Should haves...

I was supposed to have gone to bed a while ago, but then got caught up in changing the templates to my blogs. This got me so excited, that I'm wide awake again and now I have to settle down all over again. I'm having another glass of cold milk in the hope that it will work soothingly and make me sleepy like it usually does. 

Changing the templates was really a spur of the moment thing. I think I really didn't want to go back to bed and was looking for an excuse to stay up. I sometimes like a little bit of excitement in the middle of the night. I don't get very much of it anymore now that I've quit my tranquilizers, so I have to create some when I can. I do need my little highs every now and then. 

I'm starting to yawn, so there's hope yet. I will be able to sleep for a couple of hours before I have to get up. The fun and excitement will start at 9 am. 

Bed is never so enticing as when you've been up half the night and oh so difficult to get out of in the morning. I will have to set the alarm clock. It's got an irritating enough sound so I won't sleep through it, though I seem to remember that one time I was so stupefied that I did. It must have been because of the drugs. I'll blame everything on them. 

The cat and the dog have been very well behaved since I've been up, while they were so very irritating before that. I guess they don't like for me to sleep and prefer it if I keep watch over them. The dog's been spread out on the sofa and the cat's been sound asleep on the bed. Before that time they were bickering and keeping me awake. They are just like two ornery little kids. 

Since today is Monday, it's going to be one of those long days in which my time is not my own. I will be surrounded by other people. I only enjoy that up to a point. There's a limit to how much I can stand that. I do look forward already to the end of the afternoon when I will be on my own again. 

First I have to go back to bed. I'm not quite ready to, but I'm going to have to make the effort. I'll just force myself to go to bed and fall asleep. It will be a matter of willpower. It may possibly just be nice to get under the duvet and get warm and cozy.

Have a good day all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

Whatever feels right...

I've slept enough and I feel that I'm ready to face the day. I don't feel any dread because today is Monday. I'm excited about it, as a matter of fact. Not that there is anything in particular to be excited about. Nothing special is going to happen, except that the sun is going to shine today, although it will be cold, but that's a small price to pay for sunshine. 

It's been so dreary lately that I'll more than welcome the sun. I've seen enough gray skies for a while, even if no rain falls out of them. Some rain would have been nice, there would have been a purpose to all the clouds that covered the sky, although it's a good thing that the wintry showers that were predicted for yesterday didn't materialize. Snow and rain would not have been welcome. It's a good thing that the predictions turn out wrong so often. 

I visited my sister yesterday and had two cappuccinos and two Italian cookies that made me burp even though I dunked them, which made them very easy to eat. It's very hard to indulge in something good. It's best done when on my own, but I never have cookies in the apartment, especially not Italian ones. It does make me eat very little of something sinful. I don't need to worry about gaining weight because I'm over indulging. 

It was cold on my bike and I wore a scarf and gloves. There was a cold wind blowing. I pedaled as quickly as I could to get out of the cold.  Luckily, because it was Sunday, there was not a lot of traffic and I could go fast and not worry about getting into an accident. I hardly hit the brakes. All that exercise is good for my knee and the more I use it, the less it hurts. It's when I sit and do nothing that it starts to bother me. 

My nephew had borrowed some English language novels from me to read for his English class and he had settled on Beloved from Toni Morrison, which I think is an excellent book to read. I hope he enjoys it as much as I did and that he gets a good grade on it. It was not the book that I thought he was going to choose. I thought it was going to be too difficult for him to read. I put it in the selection because I thought it was a challenge. He took me up on it.

Tyke was very happy to see me when I came home. He wagged his whole body and we had quite a welcoming ceremony. Poor Gandhi didn't stand a chance. She had to be greeted later when things had calmed down and she could sit on my lap. The animals aren't alone much because I'm not gone very often, so it's a big deal when I have been. They act like abandoned children. 

I think I will go do some chores. I didn't do much yesterday on account of it being Sunday. Things do accumulate. 

Have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

If I can think of something...

I'm sitting here with my third cup of coffee, which probably won't prevent me from going to bed again later on, but I'm not supposed to, because my Belgian personal helper is going to be here this morning and I do have to be ready for her and not receive her all sleepy headed in my pajamas and bathrobe. That would happen, because the battery in my alarm clock is dead again and I really don't have another one now, so the alarm clock can't wake me up on time. I have to shower and get dressed before she gets here, that's part of the deal. She does keep me on my toes. It's all part of the effort to make a decent human being out of me. One that's presentable to the world and I think it's come to fruition so far, but then again, I was never a lost cause. 

Before I went to bed last night, I changed the sheets and it was a pleasure to lie down in bed and go to sleep. Of course, I didn't sleep long enough, but if I'm smart, I will last the rest of the day and save up all my need for sleep until tonight. I tell myself that this should not be too hard to do, but I wonder if I'm fooling myself? I can just see myself make attempts to stay off the sofa later this afternoon.  I suppose I will be drinking my pot of coffee today, but not to the point that I'm so wired that I can't calm down. I won't take it to that extreme. There is even a limit to how much coffee I can drink and be happy with. 

Because today is Monday, it feels like I'm going to participate in my own little rat race again. My rat race is not too fast and complicated, but it is in contrast to the lazy weekend when my time is my own. I have obligations during the week, although they can be seen as accomplishments that I achieve and that are good for my self esteem if I do. That's how I approach them anyway and I'm always very relieved at the end of the day when everything has gone well. God forbid that my life should be more complicated than it is. I manage things just fine now and get enough satisfaction out of them. Not much ought to be added to it. It would be like throwing a wrench into the works. 

I am getting a little tired of my personal helpers. I feel that I don't need them so much anymore and I'm starting to feel their presence as an interference and not an added value. They are becoming much too nosy and bossy for my taste and I'm not looking forward to their presence as much as I once did. I started to notice this once I started to reduce my medicines and I think  it maybe is because I've become less passive. I think they are taking away my autonomy which I so badly want. I will have to stand up for myself and let my own opinions count. I don't want anyone interfering with my independence and my sense of self destination. I don't think I need to depend that much on other people to give me a sense of direction and purpose.

Having said that, I think I will get the show on the road now. There are a few chores I have to do. 

Have a good day!

Ciao,

Nora