In the early morning...

After a not so terribly sleep filled night. I'm sitting here early in the morning with my second cup of coffee being wide awake again. Apparently, my need to sleep was not so great and what little I did get was enough. 

It wasn't the dog who woke me up. He was sound asleep on the bed beside me. So was the cat. I woke up all by myself in a sweat and had to get up to cool off. I sat here in my pajamas for a while until I had. I just now put on my bathrobe and the heater isn't even on. 

It was not such a cold night and it isn't very chilly in the apartment, even though the living room windows are open at the top to air out the place. I only have the heater on sometimes for short periods of time. Just enough so when it does get cold in here, I can heat the apartment up a little bit. I'm not going to make the energy company very happy. I won't be their favorite customer. 

Today is going to be a very uneventful day because I have no appointments and nobody coming over. That is, unless the optician calls me to tell me that my glasses are ready. Then I'll go downtown on my bike to pick them up. Yesterday it was two weeks since I ordered them and it's about time that they are ready. 

I think waiting two weeks for a pair of glasses is an awful long time. I wouldn't have gone to this particular optician if I had known this ahead of time. I could easily have gone to another one or even have gone back to Specsavers where I had gone originally. I'm sure I would have had them by now. 

At any rate, I'm going to have to fill the day in a useful and entertaining manner. I will have to think of things to do that will keep me occupied. I will pretend to be a good housewife and look for chores to do. And I will definitely be a good pet owner and take the dog for many long walks. The weather will be nice enough for it anyway. 

I'm thirsty and I would drink a glass of cold milk now, but milk hasn't been agreeing with my stomach. It's a darn shame because I like cold milk very much and, besides coffee, it's my favorite beverage. My stomach revolts against milk and absolutely rejects it and I think that's a clear sign that I should not drink it. 

I will again have to start drinking rooibos tea and green tea with lemon now that I'm over that stomach bug. Nothing was agreeing with me when I had that. Even a glass of water was painful to drink. That sure had me confused until I figured out that I must be sick. I thought I was having some sort of a problem because of my gastric band. 

I don't associate being sick with myself. I so rarely am, that I don't expect to be. I have an occasional chest cold that is a little bronchial, but it happens only once a year and I get over it in no time. I miss out, as a rule, on all the viruses and other things that go around every winter. Everybody around me gets sick and I hardly ever do. I also don't get a flu shot and now there's even doubt about the sense of it. 

I must knock on wood.

It's time to get the day started. I must find some interesting and warm clothes to wear. I'm sure that will be no problem, organized as I am. As soon as it gets light enough, I will take the dog for a walk. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

And now for something really different...

It's early in the morning before dawn, but I find myself awake already. I'm more than ready for the day to start and I don't know why that is either. It's not as if I have a heck of a lot of interesting things to do today. I'll have to find ways in which to amuse myself so I won't get bored.

Of course, I'm still yawning, so I'm not as awake as I claim to be. That may be just a sign of the remnants of my sleep though. I'm having a cup of coffee and it may take care of that soon. If I do fail to wake up properly after all, I will go back to bed, but I'm not counting on it. 

I have taken my medicines and my vitamins and those are such big pills that I'll have to wait before I can eat breakfast. They will have to pass my gastric band first. I will have to wait for about an hour.  Then I have to decide which of the foods that I have available to me I'm going to eat for breakfast. 

It can be anything, as long as I feel like eating it. It's just a matter of getting my nutrients in for today and in what order I want to do that. I will have to wait until an hour from now and see what I feel like eating then. Maybe I will just have a plum. I hope they are a little more ripe than they were yesterday. 

I'm finishing up the last of the milk in my coffee. After that there will be no more milk and I'll have to drink my coffee black or with powdered creamer. I'm undecided which I will do. I think they are both bad choices that I'll have to get used to. 

I'm thinking of going with the black coffee because I used to drink my coffee black. I think in the end it will be the simplest choice and I'm not all that fond of powdered creamer. It does have an artificial taste. It will be easier to just pour a cup of black coffee. 

Right, I'll go see what other kind of trouble I can get into. I hope you'll all have a great day. And nice weather, of course. 

Ciao,

Nora

Midnight thoughts...

