I have to remember that by starting to write a post, I don't make any commitment to publishing it, so if it turns into a lot of drivel, I can delete it and pretend I never wrote it. So basically I can just go ahead and write whatever is on my mind and make a decision about it later. I don't really have to censor myself while I'm writing it, although subconsciously I do anyway.
A little while ago I took all my medicines that I had to take for the evening and now I imagine that I feel a lot better, but I suppose it's all in my head. It's all in my imagination. I'm also having my second cup of coffee and that is making me feel better also.
I was feeling very low and depressed and felt like putting my head down and having a good cry. Not that it would help a lot. It would only upset me more, so that is why I would rather not do it. A few tears may help, but crying hysterically is no good.
I would rather not give in to the feelings of hopelessness I sometimes feel. That I feel quite often, as a matter of fact. I've got to be a tough cookie and bounce back well when faced with reality. My interpretation of it is the only one I know and it's what I'm stuck with. I wish I could step outside myself and look at it from another perspective. I try very hard to do that, but it's a little bit weird to. It's like you become disembodied.
I don't want to write about my depression, but it takes up so much space in my head and my life. It dominates everything. All I do is dictated by it. I can't get away from it and take a normal breath or a normal step. It's all consuming.
I will now go sit in the armchair and watch the news. That will get my mind on something else for a while.
Have a good evening.