...and then I woke up.

It's in the middle of the night and I'm sitting here with a very nice cup of coffee, For some reason it turned out just right. Sometimes you just get lucky, I guess. That makes me wonder how much of my coffee making is still guesswork and how much of it is craftsmanship. I think the former may have a lot to do with it. It's called: eyeballing it and sometimes I get it just right. 

It's all in the hesitation of adding another spoonful of coffee to the measured amount of water. Do I or don't I? Well, yes I will, but not too much. You see how I will never get it down to a perfect formula because there's also the amount of milk in the cup to consider. I pour this in before I add the coffee so as not to have to stir it. I have to get that just right also depending on the size of the cup. The coffee does have to taste milky, but can't get lukewarm. 

I'm so nit picky.  I do have my peculiarities and some things have to be just so. I don't even like for someone else to pour me a cup of coffee because I'm afraid they won't get it just right and that will bother me. I won't enjoy the coffee as much. And enjoying a cup of coffee is important. It's just as important as having a good meal. 

I suppose the one person I would trust to get me the perfect cup of coffee would be my daughter, but I don't know why that is. For some reason I think she would get it just right. I think she would understand the importance of a good cup of coffee and would take perfect care. 

*

I just had to rescue a mouse from the claws of the cat. She was playing with it in the hallway and I heard it squeaking. Luckily, it didn't seem too badly damaged. I released it out back. Yesterday, both the cat and the dog were playing with a mouse that seemed badly damaged before I could rescue it. I set it free, but I had no high hopes for it. The dog seems to do more damage than the cat. He's much rougher with them. It seems the animal kingdom is alive and well outside, but it's not safe. Not with those two monsters I have.

*

The Exfactor is going to be here this morning to do the groceries. I've started a list on the white board, but I keep getting the idea that I'm forgetting something crucial. It will probably come to me after the groceries have been done. 

I know that I want him to buy me some cheese crackers. I want to try those instead of the plain crackers I've been eating. I crave something hearty and salty. That must be instead of the meat I'm not eating, although I crave that too. I would love to eat a pork chop.

I have to see my SPN this afternoon. It's been a month, I think, since I saw her, so it's about time. I've got a lot to discuss with her and will be able to fill the hour well.

It will be interesting to see what I'm going to wear today because it's going to be a lot cooler than it has been. I will have to find something completely different to wear. It will be my pleasure, as that has never been a problem. I do enjoy a dive into my closet. I have a vague idea already, but I don't know if it's going to work out. It all depends on if the top matches the skirt and which shoes to wear. 

Isn't it great to have that sort of minor problem? It isn't even really a problem. It's life completely simplified. Oh, and I must call the hairdresser today to make an appointment. I wish everything in my life was so easy. I suppose some people live those kinds of lives. Uncomplicated ones without worries about moods and money. 

I'm not in the least tired, although I should go back to bed and get some more sleep. Maybe if I take my medicines now I will get sleepy. It's worth a try. I wouldn't know what else to do so early in the morning. I'm not in the mood to read my book. I prefer lying in bed and listening to the radio, but it would be nice if I dozed off again.

I hope you'll all have a good day. We may have some rain and we need it. 

Ciao,

Nora

Being perfectly normal early in the morning...

Being perfectly normal doesn't happen very often anymore, so I do have to give it a special mention. Besides, I don't know how long the feeling is going to last. It may be very fleeting, but I hope it is solidly settled into my psyche for the rest of the day. I certainly welcome it and am very happy with it. It's been a long time since I have felt this way. 

I never know what ingredients make up the feeling and I hope to keep getting them right as I guess at them. I'm drinking coffee and have read other people's blog posts. They were for the most part cheerful, even the ones that were more introspective. Maybe that was just the take I had on them from my own point of view which is more rose colored. 

I've had at least 5 hours of sleep, that's pretty good by my standards. I had a very nice phone conversation with my daughter last night. I think that put some weight into the balance. It was about a positive subject and one I could advise her on using all my maternal instincts which are intact and alive and well. You never do stop being good at that, do you? It doesn't matter what age you are or what age your daughter is.