I was sound asleep lying on my back, but I got a major wet burp all the way up into my nose and it tasted very bad. It nearly choked me and woke me up very quickly. I don't know why I have these weird things happening to me, but I blame it on my gastric band and the glass of milk I had before I went to sleep. It tasted good going down, but I can't say the same thing about it coming up. 

Needless to say, I was wide awake after that and ready to get up. Any excuse will do, really. I don't need much convincing to get up out of bed in the middle of the night. It's my pleasure completely. Luckily, it's not cold in the apartment and I'm wearing warm enough pajamas and socks, so I'm very comfortable.

The reason I was wearing socks to bed was because I had rubbed that good smelling lotion on my feet again after not having done so for a while. I had not quite made it a habit yet and as a result had gotten rough feet again. The lotion softens your feet very quickly and does your hands at the same time. It has a delicious scent that lasts for a long time and I can still smell it on my hands now.

I put clean sheets on the bed and had looked forward to going to sleep very much. I think I must not have been tired enough to have woken up so easily, though I didn't take a nap in the afternoon because I spent it with my sister and her friend. I slept late in the morning and only reluctantly got up. I had to double check to make sure I was really done sleeping so I would not be in a bad mood. 

I immediately made coffee and turned on the TV for some cultural programming. Luckily, I was still on time for that, though I watched some very boring avant garde music being played. I know you're supposed to like that, but I didn't. The musicians put in a lot of effort for some very uninteresting music. The body language was there and so were the facial expressions, but the product was a flop. You can't win them all. 

I put on my harem pants, but realized later on in the day that they don't show at all how skinny I am now, so I'm not going to wear them any more. I'm only going to wear my skinny jeans from now on and I have three pairs of them. There's always at least one clean pair. The harem pants have gotten way to big on me, although they are very comfortable to wear. I do have other choices of things to wear. The harem pants are going on the stack of obsolete clothes. The steadily growing stack. 

I'm drinking ice cold milk now and any moment my frontal lobe is going to freeze up and I won't be able to think straight. At least I'm not quite getting an ice cream headache. It does make me quite giddy, all that cold milk. I can never get enough of it. The first glass is empty in no time at all, but you must think of all the nighttime snacks I don't eat because of it. I would have to eat chocolates or something to get the same amount of satisfaction. Belgian bonbons would taste real good now. Instead I'll have another glass of milk. 

I'm not at all going to worry about tomorrow when the personal helper and the domestic help are going to be here. Or when my SPN is going to call me at 9 o'clock in the morning and I have to be coherent. I'll have to set the alarm clock for that so I'll at least have had a cup of coffee. It may be difficult to get up, but I'll have to manage it somehow. I hope I won't be grumpy. 

I was quite organized and even remembered to put out the trash. I've also got all the laundry drying on the rack in the bathroom. If I do another load tomorrow, I will be able to hang it outside. That is, if I'm that ambitious and go looking for laundry. 

I think I'll go back to bed now. I've rattled on long enough about nothing important at all. There are enough hours left to get some sleep. Bed is still an inviting place to go to. I just hope the milk doesn't back up into my nose again. 

Have a good morning when you get up. I hope you'll have good weather and I leave that open to your interpretation, 

Ciao,

Nora

Catch up...

I had told myself that I couldn't spend any time behind the computer during daylight hours. This was to control the amount of time I spent behind it and the amount of drivel I wrote in my posts. I figured with the amount of sleeping that I was doing in the nighttime hours now, that would put a severe cramp on my style, but I hadn't counted on the odd night that I would wake up early and sit here anyway, just like I used to. 

I woke up because of a long fit of coughing from acid reflux that was due to my gastric band. Sometimes that happens if I've eaten just a little bit too much during dinner. It's very irritating and doesn't stop until I've gotten up and due to gravity everything has settled down again. Having something to drink helps too. 

It puts a dent in my sleeping pattern, but I don't mind being up that much once the coughing stops. It does give me a chance to sit behind the computer since I can't during the day, or so I've told myself. I really have to find other ways to amuse myself during the day and get over the habit of automatically turning on the computer the moment I think I have nothing better to do and, most importantly, writing one unnecessary post after the other.

