Just make some coffee, woman!

Not too long ago, I was in a terrible mood. It felt like the world was coming to an end. I got up from my nap and felt devastated. I was literally in a number one depression and didn't know how to get out of it. I sat in my armchair with a glass of milk and just felt awful. I wondered what in the world had happened during my nap that I felt this way and why my day had suddenly ended up like that. 

Of course, what I didn't do was make a pot of coffee because that would have lifted my spirits soon enough. I was in such bad shape that it didn't dawn on me until a few hours later after I had suffered quite a bit. For some reason it actually did get through to me at one point to make a pot and once I did have a cup of coffee, I startted to feel a lot better. By the time I had my second cup, I was my usual cheerful self and all was well with the world. 

That just goes to show you what a benevolent chemical caffeine is for me and how I can't do without it at certain times of the day. I would still be in bad shape if it weren't for those cups of coffee. I might be contemplating all sorts of things now that I don't even want to think of. Thank god I did have the caffeine and that I was smart enough to make the coffee because I was almost in too much of a stupor to do that. I was saved by my instincts that finally kicked in.

The weather has been horrible today. It has been storming with a terrible strong wind blowing rain and hail sideways and thunder and lightening on top of that. I've been outside as little as I could and the dog has had to go out back mostly. The weather is very unpredictable and it does clear up for a few minutes at the time, only to suddenly become horrid again the next. Hopefully, this will all clear up by tomorrow, but I'm not sure if the rain will stop. 

I'm very comfortably seated here early in the evening and I'm glad the day is done. I feel that I'm just now coming to life. It was sort of a wasted day. I think the storm unsettled me and I didn't like the way the wind hit the rain against the windows. It's now temporarily quiet outside and it is very enjoyable. I've just turned on the heater and it's nice and warm in here. 

I very much like my new skinny jeans. They are very comfortable and they fit well and have enough stretch in them to allow easy movement. I certainly got the size right and will know from now on which ones to get. This brand is very good and relatively inexpensive. It's also nice to be able to order them online.and have them delivered the next day. I must also have a very easy size because the length of the legs is just right. It's nice when you can count on that.

The style that I've got my hair combed in now is much better than how I had it before. I can sleep on this hair and wake up looking decent. I hardly have to do anything to it to get it in shape and I don't have to use so much hairspray.. I've got it parted on the other side and it covers my thin spot better. That's my secret., by the way. Don't tell anyone. My hair looks fuller and is more manageable. I never tried this before, but wish I had. It's a real discovery. It's going to be so much easier to let it grow out now. 

I didn't wear any make up today and that's against my own rules. I didn't feel like getting all gussied up. For some reason, I liked myself well enough without it. Besides, I didn't go anywhere today. Putting on mascara is the hardest because of the low volume of eyelashes that I have left. They used to be thick and long, but as I've gotten older, they've gotten thinner and shorter. I think this is very unfortunate and one of the drawbacks of middle age. There ought to be a law against this sort of thing.

I hope you'll all have a good evening and better weather than we're having. 

Ciao,

Nora

Dull moments in the closet...

I sit here not quite awake drinking my cup of coffee. There's fog in my head still from the nap I just took. I hope to any minute now become more clearheaded, but it may take me a while. In the meantime, I will just enjoy this state of mind to the best of my ability. It does add another dimension to my thinking capacities. The fact that they are a little impaired doen't bother me all that much. Goodness knows what I'll come up with. 

My mascara was smeared by one eye when I got up, but that was quickly fixed. I still look decent enough to go walk the dog in a little while. Besides, it is dark outside and no one will see. It's not as if I'm going out on a hot date and the dog makes no objections at all if my make up isn't on right. That's the one drawback of dogs, I do think they ought to be more critical of your looks. And more appreciative too. 

At least my nails are properly polished and my hands look decent with my rings on them. I almost look like a lady and I could be mistaken for one. I'm certainly dressed like one because I'm wearing a very ladylike dress. It comes from my closet hardly worn because it didn't fit me all that well before. It sure does look good now. Losing a few kilos made all the difference. It's a tight fitting dress, at least it was. It's a little roomier now. 

