For the past two days I've felt utterly depressed and I've done almost nothing but lie in my bed and wait for time to pass until it was over, all the while believing that it never would be. I felt incapable of getting dressed or combing my hair or doing anything in the apartment. I fed myself sporadically and drank milk and coffee whenever the mood struck me. I was not able to write a post and vowed never to write another one.
A while ago I woke up in a better mood and although I'm still daunted by everything, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel a little bit. I still don't quite know how I'm going to make it through today, but I'm less worried about it now than I was before. Somehow I will manage it in the best possible way. It may be a very convoluted way, but I'll get through it somehow. I will take the best possible care of myself that I can and not feel guilty in the process.
I suppose I'm not done rapid cycling at all and I wonder when I will be or if this is my fate. I sincerely hope not because it's very difficult to live with. It's very difficult to be unstable and to not be able to count on a steady mood. It makes me feel very insecure.
This was just a sign of life. I'm going back yo bed. It's where I most like to be.