I find that I'm much more relaxed during the day if I'm not constantly turning on the computer and writing posts. It's much better if the whole notion is out of my head. I'm not neurotically sitting down explaining every detail of my life, which I have a tendency to do in order to try to be amusing. That way everything becomes scrutinized and I feel that my whole life is up for judgment. That's my own fault, of course. I make it that way. I know I can be much more enigmatic than that and that everything doesn't need to be explained into the minutest detail.

I do miss out on reading other blogs and leaving comments and that's something I'm going to have to rectify tonight while I have the chance. It's worth the missing hours of sleep, which I'll catch up on anyway in the morning. Sometimes It's okay to be up in the middle of the night, providing you get enough sleep later and you don't make a habit out of it like I had. I find that if I sleep well during the night, I do much better during the day. But I do want to visit my blogging buddies. I don't want them to think I have forsaken them. 

So, without much further ado, that's what I'll go do now. I hope you're all sound asleep or if not, that you're having a pleasant evening, whichever timezone you're in. 

Ciao,

Nora

Whatever feels right...

I've slept enough and I feel that I'm ready to face the day. I don't feel any dread because today is Monday. I'm excited about it, as a matter of fact. Not that there is anything in particular to be excited about. Nothing special is going to happen, except that the sun is going to shine today, although it will be cold, but that's a small price to pay for sunshine. 

It's been so dreary lately that I'll more than welcome the sun. I've seen enough gray skies for a while, even if no rain falls out of them. Some rain would have been nice, there would have been a purpose to all the clouds that covered the sky, although it's a good thing that the wintry showers that were predicted for yesterday didn't materialize. Snow and rain would not have been welcome. It's a good thing that the predictions turn out wrong so often. 

I visited my sister yesterday and had two cappuccinos and two Italian cookies that made me burp even though I dunked them, which made them very easy to eat. It's very hard to indulge in something good. It's best done when on my own, but I never have cookies in the apartment, especially not Italian ones. It does make me eat very little of something sinful. I don't need to worry about gaining weight because I'm over indulging. 

It was cold on my bike and I wore a scarf and gloves. There was a cold wind blowing. I pedaled as quickly as I could to get out of the cold.  Luckily, because it was Sunday, there was not a lot of traffic and I could go fast and not worry about getting into an accident. I hardly hit the brakes. All that exercise is good for my knee and the more I use it, the less it hurts. It's when I sit and do nothing that it starts to bother me. 

My nephew had borrowed some English language novels from me to read for his English class and he had settled on Beloved from Toni Morrison, which I think is an excellent book to read. I hope he enjoys it as much as I did and that he gets a good grade on it. It was not the book that I thought he was going to choose. I thought it was going to be too difficult for him to read. I put it in the selection because I thought it was a challenge. He took me up on it.

Tyke was very happy to see me when I came home. He wagged his whole body and we had quite a welcoming ceremony. Poor Gandhi didn't stand a chance. She had to be greeted later when things had calmed down and she could sit on my lap. The animals aren't alone much because I'm not gone very often, so it's a big deal when I have been. They act like abandoned children. 

I think I will go do some chores. I didn't do much yesterday on account of it being Sunday. Things do accumulate. 

Have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

Storm...

It's storming outside, making it feel cold inside too while it really isn't. It just makes you feel that way. The wind is noisily blowing down the street. I feel chilled even with my warm bathrobe on. It sounds like an autumn storm in February. At least it's not nearly cold enough to freeze, so that's a blessing. We do have to keep looking at the  positive side of things. It just as easily could be cold and snowing now, because it is the time of year for it and last year it did.

For a change I slept through the night while I dreamed many interesting dreams and woke up a couple of times in a sweat, but went back to sleep again immediately. I was very busy during the night, you might say. I even attempted to speak Spanish, but it came out as French. I never did learn enough Spanish to get around well, not even in my dreams. I keep dreaming about my first ex-husband who then proceeds to have pity parties and tries to make me feel guilty and do things I don't want to do. I do resist him and stick to my guns. I don't like dreaming about him and wonder why I still do. I must have some unfinished business with him. 

