The charm of the season...

Today it's supposed to be 34C with the occasional thunderstorm. It will feel like it is 98F. That's more than hot enough for me because it will be humid too. Tomorrow the temperatures will be normal again and it will rain. I'm kind of happy about that because I like cool weather. 

I have to go see my SPN at 1 pm today and I will have to ride my bike in the hot sun. I'm not looking forward to that and am expecting exercise induced asthma which I often get when the weather is hot. It's really not a disaster. More of an inconvenience. It makes riding my bike uphill more difficult. 

I haven't seen my SPN for 4 weeks and have done fine without her. That goes to show you that I manage quite well on my own. I'm not as dependent as I thought I was some time ago. It will be good to see her, but I don't have much to discuss. My life has been very uneventful. I choose to have it that way. 

Yesterday the Exfactor was here a day early to do the groceries. I had asked him to because I was out of milk and vanilla pudding and cat food. He was here at the same time my personal helper was and it created some diversion which was good. I don't always know what to do with my personal helper so it was good that someone else was here for a while. 

The domestic help was here in the afternoon and did a thorough job of cleaning the apartment. I laid down for my afternoon nap when she was almost finished, thus avoiding a long drawn out session with cups of coffee and cigarettes. But I was really tired too and needed to lie down. I was emotionally tired. Sometimes I think it takes a lot of effort to keep everything as normal as possible. 

The early birds have started to sing. It means I have to go back to bed for a while. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Soothingly familiar...

I'm enjoying my time in the middle of the night with a fresh cup of coffee and a cigarette and the company of the dog who is lying by my feet. At least he has quieted down now and is no longer running to the back door to bark at imaginary danger. 

The coffee tastes mighty nice and puts me in a good frame of mind. It makes all the little gears in my head spin correctly and that's important in the middle of the night when I want to make sense. I've already slept several hours and am now ready for some time up and about until I get tired again. 

I'm actually very thirsty and the coffee really doesn't take care of that so much, but the milk is almost all gone and I can't have tall glasses of it . I think I have some lemonade left and will drink a glass of that to quench my thirst before I have more coffee. Running out of milk is a real catastrophe. It should not be allowed.

Because the Exfactor is not going to be able to do the groceries today, I will have to go to the little Arab shop around the corner and buy some milk there. I pass it all the time but have not been inside yet. It is convenient to have it so close by and it will be a whole different cultural experience. 

The sugar content of the lemonade is going straight to my head and is making me cheerful. I think I will have two glasses of it. I do like to mess with the chemicals in my brain, albeit it with very harmless substances. I don't think anyone has ever been caught driving under the influence of sugar or caffeine. I think I may have needed a little pick me up. 

This afternoon I have an appointment with my SPN  and on my way home I will go by the pharmacy to pick up the Metamucil. I had to order it especially in the size packaging and flavor I wanted. I can't wait to start using it to see what difference it will make. I expect it to do wonders. Like I said, I used to use it in California and it will get rid of my bloated belly and then some. 

During this meeting with my SPN I will hear how much longer she will be my therapist. She was going to try and be it for 6 months longer, but had to get permission for that. I'm curious what the outcome will be. If it means that I have to become more independent, then so be it. I am more than ready for it and not afraid to be. 

We do grow up and have to learn to find out own way.

I thought maybe it was a fluke when I went on the bathroom scale yesterday and had lost a kilo, but I went on it again a while ago and it was true. I want to lose 4.5 kilos and then I'll probably be happy. I think that will be the most weight I can expect to lose. That's more than the Obesitas Specialist said I could expect to lose. I'm already past his goal. 

Well, I think I'll get ready to go back to bed. I've got a lot of sleeping left to do and a lot of time to do it in. 

I hope you're all having a good night. 

Ciao,

Nora

Ponderings...

It's late at night, but I assume I will go to bed eventually. It's past midnight, so officially the day has ended and I'm in a new day. It is Wednesday now and Tuesday is yesterday. That's to avoid confusion when I talk about yesterday. 

Yesterday I saw my SPN and talked about my growing dislike to see my personal helpers anymore. I explained how with the decrease of my medicines, my own sense of self destination and independence had returned and that I felt much more capable and emancipated and in charge of my own life and much less dependent on the help and interference of other people. 

My SPN thought that made perfect sense and that I sounded very reasonable, but she didn't want me to discontinue the services of my personal helpers in case I was in need of them somewhere down the road. She did say that maybe it was time to cut back the amount of visits to once a week or once every two weeks. I think for scheduling purposes I will have to go to once a week. 

