Thursday, February 17, 2011

Moving along quietly...

I feel serenity as I sit here in the middle of the night behind the computer with a cup of coffee. It's a very pleasant feeling and I'm grateful for it. I feel it often enough to know that I can count on it and I sure appreciate its regular presence in my life. I often wished for it when I was younger and now that I'm older and wiser and appreciative, I'm glad that it's part of my daily life. 

I have long moments throughout the day and night that I'm struck by this feeling of serenity and contentment. I find myself blessed by it. I don't analyze it, but accept it for what it is, and that is the complete absence of aggravation and stress. Some things are attainable in the end and serenity is one of them. I hope that I will always find contentment in the sheer act of being alive. 

I find that I'm happiest in my own company and that the feeling of serenity is strongest when I'm all by myself. I do enjoy the time spent with other people, but it doesn't have to be long. An hour or so is more than enough. It's like getting your tank filled and cruising along down the road on your own and enjoying the scenery, though the scenery I see is all in my head and is made up of uncomplicated thoughts and images.

I do get pulled off my path by daily life as it happens with its minor complications, but I try to keep the chances of that happening to a minimum. My whole life is carefully tuned to avoid major obstacles. I find that the big ones are those that take place in my own head and I can realign them. Painful memories are the ones that come to mind immediately, but I've found a way to deal with them. I no longer get bogged down in them. 

It's been two days since the last reduction in my anti-depressives and I've had no adverse reactions yet, but then again, I wasn't expecting any. I do these reductions with a lot of optimism and with the assumption that all will be well. I do anticipate some possible reactions, but just assume that I will deal with them and so far there have been no really bad ones. 

Once in a while I think I feel something unpleasant and I'm somewhat on edge, but it is of a passing nature and something I get through and it is not serious enough to break my head over. I get over it by sitting in my armchair quietly and doing a bit of meditating while all around me it is silent. It is not too hard to get into this state of mind having enough experience with it now. 

At least my first reaction to an unpleasant feeling isn't to reach for a pill to make it go away. I have enough faith in myself to know it will pass on its own and that it's temporary as all feelings are. I can always aim for the higher goal of serenity and exist in that sphere. There's seldom a need to panic.

I think I will go back to bed. I'm sufficiently sleepy now. My bed is still the best place to be early in the morning. 

Have a good day all of you.



Bev said...

You sound really contented Irene!

May you enjoy your day!

Twain12 said...

sounds great my friend...i thing serenity is the best feeling

Nora said...

I hope you are enjoying your day too, Bev.


Maggie May said...

I'm glad you have faith in yourself.
Hope today went well and that you will find the rest of the week will be fine, too.
Maggie X

Nuts in May