I think I'm in a good enough frame of mind now to take a good look back at the past several days and see that I was probably in a hypo-manic state which I didn't come out of until yesterday afternoon after I finally slept for about five hours. I had been sleep deprived until that time and not in a position to think clearly.
I looked back on it with some horror, but realized that I had not done anything too stupid and that all of my actions were easily able to be set straight. I had not made any really big guffaws that involved other people and would require a lot of explanation. Nor had I spent a lot of money. I was saved by the bell again.
I remember feeling very good at the beginning of this period of madness, but becoming quite agitated as it continued and feeling very uncomfortable with it. Exhaustion was starting to show through and I could hardly keep up with myself, but felt compelled to nevertheless until I literally collapsed in my bed.
I built in a day of rest yesterday and took it very easy. I did the opposite of what I wanted to do, so I added a lot of rest periods and periods of silence and patience. I avoided anything that was too stimulating and avoided the computer most of all because that's where I had spent all my time.
I'm trying to keep myself on an even keel now and to not let things get out of hand again. I know what the pitfalls are and am going to avoid them.
My psychiatrist had warned me that I would have mood swings, but I had not expected them to be so severe. I really had not been properly prepared for this and was taken by surprise. I thought I was merely starting to feel better. Not that I was going to shoot into the sky like a rocket.
Now I'm sitting here with my inevitable cup of coffee trying to be as mellow and calm as I can be. I'm accepting this period in the night for what it is and that is a time out before I go to bed again to finish sleeping, which I will hopefully have the sense to do. I don't want to become so cocky that I will stay up again until morning and decide that I don't need to sleep. I'm not home free yet.
Ultra rapid cycling is an unpredictable monster that you don't want hiding in your closet. I hope I'm done with it quickly and I assume I'm bothered by it now because of the increase in my antidepressants. It must be my body's way of adjusting to the new dose. Hopefully I've seen the worst of it now and a warned woman counts for two.
The night is very quiet and serene. Thunderstorms and rain with winds were predicted, but none has come of it. It's just as well. I doubt that anyone was ready for another deluge. The last time, roads and cellars were flooded and trees were blown over. So I don't mind a clear, quiet night at all. I'm sure lots of sighs of relief are being breathed.
It's very pleasant to be up. I'm enjoying my time of feeling well very much. It's no wonder that I always want this to last as long as possible. These are the most pleasurable hours of the day and night.
I hope you're all having a good night.