I will discuss this with my Wednesday personal helper this morning and tell her that I would like only the one to come on Mondays to get the week started. I don't know how she will take this, but it must be done. We're wasting each other's time. There's no sense in her coming here on Wednesdays. I will be most diplomatic about it and get it across it in the most positive way. There's no need to hurt anyone's feelings. Having decided that, I feel a lot better. 

It rained almost all day yesterday and I walked to my SPN under my umbrella. I decided to walk instead of riding my bike, as I thought that might be easier on my knee. I also didn't want to get soaking wet and the Exfactor also needed my bike to do the groceries while I was gone. He arrived here just before I left and we had coffee together while I made the grocery list.

I took Tyke for walks in the rain and his fur turned curly as if he'd had a perm. He is lucky that way. My hair just gets straighter when it gets wet.

I think it's time for me to go to bed. I'm tired now and long to go to sleep. It will be ever so cozy in my bed. 

Have a good night, you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

Quiet Days...

I've spent a quiet day at home, not doing anything out of the ordinary but watching television and drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. I did open the bedroom window at one point to air out the place until it got too cold in here. I just turned up the thermostat and I'm waiting for my hands to get warm. I didn't realize that I had gotten so cold.

I did take Tyke out and we trudged through the melting snow. The ice is even melting and crunches when I step on it. Some people have cleaned their sidewalks. Other people have blocked the sidewalks with piles of snow from their driveways. That's real smart, isn't it? They're not the brightest bulbs in the package. 

I put out the trash early while I thought of it, because I forgot last week so I had two bags today. If I don't put it out while I think of it and put it off until later, I'm bound to forget about it, because the Exfactor always used to put out the trash and it's a job I'm still not used to doing regularly. You would think I would be now after two years, but I still have to make a point of it. There's always a little warning bell going off some time during the weekend that I must not forget it, but it doesn't usually go off at the right moment.

He also used to always pay the bills, but that was a job he disliked doing very much and paperwork was always put off until the very last minute. When I had to take that over all on my own, I immediately got very organized and found out all about it as quickly as I could. I'm very up to date on the bills and have most of them written off automatically so I don't forget anything. I do have a budget and stick to it closely. It's a responsibility I can handle, but then I only have to worry about my own expenses and I don't have a family to worry about. Like kids who make big demands or a husband who is high maintenance. 

I didn't used to know what was in the kitchen cabinets or in the kitchen closet, except the most necessary things. I came to find out, when I was living on my own, that there was a lot of junk there and that a lot of other places in the apartment held a lot of junk. A 'getting rid of stuff' process started and now I'm almost down to the basics and everything is accounted for. The Exfactor used to be in charge, but wasn't really capable of running the ship. He was the wrong person for it, because he was not capable of throwing anything out. Things got stowed everywhere and collected dirt and dust.

It's very strange to live in a place that you're not in charge of, while you're in fact the woman of the house. It's a very liberating realization when you do become in charge of it and fix things according to your own ideas and actually have the nerves to toss things out. You make huge discoveries and have light bulbs go on above your head and suddenly you see reason and become clear headed. Bless the day that I came to live on my own in this apartment. It is the best thing that happened to me in a long time. I guess you never would have thought that I'd say that one day, would you? 

It's very liberating to be a woman on your own, although it can be lonely at times and sometimes I do wish for a companion. I wouldn't want someone around me all the time, though. It would get on my nerves, because I do appreciate my independence and my privacy. I don't want to play house with anyone. I never was into that when I was a kid either. Neither did I play with dolls. I don't think I have huge bonding needs. They're not out of the ordinary anyway. I have a tendency to stick to myself and make do with my own company. Each person is an island, although part of an archipelago. You can build a bridge, but a bridge can be dismantled and then you can only swim across. 

I know someone who is a gregarious loner. It is something I would like to be, but I think I'm not gregarious enough yet. I need a little bit more humor in me. I take myself much too serious. Some day I'll be relaxed and wise enough to be one too. Then I'll be able to laugh at myself and see the humor of my own character. I'll be able to see the comedy that my own life also is. I'll approach mankind with laughter on my face. That will be my first expression. I have been told that I look naughty, like the cat that ate the mouse. But that's really my ironic look. Nobody knows this yet. Until now. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora