Forget what I said...

Forget what I said about 'the black dog' being gone and about me feeling better because it's not true. I don't feel better at all. As a matter of fact, I feel pretty darn awful and I don't know what to do about it. 

I was lying in bed just now, unable to sleep, and I thought I was going a little bit mad with worry about my state of mind. It seems to be so negative even though I try to keep seeing the glass half full. I'm trying to fool myself into being in better shape than I am, but I can't keep it up any longer.

Enough said about that. I don't want this to turn into a whining post. I do have to keep seeing the glass half full. It's for the sake of my own survival that I do. Otherwise I may as well take an overdoses of pills and be done with it.

Needless to say, I'm having a cup of coffee to try to get me out of this state of mind. Maybe it will work soon. It will be a relief if it does. It will be a respite until I go to sleep and wake up again in the morning. Then there will be another battle to face which I will fight with other cups of coffee. 

I will try to stay upbeat and write about something cheerful... It was raining softly earlier in the evening and it was very pleasant. The rain released a good smell in the air and refreshed everything after a warm day. It was nice to stand by the open back door and the dog came in damp from the wet bushes in the flowerbeds. He does insist on walking through them. 

I watched the last episode of 'Pride and Prejudice' and was satisfied with the ending as usual. I've seen it so many times now that I can dream it in my sleep. I think I've got to read the book again and I have to see if it's still on my bookcase. It will be a pleasant, predictable book to read. The language will be wonderful and all the characters in the book will look like the characters in the series. Especially Mr Darcy.

Because of 'the black dog,' I've not been reading 'We Were the Mulvaneys.' I'm having a hard time concentrating and keeping my mind on it. That's why I think I need a book that I'm familiar with. One that I can easily read through and that's predictable. How well I read a book is definitely a reflection of my state of mind. By all rights I should read in the middle of the night when I'm most alert, but I do try to go back to sleep after I've written a post. 

I'll try to read in bed tonight and guard my book from the pesky dog. If I don't fall asleep with it and put it away on time there should be no problem. The wellbeing of the book depends on it. It could be shredded to pieces. I don't know how bad the dog is now that he's older. I don't quite trust him yet. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora