Time out from the rat race...

I'm only joking...I'm not in any sort of a rat race and haven't been since I left my well off middle class life when I had to keep up with the rest of the yuppies. I haven't felt that kind of pressure since then and hope to never feel it again. It's much better to be at the bottom of the ladder. At least I'm not striving to reach impossible heights. Closer to the bottom, you don't have so far to fall. It doesn't hurt as much. 

No, today has been a fairly leisurely day and I have not felt any specific stress. The only thing that was wrong with it was that I tried to take a nap in the afternoon but was unsuccessful. That doesn't happen very often and it surprised me because I really tried. I'm usually a master at taking naps. I can do it easily every day. It's true that the bedroom was cold because of the open window, but the duvet was warm and that should have been good enough. 

When I realized that I wasn't going to fall asleep, I went to the bathroom and started cleaning out both of my make up bags. I had not looked inside of them for quite a while because I had stopped using any kind of make up. Between the two bags, I found all sorts of neat things that I didn't know I had and I was much surprised. Some of it, or should I say a lot, was good stuff that I could use. All I had to do was have a change of attitude and be girlie again. In other works: decorate myself a little.

I found three lipsticks, but one of them was dried out and I threw it away. Now I'm trying out the other two to see which one stays on the best. They are both good colors, so either one will be okay. 

I still had a large tube of mascara and it was still in great shape. I applied that and found out I still had eyelashes to apply it to. 

I had numerous eyeliner pencils in various shades and lengths and I got rid of the old and short ones and kept those that still looked like they were going to draw a good line in a nice color that I liked. I applied eyeliner to my eyes and looked a lot better quickly.

I also found the nail polish of which I only have one bottle. I decided to really take my time and apply two layers of polish to my nails patiently and let it dry properly between each layer. It took me an hour to do both hands because I waited a while after I did each hand. I smoked a cigarette while I waited for those nails to dry. The polish is on properly now and it hasn't chipped off yet or gotten damaged in any other way. 

Between the mascara and eyeliner and the nail polish and lipstick, I look like a proper woman and you could say that a metamorphosis has taken place. It does look good and I'm pleased enough. Luckily, my hair was in place so I didn't have to mess with it and I'm wearing nice enough clothes too. I'm as picture perfect as I can get. 

I have also decided to let my hair grow and will just keep getting the back cut even until the rest of my hair has caught up with it. I don't know how long this is going to take. My hair used to grow quickly, but I don't know how it is now. I always imagine that it does, but I don't actually go to the hairdresser as often as I thought I did. Between drinking as much milk as I do and taking the multi-vitamins, I'll have to assume I'm doing all I can to have healthy hair. 

So, suddenly I have the wish to be more feminine again. I want to wear make up and use beauty products and have longer hair. I want to celebrate my femaleness. I hope I stay in this state of mind for a long time because I find it very pleasant and an extra reflection of another side of me. That side had been a little neglected. It is now getting some attention and I can only welcome it. I'll treasure it all I can. 

Now I've got to take the dog out for a walk. It's that time of the evening again. 

Ciao,

Nora

And now for something really different...

It's early in the morning before dawn, but I find myself awake already. I'm more than ready for the day to start and I don't know why that is either. It's not as if I have a heck of a lot of interesting things to do today. I'll have to find ways in which to amuse myself so I won't get bored.

Of course, I'm still yawning, so I'm not as awake as I claim to be. That may be just a sign of the remnants of my sleep though. I'm having a cup of coffee and it may take care of that soon. If I do fail to wake up properly after all, I will go back to bed, but I'm not counting on it. 

I have taken my medicines and my vitamins and those are such big pills that I'll have to wait before I can eat breakfast. They will have to pass my gastric band first. I will have to wait for about an hour.  Then I have to decide which of the foods that I have available to me I'm going to eat for breakfast. 

It can be anything, as long as I feel like eating it. It's just a matter of getting my nutrients in for today and in what order I want to do that. I will have to wait until an hour from now and see what I feel like eating then. Maybe I will just have a plum. I hope they are a little more ripe than they were yesterday. 

I'm finishing up the last of the milk in my coffee. After that there will be no more milk and I'll have to drink my coffee black or with powdered creamer. I'm undecided which I will do. I think they are both bad choices that I'll have to get used to. 

I'm thinking of going with the black coffee because I used to drink my coffee black. I think in the end it will be the simplest choice and I'm not all that fond of powdered creamer. It does have an artificial taste. It will be easier to just pour a cup of black coffee. 

Right, I'll go see what other kind of trouble I can get into. I hope you'll all have a great day. And nice weather, of course. 

Ciao,

Nora

Full steam ahead...

It's a very blustery day today. There's a stiff breeze blowing and if it weren't for the hairspray, I would have no hairdo left to speak of. Of course, it's a short haircut, so it stays in place better, but it would have been blown to pieces if I had left it to the whims of the wind. As it is, I still look very decent after having walked the dog and I hardly have to put a hair back in place. 

I've got all the windows open at the top and there's a strong draft blowing through the apartment. It's not cold in here, that's a blessing. I don't have to worry about the temperature yet. The weatherman refused to say if it was going to be a very cold winter this coming season. I think he didn't want to prematurely worry us and spoil our fun. We all think that cold winter is coming anyway.

I've been wearing my winter coat and enjoying it a lot. It's warm and comfortable and the big pockets are very handy. It's just about the best coat I've had in a long time. I just hope it's warm enough for whatever big freeze we're in for. I will have to get ready to wear layers. I'm mentally preparing myself for anything at all. 

I've also been wearing my skinny jeans a lot. It turns out that they are the most comfortable pieces of clothing that I have. I never thought I would find so. I was very hooked on wearing skirts and dresses and wore those a lot. Skinny jeans do indeed make you feel skinny. They make you feel like you have long legs that go all the way up to your shoulders. It's nice to live under that illusion. 

After having been feisty for about a week, the dog has settled down again and is quite a bit more mellow. At least he's leaving the cat in peace and isn't bothering her anymore. He really was bossing her around. The cat is really relaxed about it and acts like she doesn't care. She finds a safe haven on my lap if the dog gets out of hand too much. She doesn't flee the apartment like you'd think she would. She has lots of patience.

To supplement my diet, I've started taking vitamin B-complex, Calcium with Magnesium and Kelp tablets. It's easy to remember to take them because I take them at the same time I do my medicines. They all go down the hatch easily. This is all in effort to be a healthier person and I think I will notice somewhere down the line if it works. I have to be faithful to the regiment and to the diet I'm going to be following which will include lots of fruits and vegetables. 

Speaking of diet, I've got to eat now. My stomach is growling. 

I hope you'll all have a good evening. 

Ciao,

Nora

At first do no harm...

I've had several cups of coffee and I feel sufficiently awake, but then I was the moment I opened up my eyes. Tyke was sitting pretty beside my bed looking at me as if he had been waiting for me to wake up. I have no idea how long he had been sitting there. He wagged his tail when I looked at him. I petted him and he was happy. Then he went to sleep in the armchair while I made coffee. I guess he just anticipated that I would wake up soon. It's become such a ritual.

I'm not grumpy, because I didn't take the Valerian tablets and yesterday I felt good all day. It really did make a difference. Now, you are able to buy these tablets over the counter and unsuspecting people may do that and have a similar reaction as I did and not know what is happening to them. Buying over the counter medicines is not as innocent as it seems, because it can have all sorts of side effects. I would be very careful using them and really only take them on the advice of a doctor. Even then I would be very wary. 

I finally got a sport's gel for my knee and that is helping the joint pain quite a bit. I apply it twice a day in a thin layer that I rub in real well. I do feel relief for quite a while afterwards, although the pain doesn't completely disappear. It does feel better when I get up out of bed. Sleeping seems to be the most hurtful thing for my knee, but so does sitting down. When I straighten out my leg, it gets stuck and goes snap. I will keep applying the sport's gel until it gets better.

