Sunday, January 2, 2011

Quiet Days...

I've spent a quiet day at home, not doing anything out of the ordinary but watching television and drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. I did open the bedroom window at one point to air out the place until it got too cold in here. I just turned up the thermostat and I'm waiting for my hands to get warm. I didn't realize that I had gotten so cold.

I did take Tyke out and we trudged through the melting snow. The ice is even melting and crunches when I step on it. Some people have cleaned their sidewalks. Other people have blocked the sidewalks with piles of snow from their driveways. That's real smart, isn't it? They're not the brightest bulbs in the package. 

I put out the trash early while I thought of it, because I forgot last week so I had two bags today. If I don't put it out while I think of it and put it off until later, I'm bound to forget about it, because the Exfactor always used to put out the trash and it's a job I'm still not used to doing regularly. You would think I would be now after two years, but I still have to make a point of it. There's always a little warning bell going off some time during the weekend that I must not forget it, but it doesn't usually go off at the right moment.

He also used to always pay the bills, but that was a job he disliked doing very much and paperwork was always put off until the very last minute. When I had to take that over all on my own, I immediately got very organized and found out all about it as quickly as I could. I'm very up to date on the bills and have most of them written off automatically so I don't forget anything. I do have a budget and stick to it closely. It's a responsibility I can handle, but then I only have to worry about my own expenses and I don't have a family to worry about. Like kids who make big demands or a husband who is high maintenance. 

I didn't used to know what was in the kitchen cabinets or in the kitchen closet, except the most necessary things. I came to find out, when I was living on my own, that there was a lot of junk there and that a lot of other places in the apartment held a lot of junk. A 'getting rid of stuff' process started and now I'm almost down to the basics and everything is accounted for. The Exfactor used to be in charge, but wasn't really capable of running the ship. He was the wrong person for it, because he was not capable of throwing anything out. Things got stowed everywhere and collected dirt and dust.

It's very strange to live in a place that you're not in charge of, while you're in fact the woman of the house. It's a very liberating realization when you do become in charge of it and fix things according to your own ideas and actually have the nerves to toss things out. You make huge discoveries and have light bulbs go on above your head and suddenly you see reason and become clear headed. Bless the day that I came to live on my own in this apartment. It is the best thing that happened to me in a long time. I guess you never would have thought that I'd say that one day, would you? 

It's very liberating to be a woman on your own, although it can be lonely at times and sometimes I do wish for a companion. I wouldn't want someone around me all the time, though. It would get on my nerves, because I do appreciate my independence and my privacy. I don't want to play house with anyone. I never was into that when I was a kid either. Neither did I play with dolls. I don't think I have huge bonding needs. They're not out of the ordinary anyway. I have a tendency to stick to myself and make do with my own company. Each person is an island, although part of an archipelago. You can build a bridge, but a bridge can be dismantled and then you can only swim across. 

I know someone who is a gregarious loner. It is something I would like to be, but I think I'm not gregarious enough yet. I need a little bit more humor in me. I take myself much too serious. Some day I'll be relaxed and wise enough to be one too. Then I'll be able to laugh at myself and see the humor of my own character. I'll be able to see the comedy that my own life also is. I'll approach mankind with laughter on my face. That will be my first expression. I have been told that I look naughty, like the cat that ate the mouse. But that's really my ironic look. Nobody knows this yet. Until now. 

Have a good evening.



Reggie said...

As usual...a smile on my face :-)

Sandra said...

You write beautifully.
And although you think you take yourself too seriously, I make fun of myself enough for an entire village. So you're off the hook.
You are deeply profound, I don't think I could keep up with you...but I'd make complete fun of myself while trying to.

Gail said...

I agree with Sandra, you write beautifully.

Sounds like you are getting your s--t together, which is more that I can say about myself.

David L Macaulay said...

love the post - think it would be great to be a gregarious loner

Wisewebwoman said...

Ah you've caught up with me, Miss Daisy, you are getting there. You've embraced your own reality and that is rule # 1 and rule #2. And you share it.
So very very well!

Connie Rose said...

Not only is it liberating, but IMO it's the ONLY way for a woman to be herself -- alone. There are far too many compromises when we're hooked up with someone else -- man or woman. More and more I am basking in the authority I have over my own life and choices.

Glad you're feeling strong about being on your own -- the loneliness passes eventually.


Bernie said...

Nora you sound really good! Love it
I too love my own company, love life and enjoy my own time. I do enjoy the friendships I have, and yes I laugh at myself a.lot.