess bed with a thick downy mattress and a thick downy duvet and very many big downy pillows and very expensive sheets to sleep well. A bed which you sink into and hardly are able to get out of. A bed that imprisons you with luxury and sleep. 

Instead I sleep on my single bed with the relatively hard mattress and the not so thick duvet and the inexpensive sheets on the not so fluffy pillows with the dog nearly on top of me. So you see what the problem is, don't you? I need a softer dog. 

Tyke ate an extra helping of food tonight. He was begging by his bowl, the poor thing. Now he's very happily lying on the ground by my feet digesting his food. I think he will be comatose for a while. I guess he wants to fatten up for winter too. Maybe he's getting ready to go into a hibernation mode. It would get a lot more quiet around here if he did. I don't think I would like it very much. I would miss his shenanigans and his noisy little growls. 

I think I will put on my pajamas and the television and relax and be an armchair potato for a while. It will be a pleasure to sit and do nothing and have my mind distracted.

I hope you all have a terrific evening!

Ciao,
Nora

But it feels so much later!

Having set the clock back on hour is a tricky thing to have done. I had set my watch back already and the alarm clock. The computer's clock had set itself to the right time. I hadn't set back the living room clock, though, and kept looking at it as if it was the right time and being tricked by it. I finally set it to the right time and now it is only just past noon and not nearly time to go to my sister. 

I have already taken the dog for two long walks and my legs are tired enough. I can only handle one hour at the time. I need better walking boots if I want to do more. The ones I have are torturing devices, so I'm not wearing them anymore. I do have to get some new ones before winter gets here, otherwise I won't have any grip on the snow and ice.

You see, I'm assuming that there's going to be snow and ice. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there weren't any? Today is so mild that you would almost believe it. The temperature is pleasant and we haven't seen any rain yet. The sun is even peeking through the clouds. There is a little bit of wind and leaves drifted down on us when we walked along the sidewalks. 

It was very pretty in an autumnal way. If you're into that kind of thing. I'm always too busy keeping control of the dog to fully enjoy myself. I have to make sure he doesn't run into gardens and bike paths or poop on somebody's well manicured lawn. He is a mixed blessing. He gets me out of the house for walks, but then I really don't enjoy them as much as I could. 

Because of him, I don't get to walk around and daydream, which is my favorite activity, unless I have a human partner and then I like to talk. The Exfactor and I used to go for enormous walks when we were first married and before we had a dog and we would discuss everything under the sun and have opinions about everything too. We were world improvers and if only they made us boss. 

We were a little bit naive back then, although we didn't think so. We were both new to the country and the way things were done and we thought they could be done better, well old rotted socialists that we were, although some American influence had rubbed off on me. 

The Exfactor was actually more of an anarchist and hard to pin down in any sort of group, but socialism came closest. He was such an extreme anarchist that he was almost ultra-conservative and a republican of the worst kind. That's all I could think. He made for an interesting conversationalist. I disagreed with him often and felt like he was brainwashing me. I tried to influence him in becoming more tolerant. 

Anyway, walks! If you're living by yourself, you have a tendency not to take that many, at least I don't. I feel very conspicuous walking on my own, unless I have a goal and I think people can read that on my face. As if walking with a purpose is somehow more permissible than slightly sauntering. Hence the dog! Anybody with a dog is allowed out on the street wherever. 

Still, this setting the clocks back one hour, which is really what I started off with, is making me feel very frustrated. The time is crawling by today as if it is doing it on slow motion on purpose. Whoever is in charge of time, is holding back the second hand. The hand that counts the seconds. Not the second hand stuff that you buy at garage sales. 

Although going to garage sales is a lot of fun and I miss that. We're only allowed to sell our old junk without a license once a year on Queen's Day. It's called Free Market and everybody can and does do it. It's a wonderful event and treasures are found. I think recently a Van Gogh surfaced. 

But that is just an aside. 

I'm going to have coffee with my sister and I must remember to bring that cardigan. She probably won't like it because it's cheap, but that's a chance I'll have to take. 

I hope you're all having a nice Sunday. It's a boring day, isn't it? Really? 

Ciao,
Nora

Another day like this, please...

I tell the story in sequences on different blogs and to keep it straight for you, I suggest you go here to enjoy this part of it, though it isn't absolutely necessary, but you'd do me a big favor with it if you did. I'm also comment hungry, but that's a secret that you won't tell anyone, will you? 

I'm sitting here with a lovely cup of coffee and my cigarettes and life almost couldn't get better than this, although if I use my imagination I can think of a few other things that I'd also like a lot. All of them involve a lot of money and foreign travel and expensive hotels with room service. Yes, I do have rich tastes and should have been a capitalist and power hungry and ruthless. 

Alas, it's not in my nature to be that way myself, nor was I savvy enough to marry someone like it. I couldn't stand to be married to someone like Bill Gates and I doubt he could stand to be married to me, because I would tell him what to do with his money. I would do sensible money management and since I'm a socialist, there would be a lot of sharing of the wealth. I wouldn't just build a factory in Africa, I would build a village with an infra structure, so no shanty town would develop where people would have to live in indignity while they worked in my factory. I'm sure a lot of that is going on wherever big companies set up business.

I'll get off my soapbox, but you know where I stand on these things. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's the abuse of cheap labor and dire living circumstances for anyone. I count my blessings every day. I know how lucky I am. 

My meeting with my personal helper and my SPN went well, even though I had been nervous about it at first and was worried about how well they would get on and if there would be any friction with both of them having an interest in me, but coming from two different points of view. I need not have worried at all and we had a good and enlightening talk that was clear for everybody and that was not at all stressful or difficult. My SPN handles these things so well and I'm always impressed with her professionalism, even though she is relatively young. She doesn't have an enormous ego that gets in the way of her.

I think my personal helper feels reassured now too, because a lot has been made clear to her and she understand things better now. She got a good look inside the kitchen, sort to say. It's a great relief to me that this talk has taken place and that more talks can happen in the future if there is a need. Now both sides know what's involved and know each other. 

That's boring talk and I refuse to write about it more. I'm not in the mood for it. I want to write about different things altogether. About how incredibly nice this day is turning out to be and how happy I am to be alive and how well I feel about myself right now. I wish I could hold on to this feeling always and put it in a box to take it out for use whenever it was necessary. There should be a place where you can store spare happiness, although it is nice to be overwhelmed by it all at once. That and a 50 Euro bill can make your day. 

I have the heater turned up a little high because I was shivering although it really wasn't that cold in here. If it had been this temperature in the summer, I would have thought it was nice. Now I thought it was too chilly. There must be a draft. This morning I discovered that the domestic help had left open the bedroom window yesterday. I was wondering why it was so cold in the bedroom, but I didn't notice it behind the closed shade. Her logic escapes me. She also likes to rearrange my objects as if she's playing house and I regularly have to put things back where they belong. I do think it's kind of endearing, though. She does care enough, although she likes to put everything at an angle as if that is more artistic. She would have done well in the Baroque Age.  I put everything back straight. 

Tyke is having a good old snore. He doesn't realize that it's about time for a walk. He's too busy sleeping. It's okay with me, because I'm not exactly looking forward to going out in the cold, even though I do have that very nice scarf to wrap around my throat. The rest of me is cold, no matter how many clothes I wear. It's really going to be a problem this winter on how I'm going to manage to stay warm. I've turned into a real wimp when it comes to going out in the cold. I do so appreciate my warm apartment and the warm duvet when I go to sleep at night. As a matter of fact, I still want to get an extra cover for my bed, because I'm so cold when I first get in it. I keep my socks on. I wish I had one of my grandmother's crocheted bedspreads now. 

Tyke is awake and telling me it's time to go out. He's barking at me even, because I'm not doing what he wants. That is, get up out of this chair and put my coat on. I suppose I better go do that then. He's a bossy little dog. No manners whatsoever. Somebody didn't raise him right. 

Have a good evening!

Ciao,
Nora