I'm glad I rediscovered it. Delving into my closet every now and then can be a rewarding experience. I always find something that I had forgotten about. I don't know if I should blame that on my bad memory or on my abundance of clothes. I don't think I have that many clothes. I do regularly take things out of the closet and put them away. I really wish I had an abundance of shoes and boots because I never seem to have enough of them. Unfortunately, I'm not that lucky. I would like to find boots I had forgotten about.

The coffee has woken me up to a point and it has also made me very thirsty. I will have to drink a glass of ice cold milk. That will play some other tricks with my mind and my stomach. There's never a dull moment around here. Well, actually there are. I just refuse to recognize them as such. I just pretend they are meditative moments. I have them regularly during the day. 

I always pretend my life is more interesting than it is. I have to use my imagination a lot and care about things that are really not very important. I have to make the little things big and give them lots of meaning. That´s why I always say that you have to care about them. If you do, they will fill up your life and give it contentedness.

I have to take the dog for a walk. He´s been waiting patiently beside me. It is cold and dark outside so I will have to dress for it. 

I hope you´ll all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

In from the cold...

I'm sitting here warming myself with a cup of hot coffee after having just walked the dog in the cool evening air. It wasn't actually all that cold and all I had on was my short leather jacket and a scarf. That's pushing my luck just a little bit, but I refuse to put on my winter coat unless I absolutely have to. I'll put it off until the last possible minute. Call me stubborn if you have to. I refuse to own up to the fact that it's almost winter. As long as there's no snow, I'll pretend it isn't. I'm in fact in total denial. 

The sun was shining this afternoon after the day started of dreary and drizly. As long as the sun shines, I'm full of hope. All around the bits of clouds I saw lots of blue sky. It hasn't actually rained all that much either. Not as much as was predicted, so we got off easy. The farmers needed the rain and nature did too, but for us ordinary human beings it was nice. It's especially nice not to get rained on when you're out on your bike. It's tough to dress for the rain and the cold.

My hairdo appreciates no rain also because I've got it just right now. I don't have to use an overabundance of hairspray on it and it stays in place real well all day even if there's wind outside. I know, I'm so self centered to think of it. It's true, I'm a very self absorbed woman.

My carefully applied nail polish has already chipped on three nails and I thought that nail polish was much tougher than that. There must be some that can withstand the test of time or how else is a woman supposed to look decent for any length of time? I'll have to fix them tonight because now I look ridiculous. It does take an effort to look beautiful. Nobody ever said it was easy. You do have to have the odd spare hour to put into it. 

Sometimes, when my mind gets into that space, I get very preoccupied with my looks and I can get very absorbed with my clothes and make up. They take on very important roles in my life. Luckily, I do have the time and energy, as a rule, to spend on them. I don't mind giving them the extra mental energy that they require. It's fun to think about fixing myself up to look pretty for even the least amount of audience. Because, really, how many people see me? I mostly have to do it for my own sake. 

The coffee tastes excellent and is putting me in a good frame of mind. I don't know if it's just the coffee or the fact that it's Friday evening and that it's the weekend. I must say, that despite everything I claim, I still like the weekends the best, although why this is so is a mystery to me. I'll leave that unanalyzed and unexplained. Not everything in life needs to be figured out. 

I'm going to put clean sheets on my bed in a little while so I can look forward to going to sleep tonight. That sounds as if I ever have a problem with that. Of course, I don't. Going to bed and sleeping is one of my favorite things to do and I never think that I will not sleep when I go to lie down under the duvet. It's staying asleep that I have a problem with, but then I do amuse myself when I'm up. In my own convoluted way I do end up getting enough sleep. That's the main concern. I haven't turned into a zombie yet. 

I better get the show on the road. I've got a few things to do and the news to watch also. I must be well informed because we face turbulent times in Europe.

I hope you all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Time out from the rat race...

I'm only joking...I'm not in any sort of a rat race and haven't been since I left my well off middle class life when I had to keep up with the rest of the yuppies. I haven't felt that kind of pressure since then and hope to never feel it again. It's much better to be at the bottom of the ladder. At least I'm not striving to reach impossible heights. Closer to the bottom, you don't have so far to fall. It doesn't hurt as much. 

