One of those nights...

 It's threatening to become one of those long sleepless nights that I'm famous for which end up with me not going to bed until some time in the morning. I haven't been to bed yet and have been keeping myself busy with the appearances of my blogs and the names of them. 

I don't know if that was necessary, but it's something I get caught up in very once in a while. A madness comes over me and I go looking for blogger layouts and always find a new website where I can get them for free. And of course, I always think there are better layouts there than the ones I have at the moment. 

I think I am one hell of a stubborn woman with a one track mind who gets fixated on certain activities and stops being aware of everything around her. That's why it's good for me to sit here and write this post and take some distance from it all. Maybe I can get my head out of the clouds and my feet back on the ground and go to bed at a halfway decent time. Maybe I can talk some sense into myself. 

Regardless of the late hour, I'm having some coffee to straighten out my head. It was in a complete muddle. I'm tired enough so I won't worry about falling asleep. That is, if I have enough sense to go to bed and don't continue to sit here doing useless things. I must tell myself that I look forward to going to bed and that it's a nice place to go to. There's so much temptation to stay up and sit here in a half stupor. 

I do like altered states of mind.Especially the kind that are benign and treat me friendly. The kind that leave me without feeling guilty, as this one is right now. Of course, I don't know the aftermath of it yet, but I assume a good outcome.  All will be well in the morning. 

I don't know what happened to the day. It was over in no time at all and I wasn't bored for one minute. Of course, sleeping for half of it took care of a great deal of it. I would be bored in the morning I I didn't sleep. To me that's not the best time of the day to be up. I used to clean house then in my housewifely days, but those are far behind me. I scrub the toilet at any time of the day now. I have no method. 

I have to go to bed now because I'm starting to doze off. My eyes want to fall shut. I'm sure one more cup of coffee would save me, but i better not drink it. I also have to pay attention to the dog because he's bothering the cat for lack of attention from me. I'll have to give him a good belly rub. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Back to normal once again....

I think I'm in a good enough frame of mind now to take a good look back at the past several days and see that I was probably in a hypo-manic state which I didn't come out of until yesterday afternoon after I finally slept for about five hours. I had been sleep deprived until that time and not in a position to think clearly. 

I looked back on it with some horror, but realized that I had not done anything too stupid and that all of my actions were easily able to be set straight. I had not made any really big guffaws that involved other people and would require a lot of explanation. Nor had I spent a lot of money. I was saved by the bell again. 

I remember feeling very good at the beginning of this period of madness, but becoming quite agitated as it continued and feeling very uncomfortable with it. Exhaustion was starting to show through and I could hardly keep up with myself, but felt compelled to nevertheless until I literally collapsed in my bed.

I built in a day of rest yesterday and took it very easy. I did the opposite of what I wanted to do, so I added a lot of rest periods and periods of silence and patience. I avoided anything that was too stimulating and avoided the computer most of all because that's where I had spent all my time. 

I'm trying to keep myself on an even keel now and to not let things get out of hand again. I know what the pitfalls are and am going to avoid them.

My psychiatrist had warned me that I would have mood swings, but I had not expected them to be so severe. I really had not been properly prepared for this and was taken by surprise. I thought I was merely starting to feel better. Not that I was going to shoot into the sky like a rocket. 

Now I'm sitting here with my inevitable cup of coffee trying to be as mellow and calm as I can be. I'm accepting this period in the night for what it is and that is a time out before I go to bed again to finish sleeping, which I will hopefully have the sense to do. I don't want to become so cocky that I will stay up again until morning and decide that I don't need to sleep. I'm not home free yet.

Ultra rapid cycling is an unpredictable monster that you don't want hiding in your closet. I hope I'm done with it quickly and I assume I'm bothered by it now because of the increase in my antidepressants. It must be my body's way of adjusting to the new dose. Hopefully I've seen the worst of it now and a warned woman counts for two. 

The night is very quiet and serene. Thunderstorms and rain with winds were predicted, but none has come of it. It's just as well. I doubt that anyone was ready for another deluge. The last time, roads and cellars were flooded and trees were blown over. So I don't mind a clear, quiet night at all. I'm sure lots of sighs of relief are being breathed. 

It's very pleasant to be up. I'm enjoying my time of feeling well very much. It's no wonder that I always want this to last as long as possible. These are the most pleasurable hours of the day and night.

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

 

Obsession...

I think I'm in a bit of trouble. I can't seem to do anything but be occupied with this blog. Already I have changed the template. I can't do anything else or concentrate on anything else. All day long I sit behind the computer and contemplate the blog and what I can do with it. There's no room in my head for anything else. I think I'm going slightly mad and I'm a bit worried about myself. I seem to be possessed. 

I have just taken my medication and am waiting for it to work. Maybe it will calm me down a bit, because I surely need calming down. I feel very tightly wound up and some of this energy needs to be released. Maybe writing about it will help and put things in perspective. It is just my luck that I should get crazy like this in the weekend when there's nobody to call, except the crisis line and I don't think I'm in a crisis yet. I must be crazier than this before I call them. 

I should have known something was up with my mood yesterday when I was so awfully sleepy all day long. Very often that signals a change in my mood. I didn't pay enough attention and wasn't aware enough to realize it. It bothers me that after all this time I still don't know this stuff until after the fact, looking back on it. It's good that I realize it now, but it would have been better if I had been prepared for it. 

I feel that I can't leave the computer, because I don't know what I will do with myself if I do. I must sit here and keep myself occupied with it and keep going back to look at this new blog. I will go nuts if I try to do anything else. I can't imagine myself doing anything else. All I can hope for is that I will get really tired and that I will go to sleep and stay asleep. I must rid myself of this obsessive behavior. 

The medication has started to work and has calmed me down a lot. As a matter of fact, I feel a bit sleepy now. That is good. I will put on my pajamas and bathrobe and be ready to go to bed in an instant. I worry about the night, though, and what it will bring. Will I feel so terrifically hypomanic again? 

Ciao,
Nora