I'm having my cups of coffee now and very welcome they are too. I was fully awake when I got up, but I do need my coffee to really start functioning. I think I've had enough now and that I will switch to cold milk, because I'm thirsty.I would drink lemonade or juice if they would agree with my stomach better. Milk seems to settle the best, but everything makes me burp. That's because in my eagerness to quench my thirst, I drink it quickly. 

I always wake up with a very sore knee, but once I get up and start moving around, it gets better. It's when I sit in one position too long that it starts to bother me. Especially sleeping seems to be the worst thing for it. I sleep on my side and must lie in a way that hurts my knee the most. I don't get the feeling that it's getting better, but I suppose that I have to be patient. I am a middle aged lady, after all, and things may take longer to heal.

I ended up not going to my psychiatrist yesterday, because my appointment was for in the evening and I didn't feel like going out in the dark and cold weather. I canceled it and made a new appointment for next week during the day. That means I'm staying on these doses of medicines for now. That's okay. There's no need to rush the reductions. I just now feel that I'm at ease with the latest reduction, because I was a little bit wobbly every once in a while, although I wasn't sure it was because of that. It could have been because of anything. It's better to wait a while and to be sure of myself.

I went to my sister yesterday afternoon and had espressos and Italian cookies. The espressos always perk me up wonderfully and I don't need coffee for the rest of the day. The cookies were good, they were made of whole wheat flour  and only my gastric band prevented me from eating more than two of them. Which reminds me that I forgot to go on the bathroom scale this morning. Apparently I'm not clearheaded enough to think of that. 

The Exfactor is supposed to be here today and so is the domestic help. I will have to clean up the kitchen and change my bed before that time. Another load of laundry is just what I need. At least I feel awake enough to tackle that. 

Here's hoping you'll all have a good day!

Ciao,

Nora

The 101st post.

Post 100 went by without me realizing it. I would have had a big celebration with party hats and balloons, but I'm too late now. I could still have a cupcake, but where can you buy just one cupcake? I would have to get at least three and feel obliged to eat them all, or two of them anyway and give the other one to Tyke who doesn't need one. I'll have to properly celebrate the 200th post and have people over to share in the fun and buy a real cake. That's a good plan and gets me off the hook for now.

I just woke up from a nap on my bed. It was very comforting and beneficial. I was feeling cold and fuzzy brained before I took it and now feel restored back to normal, whatever that is by any measure. I think that when you say you feel 'normal,' everybody knows what that means. It's a universally accepted state of being, as opposed to feeling 'crazy' which is not okay. Taking a nap can make you feel perfectly normal. In my case it always seems to work well. At any rate, I'm full of good cheer now. 

No doubt I'm full of good cheer because it's Friday evening and the weekend has officially started. I feel myself bathed in good vibes. I couldn't feel better if I were going out to the pub tonight with a bevy of my best pals and was going to drink six pale ales. That would be about my limit if I were going to ride my bike home. 

Luckily, I have to do no such thing and I get to stay in the warm apartment and not have to brave the freezing temperatures outside, although a pale ale would taste awfully good right now and I have none in the refrigerator. That is my bad luck and I should plan ahead better. I will ask the Exfactor to pick me up a six-pack the next time he goes grocery shopping. 

The good thing is that it's nice and warm in here. I aired out the apartment earlier today and pretended that the cold air didn't bother me. There was very little sunshine on the windows, because the sun is still so low in the sky that I'm plunged in shade in the afternoon. The apartment was aired out, at least to my sense of smell it was, but it sure was chilly in here. I wore almost enough clothes, but Tyke started shivering. 

I quickly closed the windows and turned up the thermostat. I was ready to knit Tyke a sweater. I think he was grateful as it heated up in here. I sure was glad about it. I'm not much of a hero when it comes to extremes of temperatures, unless I'm dressed like Scott on Antarctica. My nose is not sensitive enough to know how it really smells in here now. I'm so used to nicotine. I'm sure only I can live with it or the occasional visitor who also smokes. 

Since I'm not having a cold glass of beer, I'm having a cup of freshly brewed coffee, which is not bad either, although I would have preferred the beer. What a choice that is on a Friday night. Coffee or beer, really! Come to think of it, though, there's an awful lot of carbonation in beer and no doubt it will make me burp something terrible. That's something you always have to take into consideration when you have a gastric band. It won't be so bad when I burp, I will be here on my own anyway, but there may be some discomfort involved. I don't know if I'm willing to undergo that. Maybe I should let it sit and go flat first.

