A thunderstorm and a cup of coffee...

Thunder and lightning are heaving across the nighttime sky. Rain is pouring down hard. I am sat quite cozily inside and am only a bit worried about the elements that are playing their parts right over the top of the apartment. It is a little bit frightening when you see the sky light up and hear the loud crack of the thunder and how it then continues to rumble across the sky. 

I suppose it makes me feel vulnerable. I'll feel better once the storm has moved on. At least I'm not as bad as my paternal grandmother who, I was told, moved under the dining table when there was a thunderstorm. I can imagine her doing this because she was a small, nervous woman who was easily scared of things. 

A dining table seems like a good place to hide under. They were sturdily built in those days. Nothing like those flimsy things we have now.

I can pretend nothing is the matter and sit here and drink my cup of coffee and for the dog's sake stay very calm because he is a bit scared. The coffee tastes very nice too. It's giving me nerves of steel.

The dog got his vaccinations today. He had not been to the vet in a long time and for some reason he was very much impressed this time. He stuck close to me and eyed the vet suspiciously. He was certainly well behaved and giving him his shot was no problem, but it was funny to see him so very much on guard and subdued. He wanted to make friends with the vet, but wasn't too sure how to go about it.

As soon as we were outside, he was his old self again, but the memory of how he was in there will stay with me for a while. It was a side of him that I had not seen before and in a way it was very endearing and made me love him all the more. He had counted on me for a good outcome. We had ourselves a good bonding ritual when we got home. 

In my present mood, I was a bit bored with the day. I had to stay home because of the domestic help and took a nap while she was here because I didn't know what else to do and the nap was welcome. The domestic help gets to play house while I sleep and she always makes some changes for me to discover. I think that is endearing too because it shows she cares. 

I'm going back to bed now and I hope I sleep for a long time and am not up early like I was yesterday because it makes the day last too long. I don't know what to do with myself so early in the morning. Nobody needs me at that time. The phone better not ring before I'm ready to get up. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

No dull people here...

As usual, I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and a cigarette, enjoying the peace and quiet of the middle of the night. I don't have to tell you anything new. It's the same old story, but I think that does not make me a dull person. I'd like to think that it makes me predictable, but still still exciting enough to get to know better. I may be an open book by now, but maybe we haven't read all the chapters yet. 

I made just enough coffee for two cups. That's my limit and how much coffee I make every time I do. In 24 hours, I have six cups of coffee and I think that's not much compared to how many I used to drink. I'm severely limiting myself. It's a little bit tough, but doable. 

As long as I get some caffeine when I wake up from whenever I've been asleep, I'm okay. If I don't have any, I'm likely to be a grouchy person and sit here like a bump on a log and achieve very little. 

I feel that way especially when I wake up from my afternoon nap. I would be very devastated if I could not have any caffeine then. I always feel like I'm in a state of depression and feel like crying when I first get up. 

Well, that's exaggerating it a little bit, but I really do need the caffeine to function better. I think it's like a medicine that makes the chemicals in my brain work better. Two cups are just enough, although I'd like to cut it down to one, but I think that's stretching it and probably an over ambitious plan. 

I must have just turned thirteen when I started drinking coffee regularly. I remember that I had my own cup and saucer that nobody else used. Everybody did. We all had our own individual little teaspoon too to stir the sugar with. I took both sugar and cream in my coffee then. To make it potable, I'm sure. 

We drank coffee every evening at 8 o'clock and in the weekends also at 10:30 in the morning. We all had two cups, it was a ritual. It was a little impolite to turn down the second cup. In the Netherlands, it's impolite to turn down anything that's offered to you, even if it's by your own mother.

I got my own hand cut crystal wineglass when I was not quite sixteen. It was assumed that you learned how to handle alcohol and drink it socially along with the adults at the proper time of the evening. I never did become a drinker, except for the occasional lapse when I have three or four drinks and become drunk.

But the love for coffee never left me and I'm addicted to it to this day. That's why I think it has medicinal qualities. My son was the same way and was not approachable until he'd had his morning coffee. We had a lot in common. Talk about the apple not falling far from the tree. 

There may have been a dull person here after all. What do you think? It's not a very exciting post, is it? Apparently I'm not that inspired this night. I must not have had enough coffee. I'm probably too sane to be very interesting. 

Well, you can't win them all.

Have a good Sunday. 

Ciao,

Nora

The pesky dog...

The pesky dog won't let me sleep. He woke me up by insistently barking at me and if I ignored him, he jumped on the bed and slobbered on my face. It was very obvious that he wanted me to get up. He kept repeating this, because I kept ignoring him, until there was no other recourse but to get up. He had to go out back to do a piddle.

