Friday, August 26, 2011

Do wishes come true?

For the past two days I've felt utterly depressed and I've done almost nothing but lie in my bed and wait for time to pass until it was over, all the while believing that it never would be. I felt incapable of getting dressed or combing my hair or doing anything in the apartment. I fed myself sporadically and drank milk and coffee whenever the mood struck me. I was not able to write a post and vowed never to write another one.

A while ago I woke up in a better mood and although I'm still daunted by everything, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel a little bit. I still don't quite know how I'm going to make it through today, but I'm less worried about it now than I was before. Somehow I will manage it in the best possible way. It may be a very convoluted way, but I'll get through it somehow. I will take the best possible care of myself that I can and not feel guilty in the process. 

I suppose I'm not done rapid cycling at all and I wonder when I will be or if this is my fate. I sincerely hope not because it's very difficult to live with. It's very difficult to be unstable and to not be able to count on a steady mood. It makes me feel very insecure.

This was just a sign of life. I'm going back yo bed. It's where I most like to be. 



Bernie said...

Oh Nora I am so sorry you are going through this depression. Hopefully it will pass soon and perhaps then you will be well enough to make a plan. One that you can follow when these symptoms rear its ugly head. I'm sure someone can help you with this.
You could plan on a visit from or with your sister,a walk or a bike ride...just something to help you get up, showered and outside for a short period of time. Am praying for you my friend......:-)Hugs

Gail said...

No one I know is completely stable!!! We all have our ups and downs...bad ones. I can not be convinced when I am on the down side that it will ever be any different. Then I discover, hey, it's not so bad, it's getting better, and then I'm moving again.

I have discovered if I do one thing, just one tiny thing when I am in the ditch, it makes the ditch more shallow and I can climb out. Lord (or whoever is in charge) knows, it is difficult and sometimes easier to stay down. Sometimes I take a day just for down and then start over the next day.

Take the dog for a walk without combing your hair and putting on'll run home again to do it and you may discover, it was fun to be daring and baring your unkempt self to the could meet a whole new class of people.

I know it's difficult but I have no true advice. Know I think of you often, especially since your effigy stands in my room and looks at me always!

Hang in there, tomorrow will be better or it won't. You will cope as you always have and make the best of it.

Love you.

Maggie May said...

Oh dear..... I really thought you were done with this. I really hope it will pass soon because it is so hard to bear.
We all suffer too as you are such a good friend. We all long for it to pass.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Twain12 said...

i hope you feel better soon Nora :( sending good thoughts your way ♥

Anonymous said...

Take care of yourself and know that there are people out here who care!


Wisewebwoman said...

Just know we are here to listen, my friend.
It is so difficult to get through these rough times and bed is the safest place.
If you can manage one thing, like another friend said, it means you are coming through it.
Sometimes even one thing can't be managed.
No one in life gets a free pass.
Much love