I'm seeing my psychiatrist today for the second time this week and I'm going to set something straight which has been bothering me very much. It's a problem I had which I've since resolved and I want to help it out of this world and never talk about it again. It's an embarrassment to me now to even think about it. I will make short shrift of it. It's a reflection of how low I can get and had gotten. 

Being sound of mind has improved my point of view of life in general and my life in specific and suddenly everything looks a lot brighter than it did. All the little details that seemed so complicated now all look resolvable. I can't say that the world's problems seem less big by comparison, but I'm less burdened by them, if only in the smallest degree. Maybe my shoulders have become a bit stronger. 

I've always remained a realist about them anyway and never did think there was an easy solution or a solution at all. It's easier to look at my own life and take care of the details there. All I can do is manage my own life well. 

It's with some amount of relief that I start the day. Feeling unburdened for the most part has improved the way I'll enter the fray. It's not much of a fray anyway. At least, I don't look at it that way. Except for some minor complications, it all seems rather simple. All I have to do is stay as honest and as upfront as I can be and do my best. With a little bit of goodwill and a continuing good outlook, I ought to be able to do that.

And I still say, thank god it's Friday. The week has lasted long enough and it has been intense enough with lots of conflicting emotions that I'm more than ready for two days of nothingness. Of only watching cultural television and walking the dog and taking naps. And worrying about nothing else but which clothes I'm going to wear depending on the weather. That's as complicated as it's going to get. That's just about the level of excitement I'm willing to handle. 

No doubt I'll find some interesting elements to add to the mixture as I go along. One thing I have thought is that maybe I'm not really enjoying the book I'm reading and that I ought to start reading a different one, although I'm always loathe to leave a book unfinished. This one is not grabbing me, though. I don't really care enough about how it's going to end and I have been uninterested in reading it. I'm two thirds of the way through it and, although I like the characters, I don't care what happens to them. So I may be looking for a different book. 

I've got to take my medicines and check my emails. It's not quite time to get the day started. It is rather early still. I'll have to do some chores because the domestic help is going to be here today and I don't want her to walk into a messy apartment. I do still have my housewifely pride. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Slipping and sliding...

Today it is Second Christmas Day in the Netherlands, which is also an official holiday, so even if it weren't Sunday, all life would have still come to a halt. Luckily, it is Sunday, so I won't notice anything of it. That's the fortunate thing about having the holidays on the weekend. 

Still, it does give you a little bit of a festive feeling and that isn't half bad. It does put you in a special mood, you can't help yourself, and you do feel as if you've got something to celebrate. 

Besides, it's hard not to notice all the Christmas specials on television, although they do get awfully sentimental and people get so carried away by them. I suppose that some of the broadcasting networks feel the need to reassert that we're a Christian nation. It's just an observation I'm making. It's not a judgment. A whole theological and social debate could be held about that. It's not an idea to dismiss so easily. 

My sister and I made the town walk yesterday afternoon with the guide and a small group of people. It was cold outside and very slippery in the streets. I had to hold on tightly to my sister so as to not fall down. My boots were absolutely useless, they gave me no grip whatsoever. She prevented me from falling over quite a few times. She was wearing snow boots which worked quite a bit better.

The walk was interesting and we found out all sorts of little details that we had no idea of. We trekked all through downtown and had a break at a cafe halfway through, where I was even allowed to smoke, because they were officially closed to the public and only open to tour groups. I had a delicious cup of coffee there, that warmed my stomach and gave me the energy for the rest of the walk. There was also an opportunity to eat thick slices of raisin bread, filled with almond paste, with real butter on it, but I decided better not to try that. 

We visited the two oldest basilicas and the crypt of the oldest bishop, but we found out that it was empty, because all of his bones had been taken out to be used as relics. He was considered that holy. The stone threshold to this crypt had been completely worn down into a hollow over the centuries by pilgrims visiting it.

The terraces of the cafes were open, but they were all heated and on each chair there was a blanket to keep the customers warm. Unfortunately, we didn't sit down there. I would have enjoyed that very much. I'm a real terrace visitor. I do enjoy watching the people come by while sipping a beverage. 

My sister and I had taken the car downtown, although none of the streets had been cleaned. I think they're running out of salt. There were tracks in the snow to follow where enough traffic had passed. The car has front wheel drive, so there really was no problem. There was a true winter landscape all around us, though. It really was pretty if you didn't have to walk in it. On that slippery ice downtown. 

I had a nice time the rest of the day with the animals and took it easy. I talked to my daughter in the evening and it was good to hear her happy voice. I went to bed on time, tired as I was from my afternoon out, and I fell asleep quickly. Tyke greeted me this morning with much enthusiasm, but that was because he needed to go out, although it's possible that he loves me a little bit too. 

I don't have any plans for today. I'll just let it unwind and see where it goes. I have some chores to do, so those will keep me occupied for a while. I'm not worried about being bored. There will be enough to occupy me (I've got that book to read).

The first thing I'm going to do is go back to bed. I have more sleep in me. It will be quite cozy there. 

Have a good morning!

Ciao,

Nora

On succesfully being awake and living to tell about it.

Although I had a big mouth this morning about getting dressed and going out early to walk Tyke, I did no such thing, but went to bed instead and slept for 4 hours. The prospect of going out in the cold morning air wasn't all that appealing when I considered my warm and cozy bed and the sleepiness that suddenly started enfolding me. I decided to do the easiest thing first and get a few hours of sleep before I became an active and responsible dog owner. I set the alarm clock so I would not stay in bed too long and fell asleep almost instantly with Tyke by my side. I guess he was okay with the whole plan and he snuggled up quite cozily. 

When I got up, I made myself the obligatory coffee and smoked some cigarettes. Waking up wasn't too hard and I hardly had any cobwebs. I had two cups of coffee and I didn't feel discombobulated at all. Then Tyke and I got ready to walk to the tobacco shop with baggies in my pocket and my wallet in my purse. Tyke likes the walk there, because it allows him to explore some different territory and to pee against different trees and bushes and to hopefully find edible items when we pass the little shops. He is an equal opportunity eater because he eats from the fish monger and the Arab grocer. 

When we got to the tobacco shop, it was closed due to illness, so we had to turn around and go home again, because I could not take Tyke to the supermarket. I took a different route home, thinking that would be exciting for Tyke and I was not mistaken. There were many good trees that needed to be thoroughly sniffed and examined and very regularly there was something minuscule on the sidewalk that needed to be closely looked at and tasted. Tyke lies down and makes himself into a dead weight that refuses to budge and can't be moved without you looking like an animal abuser. So you stand and wait until he's done. I have to have patience. Luckily, I had little kids once and I've been well trained. 

I did chores when I got home, because my domestic help was coming and I do want to look like someone who cares and empties her ashtrays and folds her laundry. It was my very own Monday domestic help that was coming, so I was very happy about that. I picked up the place as much as I could without actually cleaning it and sorted out all the things that needed to be sorted. I even tackled the mail and it was all good mail. I was supposed to have done this yesterday, but I chickened out at the last moment. My excuse was that it was Sunday then and not a day to worry about bills.

I rode my bike to the supermarket in the afternoon, in the bright sunshine, in the somewhat chilly temperatures, and made copies of my passport and birth certificate for my daughter who is applying for a Dutch passport. We are in the preliminaries and many certified copies of documents will have to be sent. I also bought tobacco and filter tubes and managed to retrieve my bike out of the overfull bike rack without damaging it and without pulling a lot of other bikes out with it. It's the handlebars that get caught. It's like when you have a box full of clothes hangers and you want to pull one out and they all get caught in each other and you pull them all out.

I just took Tyke out for another walk and we went to the field. There was a little Yorkshire Terrier puppy running around and it was love at first sight. I've never seen such a thing. That puppy looked like he was attached to a rubber band and hopped up and down around Tyke quicker than a ping pong ball. Tyke was mesmerized. I think he would like a little puppy of his own. Oh, I mustn't even think about it.

I'm getting awfully tired and must think about going to bed. I haven't had that much sleep. It will be nice to lie in bed and read for a while and hopefully remember to hide my book from Tyke. 

Have a good night everyone. 

Ciao,
Nora