Saturday, August 13, 2011

Wishful thinking...

It's in the middle of the night and I think things should always be as relaxed as they are now. I could almost forget that I'm suffering from a depression. My head is on pretty straight and I feel in a fairly good mood. This is as close to normal as I can get. 

Of course, I don't want to jinx myself by saying too much and I will leave it at that, save to say that I wish to wake up in the morning like this also. I guess that would be too much to ask for, but it's just a tiny little wish in the larger scope of things.

My psychiatrist did inform me yesterday that I can expect to see improvement one week after I've increased the antidepressants, so that will be early next week and that gives me something to look forward to. It's a straw I will be grasping at. 

I've not wanted to write anything here because whatever I wrote was all so depressing. I wanted to be more lighthearted than that, but I didn't know if I could be. I don't feel so morose now and I think I can write about something more normal, although I have to scratch my head and think of what that can be.

I haven't done much out of the ordinary these past days but sit around in my bathrobe and take many naps. The naps have been the most pleasant because I took them in a clean bed. I did make enough effort to change the sheets. I had to talk myself into doing that and convince myself that it wasn't really that much of a job. Depressed people easily get intimidated by the most simple things. 

At least I'm not hypo-manic tonight, which is a big relief. That frantically being happy is no good either and I don't know if it's even happiness but just a sort of madness that comes over you. 

I've entertained the dog to the best of my abilities, although I think he's a bit bored with me. The Exfactor has been by every day to take him for a walk. That's relieved me of a large sense of guilt. 

I've just started drinking ice cold milk and any minute now my thinking processes are going to freeze up. I will start to slow down and have a hard time coming up with things to write about, if I weren't already.

There's been no attempt to get dressed. I live in my pajamas and bathrobe. I suppose that one of these days I will put my clothes on again. I have to by Monday anyway when life will start to continue. 

First I have to get through the weekend which is a blessing because it is a minor time out, except that I don't know how well I will get through it in a depressed state. It may not be as easy as usual. The days alone may be tougher than they usually are. That's why taking naps is so important. They take up a lot of time. 

I suppose I will go back to bed now. I'm sufficiently tired again thanks to the milk. 

I hope you'll all have a good Saturday.



Wisewebwoman said...

Sleep well Nora, glad they hypo has left you, more distressing than the depressive as the crash is so deep.

Connie Rose said...

I was depressed all day today, too. Maybe I caught it from you! xo

Gail said...

Sleep well, heal quickly.