Monday, January 24, 2011

If I can think of something...

I'm sitting here with my third cup of coffee, which probably won't prevent me from going to bed again later on, but I'm not supposed to, because my Belgian personal helper is going to be here this morning and I do have to be ready for her and not receive her all sleepy headed in my pajamas and bathrobe. That would happen, because the battery in my alarm clock is dead again and I really don't have another one now, so the alarm clock can't wake me up on time. I have to shower and get dressed before she gets here, that's part of the deal. She does keep me on my toes. It's all part of the effort to make a decent human being out of me. One that's presentable to the world and I think it's come to fruition so far, but then again, I was never a lost cause. 

Before I went to bed last night, I changed the sheets and it was a pleasure to lie down in bed and go to sleep. Of course, I didn't sleep long enough, but if I'm smart, I will last the rest of the day and save up all my need for sleep until tonight. I tell myself that this should not be too hard to do, but I wonder if I'm fooling myself? I can just see myself make attempts to stay off the sofa later this afternoon.  I suppose I will be drinking my pot of coffee today, but not to the point that I'm so wired that I can't calm down. I won't take it to that extreme. There is even a limit to how much coffee I can drink and be happy with. 

Because today is Monday, it feels like I'm going to participate in my own little rat race again. My rat race is not too fast and complicated, but it is in contrast to the lazy weekend when my time is my own. I have obligations during the week, although they can be seen as accomplishments that I achieve and that are good for my self esteem if I do. That's how I approach them anyway and I'm always very relieved at the end of the day when everything has gone well. God forbid that my life should be more complicated than it is. I manage things just fine now and get enough satisfaction out of them. Not much ought to be added to it. It would be like throwing a wrench into the works. 

I am getting a little tired of my personal helpers. I feel that I don't need them so much anymore and I'm starting to feel their presence as an interference and not an added value. They are becoming much too nosy and bossy for my taste and I'm not looking forward to their presence as much as I once did. I started to notice this once I started to reduce my medicines and I think  it maybe is because I've become less passive. I think they are taking away my autonomy which I so badly want. I will have to stand up for myself and let my own opinions count. I don't want anyone interfering with my independence and my sense of self destination. I don't think I need to depend that much on other people to give me a sense of direction and purpose.

Having said that, I think I will get the show on the road now. There are a few chores I have to do. 

Have a good day!



Gail said...

Be sure and discuss this with your doc before you send them away.

Bev said...

I agree with Gail. I think it does us all good to have visitors and they seem to be part of your routine now.

Having said that you seem to have your head in a very good place at the moment and are able to rationalise and deal with any problems coming your way.

By the way I would much appreciate a visitor to my blog! It's not a very good one but you can get to it if you google 'on another planet mark jack eleanor'. I only have Frances visiting at the moment and even she has disappeared at the moment!

Wisewebwoman said...

Hi Nora:
I second the motion of you getting in touch with the doc before making any decisions like this.
Visits from others are good, I need them in my life (no matter if they're Awful Elsie) to keep me social and amenable and CLEAN, LOL.