I'm going to hang up a load of freshly washed laundry before I forget. It will make it smell good in here. At least, that's my fervent hope. 

Ciao,

Nora

Drinking coffee early in the morning...

I got up early, though I had not gone to sleep until 10 pm, and doubtlessly that means I will have to take a nap later today. I may try to stay up and save any tiredness that I feel for the nighttime and try and sleep really well then. I'll have to wait and see how well I do today. 

Someone mentioned, on an other blog, that your need for sleep changes as you get older and that you need less of it at night. It would be nice if I could blame my short nights on that. I remember my parents always needing a nap in the afternoon as they got older. Maybe that applies to me. Maybe I am an older person now, though I would hate to think of myself that way. 

Maybe it is all a very personal matter and it depends on your individual internal clock and how it is set. Mine seems to be set for shorter nights, with an occasional exception, and naps in the afternoon. I'm sure there is no good or bad or right or wrong, but just a system that works well for each person. You have to accept what works for you and live with that, as long as you get enough sleep in the end and you don't do all of it during the day, like I was doing for a while because of the tranquilizers. 

I had a very satisfying session with my SPN yesterday morning in which I closed the chapter of my first marriage, because I think I'm done with it.  I've gained a lot of understanding about it and about my own role in it.  I can look back and see how events unfolded and why things happened the way they did and why it ended the way it did. I've been relieved of a huge burden that I carried with me for a lot of years and that really weighed me down. 

I'll be moving on to the next chapter and that is my marriage to the Exfactor, which needs to be discussed, though it is not nearly as pressing as my first marriage was. Having said that, I wonder what's going to come to the surface in those talks, because a lot of things happened in our marriage that are not so admirable from the side of either party. There's not going to be a blaming game going on. Just an attempt at understanding. 

I've had my coffee in the meantime and I have switched to cold milk. It's making me burp something awful and I'm a regular orchestra all by myself. Tyke and Gandhi are the only audience members, so I don't have to be embarrassed. 

My head's still on awfully straight. I haven't stopped being sensible yet. I don't know what's come over me. I don't know how long this is going to last, but I better take advantage of it and do sensible things.  One sensible thing I'm going to do now is get dressed and walk the dog. At least I will get that out of the way.

Have a nice day!

Ciao,

Nora

The awakening...

I've just had 2 cups of coffee, but because of my gastric band I'm awfully full and I'll have to wait with my third cup for a while. I can't drink it now, because I feel a lot of pressure on my esophagus. Sometimes that's the way things go and I'll have to wait for everything to drain down to my stomach.

Anyway, it's early in the morning and for a change I didn't get up in the middle of the night. Well, I did to go to the toilet, but I had enough sense to go back to bed so as to not upset my natural rhythm. At least, what is supposed to be my natural rhythm. If I can just have the sense to keep doing this, I will be in much better shape during the day and not have to sleep so much. 

I will be able to to do this as long as I don't get a hypo-manic mood and upset the applecart. That's what it all revolves around. I had a few moments last night when I was lying in bed, when I felt like getting up and not going to sleep, but I talked myself out of it and stayed in bed. I can make myself hypo-manic by doing something like that, by giving in to the feeling. So, a lot of it depends on my attitude too and if I can resist the urge for a heightened mood. 

Yesterday went by very quickly for a Sunday. Of course, I spent a large part of it asleep, after I went back to bed early in the morning. I slept until noontime and woke myself up slowly with a cup of coffee in my armchair. Tyke was sitting on my lap, because he thinks he's a lap dog. He's a little bit too large to actually be one, but I don't let him know this.

I took about an hour to come to my senses and then turned on the computer and got dressed. Outside it was raining cats and dogs. Even Tyke didn't want to go outside. He did a piddle by the back door, against the tree closest to the apartment, and scooted back inside. 

I spent time answering emails and reading blogs. I drank milk and juice because I was so thirsty. I knew I was going to have coffee with my sister and didn't want to have any at home. During the day, a little bit of coffee goes a long way, even though I make it less strong now. I've been drinking less coffee and making the ground coffee last a lot longer. 

