I'm about to go to sleep and only stubbornness is keeping me up. I should seriously have my head examined because I'm tired enough to go to bed right now. I just don't want the night to end yet. I want to sit here a little while longer and enjoy the peace and quiet of the very late evening. I made a cup of coffee to keep me from falling asleep behind the computer.
I managed to make it through the day on only two tranquilizers. I thought that was a good sign and I was not a nervous wreck. I would have taken more if I had needed them. It's possible that the increase in the antidepressants is starting to do its job because they also have an anti-anxiety function. I've taken them at this dose for five days now and maybe that is long enough to make some difference.
I know I have to be patient and that this whole process can't be rushed. It's going to take time while the medicines build up in strength in my body. Hopefully, each day will be a better day, but I don't want to be back to the point that I was before I became depressed. I want to be doing much better than that because I think I was not doing all that great when I became depressed.
I think I've been suffering from a low grade depression for a long time and it's no longer acceptable to me to live with it. My life has to improve a great deal. The quality of it has to get a lot better. What I have considered as 'normal' is no longer okay. I've actually lived a very low quality life and I won't do it anymore. I've already discussed this with my psychiatrist and my SPN and it's definitely going to be a subject of discussion in future talks.
It's getting late and I have to think about going to bed. My coffee cup is empty so it's time. I have to take my sleeping pills now and drift off to sleep.
I hope you are all having a good night and that you'll have a good Sunday.