Every morning, my freshly washed hair is in a disarray. I sleep on my right side and that side of my hair gets kinky. No matter how much brushing I do, I can't get it to lie down in a proper shape. It really needs to be washed every day for it to look good. It's so fine and unmanageable. It's very straight too and it doesn't have much bounce. I would love to have some body and volume to my hair but I am not that lucky. I think I need to use a creme rinse and will have to invest in a bottle and see if that makes a difference. I will have to go to the drugstore and see what's available to match the shampoo I'm using.

I had changed the bed yesterday and last night I slept under freshly laundered sheets. They smelt very good when I got in bed, That truly is a pleasure. I especially like the newly washed pillow cases. It didn't take me long to fall sleep. I listened to the football outcomes of the different games that had been played. I'm really starting to enjoy that and am getting to know the players of the different clubs better. There had also been speed skating races and one of our women had done well. Those are the commentaries I went to sleep with.

I ate a whole piece of Port Salut cheese last night. It's a very soft and tasty cheese and it goes down easy. The Exfactor had bought it for me because he knows how much I like it. It's a special treat. It's really the kind of cheese you serve at parties with crackers, but I ate it just as it was. It's a young cheese and easy to digest. An aged cheese is harder for me to handle. I've stopped eating Brie and Camembert. I had those so often that I grew tired of them. I do go through phases that I like certain kinds of foods and eat them until I'm sick of them. 

I just went through a period that I liked vanilla pudding very much, but I'm coming to the end of that and I think I will switch to yogurt now. Just plain yogurt without a flavor. I also feel like drinking buttermilk. That's very thirst quenching because of it's sour taste. I've always liked it and I make mean buttermilk pancakes, though I doubt I will be making them. I wouldn't have enough room in my stomach for them. I'm totally over my like for Cup A Soups after having eaten those a lot. They're too salty anyway and not all that nutritious. 

I'm still taking my vitamin pill every day and it's not hard to remember to do this. All I have to think about is the fact that I want to stay healthy and I reach for that bottle quick enough. At one point, I want to have my blood checked for a vitamin or mineral deficiency, but I want to do that after I've been taking the vitamins for a while.

I'm going to get a glass of cold milk and find another way to amuse myself that's not too damaging. My psychiatrist said to let him know if I was not sleeping well enough. I will see him on Tuesday and I will know by that time how well I am doing. Right now I'm wide awake, but I don't know what will happen the rest of the day. I haven't had much sleep yet, but I may catch up on that. 

Have a great day all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

Don't listen to the blues...

I'm unable to sleep, though I slept for two hours, but that's not very much in the scheme of things. I knew ahead of time that I wasn't going to be very successful when I went to bed last night. I wasn't tired enough and the only thing that put me to sleep was my 'falling asleep' pill. When it stopped working, I was wide awake again. There was nothing for me to do but to get up and install myself behind the computer and try again later. I really need a 'sleep through the night' pill, but I'm afraid I would get hooked on it and that would mean another medicine to wean myself off. Besides, I'm sure it would leave me very groggy in the mornings and that's not what I want to be.

I'll have to find ways to amuse myself while I'm up, though I think finding blog templates is not one of them. I think I've changed those often enough and I've changed the names of my blogs often enough too. I'll have to think of something else to do. I can't imagine yet what that will be and that leaves me feeling somewhat desperate. I'll have to pretend that I have a plan to proceed with.

I could sit in my armchair and read my newly started novel, but sitting behind the computer is ever so much more exciting. Things move at a speed that I'm comfortable with. I'm very much a 21st century person. Reading a book seems boring in comparison. It seems like such a passive activity. There's not much activity, except for turning the pages. Oh, and using your imagination, of course.