At three o'clock my sister came and got me and we drove to her house where her dog greeted me enthusiastically. I always make a big deal out of greeting him as if he's the most important person there. He gets his ball and I have to try and get it from him. He's just like Tyke. Different dog, same behavior. 

My sister and I got up to date with each other because, although we had talked on the phone, there's always a lot we have to discuss face to face. We never run out of material to talk about. Of course, just by being females we share a lot. More than anything, that's what we have in common. Being ex-wives and mothers and modern women in today's society and being politically aware, all those sort of things bind us. 

No, I promised myself I wouldn't get into deeper discussions than this on my blogs. I have many opinions, but I'm not going to air them. I will keep those to myself. This is not that kind of a forum. I will keep this shallow and self centered. 

My sister made me cafe au lait, which was delicious and very kind to my stomach. She had chocolate and little cakes, both of which I resisted and I was proud of myself. If I'm going to stick to a sensible diet, I'm not going to blow it at the first opportunity I get. My system likes me a lot better if I don't eat those things. I do have to keep that in mind. 

It had stopped raining just before three o'clock, so when I got home I immediately walked Tyke, who took full advantage of the opportunity and I walked him again later on in the evening, although that was a less rewarding trip. It was cold out too, because the layer of clouds was gone, causing what little warmth there was to disappear.  It's time for warmer clothes again. I'm all set in that department. I have no shortage of them. 

I watched the 5km speed skating and saw a Dutchman win, which was gratifying and he was a nice guy too, which makes it even better. I'll cheer for anybody who has a sympathetic character, especially if he's Dutch, but really anybody if he's a good sportsman. Or she, of course. I do like to watch speed skating, as I think it's such a graceful and powerful sport at the same time.  

It's time to get dressed and walk Tyke. It 43F out there, so I must dress warm. It will be nice to get some fresh air, but I'm not looking forward to the cold. 

I hope you all have a nice day.

Ciao,
Nora

Several cups of coffee later...

I'm all done drinking coffee for this morning. I've had almost three cups and that is about my limit. That's all I can handle. I have to switch to milk or juice next. I'm awfully thirsty, so whatever it's going to be, it is going to be a tall glassful. 

I've been sitting here for a while, completely wasting my time. I haven't got anything to show for it. But then again, I am allowed to have completely wasteful times too. I can't always be productive. Sometimes I sit behind the computer and I'm sunk deep in thought instead of writing or reading. A thought will hit me and I can spend some time turning it this way and that in my mind, until I'm done with it and lock it up some place safe. 

It's completely quiet outside. It's not storming nor raining, although I know it is going to again later today. At least it's not going to be so awfully cold. We won't have to worry about the rain turning into snow the way it did in Scandinavia. Thank goodness for that. The rain doesn't actually come down in a deluge and sometimes it's blown horizontally by the wind. I noticed that last night when I was riding my bike home from the gas station. I got it straight in my face. It would have been pleasant had it been summertime. 

I'm drinking a glass of juice, but it's making me burp something awful. It sounds like a regular factory at work. When you have a gastric band, you can never consume anything noiselessly. There are always sound effects. You constantly have to say: "Oh, excuse me." But to you it is the most normal thing in the world. I've gotten so used to making noise when I eat and drink, that I almost forget to apologize. I could never have tea and cakes with the queen, because I would constantly be burping. Not that I'm expecting an invitation. 

I've got my bathrobe on, because it did cool off in here a bit and I didn't want to turn on the heater. I'm going back to bed in a little while to sleep some more. I had a short night and woke up in a sweat again. I must talk to my doctor about that. 

I've let Tyke outside in the pitch dark and he wouldn't come back inside. I had to go get him on my bare feet on the wet patio that's strewn with leaves. I don't know what he found out there, but he was very interested in something. He still wants to go outside now, but I won't let him until it gets light. I want to see what he found. Maybe it is a hedgehog. 

Alright, I've just taken my medicines and I'm going back to bed. I am sleepy now. It will be nice to get under the clean covers and spend a few more hours sleeping. 

I wish you all a good morning. 

Ciao,
Nora