No, today has been a fairly leisurely day and I have not felt any specific stress. The only thing that was wrong with it was that I tried to take a nap in the afternoon but was unsuccessful. That doesn't happen very often and it surprised me because I really tried. I'm usually a master at taking naps. I can do it easily every day. It's true that the bedroom was cold because of the open window, but the duvet was warm and that should have been good enough. 

When I realized that I wasn't going to fall asleep, I went to the bathroom and started cleaning out both of my make up bags. I had not looked inside of them for quite a while because I had stopped using any kind of make up. Between the two bags, I found all sorts of neat things that I didn't know I had and I was much surprised. Some of it, or should I say a lot, was good stuff that I could use. All I had to do was have a change of attitude and be girlie again. In other works: decorate myself a little.

I found three lipsticks, but one of them was dried out and I threw it away. Now I'm trying out the other two to see which one stays on the best. They are both good colors, so either one will be okay. 

I still had a large tube of mascara and it was still in great shape. I applied that and found out I still had eyelashes to apply it to. 

I had numerous eyeliner pencils in various shades and lengths and I got rid of the old and short ones and kept those that still looked like they were going to draw a good line in a nice color that I liked. I applied eyeliner to my eyes and looked a lot better quickly.

I also found the nail polish of which I only have one bottle. I decided to really take my time and apply two layers of polish to my nails patiently and let it dry properly between each layer. It took me an hour to do both hands because I waited a while after I did each hand. I smoked a cigarette while I waited for those nails to dry. The polish is on properly now and it hasn't chipped off yet or gotten damaged in any other way. 

Between the mascara and eyeliner and the nail polish and lipstick, I look like a proper woman and you could say that a metamorphosis has taken place. It does look good and I'm pleased enough. Luckily, my hair was in place so I didn't have to mess with it and I'm wearing nice enough clothes too. I'm as picture perfect as I can get. 

I have also decided to let my hair grow and will just keep getting the back cut even until the rest of my hair has caught up with it. I don't know how long this is going to take. My hair used to grow quickly, but I don't know how it is now. I always imagine that it does, but I don't actually go to the hairdresser as often as I thought I did. Between drinking as much milk as I do and taking the multi-vitamins, I'll have to assume I'm doing all I can to have healthy hair. 

So, suddenly I have the wish to be more feminine again. I want to wear make up and use beauty products and have longer hair. I want to celebrate my femaleness. I hope I stay in this state of mind for a long time because I find it very pleasant and an extra reflection of another side of me. That side had been a little neglected. It is now getting some attention and I can only welcome it. I'll treasure it all I can. 

Now I've got to take the dog out for a walk. It's that time of the evening again. 

Ciao,

Nora

Amazing grace...

Much to my amazement, I managed to sleep for eight hours when I went to bed after writing my post last night. It was an incredible thing and when I did wake up, I did so because I had to and not because I was really done sleeping. I could have stayed in bed longer and slept some more. My personal helper could not make it on Friday and her regular replacement was going to be here this morning instead. I got up just in time to have two cups of coffee and several cigarettes and welcomed her in my bathrobe. See, I seem to be making a habit out of that. I know no shame.

That was alright, though, because one of the deals is that she sees to it that I take care of myself well personally and taking a shower regularly is one of those things. I´m more motivated when I know somebody is keeping track if I do that with any regularity, though I´m a very clean and good smelling person and am never actually dirty. I don´t perspire a lot and use a good deodorant. I´ve told you about the ordeal it is to take a shower in my apartment with the gaping shower curtain and the wet bathroom floor and all the wet towels.

So we had a cup of coffee together and I took a shower and washed my hair, which was sticking up despite the good haircut, and I had such nice and squeaky clean hair afterwards, it was a joy. It fell into place all by itself and hardly needed any combing and was dry in no time. I put on some very nice and comfortable clothes and applied no make up, because I´ve decided that it makes no difference whatsoever and that it´s all nonsense and that I don´t have the patience for it. I did put in my earrings and thought I looked good enough. I was a reborn woman and had on a new deodorant that smelled fantastic.

We took Tyke for a walk and he was his normal enthusiastic self, running from one end of the sidewalk to the other and having to lift his leg on every bush and hedge. He´s not very well disciplined on the leash and I give him all the space he needs. I figure it´s his outing and he has to enjoy it. He´s like a little kid completely lost in his own thoughts and activities. If I lived out in the countryside, I would let him off the leash. I would have him neutered first, though. He´s a little bit macho.

After my personal helper left, the Exfactor arrived and had a few cups of coffee with me and made a big deal out of a tiny little cold that he might be getting. Lots of people are walking around with colds right now and I´ve had several in my apartment and haven´t gotten sick yet. The Exfactor likes to be made a big deal of when he is a little bit stuffed up and goes into great detail about his symptoms and his inability to do things. Maybe he´s just a typical man. They do like to be fussed over. I had a huge amount of snot in my nose this morning, but just got a tissue and got rid of it.

After he left, I was enormously tired and laid down on the sofa and took a huge nap. It could have been emotional tiredness in reaction to the Exfactor. Maybe he has that effect on me. When I woke up, I had a cup of coffee and felt halfway normal soon enough again. I took Tyke for a walk and he got on the scent of something and dragged me through the neighborhood at high speed. We were done quickly with our walk. He´s a strong dog for an American cocker spaniel. He looks little but he´s got a lot of muscle power.

Overall it´s been a good day. I do have my low moments, but I make myself a cup of coffee and get over them. My moods are always precarious things and can be very momentary and change quickly, so I know very often I just have to out wait them and not panic and despair. The only things I don´t seem to be able to do right now is read and I miss that. I can´t concentrate on a book and I´m right in the middle of one. I´m too distracted to pay attention. My mind wanders.

I have to take Tyke for his last walk. He´s waiting impatiently. I wonder if it will be another high speed chase. I hope we can do it leisurely this time.

Have a good evening.

Ciao,
Nora

All dressed up...

I'm all dressed up waiting for it to be time to go to my creative class. I stood in front of my closet this morning and managed to put an outfit together that I'm very pleased with. I could describe it to you, but I'm sure you're not waiting for me to go into detail about that. I tried on a few combinations before I found the right one. Of course, everything revolved around the neat leggings that I had discovered and I put together an outfit with them in mind. I also wanted to wear my Esprit boots and I happened to find a dress that matched the leggings and the boots. After that, the rest was easy. Since I have also lost weight, my clothes fit me a lot nicer, so that's a bonus. 

Since I had my hair cut, I've also started wearing make up again. Not very much. Just some eyeshadow and mascara. It takes me just a few minutes to apply it. I liked myself well enough without the make up, but I realized that with the make up, I look just a bit better. I think I got vain and want to make the best of it. I am getting older and want to look younger. I also bought a pack of cleansing tissues, so the make up is wiped off easily. Witht the depression looming, I want to take special care of myself.

I'm glad that I can order clothes on line and that I don't have to go into town to try things on in dressing rooms. Although there is one store that I really like and their sizes are very dependable, You can actually buy things off the rack without trying them on. But I like shopping on line. I know my size and things are delivered the next day. It's very exciting to open the package and get out the item of clothing that you've ordered and try it on. On the rare occasion that it doesn't fit, you send it back and get a different size at no extra charge the next day. Service with a smile. 

It's cold outside and it's time to start wearing my winter coat. The long one with the hood and the buttons and the zipper. It's really autumn now. The nights are cold and in the daytime it doesn't get much warmer. Rain was predicted for today, but it doesn't look as though it is going to, much to my relief. I'd rather not ride my bike in the rain. No matter how easy my haircut is. 

For practical reasons, I've put my watch back on today and I hope I don't break out in a rash again. I do want to be able to keep track of the time when I'm away from home. I really need to get a leather band for it and I'm going to ask the Exfactor if he will get that done for me one of these days. He goes into town more often than I do and it will be a simple thing to do for him.

Now that the weather has changed, my eczema is really acting up and I need to get a new prescription for the ointment from my GP. I have to remember to call them tomorrow morning for it. I'll put that down in my agenda so I don't forget. 

Okay, I have to go. I need to go and be creative. Wish me luck. 

Ciao,
Nora