And now, of course, I am up with a cup of coffee, which is really a cafe au lait because it has more milk than coffee in it. Soit, it will suffice. It actually tastes pretty good, but I'm going to have to make some real coffee to get my head straight. I should just go straight back to bed, but I'm too stubborn to do that. I do like sitting here in this half asleep state and try to make sense. It's a challenge.

I don't know why I take on these challenges when It's so obvious that I'm not up to them, unless this real cup of coffee that I'm having now is going to work quickly and set my head straight. It may happen yet. I'm chugging it down and getting ready to have the next one in my eagerness to make sense. Anything to stop me from yawning anyway...

...I just fell asleep for an hour in my desk chair and  I just woke up again. I feel a lot better now. That little nap was just what I needed. I feel completely refreshed. I just got a little bit chilled and I'll have to put on my bathrobe. 

There, I also got a new cup of coffee because the old one had gotten cold. At least I remained upright in my chair and my head didn't hit the keyboard. I was leaning against the backrest of the chair and my chin was resting on my chest. I did pick the most comfortable position to sleep in, although I don't even remember drifting off. 

*

One of my blogging buddies  said that she applied lotion to her feet every night before she went to sleep and that this gave her very soft feet. I have been thinking about doing the same thing because I have a lot of problems with callouses that are hard to get rid of and I thought maybe the lotion might help that. If I'm good about it and apply it every night, I may get silky soft feet. It would be a good habit to get into.

I also seem to have developed eczema on the fingers of my right hand and am going to have to start applying ointment there. The skin got cracked there and is a little painful. Now I have to remember to apply the ointment in several places and I'm already bad about doing it. It's one of my least favorite jobs. I guess I'd rather scratch than apply ointment. Sometimes I don't take good care of myself. 

I'm equally bad about applying lotion to my arms and legs to prevent dry skin and rough elbows and knees. I do have some very nice smelling stuff that I can apply. I think I'm going to have to develop some new habits and take care of them before I go to sleep at night. They will just have to become new rituals. It's time to turn a new leaf. 

*

I've completely run out of perfumes and have thrown out all the empty bottles. I used them up quickly and I think I maybe applied them to liberally. I can't help myself, I do like to smell nice. I'm going to have to replenish my supply by going to the discount store and picking out some new ones. I'll have to walk over there one of these days. Right now I'm making do with a very nice smelling deodorant, but there's nothing like a good perfume. I do like it when my clothes smell of it. 

*

I have to take the bottle of Febreze and spray all the clothes that are on hangers in my closet, even the ones that have recently been washed. It will give them that nice fresh smell that's so nice when I put them on. A lot of my clothes smell like smoke and I can't keep washing them every time I've worn them just once. Some of the clothes are too delicate for that. That's a job I can do this week. 

It has been nice to discover that some size 16 clothes are way too big on me now and that those can go in the piles of obsolete items. It's a bit of a shame not to be able to wear those clothes anymore, but there are others instead that I can wear and that makes up for it. 

*

I suppose that I will go to bed now as it is late. I will start with my new rituals tonight. I'll get all the lotions out and put them on the bookcase by the bed. Then I'll have no excuse to forget them. I'll turn into a proper woman yet. 

Have a good night and a splendid morning when you wake up. 

Ciao,

Nora

At first do no harm...

I've had several cups of coffee and I feel sufficiently awake, but then I was the moment I opened up my eyes. Tyke was sitting pretty beside my bed looking at me as if he had been waiting for me to wake up. I have no idea how long he had been sitting there. He wagged his tail when I looked at him. I petted him and he was happy. Then he went to sleep in the armchair while I made coffee. I guess he just anticipated that I would wake up soon. It's become such a ritual.

I'm not grumpy, because I didn't take the Valerian tablets and yesterday I felt good all day. It really did make a difference. Now, you are able to buy these tablets over the counter and unsuspecting people may do that and have a similar reaction as I did and not know what is happening to them. Buying over the counter medicines is not as innocent as it seems, because it can have all sorts of side effects. I would be very careful using them and really only take them on the advice of a doctor. Even then I would be very wary. 

I finally got a sport's gel for my knee and that is helping the joint pain quite a bit. I apply it twice a day in a thin layer that I rub in real well. I do feel relief for quite a while afterwards, although the pain doesn't completely disappear. It does feel better when I get up out of bed. Sleeping seems to be the most hurtful thing for my knee, but so does sitting down. When I straighten out my leg, it gets stuck and goes snap. I will keep applying the sport's gel until it gets better.

Every morning, my freshly washed hair is in a disarray. I sleep on my right side and that side of my hair gets kinky. No matter how much brushing I do, I can't get it to lie down in a proper shape. It really needs to be washed every day for it to look good. It's so fine and unmanageable. It's very straight too and it doesn't have much bounce. I would love to have some body and volume to my hair but I am not that lucky. I think I need to use a creme rinse and will have to invest in a bottle and see if that makes a difference. I will have to go to the drugstore and see what's available to match the shampoo I'm using.

I had changed the bed yesterday and last night I slept under freshly laundered sheets. They smelt very good when I got in bed, That truly is a pleasure. I especially like the newly washed pillow cases. It didn't take me long to fall sleep. I listened to the football outcomes of the different games that had been played. I'm really starting to enjoy that and am getting to know the players of the different clubs better. There had also been speed skating races and one of our women had done well. Those are the commentaries I went to sleep with.

I ate a whole piece of Port Salut cheese last night. It's a very soft and tasty cheese and it goes down easy. The Exfactor had bought it for me because he knows how much I like it. It's a special treat. It's really the kind of cheese you serve at parties with crackers, but I ate it just as it was. It's a young cheese and easy to digest. An aged cheese is harder for me to handle. I've stopped eating Brie and Camembert. I had those so often that I grew tired of them. I do go through phases that I like certain kinds of foods and eat them until I'm sick of them. 

I just went through a period that I liked vanilla pudding very much, but I'm coming to the end of that and I think I will switch to yogurt now. Just plain yogurt without a flavor. I also feel like drinking buttermilk. That's very thirst quenching because of it's sour taste. I've always liked it and I make mean buttermilk pancakes, though I doubt I will be making them. I wouldn't have enough room in my stomach for them. I'm totally over my like for Cup A Soups after having eaten those a lot. They're too salty anyway and not all that nutritious. 

I'm still taking my vitamin pill every day and it's not hard to remember to do this. All I have to think about is the fact that I want to stay healthy and I reach for that bottle quick enough. At one point, I want to have my blood checked for a vitamin or mineral deficiency, but I want to do that after I've been taking the vitamins for a while.

I'm going to get a glass of cold milk and find another way to amuse myself that's not too damaging. My psychiatrist said to let him know if I was not sleeping well enough. I will see him on Tuesday and I will know by that time how well I am doing. Right now I'm wide awake, but I don't know what will happen the rest of the day. I haven't had much sleep yet, but I may catch up on that. 

Have a great day all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

Whatever it brings...

It's early in the morning and I'm sort of ready for whatever the day will bring me. I'm almost in that kind of mood. I only have the tiniest bit of apprehension and am trying to get over that by drinking my second cup of coffee. I figure it will give me the courage to face the day that's ahead. Not that I'm planning any sort of a special day, oh no. It's just going to be a very ordinary day in which a temporary domestic help will show up and do a slap dash job of cleaning my apartment under my misguided direction and together we will make a mess of it. That's just the kind of a day it's going to be.

Actually, it sounds like a good day to pull myself together and find out what the hell I've been doing these past weeks while I have been bouncing off the walls. It's time to regroup and get a hold of myself. This shouldn't fill me with apprehension, because, after all, I'm a grown up woman and I'm still in charge of myself, although it hasn't looked like that lately. I've let events take a hold of me and have a run with me while I helplessly stood by and watched on in dismay. It's time to take the reigns into my own hands again and regain control over the situation.

If I were a tough broad, I'd say it's time to put on my shit kicking boots, but I'm going to be a little more delicate about it and work with finesse. I think the gentle and insightful approach is called for and that's the one I'm going to apply. I have to use the psychological approach. Catching flies with honey and soothing the mildly savage beast that lurks inside me. I will sing it lullabies and stroke its fevered brow.

It does mean that I mustn't let the little things upset me and not let the little nuances in my mood throw me off guard. I have to be steadfast and think of the bigger picture. It means getting me through the day with the least amount of emotional bruising and mishaps. That shouldn't be too difficult now, should it? All I have to do is take care of things in the proper order of importance and not let myself get bogged down in unnecessary details, and by all means do no screwing of the mind.

Actually, that's a tall order and I hope I'm up to the task, but I will tackle it one little bit at the time, starting with this early morning ritual of having my coffee and writing this well thought out post in which I have to appear totally sane and rational and on top of things. In outsmarting myself, I may even outsmart you.

Shortly what I will do is take the dog for a vigorous walk and breathe in the early morning air. That ought to clear the remaining cobwebs from my mind, because believe me, there are still a few there. I'm not all bright and perky yet. I may pretend that I am, but part of me is longing to return to bed and crawl under the duvet. I know there are people all over the world having the same wish, so I only can join their ranks and commiserate. Life is tough that way. I need to get used to it.

I mustn't think I'm in a privileged position because of the rarefied atmosphere my mind confines itself in. It's a mind like any other and I need to cope with it the way anybody else does with theirs, although I'd like to think there are simpler minds for less complicated people and I'd like to be one of them.

Have a good day.

Ciao,
Nora