Being up does give me the opportunity to take an Omega 3 capsule which I didn't take enough of yesterday. I'm fine with the vitamin pill, but I sometimes forget the Omega 3. I'm sure it doesn't matter when I take them, as long as I do. I want to say that I feel better since I started taking the vitamin pills, but I'm sure it's all in my imagination. I don't think I can feel an effect after just a few days. I wish there was a 'healthy brain' pill. If there is, I'm unaware of it. I'm sure you'll point it out to me if you know of one. 

I have to share my space today with the personal helper and the domestic help, both of whom I have mixed feelings about losing my privacy to. I have so enjoyed being on my own these past two days and have not been bored at all. It will be nice to get the apartment cleaned, but it isn't very dirty at all. It hasn't had the chance to become so. My personal helper will have to be entertained and I will send her away early if that turns out to be too much of a chore, unless she can be of some service to me. I have no jobs to do with her. We can walk Tyke together, though I can easily do that on my own. 

I will answer my emails and then go back to bed and try and fall asleep. I am starting to yawn now. 

I hope you're all sleeping tight and that you'll have a good morning. 

Ciao,

Nora

Leather boots?

It is early in the evening and I woke up a while ago from a long nap in my bed. I took my one and only tranquilizer that I now take during the day this afternoon, and as a result I got very sleepy and couldn't stay awake. So this is the amount of sleepiness that I had been fighting three times a day, every day. 

It's a good thing that I finally started to question that and that I no longer blamed it on the amount of sleep that I got at night. I was putting things in the wrong order. It wasn't because I didn't get enough sleep during the night that I was sleepy during the day. It was because I was so sleepy during the day that I didn't get enough sleep during the night. I hope that makes sense, because it does to me. It was like putting the wagon in front of the horse.

Anyway, I am doing this with the blessing of my psychiatrist, so that is good. I've learned not to do anything with my medicines without first consulting my psychiatrist. I do have to trust him in this area of expertise and not think I know it all. I've had the tendency to think that I know it better, but I really do have to learn to trust somebody else when it comes to these things. 

I have this stubborn streak in me that makes me want to figure out things on my own and it just isn't necessary. I have to learn to trust other people and their knowledge. I guess I didn't learn that when I was a kid or in another period of my life. It is possible that I have been around a lot of incompetent people. Or people that weren't trustworthy. I suppose I haven't felt safe enough before.

Well, after that statement I hardly know what to write, because it put me on a whole different train of thought far, far away. I will try and come back to the reality of today and rejoin the present human race. 

I always think of all these humans racing around doing their jobs and chores and activities, trying to keep up with themselves and each other, one even crazier than the other, all in the human race for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that's as elusive as the rainbow itself.

But that's just an aside, I don't have all the answers either. I used to reach for the rainbow myself. I was chasing that pot of gold as fervently as the next person.

Enough already with the memories! This is not the time or place for them. I do have to stay in the here and now. It's a better place to be. It must be possible to write a post without daydreaming and sinking away into memories of a long ago life. Why do they hit me so much when I write a post? Is it because I refer to something? Is it that simple? 

It's a long time ago since I've done as much daydreaming as I do now. I used to do it all the time and think of it as a normal part of me, but I've very much rejected it as an unhealthy exercise. Now it seems to happen constantly, even when I'm preoccupied with something else. 

I started reading again today and I do notice that if I pay attention well enough to what I read, I don't daydream, but the book really has to capture my imagination. I'm reading a novel by Doris Lessing and her writing is so good that it does. 

It seems that I can drink fruit juice again. I had some this morning and it agreed with me and I'm having some right now without any problems really. I'll have to wait and see what happens during the night, but it would be nice if I could drink it again instead of all the milk that I drink. I do need some other vitamins too and it is thirst quenching.

It's not early in the evening anymore. I've wasted a lot of time. I'm going to put on my pajamas and bathrobe. I can stay up late, though, because it's the weekend.

Ciao,

Nora