A repeat performance...

It's in the middle of the night of Thursday going on Friday. Actually, it's officially Friday already, so I will stick to that. It's a much more optimistic point of view. The fact is that I like it being Friday instead of Thursday because it's almost the weekend. I will do a few chores in the morning before the domestic help gets here and then I will be home free. And then, ha ha (laughing wickedly), I will have the weekend all to myself to do with as I please. 

No doubt I'll fill it with all sorts of interesting things to do such as take naps and watch TV and walk the dog and sit and meditate in my armchair. That is if everything goes well. If I can sustain the mood I'm in. That's the crucial ingredient. I must be well tempered. That means keeping my mood as balanced as I can get.

At least I can treat myself to a pleasant night sat behind the computer with a nice cup of coffee. That's one way to get into a good mood. Nobody can take that away from me. I will have the agreeable experience of it and I'm enjoying that a lot. 

There's no real reason why I should enjoy it this night more than others, because I do enjoy them regularly anyway. Except last night when I was in a minor mood and nothing came of writing a post, but there have to be exceptions to the rule.

There's no need to over analyze this. Everybody has their ups and downs and I'm no different. Some nights you are full of goodwill and some nights you had better go back to bed, even if it means having a somewhat sleepless night until the morning when you properly fall asleep. 

It's with some amount of contentment that I sit here now and write down whatever enters my head, although I do try to make rhyme and reason of it. I don't want to sound completely like a ship set adrift. I do want to make some sense. 

No doubt the coffee is keeping me on the straight and narrow. It does have the tendency to keep my mind focused. At least it prevents me from drifting away from the subject at hand too much. 

But what was the subject at hand? It seems to me that I had not quite chosen one. I think I was just rambling on in a general sort of way and was not really focused on anything in specific. Maybe it's impossible for me to do that right now. There's nothing really pressing on my mind.

All I know is that I have to do the dishes this morning and do a load of laundry and dry it outside on the clothes lines. That will give me a good reason to change the bed again tonight and I can't do that often enough for my taste. The weather is going to be beautiful today and there will be no excuse not to hang the laundry outside. It should be dry in no time because it will be most pleasant out there.

Those are the calls of duty which I'm at liberty to ignore right now because it's not the right time to give heed to them. I've got some sleeping left to do first. It's with some reluctance that I'm going to go back to bed because I'm not nearly ready to. 

It's too bad that reality always creeps into your middle of the night musings. It's that sense of responsibility that calls you back to order. It's too bad that it's so exaggerated. I wish I had a little less of it. 

If you're still up, I hope you're having a good evening. If you're asleep, I hope you'll have a good morning. 

Ciao,

Nora

Late night thoughts...

My sister had given me a package of organically grown coffee and I made a pot of it just now, but I have to say that I don't like the taste of it very much. I made it just as strong as I made the regular coffee, but it doesn't pack a punch. You can't look a gift horse in the mouth and I will finish it all up, although it is with a bit of resistance. Maybe I will get used to the taste of it after a few pots, but organically grown is not necessarily better.

It was coffee she no longer used because she has a complicated Krupp machine now that makes all sorts of coffee and grinds whole beans. Before that, I never thought I had a decent cup of coffee at her house, but I thought she was just not very good at making coffee. Now I understand why that was. She made the coffee too weak and it was organic. Another mystery solved. 

Her Italian friend tweaked the Krupp machine yesterday and fixed me a most excellent cappuccino in a tall glass that I really savored, so I know now to always have him make my cappuccinos. It must be because he's Italian that he knows how to fix them so well. The milk was foamed to perfection.

As we speak a mixture of Dutch and English and Italian when we are together, we are all starting to understand each other in these languages. We switch from one to another without realizing that we do, although I'm very limited in Italian. I did guess the correct word for pillow, which is 'il cushino.'  

We sat in the garden in the sunshine and as I sat with my back towards the sunlight, I've got a tan line there and on my shoulders. My dress was low cut in the back. The fence blocked the cool wind that was blowing and it was lovely. We moved our chairs as the shade of the house moved across the garden. 

On the fields by my apartment, the dandelions have all gone to seed, but the daisies are still blooming. There is also purple clover now and there are yellow buttercups all over. I've even see the first pink poppies. It is a joy to walk the dog and to discover the new wildflowers. There are some other very small ones in different colors, but they are so little, that they hardly show up. There are bees buzzing around now too, but luckily I have no fear of them. I've never been stung by one. 

All in all, it was a wonderful lazy day yesterday as Sundays should be. It was truly a day of rest and I didn't even get around to doing the dishes that I should have done. I was also going to change my bed, but I didn't get around to that either. Those will be jobs for today. That's what Mondays are for, after all. I do have a clean set of sheets and pillow cases. It's the pillow cases that I always run out of. I have to get more of those with four pillows on my bed.

I'm truly thankful for the mood I find myself in. It's neither high nor low, but nicely in between. I guess I'm doing something right. If only I could figure out what the magic ingredients are, I would keep adding them every day. I would subtract whatever did not fit into the picture. It's such a relief to be balanced. I'd wish for it every day. I suppose that would bring me the greatest happiness. 

I've had a glass of milk, but the taste of that coffee is still in the back of my mouth. It really isn't very good. I think that maybe I will just keep it for emergencies. There's no sense in drinking something against your will. That's not what life is all about. You always need to find the most enjoyable experience as long as you don't hurt anyone with it. I'm sure my sister won't mind if I don't like her coffee. I don't think she was too thrilled about it herself, but bought it out of a sense of responsibility. She had a wacky little coffeemaker when she moved to her new house until the Krupp machine arrived.

I've got to think about going to bed, although I'm not nearly ready to. I'm enjoying the peace of the nighttime too much. 

I hope you're all sleeping tightly or are about to. 

Ciao,

Nora

Taking advantage of the mood...

If it hadn't been for the dog gently waking me up because he had to go out, I would still be asleep, I am convinced of it. Once I stood by the back door in the cool night air waiting for him to get done, I was awake and ready to stay up. I tried to go back to bed and fall asleep again, but I was unsuccessful. My brain was functioning and ready to do something active. 

The fact that the dog was on the bed also licking my face didn't help. He wanted me to get up and keep him company. He always wants a certain amount of attention in the middle of the night as if we have to re-bond again. He is a spoiled dog. He's used to my funny schedule and thinks that is normal and he wants me to stick to it. If I sleep too long, he becomes concerned and wakes me up. He's sound asleep on the coffee table now. 

I may as well take advantage of the good mood that I always have during the night and that seems to be so elusive during the day. It is only present in little chunks of time, but seems very hard to keep a hold of. I struggle most of the day and fight off the feeling of depression for a lot of it. I'm not really happy until the evening when the sun comes down and I feel that I can relax and put my pajamas on. I find life to be mostly a struggle of trying to stay balanced and being unable to.

At night I am relaxed and even tempered and I feel that I can be myself without any of the stress that I feel during the day. Obviously, I'm a nighttime person. It's mostly the fact that I have a dog that needs to be walked that forces me up and about during the day. I'd gladly spend a large time of the day in my lounge wear taking a nap whenever the mood struck me. That would be mostly when my mood became unbearable and I could not see the forest for the trees. 

I would very much like to take some medication during the day that would take the stress away that's almost constantly gnawing at me and that prevents me from functioning well. I'm getting tired of the struggle and don't want to do it anymore. There has to be an easier way. 

I think I will go back to bed now and get some more sleep. The worst part is that when I wake up, the day will have started. I'll have to arm myself against it. Somehow I have to make it through it and make the best of it, no matter the thoughts in my head. 

Ciao,

Nora